Ok. Not really. But I have always wondered about the book that spawned such a huge cult following. I mean, how do you A must read for everyone!
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Ok. Not really. But I have always wondered about the book that spawned such a huge cult following. I mean, how do you get so many people to take things like this seriously? And then I remember what kind of people populate the earth, and it all becomes a little clearer. Full disclosure: I absolutely adore the Ancient Aliens tv show. Don't judge, it makes me smile. And in a world full of things that make me frown, that's a goddamn gift. A gift from...aliens?
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A lot of what Erich von Däniken postulated back in 1968 has pretty much been proven false at this point. The rest of it is the kind of hummina hummina gibberish that you might expect from a toothy youth pastor telling you why you should load up in the van with the group as they head off to see a Christian rock band. He's an ex-Catholic who found the flaws in the Bible to be a bit too much for him, so he started looking elsewhere to find the origin of life. Basically, it seems as though he traded "finding God in the cracks" for "finding aliens in the cracks". For everything that was mysterious or unknown about prehistory civilizations, Däniken saw the potential that our entire species had been seeded by an ancient race of superior alien life forms.
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Because duh. If nothing else, you'll get to look at things from civilizations that I find fascinating in whole new ways. It's not just the Egyptian pyramids that were constructed using lasers. From the heads on Easter Island to the Palenque "Astronaut" of the Mayan civilization, there's nothing that Erich thinks wasn't a product of our betters from the stars.
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To be fair, NASA had plans for landing on Mars by the 1980s. He was writing this during the height of the space craze, thinking that his great-grandkids would look at space travel in the same way he thought of getting on a plane. Sadly, the space program was hit with budget cuts. But hey, we got TikTok!
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I don't know how to actually rate something like this but out of my love for the concept of Ancient Aliens, I'll have to give it at least 3. And for people like myself who enjoy the absurd, I think this is definitely a bucket list book.
Recommended for Ancient Astronauts.
PS - the audio version I listened to was high fun due to the narrator pronouncing gods in this highly sarcastic way that came out as gawds 99% of the time....more
This kept popping up as a book atheists and agnostics should read before pooh-poohing Christianity. And like FOX News, I strive to be fair and balancedThis kept popping up as a book atheists and agnostics should read before pooh-poohing Christianity. And like FOX News, I strive to be fair and balanced. If it was as good as advertised, it might give me something new to mull over. I like to mull in my spare time, so why not? The premise of this book is that Lee Strobel was an atheist who decided to use his investigative journalism skills to find out if Jesus was real. Alright. Sounds interesting. And then I read it. Do you know where liars go, Mr. Strobel? I'm kidding. But only kind of. And if you think I'm being too hard on this author, go read all of the 5 star reviews of this book. The vast majority of them took this dude at his word and really think that the interviews in THIS BOOK were what convinced this "skeptical atheist" to ask Jesus into his heart as his Lord and personal savior. I'm angry on their behalf.
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Because this does not read like a skeptic trying to find out if Christianity was the way to go. It reads like someone who knew this would be a catchy title and thought that most Christians would be gullible enough to swallow it. My personal feeling is that Strobel was at best someone who wanted his beliefs to have some basis in fact, and at worst just completely lying about his reasons for writing this book in order to sell it. I find it very hard to believe that a skeptical atheist would only interview prominent Christians with talking points that he wanted to be rebutted. He didn't interview any of the so-called liberals whose books, ideas, or theories he brought up. Sir, I find that sketchy.
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Strobel opens each chapter with a different salacious court case that has literally nothing to do with the book's subject matter, and instead seems only to be there to lend credence to his "investigative journalism". He then describes each person he interviews in glowing terms. Listing not only all the degrees they hold, but also their hairstyles, manner of dress, and charming character traits.
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The big win seems to be that there is a historical Jesus. And maybe that was being debated when this was written. To me, that's like debating whether Muhammad, Buddha, or Zoroaster were real historical figures. It's cool that you can point out they were a real person, but it doesn't mean I'm going to take up their religious or philosophical views based on the fact that they walked the earth. They existed ergo what they said is true?
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The more I listened to the book, the more flabbergasted I was at the "gotcha" moments Strobel threw down. Nothing any of the experts said surprised me. It was all fairly standard stuff that anyone who has ever looked into Christianity would know, mixed in with the usual fundamental evangelical willingness to gloss over anything that doesn't agree with their viewpoints while looking for ways to leapfrog over the fairly obvious answers and into supernatural answers. All the "evidence" hinges on you believing that ancient people wouldn't have made anything up, and if they had there would have been some enormous backlash. You only have to look around you today to see that if enough people want to believe something is true, there's no telling them anything different. AND WE HAVE THINGS LIKE DNA AND VIDEO EVIDENCE.
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I had a whole list of things written out about this book that bothered me, but I don't see any point in putting it in my review. Anyone with a working brain could dismantle any of his arguments with little to no research. By the time I got to the end, it was abundantly apparent that this was just more of the same tap dance I grew up with....more
What a shitshow. And the more I think about it the more I dislike this one.
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I loved the premise, and I'm also a huge fan of these elderly detectiWhat a shitshow. And the more I think about it the more I dislike this one.
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I loved the premise, and I'm also a huge fan of these elderly detective stories. And this seemingly ticked off all the right boxes when I read the blurb. 77 year old Judith is living her best life in an inherited mansion, has a job she loves, and drinks like a fish. In fact, the opening sequence where she takes her evening skinny dip (also how she hears the murder taking place) was awesome. I loved that she was a loner who finds a group of women who are completely different from each other, and how they all learn how important it is to have girlfriends. And I loved that it was hinted at that she had some sort of delicious secret in her past that has something to do with a locked room and a dead husband.
