First let me say that I did a whole post on privilege, and all the ways I am truly lucky during this time.

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Quarantine is a huge game changer for all of us. It’s overwhelming, but I’ve realized lately just how lucky my family is in a lot of ways. Here’s ways that I’m recognizing my privilege while in quarantine: 1) while finances are a bit stressful and things will be tight for a few months, I don’t have to worry about putting food on the table or paying the rent; 2) I don’t have to worry about what people think when I’m wearing a face mask in public. There are very real fears for POC that I don’t have to deal with, and that is a damn privilege; 3) while my working is cut way way down, my husband is still able to work; 4) it’s hard being in charge of Gwens school stuff at home, but we have multiple types of laptop/computer options for her to use, as well as internet access; 5) we live in a suburban area that allows us to easily get outside without being within 6ft+ of other people, so Gwen can run, jump, and play outdoors; 6) I have a partner who shares in the work, parenting, financial responsibility; and an amazing online community that I can connect with, reach out to, and gain comfort from. I’m not alone in this; 7) and I have an established physical practice that I can utilize at home, without equipment, to help keep moving, and center myself. I’m seeing a lot of people  talk about seeing this as a positive - and I encourage everyone to do that as much as possible within their own circumstances! - but I also encourage my friends who are middle-class, partnered, white, home owners, still working, to see the privilege they are coming from. And if someone is NOT in a place to “see the positive” then let’s respect the hell out of that. I’ve been helping collect some money to pass on to yoga teachers I work with (🙌🏻🙌🏻 to @therealyogimuse who started this!), who aren’t in the position I’m in right now, and have been grateful to be able to pass on $100 to two teachers so far. If you’d like to contribute, Venmo is @ Megan-K-Hannan - note “Yogi Relief Fund”. Thank you to all who’ve helped so far!!

A post shared by Meegs (@tattooedmeegs) on Apr 8, 2020 at 9:35am PDT

I know how lucky I am, how very much worse things could be, but in the interest of full disclosure, and memory keeping, I want to be really honest here. To be a little shorter about it, I want to bitch!

1) I'm what you would call an ambivert... and I realize the further we get into quarantine just how true that label is. I feel like I both never get alone time, and never get that group time with friends and students either. I'm left feeling drained, and find myself short with my family. I crave a whole day alone in the house, and then hours and hours out with friends.

2) Notice how I said house above? What I meant was apartment. Stupid, small apartment, with no yard. Its so dumb, this really is a beautiful apartment, but we already were so ready to be in a house, and this just reinforced it. I want a yard I can release Gwen and Daisy into, a want just a little more space inside, so I don't have to rearrange everything in the living room to make enough space for my yoga mat, just a little more for us to spread out and not be so on top of each other all. the. time. So that Gwen could enjoy her habit of very loudly singing the same 2 lines of a song 500 times in a row somewhere not 3 feet from me. I so desperately wish I were doing random house projects, and preparing garden beds for planting.

3) Not that I could be preparing garden beds right now anyway, since Colorado gifted us with snow and cold temps this week. So outside isn't happening so much. Grrrrr. But we have been gifted with random things to fix, as things just keep breaking! Things we would normally call maintenance for, we're now struggling to fix, since they aren't "emergencies" but they also aren't things we can live with for endless weeks on end.

4) My insomnia has kicked up a notch, which is just so fun. I've also been unable to force myself to wake up early when there is just no real reason too. I am 100% a night owl, so I just keep staying up way too late. So I'm tired.

5) I'm not so good at this holding Gwen's hand through online learning thing. The first week was okay, the second one horrible. This third week has been better. I fear that our patience will only shrink, but hopefully instead we find a pace and a routine with it. We have the rest of the school year to figure it out, as Gwen won't physically go back until next school year. The poor girl misses her friends and teachers. 

6) Besides just my ambiverted suffering, we are simply stressed out, and getting on each other's nerves. I'm more touched out then I've been since Gwen was a baby, and our tempers are all short. We're not moving enough, we're bored. We haven't eaten at a table in weeks because our dining room is a home office currently. While rent and food aren't a problem, its still worrisome to have our income more then halved, and more then that is the uncertainty about when it will end. Not to mention, this income situation doesn't exactly bring that house thing any closer.

Despite all the above, I really am trying to stay positive, but I want to be honest about where I really am with all this. While I'm lucky and privileged enough to be okay, I'm also struggling. I'm sad and frustrated much of the time, feeling aimless and annoyed with myself for it. I "know" that this will pass, and in the long run will only be a very small part of our lives, but "knowing" and knowing are two very different things right now.

