I need more hours in the day lately. There are all the chores to be done, emails to respond to, yoga classes to write and teach, yoga practice to do on my own, a stack of books a mile high, a dozen shows waiting on Netflix. There are occasional coffee dates, or tea times. There are endless hours of play and reading with Gwen, homework to do, swim lessons to attend, showers, hair brushing, and endless dinners to cook. Easy things I can cook without thinking too hard about are the name of the game lately, though I have dozens of recipes saved for things to cook and bake and make that take a little more effort, but are perhaps a little more fun and different. One day I will cook them all.


Oh, what I wouldn't give for another hour or two during the day.
(And a corresponding extra hour or two to sleep at night!)


Our New Mexico trip should be a nice break from  ::waves hands wildly around::  well, all the things. But then its right back into it all. I'm looking forward to the travel I'm doing in May for so many reasons, but more and more I find myself excited about the break, and about all the reading I'll get to do on the plane! Ha, is that sad?


Could you use a few extra hours in the day?

El Dorado Canyon - near Boulder, CO

It has been a year since we have moved to Colorado. A year! It feels like so much longer then that, but at the same time, I can't fathom that 365 days have gone by with us living here. It has me thinking a lot about "Home" and what that means to me, now and for the future.

Our apartment is home for now, and we have settled in here nicely. It feels right here, comfortable and familiar now. It has been a good place for us, so close to Trav's work and Gwen's school. We've met wonderful people here and enjoyed all that this place can offer us. We have decided to stay for another year. Another year to grow and change and settle in.

But for the future... well I've been thinking a lot about that too.

Grand Canyon Campground

I think it has become apparent over the past year that my heart resides in the woods. We have crisscrossed the country multiple times, gone North and South, East and West. We have camped and hiked and picnicked. We have enjoyed so many different brands of beauty and majesty, from soaring mountains to warm sandy beaches, wide open plains and towering red rocks.

Forests are what call to me.

I step into the woods and my soul is soothed. I enjoy heading to beaches, I love hiking up mountains, but forests make me feel at home.

And that is what I really want.
Not now, maybe even not soon, but in the end I want a beautiful little house in (or on the edge of) the woods. 

Coconino National Forest - Oak Creek Canyon Scenic Drive South of Flagstaff, AZ

I want this. And I'm putting it out into the universe because I don't know how it will come to pass, but if I've learned anything from this transformative past year (and my very smart best girl), its that recognizing and verbalizing your dreams is step one.

Wherever my family is, that is home. But I want this for me, and I want this for us.

Prompton State Park, Waymart, PA

What is your dream house or location?

Dear Gwenivere,
Tomorrow you turn 6 years old, and my mind can barely grasp that. The things that you've dealt with in the past year are enough to throw anyone off, and while you've had your rough times, you've adapted remarkably well. You are bright, fun, silly, sassy, and energetic.

Did I tell you that someone moved into our house? About a month ago. Our house is occupied and we are officially landlords! ::gulp::



It's very surreal to think about someone else living in our house, but I'm happy its not empty.

So far, it seems to be going well for all.

The movers came on Monday, and suddenly our house was empty. We kept our sleeping bags, all of our travel needs, and the fragile/valuable/irreplaceable items we'd carry ourselves; but that was it. Our home of the past 10 years was empty.

Tuesday the carpet installers came. Suddenly the carpets we'd despised for the past decade were gone. In their stead a durable, neutral without being bland, new carpet. Something that would hide dirt and pet hair nicely, though we would neither get the chance to dirty them, nor would Daisy even set foot on them. Oh those repairs we make in preparation for the next person.

It all made me a bit sad, and I had to fight tears at points. But the excitement was there too.

Wednesday we gave all the rooms one last look around, walked out the door, turned the key, and left for the last time.

There was no fighting the tears that time. 

Since then, we've been crossing the country! I'll write more about our journey later, but I hope you'll forgive me if there are some breaks in posting. Busy times, but much to report soon.

I knew it would get done in the end. I knew everything would eventually get where it needed to be, but it was a long long week.

Another week and we will be in Colorado. Another week and I will instead be unpacking those boxes. Maybe then it will all feel real.

I guess we'll see.

Right now it feels like my grasp of the reality of it all, and my emotions covering everything are as boxed in as our dining room.

But, we're getting there...

So, in general I would advise that if you plan to move 3/4 of the way across the country, you give yourself more then 5 weeks from decision day until move in day... especially if you are driving there! But, when push comes to shove, and crunch time happens, you just get it done.


There are definitely things in this area that I wish I could have had time to do before we left, but there are definite bonuses to doing it this way too. We certainly aren't dwelling on our sadness over here!

Immediately after the decision we chose a weekend to fly there to find our apartment and sign our lease. We arranged for my mom to come stay with Gwen, and we booked airplane tickets, a rental car, and a hotel. We arranged tours with 4 pet-friendly apartments in the area (and school district) we wanted and the price range we needed.

Trav started interviewing moving companies. We started culling our belongings, deciding what we would take and what we would get rid of. We cut our book stash in half (wahhhhh), I got rid of a quarter of my purses/bags. Even Gwen got in on it, going through her books and toys to pick out the things too young for her or no longer desired. We posted a few bigger/nicer things on Craigslist, and planned a day for a yard sale (with a Purple Heart pick up for the next day!). We gifted a few items to friends we knew would enjoy them.

We started packing those things that we are taking, but that we won't need over the following weeks. That is definitely going to be the longest/hardest part, the packing, and its the big reason that my last work day is a week earlier then Trav's. It will be a busy week full of boxes for me.