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However, the murder mystery was utter shit. Judith is convinced she knows who the murderer was from the get-go because she thought they seemed shady, and then spends the rest of the book trying to prove they did it. (view spoiler)[Yup. They did it. What? Shouldn't there be a twist? Somewhere? And no, the fact that there were 3 of them was not a twist. That was just dumb. (hide spoiler)] I should probably mention that Judith designs crosswords. Why? Because it will be shoved down your throat throughout the book over and over as though it somehow means she's able to solve murders. It's ridiculous.
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And as much as I love books that promote healthy relationships between women, I equally despise books that think in order to do that you have to portray every man as a douchebag. Judith's husband was an abusive cheater. Beck's husband ignores her as a person and he and her children just expect her to do everything for them. (view spoiler)[At the end, when she is helping the police and her husband grabs her in the middle of it (even though they are in a hurry b/c Judith might be getting murdered at any moment) and declares that she's AMAZING, I thew up in my mouth at how cheesy that whole scene was. (hide spoiler)] Suzy's husband left her and she had to raise her children as a single mother. Judith's murdered neighbor turns out to be a thief and a cheat. Liz's husband is the only guy who seems nice (view spoiler)[ but he turns out to be one of the three killers. Obviously, Suzy misjudged Liz by thinking she was a bitch who killed her dog. It was her terrible husband who killed the dog and poor Liz was framed. (hide spoiler)] Suzy's friend the cab driver was a pretty nice guy, but he gets killed in the first few chapters. The policewoman's husband is a loser who spends his time trying to make it as DJ, hasn't made any money at it in a decade or so, and expects her to take care of the children. Her father is elderly and he and her brothers expect her to be the one to take care of him, including doing all of the repairs on his house. The lawyer they think is mixed up in everything is a sexist scuzzball that harasses Becks when she goes to his office. It's fucking overkill.
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The clues to the mystery make no sense. (view spoiler)[Why would Liz have written Rowing Dinner in her calendar? If that was the ONLY entry in her entire calendar, then she quite obviously didn't use her calendar at all. The only reason it was in there was PLOT. Supposedly she wrote her husband's rowing reunion dinner in her calendar because she was a good wife - once again men suck and women are so thoughtful, just in case you missed it - and that way she wouldn't book anything else for him for that night. What? IT IS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING IN THE CALENDAR. For that clue to make sense, there would have had to have been a calendar jam-packed full of things she didn't want to be mixed up with his rowing dinner! (hide spoiler)] There are so many things that didn't make sense in this book. (view spoiler)[At the end, Judith plans this (incredibly flawed) trap for one of the murderers because she knows he's going to come to her house to kill her. When he does, she tries to get him to monologue by confronting him with her knowledge of how the 3 of them committed the crimes. Each of them basically killed one person they had no reason to kill that the other wanted dead, while the other 2 get rock-solid alibis. Liz's husband is the one that comes to kill Judith. And even though he is standing in her living room pointing a gun at her he keeps acting confused and denying that he and the other 2 guys were part of a murder plot. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Dude, you are aiming a gun at a little old lady. Why are you getting all mad and trying to defend yourself from her accusations? (hide spoiler)] So. fucking. stupid.
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When the (female) dog saves someone's life at the end? NO. That whole sequence of events was impossible. (view spoiler)[ Suzy can't swim. But she jumps into a raging river during a terrible storm and tries to get to Judith. Naturally, she doesn't die like a normal human. Why? Because her Doberman Pinscher drags her to shore like a dolphin. Oh, and the dog also somehow understands her and goes to save Juith when she gets to the other side. (hide spoiler)] *head explodes*
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Oh, and remember that delicious secret about Judith? She wears a key around her neck that goes to a locked room in her mansion! (view spoiler)[Surprise! The room is full of newspapers. She has collected every newspaper and pamphlet and periodical and apparently anything else made of paper since her husband died a million years ago. Wow. The big reveal is that she's a hoarder. (hide spoiler)] But there's more! Supposedly her abusive husband fell off a boat by himself during a storm. But it's hinted at for the entire book that he died under more mysterious circumstances and Judith killed him. (view spoiler)[She did. Yes. At the end, she basically tells the girls that she shoved his ass off of that boat. Wait. What? So the thing you were hinting at WAS actually the thing that she did? Like...no twist to it at all? (hide spoiler)]
I was listening to the audiobook, so I didn't have the satisfaction of throwing the book across the room. This could have been such a cool book but it wasn't. Oh, and why does she wear that stupid cape everywhere? It's this little cloak that she loves, and she tosses it on and bikes around everywhere feeling like a superhero with this thing flapping behind her. I need more of a story behind this thing because, to be honest, it sounds like she looks ridiculous.
And why can't she drive a car? You can't say she's ballsy and cool but also that she never learned how to drive! It's fuckin weird. And I'm not reading any more of this damn series, that's for sure....more
In the foreword, Milligan sounds like an earnest teenage boy as he desperately tries to convince the reader that he wasn't writing porn for the sake oIn the foreword, Milligan sounds like an earnest teenage boy as he desperately tries to convince the reader that he wasn't writing porn for the sake of porn. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Unfortunately for him, that's a harder sell when your dialogue is composed mostly of phrases like Ugghhh, Guhhhh, & Oooghhh. I'm just saying.