How are you doing in all this?

Sometimes the days just get too busy, and things get so rushed. We get tired, cranky, overwhelmed. Often we just chug through, because we know it will pass even if it sucks in the moment. Sometimes though I make the executive decision to let Gwen sleep, knowing she'll be a little late to school, but knowing too that her mental and physical health are more important then one hour of missed school. So she sleeps in, for the first time in ages, then we eat breakfast together on the porch with no rush.


The days are still too full, there's still so much to do, but for just a few moments, we slow down and take the time to just be together. And sometimes that's enough. 💜

Ever since my "blog break" back in March/April, you might have noticed that I've been taking more time when writing things. Instead of rushing to record events exactly when they happen, I'm trying to give myself space to experience them and then reflect on them before writing about them. This has been working well for me and this place has become fun for me again, a source of release and comfort, instead of the stressor it had become for me back in the winter.

But there are moments, like this one when I just feel the urge to sit down and write about the here and now... about this slice of time just for what it is. Pardon as this will be rather stream of conscious.

I've been staying up too late lately. Gwen is getting a cold... I can tell, because she's been having a few rough nights. 10-11 seems to be her "witching hour" of sorts, maybe because we come upstairs to get ready for bed at 10pm, so there is more movement and action outside of her door. And if she's already a little - not edgy per se - but not completely deep in her sleep yet, well it makes sense that the extra feeling of activity might be enough to push her slightly more awake. Normally if I can get in quickly and settle her, then she is fine for the rest of the night. (Though Wednesday night, wahh, 4 waking. ::snores::)

I'd love to say that is the reason I've been up too late, but its really not. Yes, I absolutely would rather comfort her first, go to bed after, instead of getting into bed and getting really sleepy, then having to roust myself. But... that's an excuse and I know it.

There is just so much on my mind lately and I mistakenly believe that if I just stay up a little longer, tire myself out a little more, that I'll fall asleep easier or quicker. Frankly though, that's not how it works for me and never has been. I'll still get into bed and lay there for 40 minutes, brain rapid firing at me every scenario beyond my control. I'll just be doing it a bit later, and a bit more grumpy because I'm that much sleepier. Why do human's do that? Why do I allow myself to focus on things that I cannot change? Situations that need to develop on their own before I can have any say in them?

It would be much healthier to just release them and let them run their course until they have developed to the point where I can actually make decisions, but that is much easier said that done, no?

I've been trying to use meditative thought practices during these times (see the words/thought, acknowledge it, let it leave) but it has been only semi-successful.

I need to practice "parenting" myself a little more. Play the what would I say/do if it were Gwen instead of me game. And the answer is always, "Get some sleep... it will look/feel/be better in the morning."

So with that thought... goodnight.


Written last night at 10:40 p.m.  ::sigh::

A girlfriend from high school days came over on Friday. She brought her fiance and daughter, and we hung out for a few hours, which was really nice. The past two weeks have gone by really quickly, and I'm enjoying my time at home, but it was really nice to have someone pop by and break up my solo days! Plus, she's getting married next year, and she made my day by asking me to be in the wedding!! 

Saturday dawned early, with Gwen coming into bed with us at 5:50, and not going back to sleep. Yawn. I let Trav sleep a bit, then we headed to the grocery store. After a shower and a lazy afternoon I did something truly exciting... got dressed in my normal, pre-pregnancy clothes!! A real bra, non-maternity pants!

The big occasion was a dinner with the family, and the head of the surrogacy organization. It was a great dinner, a lovely (unexpected) last visit with the family, and just a fun night. Gwen hit it off with the surrogacy head's son, and they hung out all night. I got to have my first drink since before I started meds for the transfer (a glass of a nice red, and then a glass of a really great champagne), and I was able to give the family another 35 oz (155 oz total!).

On our way home I talked to my brother's fiancee, and I'm going to be in their wedding too (this summer)! What a weekend for feeling the love.  :-)  I feel like I'm in my 20s again, with all these weddings (my cousin is getting married later this year as well).

Sunday was a rainy, cold day with ice warnings in the morning. A very good day to stay in. So stay in we did! First Trav let me sleep in (until 11, I haven't done that since I was a teenager). Then Gwen and I never bothered to get out of our PJs. Trav and Gwen put away the Christmas decorations, Gwen and I did some playing with dolls and her bat cave, and when the afternoon rolled around, we relaxed with a movie.