Then there is the contacting of doctors for copies of records, of utility companies for shut off and turning on, of address changing and mailing forwarding. There is the contract with the rental agency for our house here. There are some houses fixes that need to be done before renting.

There is an actual route to Colorado that needs to be planned! 

And there are the goodbyes. Its a lot; its intense. But in such a short time we will be settling into a new house and this all will be done with!

Who's done a long distance move before? Any advice?

Nothing like fixing things in preparation for leaving, right? We've been in our house for 10 years now, hating the kitchen floor the entire time, but knowing that sometime soon we'll be selling/renting our house finally pushed us to make the change!

Before (hello 70s!):

Mid-July, when I was writing this post about trying to let go of the things I can't control, and this post about distractions, we were in the process of making appointments to see two houses. This is not something new or exciting... at that point, we'd been looking at houses for 10 months already (ho-ly $#!%). But at the same time that we were making those appointments, we were wondering if we were even going to be keeping them, because Trav was in the process of applying for a job.

In Colorado (holy $#!% again).

He was actually invited to apply, by a former coworker who was buying a company and needed a Comptroller. So he did, and well, he got it.

And come the last week of August, we will be moving to Denver.

Source

This is so not where I thought we would be ending up back when we started this crazy house-hunting journey.  To put it lightly!

But here's the thing about the universe, about life, it takes you where you least expect; and I truly believe there is a plan. I am so excited, and terrified, and happy, and sad, and... everything! I am every emotion right now. But I'm mostly excited.

I have 2 weeks left of work, at the place that's grown me for the past 11 years. A place that frankly, I had outgrown, and that wasn't leading me where I needed to go anymore, but a place full of good people, doing good things, that I had grown to love. A place that I probably would have stayed in for a long time more if not for this.

We have 3.5 weeks left in the house that we've lived in for a decade, the house we brought our baby home to, the only house she's ever known! Yes, we were going to leave it soon anyway, but I would have been sad then too! And this feels very... final. It feels different.

But in about 3.5 weeks, we will start an epic roadtrip half way across the country! I will be able to cross a few more states off the "to visit" list. And in 4 weeks, we will start our lives in a new city. Gwen will start kindergarten. Trav will start his new job. I will enjoy some time off of work. I will get to be the one that picks Gwenie up from school, and makes dinners for her family. I will unpack our boxes, and set up our household. I will hopefully take the steps to work towards a new career direction, while having the time to help my family adjust to this transition.

***

The other night I lay in bed next to Gwen, after a long discussion of the movie Inside Out, especially about joy and sadness and anger. We talked about how they are all important, and they are all okay to feel. She talked about how all the change lately is making her a little sad, and I told her that I felt that too; but that I also felt excited because there is so much joy to come. Then I sang her the song that I used to sing her every night when she was a baby, in the very same bed that used to be her crib, and let myself feel sad for all we were leaving behind.

Then I got back to feeling exciting... because there is so much joy and adventure in our future!




* “For West is where we all plan to go some day. It is where you go when the land gives out and the old-field pines encroach. It is where you go when you get the letter saying: Flee, all is discovered. It is where you go when you look down at the blade in your hand and the blood on it. It is where you go when you are told that you are a bubble on the tide of empire. It is where you go when you hear that thar's gold in them-thar hills. It is where you go to grow up with the country. It is where you go to spend your old age. Or it is just where you go.”  ― Robert Penn Warren

One of the best things about Cape Cod (and Wanderlust before that... and my brother's wedding since then...) was the fact that I knew I couldn't do a lick of house hunting or other particular things while I was there, so I just forgot about it completely. I mean completely, didn't cross my mind even for a semi-second, not even once.

And it was (pardon my crass) f*cking wonderful. 

Have you ever noticed when you’re tired, your fingers don’t grip things as tightly as they should? That things slip through them more often than you wish? I feel as though I am those fingers and life is slipping through me. 

– Kelsey Danielle (from “Life And Other Things”)

Lord have mercy, I have spent so much damn time thinking about things that I don't have control over lately. Focused on things that I absolutely have to focus on, but have absolutely no control over how they turn out. Its exhausting.

Those breaks were wonderful, but I needed more. So I distract... and play the "when I get to decorate my house and money is no object" game.

Who hasn't played that one, right? 

What would you buy? Me? I'm lusting over a few things.

A wide rough planked farmhouse table:

Maybe one that my dad and I make together from reclaimed wood.

One of these amazing coffee tables made of reclaimed wood and glass:


Fun, funky, nature touches... like this banister:


A completely amazing bookshelf:


A large, cozy window seat... view NOT optional!:



And maybe a killer awesome bunk bed for Gwen, like one of these (though with only two beds):



What do you daydream about when you need distractions?

What have we done over the past month? There were plenty of fun weekends, and full busy weeks. So much normalness, and much normal playfulness.

Amazing how much fun you can have just rolling around on the floor!

There were pictures, some of which I'll share in the weeks ahead. But here are a few that don't need their own post. 

Gwen, making friends with new family...

One time I wore an elephant shirt. Not worthy of its own post, but gah, seriously... elephant shirt!!

There were also some bigger things. We made an offer on a house. It was nerve-racking. With 3 other families seeing the house the same day we were, we knew there would be multiple offers. But we figured we had to try since there was no way we would find a more well maintained house in this area for that price!


Alas, we didn't get it.
Breathe, sigh, move onward and upward.

Finally warm enough to REALLY get outside!

All-in-all, it was a great "spring break" from blogging. But now I'm so very happy to be back and am ready to share.