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He rambles on for a few paragraphs about how sex is usually the end game, but in The Discipline, it's what's used to get to the end game. Ritualistic sex is all part of the journey, man! Aleister Crowley, Tantric Yoga, Sex Magick! Or something like that. Then he spits out this gem and I laughed and laughed and laughed because I knew I was in for a good time with this book. Our hero. Melissa. Befreckled, bespeckled, bemused. She seems to me like a real woman, small-breasted but big-hearted. Intelligent, gutsy, but with real frailties...
Small-breasted but big-hearted!
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Ok, ok, ok. Just because there's a lot of sex in a book doesn't mean it isn't a great read. If sex moves the plot forward or makes sense in the situation, then by all means...MORE SEX! But this book is not that book. This is the literary version of a sci-fi porno flick. You know how the dialogue is really cheesy and doesn't quite make sense in porno movies? Like, they're just sort of grunting out words that no one would ever say, in a situation that would never arise in real life, all because I suppose you kind of have to have the appearance of a 'story' to go with the cheesy background music. THIS.
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She's a dirty housewife. *titter* And she's sexually frustrated because her millionaire husband is never home so she goes and stares at this painting of a monster fucking a woman. She meets what looks like cliche Eurotrash who tells her he's going to fuck her. He intrigues her FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON so she just agrees to start up an affair with him. Except he's creepy. Like, really fucking creepy. He says straight-up serial killer shit to her and takes her to a slaughterhouse for their first 'date'. Then he takes her to a BDSM club, roofies her, and leaves her in the middle of the street stark naked. BUT SHE'S INTRIGUED. AND SO TURNED ON.
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It just gets weirder and less coherent from there. Needless to say, it all revolves around everyone in the story having sex with each other. But the gist is that there are some sort of shape-shifting beings who live in pocket dimensions in different eras of time. You can communicate with them by stabbing yourself in the eye with a special needle or something. These dudes are fighting other shape-shifting beings. They have roofie spit, voices that can get you horny against your will, and can only survive if they take over a human's body by (you guessed it!) having sex with them.
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Then there's a side plot about our small-breasted heroine's white trash sister, Krystal. See, if Tiny Titties doesn't do what the sex monsters want her to do, then they'll go after her sister and use her as their sex puppet instead. AND IF THAT ISN'T A PORN PLOT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS. I mean, all this story needs is some guy with a huge dick that delivers a pizza. Go home, Milliagan. You're drunk.
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Buddy read with Alex. He told me to let everyone know he's single and up for all kinds of kinky alien-monster shenanigans. Really. Just flood his inbox with whatever nasty shit you're into. I'm totally not saying that because this comic was his idea. I swear. ...more
This wasn't completely awful, but Clark's inner monologue was just weird. How can someone sound so fucking awkward inside their own heHa! No.
1.5 stars
This wasn't completely awful, but Clark's inner monologue was just weird. How can someone sound so fucking awkward inside their own head? He sounded so goddamn creepy that I was honestly waiting for the moment when Miller popped up with a Gotcha! This is Evil Superman! twist. No, seriously. I was shocked when it didn't happen.
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I'm not sure what exactly happened to make anyone think it would be a good idea to have Clark turn into a playboy, either. The whole thing is littered with the women in his life who are falling all over themselves to be with him. And...ok? But then he just up and leaves several of them without a backward glance after having these You Are My Forever Love moments with them. And in the case of Posiodon's daughter, Lori, it seems as though they may have been on their way to getting married when he just sort of trotted off on to another adventure. WEIRD. And speaking of weird, that whole incestuous storyline was a lot of fun, wasn't it?
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I gotta say, Wonder Woman giving him that weepy-eyed look as he flies out the window made me throw up in my mouth a little. Getthefuckoutofherewiththat.
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Oh, and apparently Batman not only has a gun (pew, pew!) but now acts like a douchey frat boy after a kegger. AWESOME.
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It's also worth noting that it looks like this version of Baby Clark mind controlled the Kents into adopting him. Because that's not scary as all fuck, is it?
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Just so you think I'm not a big whiner baby, there were parts of it that were interesting. The stuff with him in the military caught my attention as a what if - then it just went off the rails and into mermaid land. Add to that the fact that he never seemed to visit Smallville, or mention Lana & the Kents again, and you can see why I was convinced I was reading a comic about Ultraman.
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Normally, I'm not a fan of John Romita Jr.'s art, but I actually thought this was the best work I've ever personally seen from him. That's not to say I loved it, but I didn't (for once) hate it.
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And look, I know it had to be incredibly hard to try and retell the Superman origin story...again. I get that, really. But maybe that's a sign that it doesn't need to be retold.
I thought the 1st issue was a very cool start to some sort of an edgy Batman story. But I'm a big enough person to admit that I was way off base with I thought the 1st issue was a very cool start to some sort of an edgy Batman story. But I'm a big enough person to admit that I was way off base with that prediction.
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This was a nonsensical bullshit comic with (and I can't stress this enough) terrible lettering that made reading it next to impossible.
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Here's how little I understood/liked this: My son asked me what it was about and I ended up looking around online (Wikipedia mostly) for some help, reading that stuff, and then trying to explain the comic I'd just read. Or thought I'd read. I wasn't really sure. And it just made me feel like a dumbass. Ugh.