There was also some puppy snuggling, which made me very happy. Gwen snuggles with Daisy a lot, but I think this was one of the first times Daisy has snuggled on Gwen! Love those two.

Trav and Gwen are back to work and school today. I'm back to my relaxing days of recovery (today's big task: put away some laundry, and maybe vacuum). The family is off to the airport, and back home. What a full-hearted weekend!

My newest piece from Connected Mom. 


Gwen hasn't bedshared full time since she was still a baby. It just didn't work for us past infancy. But I love our morning snuggles when she comes to bed with us on the weekends. And sometimes I love the calls in the dark night.

Recently there was such a night. She was having trouble settling, so I squeezed in her little bed with her. She lay her face against my chest and we had warm snuggled under her soft fleece blanket. In that moment, I could see how people do it full time. In that moment there was no where else I could be but snuggled with my girl, warm and sweet. There was no where else I wanted to be, it just felt right, comforting, contented. She fell asleep quickly and deeply; and I lingered for a bit.

We've always done our best to respect her sleep needs, while making sure our needs are getting met as well. For people who NEVER thought they would bedshare, the bit that we did was a lovely surprise, and I don't begrudge its ending. But sometimes, in those moments, I wish it had lasted.

My newest Connected Mom piece.

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I thought I would fight you on sleep forever. When the nights are long, and you have to be shushed and bounced and rocked and nursed, it feels like forever. But here we are at almost 4, and bedtime is a breeze. After we read a book, I tuck you in and turn out the lights. I rub your back for just a minute, then we give kisses, I tell you how much I love you and I leave. Simple as that.

I thought I would nurse you forever. When you are touched out and tired and sore, it feels like forever. But at 39 months you led me, and did it yourself. The end was as peaceful and sweet as I had hoped, and you still remember fondly how you drank milkies.

I thought you would be in diapers forever. When you are changing your 2 poop diaper of the day, and being told NO that you don't want to sit on the potty, it feels like forever. But when the time was right, you did that practically on your own too. Happily sitting on the toilet to pee, and fine with waiting if we weren't next to a bathroom.


Despite how it feels when you are tired and worn, I know that nothing is really forever. Except for my love for you, child. That will never change.

So I did get to yoga class on Tuesday night, as it turns out. Not my normals one, but my second yoga place (the one I checked out when my groupon at the first place was running out before I determined I couldn't leave my first place, which I then also fell in love with). It was a good class. Hard. I felt every single day of the two weeks during which I couldn't make classes. But good too. I had a nice reminder at the end that how we see ourselves is always so much harsher then how others see us, and visa versa. My yoga teacher gave me a great compliment on my yoga, talking about my great flexibility (yup), and my strength (wait, really?!). I know I'm not a weakling, but sometimes I have trouble seeing myself as strong. Similarly, she talked about her "thick shoulders," when I have always admired her shoulders which look like they could be sculpted. We all judge ourselves harshly.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm not sure why. I'll fall asleep well, and sleep heavily, but the second Gwen wakes me, even if I don't have to get up and go in to her, I'll be awake for anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour and a half before I can fall back asleep. It's been tiring. Though, that said, last night Gwen slept well, didn't wake, so I slept well also. Still, I'm so looking forward to Christmas and New Years and the days off that come with them.

Speaking of which, less then two weeks until Christmas! I can't even believe it. Most of our decorations are out, two of four (as of last night) all stockings are hung, the presents are wrapped, and Gwen has been happily counting down on the advent calendar. But the tree is not decorated yet finally decorated!, so the presents are just piled in my room I need to move the presents downstairs. I was starting to worry we would never get that tree ready, but wallah, it is done.

Where are you in your holiday prep? What's new in your lives?

What a rejuvenating weekend. After sleeping in until 9:15 on Saturday and 10:15 on Sunday, I finally feel mostly caught up on sleep. Late night Monday night, but I get to sleep in a little Tuesday and Wednesday. Finally!

We only had one scheduled event this weekend and that was a yoga workshop for me. All on inversions. Exhausting, humbling, but also empowering and exhilarating! 2.5 hours of praying I didn't land on a mat neighbor (I didn't!), but I did manage to do things I'd never done before.

Otherwise, we played games, read books, watched movies, and hung out. Sunday the weather was so gorgeous that we went to the park in long sleeved t-shirts and light hoodies, before running a few other errands. It was unseasonably warm, and felt even more amazing thanks to the unseasonable cold that had come right before. Probably Autumn's last hurrah, but I'll take it!

While work will be busy for a while until we hire someone new, it promises to be a bit more settled after Monday. Hallelujah. In the meantime, I'm so glad to feel a bit more rested, grounded, and relaxed.

Hope your weekends were as relaxing as mine!!

My most recent post for Connected Mom, all about Gwen's transition from crib to toddler bed! 


We had a bit of excitement in our house last Friday, when we finally decided to take the front off of Gwen's crib and turn it into a toddler bed. ::gulp:: 

She was so content in her crib that we always figured, why mess with what worked?! But she is really getting so big, and the whole previous week she has been asking about sleeping in a real bed, since she slept in a single bed at my Aunt and Uncle's, and fell asleep in a single bed every night at Cape Cod (I then transferred her to a pack'n'play before I went to sleep since it was my single bed she was falling asleep in!). I'm feeling a little "Mahhh Bayy-Beee" about the whole thing, but she is so ready. I had high hopes for a easy transition.

So, Friday night, post dinner, we headed upstairs with the Allen wrench and removed the front of her crib, then added the little guard. The guard went on the opposite side of where she has always slept, but we didn't even worry about turning her around, since she hadn't fallen out once during all the single bed sleeping the previous week. We actually said, well she won't even need that... famous last words! She fell out the first night (though she didn't even fully wake herself when she did), and I ended up moving all of her blankets/pillows/stuffed animals and turning her while she slept!

A little excited, huh?!

Thankfully, otherwise the transition has been pretty easy. Other then a bit of fussiness around 10pm, she's been sleeping just like normal. And since we turned her, she hasn't fallen out again! She loves the novelty of hopping into bed all on her own, and reading her books in her "big girl bed." She loves climbing out by herself in the morning too, but so far (::knocks on wood::) still waits for us to come into her room to "get her up."

Next project will be turning that toddler bed into a real bed (should be easy with the conversion rails which we already have). But that will need a full weekend, as it will involve buying a new mattress, some new sheets, and rearranging her room. I am pretty excited for the project though! It will be fun to change Gwen's room from her nursery into her big girl room, and new sheets of her own choosing will go a long way.

Another fun weekend behind us. I was so happy to leave work on Friday. It was a long week back to work, and I was ready to relax, plus get some things done around the house.

That night I checked the first thing off my list... converting Gwen's crib to a toddler bed. And how did the transition go? Well, you'll have to check here to see: Connected Mom.  ;-)

Saturday we ran out to the Pop Shop to use my free birthday meal. On our way out we checked out a store I'd never noticed before called Blue Moon... full of vinegars and olive oils! We got two yummy ones.

I can't wait to make some yummy dressings and do some cooking with both of them.

A quick stop at the grocery store (yay for finally having food in the house again!!) and we were back home. Gwen got some playtime in at the neighbor's, and Trav and I took advantage to get some stuff done around the house. Vacuuming, unpacking the last of the suitcases, straightening, and sorting through Gwen's closet to pack away everything that's too small, and add in the winter stuff that's been in a box waiting for cooler weather. It was so fast to get all of that done with Gwen occupied!

That evening, I headed out to Philly for the biggest yoga class I've ever attended! 


It was pretty awesome! I'm dying to attend a Wanderlust weekend retreat/festival, so doing the Block Party was a nice start.


There is something really rejuvenating about yoga under a bright, blue sky!

Sunday we met Ro, Pat, and the girls at Longwood Gardens. It was gorgeous as always, and we managed to wander into some areas we hadn't explored much before.



One walkway in particular had the most amazing colors!!






And ended with a little "secret garden."






It was a very fun (and very tiring!) day out. When we got home, I enjoyed some quiet time cooking (chicken pot pie!), while Trav took Gwen to a nearby playground... then the two of them collapsed into a chair together to zone out to some football.


It was pretty cute.

All-in-all, a great, full weekend.

Friday we left work and started our week of vacation. A much anticipated week, I might add. First things on our vacation agenda: a sleepover for Gwen and a wedding for Trav and I.

Our neighbors', the ones we hang out with all the time for tennis and motorcycle sitting, younger daughter (another Megan) got married on Saturday, and we were happily in attendance. The wedding actually took place only 25 minutes from my parents', which worked out beautifully for spending the morning with them (and giving my mom her belated birthday presents), then Trav and I heading to the wedding location, while Gwen stayed with my parents for her very first sleepover!

She rocked it out. She was so excited to sleep over with Nonnie, that she barely even waved goodbye to Trav and I! She played nicely with my mom and dad, had no meltdowns, and went to bed nicely for my mom. They set the pack and play up in their room, and we brought a bunch of stuffed animals and blankets. Well, she slept great for them. I was so relieved.