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Ok, so if you like those metaphorical, choose your own ending, trippy kind of comics that (to me) seemed aimed toward pretentious readers who like to think books should be studied and dissected, instead of enjoyed? Well. You know who you are, and this comic is for you.
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What the FUCK was Enchantress doing in this? And no, I'm not asking why was she in Batman's comic, because I like her and enjoy it when authors play mix and match with characters that don't normally seem to fit. I mean that I do not get what the hell she ACTUALLY did to Bruce. Was she even really there? Did any of this happen? I know it was some sort of Elseworlds story, but even so, it was too whacked out for me. I hate...hate...stories like this. I cannot. Between the oddball hallucinations, symbolism that I didn't understand, and straining to make out the letters because someone used a ghost pencil, I ended up with a scrunched up face that looked like a frustrated toddler. Which is probably what I sound like right now.
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Beautiful art, though. But ohmygod this story was garbage. Ok. No. That's maybe not fair. It's not garbage, it's just not something that I personally liked.
Also, (view spoiler)[fuck that psychotic clown. Batman should have let his pasty ass drown. Kick Joker in the face and toss him off the bridge and an angel gets his wings. But Bruce dying so that his soul wouldn't be burdened by murdering someone (who is going to kill lots and lots of innocent people as soon as they patch him up) is beyond ridiculous. The world is better off. (hide spoiler)]...more
Ok, so remember in the movie when Captain Marvel got kidnapped, taken to another dimension, roofied with alTHIS is THAT Captain Marvel Story...
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Ok, so remember in the movie when Captain Marvel got kidnapped, taken to another dimension, roofied with alien tech, serenaded by William Shakespeare, impregnated by vapor essence, sent back to the 616 dimension with no memory of any of it, then gave birth 3 days later to a child that rapidly aged into her rapey lover, and after all of that decided she might really like the guy so she went back to the other dimension with him to see if the relationship had legs?
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No. Of course not. That shit won't sell tickets. Welcome to the 200th issue of the Avengers, which has the distinct honor of being one of, if not the, most embarrassing storylines in comics.
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However, it is unbelievably readable. It's like cutting into soft butter! Ohmygod. It. Is. Delicious. But, it's delicious in the way off-brand SpaghettiO's are delicious. As in, you're really hungry and really lazy.
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First, take every awful soap opera plot about amnesia, 'lovable' rapists, and baby drama - microwave it for 3 minutes. Ding! Second, stir in some people with superpowers, clothed in skimpy colorful costumes - vent and microwave for another 30 seconds. Ding! Third, sprinkle a packet of inter-dimensional eyebrows on top and let it cool for 2 minutes. Mmmmm. Yummy!
Actual footage of Marvel dealing with this:
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But I mean, in all honesty, what the fuck can you do once something like this is out there in the world? How would you like to deal with the damage control on this sort of nightmare storyline? Well, I thought about that question long and hard, Random Goodreader! And here's what I would do to fix this mess:
I was hoping for a bit of fluff that would make me smile.
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Sadly, I forgot this was DC I was dealing with. So, yeah. I think they should2.5 stars
I was hoping for a bit of fluff that would make me smile.
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Sadly, I forgot this was DC I was dealing with. So, yeah. I think they should have called this A Mostly Depressing Valentine's Day, and then readers like myself would have known what they were letting themselves in for, you know? Oh, let's make a few comics about with Man-Bat's drug addiction, Frankenstein's unrequited loved, Swamp Thing's neverending shitty luck with the ladies, and slap a Valentine's day title on it. Blech. Yes, yes...dark and gritty. <--was not what I wanted!
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Eh. The stories are hit or miss with nothing that stood out to me as particularly great. Harley's stuff was exactly what I expected it to be, and while not terrible, she is one of my least favorite characters these days. <--BUT! If you're a huge fan of Quinn, you'll probably enjoy her issue quite a bit and it might make it worth your while to read this thing....more
This was her first book and it shows. A few pages in and the hero mentioned how happy the heroine should be that he had so much self-control the nightThis was her first book and it shows. A few pages in and the hero mentioned how happy the heroine should be that he had so much self-control the night before (she had fallen in a frozen lake and he pulled her out in popsicle form) and I just...
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I decided to cut my losses and call it a day. It wasn't really sucking me in with the usual Kleypas magic, and even she admitted in the foreword that this was sort of a dud. So. Recommended for Kleypas completionists only....more
This isn't something I'd ever normally read but it was in a goodie basket that a friend had gifted me for Halloween, so I thought I should give it a tThis isn't something I'd ever normally read but it was in a goodie basket that a friend had gifted me for Halloween, so I thought I should give it a try. After flipping through the pages for a few minutes, I decided I'd need to be slightly drunk to get through this one. Why? Well, I would say because it's gory, but that just doesn't adequately describe the sort of graphic, stomach-turning violence that happens in this thing. So, I got boozed up.
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It helped. I made it through the whole book, stopping only to refill my giant glass of wine. Yay. Ish. But then, last night I had nothing but nightmares. There's this one scene. I just can't get it out of my head! DO NOT CLICK ON THIS SPOILER IF YOU ARE ANYWHERE NEAR AS SQUEAMISH AS I AM! (view spoiler)[ The mom breaks her ankle and wants her husband to shoot her and run with their little 6 or 7 year old daughter. But he won't leave her b/c he thinks the Crossed might be vulnerable to salt or something nonsensical like that. Anyway, the end result is this:
Ohmyfuckinggod. There isn't enough wine for that. You know how many nightmares I had last night?! Me either. I lost count! My entire night consisted of me waking up from some horrific dream, getting up to pee (<- that's normal), going back to sleep, and then having more nightmares.