The wedding itself was beautiful. The ceremony was outside and there was a moment when I was watching the bride and groom exchange vows, the sun was just shining so beautifully, and behind them a few butterflies were fluttering around a flower bush. It was just so perfect.


The rest of the night was fun as well, these families know how to cut loose and have a good time.



Trav and I looked pretty nice too... we can get cleaned up pretty well when the occasion calls for it.



This morning my mom and Gwen came by and we all swam for a little while before all heading home.


Now we're getting ready for the second part of our vacation... camping!!
Anyone else taking trips this summer?

Did I tell you I wasn't feeling well last week? Because I wasn't... tummy distress, nausea, and one crappy night of fever, achy, restlessness. Thankfully it only seemed to last two days, but then a cold snuck in when I was just starting to feel better. I'm getting better now, but the cold has moved on to Gwen, and man has that made sleep horrible the past two nights. Wednesday night she woke up hourly until 2:30, Trav's alarm went off at 5:30, and Gwen was up for the day at 6. Last night she woke enough times before 1am that I didn't sleep at all before then, not even 10 minutes here or there, and after that I passed out on the futon in her room for 40 minutes before stumbling to my own bed.

Work was extra busy this week too. A big mailing, a very important event this weekend, two events during the week, and a deadline to mail materials for another big event, plus all the other normal day-to-day stuff, we were all running around like crazy. This was good in that the days went fast and I didn't have time to feel too tired, but by this afternoon I felt like I was in a bit of a fog, and by the time Gwen was asking to get out of bed to use the potty for the 3rd time, well I was practically begging her to just go to sleep. To say that I'm glad its the weekend would be an understatement.

Tomorrow morning I plan to sleep in until tomorrow night, then sleep some more.
TGIF all.

This is my most recent post for Connected Mom, a longer one on what it means to be an "AP Mama" for the long haul. Looking beyond the breasts, beds, and babyslings! I'm pretty pleased with it, so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think. 

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The end of the year is a great time to reflect on what has been, but its also a great time to look ahead. Today, on this last day of 2012, I'm choosing to look years ahead. I was/am blessed to have a Mama that provides an amazing example of what AP can be long after the baby years. I wanted to share that forward perspective with all Connected Mom readers. Here's wishing you a beautiful 2013.

When someone mentions Attachment Parenting, the thing that pops into most people's minds first are breastfeeding, babywearing, and bedsharing. However, as Valerie has pointed out before... AP is more then just breasts, beds, and babyslings! You can do all of those things and not think of yourself as AP, or do none while proudly wearing the label. Not to mention, that while the years when those three things are even an option are fleeting, being AP is something most people can continue for the duration of your baby's childhood, and can even be carried over into the rest of your life. Basically, those particular actions are not the core of AP, nor are they the most lasting of its principles! I do all three, proudly wear the AP label, but see myself as an AP mom for the long haul, and not just until our boob, bed, and babysling days are over! Let's review the 8 principles*:


1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
At first glance, this principle seems to be a one time thing. However, the continuous education of the parent on developmental stages of childhood, and the setting of realistic expectations is an ongoing process that lasts through the child becoming an adult. It is one that is long lasting, and during those frustrating toddler... and teenage years!... is one that is so important for a peaceful household! 

2. Feed with Love and Respect
Ah-ha, you say! Here it is... breastfeeding! But read it again. Yes, "breast is best" but as long as you are feeding your child in a way that follows their cues, and is done in a way to deliver emotional sustenance along with physical nutrition, then feed the way that works best for your family! Once solid foods are introduced, continue to feed in a way that is best for your child, offering healthy options and demonstrating a healthy relationship with food. I think its easy to see how this one can last a lifetime. 

3. Respond with Sensitivity
From the beginning we try to understand what our babies are trying to tell us. A newborn/infant has only its cry to tell us that it needs something. It is up to us to take the time to listen to them, and respond in a way that is comforting, and shows them they can trust us. They learn we are there for them by us being consistent, and they learn they can come to us with anything by us being sensitive to what they show us. As they get older, our responses grow and change with them, but the level of sensitivity we show should not diminish. Their anger, their fears, their joys, and their excitement... they are trusting us with these emotions, and we should react accordingly. 

One of my favorite quotes about responding to your child is from Catherine M. Wallace, and it says, "Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff."

4. Use Nurturing Touch
Babywearing! There it is! But again, I'm sure you notice, it is a single word in a paragraph of ideas. So I'll just say this... Hug your babies. Hug them when they are newborns, hug them when they are toddlers, hug them when they are kids, and especially hug them when they are teenagers. Then, hug them when they are adults too. We all need affection in this form, don't be stingy with it, and don't hold it back as your babies become big kids.

5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Bedsharing** can be so rewarding (when done safely!), co-sleeping has amazing benefits, but good sleep is is unique to ever family. Babies do great in the parent's room when they are new to this world, listening to your breathing, close at hand for easy soothing. Whether that is in your bed, in a co-sleeper or in a pack'n'play nearby. As your baby grows, their needs will change, but their need for you, during the night, might not. 

On a personal note, Gwen was not a great sleeper for a very long time. She bedshared with us for the first few months, then transitioned to her crib for most of the night followed by a few hours with us in the morning. We needed that transition, as much as I love sleeping next to my baby, we all (Gwen included) sleep BIG! Moving, and taking up a lot of room, and it was leading us all to get less then stellar sleep. But she transitioned easily. It was all going pretty well when we went away on vacation at 6 months and her sleep went straight to hell! We were told we had to sleep train her, or she would "never sleep through the night." I'm a firm believer that her need for me, her need for consistent loving response, does not end just because the sun goes down. So, we did not sleep train. I followed her lead, listened to her needs, and gave her gentle direction when the opportunity arose. She now sleeps very well, and she still enjoys an hour or so of sleep in the "big bed" in the mornings. 

Arguably, this is the shortest lasting of the principles. However its importance in the beginning is so big, and can be very long lasting. 

6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care
A scenario for you: Everyday you report to work at the same time, follow your same morning routine, take lunch at noon, follow your same afternoon routine, then clock out at 5. Yet some days your boss is full of praise for your work, and other days he screams at you for being lazy. You would start to dread work... not knowing what was waiting for you. But if you change that around, and replace that boss with one that reacted in a calm, consistent manner, providing constructive criticism as needed, well you would probably be a lot happier about reporting to work. You would know what was in store for you, and would even be able to take the admonishment in a much more positive way, and be more open to learning from it. 

Now obviously babies and toddlers do not offer the same consistency to us that you offered to your boss in that scenario; but ideally, we would all rather be boss #2 then boss #1! Be consistent in your actions towards your child, and when leaving them with someone else, be sure that they will be consistent with their care as well. As your toddler learns and grows, repetition and consistency are the key to encouraging them to grow in ways that work for everyone. This applies to every age though. If you child knows what to expect from you, there will be less need to push boundaries, or test limits (note I said less, not none!). While the practice of it evolves and changes, the principles stay the same. Act consistently, and act with love. 

7. Practice Positive Discipline
This one is the most self explanatory when it comes to continuing throughout the stages of a child's life. This is also one that I find is the most of a "work in progress" for me. Whether you are dealing with a toddler or an equally rational teenager, show your child that they are not a lesser then member of the family, but a fully loved member. We teach our daughter respect, by modelling respect. That means explaining our reasons, understanding and empathizing with their disappointments, and encouraging natural consequences. We don't hit or berate our child, or tell her that she is bad, instead we teach that we all make mistakes, and that those mistakes have consequences, but we can learn from them together and come out closer. 

8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
Once a week I head out to yoga. My husband does the nighttime routine without me, and Gwen is asleep before I get home. I love our nighttime routine, but I've come to love this night away from it too. It is time for me to stretch my body and mind, and recharge myself as a whole person, not just as Mama. The hugs I get the next morning let me know that I was missed, but the stories she tells me about what they ate for dinner and what books they read before bed let me know that they had a great time and it was okay that I went. The fact that I have more patience lets me know that it was more then okay that I went... it was a benefit to all of us. 

Finding balance doesn't mean you have to go out, but it does involve looking at what makes you tick as a person outside of your attachments to your little ones, and making time for those passions. This is a principle that applies whether you are AP or not, whether you are a parent or not! Everyone needs to find balance in their life, fulfillment in multiple areas, and it is something that can be so hard to come by. But especially when you are working to pour so much of yourself into your babies, it is essential to find time to refuel. 


Gwen is getting bigger and bigger everyday. We already babywear less and less, now only pulling the Mei Tai or the wraps out for things like hiking or long walks with a tired girl. Breastfeeding is only 2x a day now, and sometimes even less then that, and I know that soon enough she won't need that anymore. But I am an AP Mama now, and an AP Mama I'll remain. When she is 5, or 15, or 25, I will still seek to parent Gwen in a gentle way that respects her individuality and adjusts to her current stage of development.