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I don't normally get up at 5:30 on a Sunday morning, but I am not closing my eyes anytime soon! *refuses to blink*
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The short version of the story (and BELIEVE me, you want the short version) is that something virus/bio-warfare/nuclear meltdown/whatever happens, the majority of the population turns full-on evil, and the survivors huddle together till they get horrifically tortured, raped, eaten, and murdered. Ha! <--my autocorrect tried to chance eaten to beaten...but no, sorry. Once again, you misunderstand what I'm saying, autocorrect.
Ugh. I'm not sure that I truly understand the point to this. It was so far beyond gross (for me) that there is no way in hell I'm even slightly tempted to ever look at this again, much less read more of this title. To me, this is basically boring, unlikable characters meandering around together, getting killed in gag-worthy scenarios, and doing horrible things to survive in the meantime. But even if it were more interesting, I don't think this would have been remotely enjoyable to me. Now. I get that there are a lot of you who enjoy authors who push the limit of the Ick Factor in books and graphic novels. That's fine, and I certainly don't think you guys are awful people. To each his own and all that. However, I just didn't think the story was all that good. Maybe if there had been something about the writing or the characters that made me feel anything other than total revulsion, I might have liked it more? <--LIE. Total lie. There's no way I could stomach that shit under any circumstances. BUT. If you are the sort of reader who enjoys this sort of thing? Go for it! I have several friends who thought this was great. As for me? I've gotta wash the taste of this out of my mouth...
This is the sequel to The Lost Boys that nobody asked for. Because I kind of doubt that anyone excitedly asked Tim Seeley to please take a piss on theiThis is the sequel to The Lost Boys that nobody asked for. Because I kind of doubt that anyone excitedly asked Tim Seeley to please take a piss on their favorite childhood memory.
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In truth, I almost DNF'd this about 1/3 of the way through but decided to plow on for reasons unknown. Probably due to my undying love of the movie.
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It's a Lost Boys graphic novel! How could something that sounds like such a good idea be so terrible? Well, you could start with terrible artwork and finish with a terrible storyline. Ta-da!
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How about we kill off grandpa, make Star a traitor, come up with some half-cocked vampire Illuminati storyline, and make the sax player an oiled-up vampire hunter with some weird religious mania?
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That sounds fabulous. Let's do that.
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Bad. This was bad. It was a free Hoopla Bonus Borrow and I still wish I could take it back....more
This was what I wanted to do every time Stanton opened his idiot mouth...
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Don't get me wrong, I normally love a snarky jackass (married one!), bThis was what I wanted to do every time Stanton opened his idiot mouth...
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Don't get me wrong, I normally love a snarky jackass (married one!), but this guy was not endearing in any way to me. He was horrible. HORRIBLE. I can't even...horrible! And maybe he didn't mean to be such a douchebag, but if that was the case then he's got to be one of the stupidest people on the face of the earth...and I still want to slap the shit out of him.
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So the gist is that when Stanton was in his senior year of high school he got his girlfriend, Jenny, pregnant. He loved her and was willing to stay in Mississippi and get married, but she sent him off to college to go after his dreams - while she raised their daughter. Now, it was her idea that they have an open relationship, but at the same time they decided that their hearts would always belong to each other, he would visit as often as he could, and they would eventually get married.
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Fast forward 10 years and Stanton is an attorney in DC, living the life of a wild bachelor and enjoying a steamy Friends With Benefits relationship with his hot co-worker, Sofia.
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But everyone, including Sofia, knows that Jenny is the love of his life. So when he learns that Jenny is planning to get married he hops in a car (with Sofia in tow as his advisor) and rushes off to stop the wedding. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Ok. Ok. Maybe that sounds like a man who is just confused by life or something, but it grated on my nerves that this fucktard thought Jenny was just going to forever be content to wait for him to get done with whatever he felt he needed to do! Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?! And Sofia was just as bad! Sweet baby Jesus, she was actually helping the man she loved try to win over the woman (he thought) he loved while...wait for it, wait for it...still sucking his dick! Ahhhhhhh!
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If he thought he loved Jenny then he would have immediately stopped trying to fuck Sofia. The End. There was honestly no justification for their sexcapades after he decided to go home and win his first love back. NONE. I could have forgiven him for all the screwing around he did before because they had agreed on that sort of relationship. But after? Go fuck yourself, you prick!
Emma Chase is a fantastic romance writer, and this was (while annoying) an easy book to fly through because of that incredible talent. Because of that I can't bring myself to one star this book. I'd say Chase's real forte is creating selfish/narcissistic a-holes that I can't help but fall in love with. Except Stanton. I hate Stanton. Oh. My. God. I hate Stanton!...more
Hmmm. Ok? I really wanted to like this final volume more that I actually did. Warning: Beware the Spoilers!
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I (because I'm ridiculous) thought thHmmm. Ok? I really wanted to like this final volume more that I actually did. Warning: Beware the Spoilers!
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I (because I'm ridiculous) thought that by the end of this thing all the concepts that were turning my brain to mush would suddenly make sense. Not so. You need to have a higher level of intelligence and a higher tolerance for existential nonsense than I currently possess. Which, in all honesty, isn't some unachievable goal. You can pretty much have the IQ of a potato and you've got me beat.