* As taken from Attachment Parenting International.
**  Rachelle gave a great overview of the difference between bedsharing and cosleeping, here.

Rough night for Gwen last night with lots of wakings (think its snuffly nose related)... hourly for most of the night, every 15 minutes for about an hour, then one blissful 2.5 hour stretch before it was time to start the day. My brain is foggy and I'm moving slowly in every way today. I even wore bright colors in the hopes of pepping myself up:

At least I look sort of cute... and the colors distract from the eye bags!

It didn't work... its almost noon and I've only really gotten one thing of substance done, so I'm taking a break. 

I just read a note on Lehigh's facebook page about how its time for the students to come back. Oh boy did that make me wistful.This time of year always does, but its even more concentrated this year. I want to go back to school with a fiery passion! I'm craving change, and growth, and a new adventure. I'm craving stuffy classrooms with hard chairs, and laying in the grass reading last minute items between classes. I want to get my family out the door in the morning, pull on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt, and head out to learn. I want to eat lunch on the UC lawn while working on homework, then learn some more before heading home to make dinner for my family. Then more homework, I'm sure. Anyone want to pay my mortgage so I can go back to college?   ;-)

Sometimes she's so big... and sometimes she is just my baby.

What a gorgeous weekend we ended up having. It was a great combination of at-home relaxation and out and about fun.

Saturday we headed up to my parents for my hair appointment, and to deliver a birthday gift to my Dad, as well as to take my Mom out to buy some flowers for her garden (our Mother's Day gift to her).


Gwen was so excited to see them. What you can't see in the picture above is the constant stream of, "I go to see Nonnie and Papa? This way to Nonnie and Papa house? Yay Nonnie and Papa and Lady [their dog]. This way Mommy? I see Nonnie Papa now?" It was cute for the first 20 minutes, slightly less so for the next 55!

Today is Mother's Day, and Trav treated this girl well. I slept in until 9:15 (especially nice since her cold had Gwen sleeping fitfully for the first part of the night), then came downstairs to sweet cards (Gwen "signed" hers all on her own), a magnet that Gwen had painted for me, and a box full of cloth paper towels that Trav got me to help with my mission to cut out paper towels. Lets not forget my lilac bush... which is doing well, and looking even nicer now that I have some baby grass sprouting next to it!


Coming in slowly, but surely!


The rest of the day was pretty relaxed. We headed outside for most of the morning. The weather is definitely changing over to summer now. Since its getting so nice and warm out, we decided to break out the water table for the first time this year.


Gwen was in heaven!


Daisy found her own way to keep cool!


The rest of the day involved some laundry and other chores, tennis camp for Travis, more outdoor play, but lots of relaxing too. All-in-all, a great day!!

As for tomorrow, I'm going to be away from the computer all day doing my civic duty (jury duty!), so have a great Monday all. 

I started to write this post ages ago, but things have been so in flux, that I never got around to posting it.

It started off with Gwen fighting her naps. Mostly just at home on the weekends, but occasionally at daycare as well. She certainly still needs them though.

Then, she became much harder to put down at night. Fighting sleep then as well.

Right at the beginning we also woke at 2 one night and took about an hour to settle again, and have a few more nights of brief wakings.

Thankfully all of the above has gotten better, but the fighting going to sleep is still there. Also thankfully I'm pretty sure I know the reason, or reasons, as the case may be. The first is the four molars she's currently cutting (and possible also her top eye teeth!). Thankfully one is half through, one is breaking through now... but two still have a ways to go. The second is some separation anxiety that kicked in right before her second birthday. She wants daddy and mommy around all the time.

The newest bump on the ride? If she wakes early enough for her morning nursing, then she'll fall back asleep with us... but lately, as she's been waking closer to 6, she won't. And 5:anything is way too early to be up for the day. Thankfully today she and I slept until almost 7!

This girl, she does like to keep me on my toes.

As always, I'm just having patience, and she's been working it out. Hurry up molars!

Work has been busy as my coworkers last day is tomorrow... :-(  But I'm working on getting out a few posts that have been sitting in my drafts folder. 

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I last pumped. As far as a regularly scheduled thing... I'm done with that. For the first time in two years, I get to wear a normal bra to work.... and that is pretty amazing!! I'll still pump if I have to stay late for work and miss a nursing session, I have about 6 bags of milk in the freezer too, but I don't pump during the day anymore. Its crazy to say that after 21 months of pumping!

So 2 years in, and here's where we standing. TL:DR version - Still nursing, and still fine with that!