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And, well, I just didn't like the ending. I know, I know! It wasn't a surprise or anything, but I still felt deflated. Like...Awww, man! Really? After all that shit?! This? THIS?! I honestly thought that since everything had always pointed to Tom as some sort of sacrificial Messiah, Carey would pull a switcheroo and somehow change it up. But no. sighs deeply Of course, you have to take into consideration that I wouldn't even read Charlotte's Web with my 9 year old because of the ending. PS - My kid was teary-eyed and quite upset because Charlotte died alone. Alone, Mommy! *sniffle* Having babies KILLED her and she was all alone when she died! It just made me so sad that after everything she did for Wilbur, nobody was with her. *sniffle* Sorry, baby. I told you not to get attached to the spider, though. Oh, and if you're anything like me, you'll want to stay away from Old Yeller and Where the Red Fern Grows. What kind of a fucking asshole teacher gives that book out to little kids, anyway? *glares* To me, (and I know this opinion isn't shared by very many people) a story isn't worth reading if the main character dies at the end. It just kind of ruins the idea of ever wanting to reread the book, makes me feel depressed, and leaves me feeling extremely unsatisfied and/or very pissed off. Luckily, I didn't like this title enough to get angry, so it was only with a vague sense of dissatisfaction that I closed the last page.
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But. I did finish it! So, yay me! That's one less title on my bucket list.
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The writing wasn't bad at all, and since it's only my personal preferences that made this unpalatable for me, I don't feel right giving it less than 3 stars. Personal enjoyment, though? 1 star...more
What was this even supposed to be? I'm guessing someone actually read the script for this and said, OK! That sounds reasonable!, but I'm finding it harWhat was this even supposed to be? I'm guessing someone actually read the script for this and said, OK! That sounds reasonable!, but I'm finding it hard to imagine why. I just don't even...what was this?! There are so many cockamamie storylines going on in New Romancer that it felt like trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup. Except instead of letters, there's little noodles made of madness floating around! MADNESS, I SAY!
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Lord Byron's consciousness has somehow been downloaded into an A.I. body by a 20something named Lexi, who during her lonely teenage years fell in love with his poems. <--That does NOT even scratch the surface of the insanity that is New Romancer. But I can't really explain all the nonsense that happens without giving spoilers, so: SPOILERS AHEAD!
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I'm not a fan of poetry. <--shocking, I know! And I'm not a big history buff. I mean, I'm aware of the basics, but if you asked me who was a big deal in the early 1800's, I'd be really hard-pressed to give you anything other than a blank stare. All the space in my brain that would normally hold this sort of information has already been allocated for stories about people who get bit by radioactive spiders. Sorry, my kindhearted and intelligent friends, I got no room for shit that rhymes. What I'm trying to say is that if you're going to write a story about bringing a historical figure back from the dead, especially one who writes poetry? Well, let's just say it had better be hella good to keep my interest. This? Not good. Not good at all.
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Alright. So this girl works for a smalltime online dating site/app, and they've hired her to come up with a program that matches people up (somehow?) by using a bunch of dead romance/poetry writers...ideas? Or something. It's harebrained! She's stolen some sort of tech (not explained very well) from her ex-employer (they are EVIL, btw), and has used it to (again, not explained how) connect to/reanimate/clone the consciousness of her crush, Lord Byron. And for some reason, others, including Giacomo Casanova & Mati Hari. LIGHTNING STRIKES! And all these people come to life. Because? BECAUSE!
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Now, Casanova is evidently a Jokeresque serial killer who's out to get both Byron and Lexi. Oh, I forgot to mention that Casanova steals life forces like a vampire. Just...sucks it right out of your mouth! And he has darts (love darts) that make you his slave. Yup. His minions shoot people with f-ed up love darts.
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Mati Hari is a bit unhinged as well, and proceeds to kidnap Lexi's dad in order to force Lexi to bring her dead lover back to life. But then she falls for Daddy after she sucks cactus poison from his chubby titty. Whut?! They get married after her dad gets his prison sentence overturned with new evidence. Did I forget to mention her dad broke out of prison to tell Lexi that he and her mother had fucked with her in the embryonic stage so she'd be super smart? Well, he did. Plus, you know...her dad experimented on her. Like loving parents do. But, hey, it looks like everyone is getting a happy ending!
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Honestly, I can't for the life of me figure out why Lexi had a crush on this Byron guy. He was gross! And if she didn't know any of the gross stuff ahead of time, maybe I could see it, but she did! I thought it was bad enough when she was talking about how he abandoned his infant daughter. Like, that's a MASSIVE turnoff. Ew. You're scummy! You know that guy who never wrote anything legible in his life, but stuck around for his kid? <--he's worth 100 Byrons. Then she brings up how he fucked his sister. Dude fucked his sister? What the What?! And he's gimping around on a jacked-up foot! Are you seriously crushing on that?! OhMyFuckinGodDon'tBeRidiculous!
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Ok. Somewhere in the middle of all that bullshit, my head exploded. This story is held together with cheap masking tape and retarded nonsense. Ugh. Easily one of the stupidest things I've read this year....more
If this were any other series I would have one-starred it for being so dull. To me, the overall quality of this last installment was terribl2.5 stars
If this were any other series I would have one-starred it for being so dull. To me, the overall quality of this last installment was terrible, but my overall enjoyment of the other books kept me from pulling the trigger on such a bad rating. So. 2.5 extremely generous stars.
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Now, no one would ever accuse any of the books in The Others series of having breakneck pacing, but Etched in Bone takes the meandering plotline to a whole 'nother level. The plot? There really isn't a good plot.
Monty's gross brother shows up and acts like an evil thug. He's so ridiculously bad that even his inner monolog was full of cliches. There wasn't anything remotely two-dimensional about him, which made him pretty unbelievable as a villain. He's bad. He uses everyone around him, feels for no one but himself, and says and does whatever he wants - to the point of stupidity. I couldn't believe some of the things he said about and to the Others while he was staying in the Courtyard! Did he somehow miss that the Elders and Elementals just wiped out the majority of the human settlements across the world? Why kind of a suicidal moron would call those people freaks!?
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He was just such an awful person who had such blatantly awful behavior that it was hard to take him seriously.
Then you have the romanceish thing with Meg and Simon. We've been waiting for 5 books for these two to make it official! Wheee!
(view spoiler)[ Simon: I'm too wolfy to be human. Meg: I'm too human to be in a wolf pack. Simon: Wolves only mate once a year. Meg: Only once? I may want to do it more than that. Simon: Ok. Meg: Maybe we should kiss and see if we like it. *Which would quite honestly be a nice break from them licking each other on the side of the head!* Simon: Ok. Meg & Simon:
That had to be the most anti-climactic ending to a romance in the history of underwhelming anti-climactic romance endings.
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I guess the whole point of this was to let the Elders see if humans were worth it or something. I don't know, it seemed like the entire Jimmy situation could have been avoided by the Others giving him a serious beat down right away. At the very least, Monty should have done it. I mean, the survival of the entire human species is riding on whether or not your lowlife brother can keep his shit together. Is that even a choice? Take a baseball bat to that motherfucker before he does something stupid! The whole scenario played out in such a way that it seemed like they almost wanted him to do what he did. Everyone kept giving him more and more rope, all the while loudly expressing how they hoped he wouldn't hang himself with it.
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I've heard there will be more spin-off books set in this world, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I really did enjoy this series for the most part, but it never actually went anywhere, so I'm torn when it comes to picking up more books like this one. I think I'm going to have to wait and see who the characters are before I decide. If it involves more inter-species dating I'm going to give it a pass, because this one was just poorly done. I kept thinking it would get better or something, but it ended up feeling like a mentally challenged girl made out with a talking dog. Squicky. It's too bad because I really think Anne Bishop has not only a way with words but also a vivid imagination when it comes to building new & interesting worlds....more
This was one of the most incredibly generic stories I've read in a while.
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Here's the whole plot: Matt Murdock is sending a very very bad man tThis was one of the most incredibly generic stories I've read in a while.
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Here's the whole plot: Matt Murdock is sending a very very bad man to Texas to stand trial. Why Texas? Because Texas has the death penalty, and this guy needs to die. So when the Punisher shows up to shoot this dude with a huge gun?
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FUCK NO, FRANK! We do things by the letter of the law 'round these parts...
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I get it. The point is, they're both trying to kill him, but DD is trying to do it legally. Oh no. Morals. Etc.. Since Daredevil jumps in to save the guy, he escapes and ends up killing more people. Because that's what bad guys do. But at least Matt didn't sacrifice his values, right? *vomits*
Oh, and I don't know who Blindspot is, but he's unceremoniously stuffed in this thing as the sounding board for Punisher and Daredevil's different worldviews. I guess he can sort of bend light or something, and it makes him seem invisible? At certain angles? Ha! Yeah, I don't even fuckin' care enough to use Marvel Wiki to find out.
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This was booooring, repetitive, and ultimately a useless throwaway story. Unless you are just absolutely dying for a Daredevil/Punisher team-up and have read everything else out there? Skip it.
P.S. - Punisher was 100% right. Stop being such a pussy, Matt...
2023 Like probably most of you, I hate to DNF a book. It kills something in a my soul a little. But I just really couldn't go on any further with this 2023 Like probably most of you, I hate to DNF a book. It kills something in a my soul a little. But I just really couldn't go on any further with this story back in 2017.
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Recently, I listened to a really interesting lecture, King Arthur: History and Legend, and the professor mentioned this and said how much she loved it. So, I decided I'd try it out as an audiobook and see if that made a difference. The short answer is YES and NO.
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Yes, I finished it this time around. No, I still did not enjoy this book. I guess I'll have to read something else by him in order to see if it's just this particular book, or if it's Twain's writing style that doesn't appeal to me. Because I was aware that there were clever jokes in this, but none of them made me laugh. But at least I can say I read the whole thing. And don't have to wonder whether or not the story came together in some amazing way that if I'd just hung in there till the end I would have seen why everyone else loved this one.
I just came to the realization a few minutes ago that I'm a grown-ass woman who doesn't have to read boring shit. And this? This was some boring shit. I'll be the first to admit that classics aren't always a hit with me, but A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court looked, on the surface, fun enough to be readable. BZZZZT!
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Ok, for example: This woman (whatshername) is reading a reallyreallyreally dull account of some fight between knights. But instead of just SAYING, "Whatshername reads a really dull account of some fight between knights.", Twain writes out PAGES and PAGES of a really fucking dull fight between knights and forces us to read the goddamn thing! Fuck you, Mark Twain! FUCK YOU!
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So what was this about? Fuck all if I know. All I got out of it (and I read over half) was that Twain hates the Catholic church, and thought people in the middle ages were stinky idiots.