But, ready to start working towards a VERY gentle encouragement of weaning. I mentioned I'm going to Vegas in October with some of my girlfriends to celebrate one of their 30th birthdays, and I really don't want to pack a pump for that. Its 8 months away and that feels like a lifetime from now, but amazingly soon all at the same time. Looking back at the times that it was so hard (HERE, HERE, and HERE), I never would have pictured us where we are now. Over two years in, and so easy. We'll see what ends up happening, because I really do want this to be a very gentle process, and I really do want it to be a joint decision and not something that I take away from her. She still loves it so so much!

My first step was dropping that pump. So no more sippy cup of milk at daycare. My supply should naturally drop a smidgen from that, and we'll just see where we go from here. I have a kids book about weaning saved in my favorites, and in a few months we'll start talking about it more.

We ended up being pretty lucky with the night weaning. There were a few times that I said I was going to do it, but something always came up. It ended up working out well though, since she naturally outgrew the night time feedings, and slept longer and longer between wakes. Once she was mostly just sleeping through it was easy enough to talk to her about the fact that milkie was tired, that we would say night-night to milkie at bedtime, and that she could have more milkie in the morning. One night of tears, two or three more nights of asking about it but no crying, and we were done. Even when sick now, she doesn't ask for it at night.

I'm hoping that with some patience and little changes day weaning can be the same natural, easy process. Anyone else gently wean an extended nurser?

Dear Gwenivere,
Today you are two years old, my love. Happy Birthday to my baby who isn't a baby anymore! I can't believe it's been two years. Two whole energetic, rambunctious, playful, ever growing, ever changing, sponge-like years. I'm so lucky to have such an energetic, passionate person in my life. Part of me can't believe another whole year has gone by, but then I look at how grown up you are compared to 12 months ago, and I can't believe you've changed so much in only a year!

1st birthday

There is so much that you can do now. You're counting to 10 (though you don't seem to like the number 5, and skip it a lot). You also say your ABCs, a skill that you practice in the car with your Daddy everyday. You eat with utensils most of the time, and have turned into a little "fruit bat." You know what you want all the time, and that includes picking out your own clothes everyday.


You try out new words all the time, repeating things that we say, and rolling those new words around your mouth to get a feel for them. My favorite phrase you say? "I did it!" which you exclaim with relish whenever you accomplish something you got in your head to do. Lately we hear that a lot when you go pee on the potty... which we've picked up again after a Gwen-imposed break. I love that you have pride in yourself for accomplishing new things. One of the cutest things you say? "Bless you." mostly when people cough, instead of when they sneeze, but cute and sweet nonetheless. My least favorite thing you say? "I no like it." which comes anytime there is something you don't currently want to do, eat, wear, etc etc etc!

Girl, you are nothing if not sure of yourself.

Unfortunately lately you've been very sure that you didn't want your didn't want to changed into your clothes in the morning, didn't want to change into your PJs at night, didn't want to change your diaper, did want to get into you seat for dinner, didn't want... well, you get the idea! LOL. This can be so frustrating, but I know its just you figuring out what it means to be in control of your world.

Until recently you were going to sleep on your own, we'd do your routine, then I'd just lay you down and leave the room, and that was that. Lately though you've seemed to develop a bit of separation anxiety and you get upset when your Daddy leaves the room so we can nurse. We're just taking it slow and right now I hang out for about the 10 - 15 minutes it takes you to settle down and go to sleep. Thankfully you are still sleeping well at night. Mostly you sleep in your crib until 5, then come to bed with us and sleep until 7ish. Occasionally there's a night in there where you need a rump pat or two to get back to sleep once in there, occasionally there's a day you'll sleep in your crib until after 6. Thankfully good night sleep is a regular thing though now.

Thankfully especially since lately naps for us are so hit or miss! You do know how to give me a hard time, that's for sure!

We're still nursing. Twice a day during the week, three times on weekends. What a milestone! This was never even on my radar during those early days, with their struggles to just make it work at all. Such a comfort it can be to us both, laying close, relaxing, breathing slowly. You are always on the move, always talking, except when you're nursing and we can just be together. I don't know how much longer it will last, but I'm going to enjoy every moment that's left.


Gwenivere, I just love you so much, and even in your most frustrating moments, I am so glad you are here and that I'm lucky enough to call myself your Mommy.

Love you always,
Mama



Ps. At two years you are still in size 18 m clothes, size 5.5 shoes, and size 3 diapers! We'll find out height and weight at next weeks doc appt.