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Oh, but Anne! What about Twain's trademark humor? Where was the funny?! Show it to me! Show me the funny! You can't, because it's NOT there! In fact, this book is like some weird black hole that literally sucks the happiness out of you. Have you been bitten by a good story lately? Well, here! This...this is the antidote to a good book.
I started this at the end of January and it's now April. I'm calling it. Time of death: 8:41 a.m. 4/5/17
If I wanted to hear preachy shit, I'd find a church. This was horrible. Horrible. And the longer it went on, the more ridiculous it got. I'm actually If I wanted to hear preachy shit, I'd find a church. This was horrible. Horrible. And the longer it went on, the more ridiculous it got. I'm actually sorry that I finished this title out. You'd think it would have been enough to turn Ollie into a werewolf (I only wish I were kidding), but noooooo. Why not trot out every tired cliché in the book?
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Ok, when we first see Ollie, he's still tangled up in the sheets while Melanie (from the last volume) is pulling on her clothes & getting ready to leave.
Ollie:Stay the night Melanie. I'll make you waffles. I'll kiss you with my nasty morning breath. Melanie: That sounds like something two people would do if they're serious about each other, pretending to be married, seeing how it goes. Ollie:But...Waffles... Melanie:That was fun, Ollie, but let's face it: you're rich, you're hot, you're white, you're male. You've got a huge... Ollie: Apartment? Melanie: You're not real. You're not someone anyone can relate to.
Um. Yeah. So, basically what Melanie is saying is this: Due to your race, gender, outward appearance, and socioeconomic status...I'm outta here. But he doesn't call her out on that. Instead, he feels guilty over said things, and only starts to understand how it feels to be an outsider once he gets infected with the werewolf virus. Oh my god. Can't believe I just typed that sentence.
Alright. Ollie is privileged, and that's part of what makes Green Arrow a cool concept. How does someone who comes from wealth not only relate to, but become a social justice warrior? But the way to introduce those concepts isn't by randomly tossing out the words rich, white, hot, male. Because in this context, it simply doesn't make sense. He's offering to cuddle and make her waffles, he isn't telling her not to overreact to her handsy, racist boss. Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't discuss the differences between backgrounds, or how they shape individual worldview. It's important to shine a light in dark corners. But I think it's equally important to not run around annoyingly flashing random strangers in the eyes with that light. Because everyone likes the kind of light that illuminates, but nobody likes the bratty kid with a Maglite. And, to me, this book was that obnoxious kid.
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Want more? Guess who the bad guys are? Christian KKK members. Bahahahahahahaha! I'm an atheist (and I would hope it goes without saying, anti-KKK), so I should probably be excited by the choice of villains, right? No. Because, in all honesty, that's fucking laughable. At one of their meetings, they even have what looks to be someone nailed to a cross. WTF? Could that be more insulting to Jesbus crowd? Ok. Tolerance is a big deal. Probably now more than ever, amirite? So, would it be possible to extend that tolerance to people that we don't necessarily agree with? Like, say...conservative Christians? Or is tolerance just a word we like to spew while we tell people that their ideology is wrong? Although, mocking an entire chunk of the population, telling them that they're a bunch of hillbilly fucktards without any real intelligence, and marginalizing their concerns with sick Tweets and epic editorial burns...? Yeah. That's worked out great for everyone so far! Pfft. Whatever. *steps off of soapbox*
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Ok, as I mentioned, Ollie is a werewolf. Well, they call it Lukos, but that loosely translates into you're a fucking werewolf now. The infection served a dual purpose in the storyline. First, he's now part of a group of hated/feared/misunderstood individuals, so he gets some street cred for being part of a minority. Plus, he now understands the little person. You know, now that he's a WEREWOLF. *rolls eyes* Second, he decides not to seek treatment for the infection, because he likes being an unmediated Lukos...person. It's like a drug, and he loses himself to the feeling of heightened senses and general wolfyness. So, now he's an addict on top of everything else. OMG! #relatable
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The story gets more convoluted with a trip to Africa to find Doctor Miracle, a run in with Deathstroke (who's now a bit philosophical), a fight with some vampire dude? who wants to drain Doctor Miracle dry (for vampirey REASONS), and ending with a street fight between the evil werewolves and evil KKKers.
I was slightly underwhelmed. No, just kidding. I fucking hated it.
Like all the rest of these last/tie-up volumes, this one has the (surprisingly good) Green Arrow: Rebirth #1 issue included at the end. I wish I had just skipped this mess and only read Rebirth, because it's going to take a loooong time to get the bad taste of this pile of shit out my mouth....more
A Savage End isn't... It's just... Ugh. Just die already, Superman. Die, so I don't have to read anymore of this stupid story. It makes me sad that I evA Savage End isn't... It's just... Ugh. Just die already, Superman. Die, so I don't have to read anymore of this stupid story. It makes me sad that I even wrote that.
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Man, DC cannot seem to consistently put together a good volume of connecting issues. At the beginning of every issue in this, there's a blue page detailing everything you missed between this issue and the last one. The fuck are you even putting this together for, then?!
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Everything feels disjointed and out of order. Some of it I'd read in other titles, some if it had only been alluded to, and some of it was new. But none of it made me think, Wow! Sure glad I didn't miss this volume! Yick.
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If you're like me, then you'll feel like you have to see this out till the bitter end. But causal fans and curious onlookers should give this a pass. It doesn't add enough oomph to make it worth reading, and you can get a better, more complete story of Superman's death elsewhere....more
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