Miz Cracker Tries to Keep Up With Carla

Hi, I'm Carla and I'm here

with Miz Cracker of Ru Paul's Drag Race

and today we're going to cook a dish together,

and we're gonna see if Miz Cracker

can follow along through verbal instructions only.

Okay.

Have you ever made ravioli before?

I have never made ravioli.

I've never made pasta before,

and I've always wanted to know how it worked.

But boiled pasta?

Oh definitely like, Trader Joe's.

Okay.

So, on a scale of one to 10,

give me an idea of you as a cook.

Okay, I say why be a nine when you can be a 10?

I'm with you.

I'm a 10.

So, we're both 11's.

Yes, great.

We've got 20 minutes on the clock.

Me and you.

Okay.

Ready?

I'm ready, let's do it.

Okay.

(upbeat music)

So, you've got a bowl of flour,

dump it onto your station.

Dump it onto my station?

Dump it on, make like a nice mound of flour.

[Miz] Okay.

Okay, and then what you want to do,

is kind of spread that flour around

and kind of just work in circles,

pushing that dough out

so it's like a giant very shallow volcano.

[Miz] Okay, she's making a well in the ingredients.

Exactly, oh you are a 10.

Hello somebody.

Joy of cooking.

So, now we're gonna crack the eggs

like right into the well, both of those eggs.

Just use your fork to break it up a little bit,

but you don't have to go crazy.

Like, we're not making scrambled eggs,

but just to loosen the eggs up a bit, like the yolks.

[Miz] And everything's staying in the well still.

Everything is in the well, yeah exactly.

So, be careful now.

We have a sharp pointed object,

so you just don't wanna bust through the wall.

[Miz] Never.

Never.

So, pour the oil in, which is in

one of those little mini measuring cups.

[Miz] Okay.

[Carla] Whisking, whisking. Okay.

[Carla] And then the water, it's just water.

[Miz] All right.

(gasps)

Do we have a breach?

[Miz] No.

Tell me what's goin on.

Okay, we had a small breach.

[Carla] Okay.

But, I put my finger in the dike.

Okay great.

And then, just nudge a little bit of flour as you go.

So, the way I do it is I just ---

[Miz] So, I'm nudging flour in towards the center?

[Carla] Exactly.

[Miz] So, I'm like, slowly combining.

[Carla] Yeah, so if you're dragging your fork,

almost like it's the seconds hand

you know, moving around the clock.

[Miz] Right.

[Carla] And as you drag around the edge ---

Oh work!

I'm doing it.

What about these lumps?

Uh, don't worry about those lumps.

[Miz] What's your, um, sign?

I'm a Leo.

Oh work, okay.

[Carla] What are you?

I'm an Aries.

Okay, my husband's an Aries.

So, he's ...

Are you one of the stubborn kind?

No.

Yeah, yeah.

So, I've gotten to a place where

I feel like this thing is like ...

Have you ever watched any of those slime videos?

[Miz] Right, I'm at Jabba the Hut right now.

[Carla] Okay, same.

So, if you feel like you can work the rest of that flour in

with your hands, without it ---

[Miz] The rest of it?

[Carla] Yeah, that's all going in.

[Miz] Now, do you want me to knead it in,

fold it in?

[Carla] Kind of, gently knead it in,

and if at any time you feel like,

Ew, it just got really dry all of a sudden.

Just back off, work it in a little bit

before you add more dry.

So, I do have like, a nice bouncy semi,

it's got a coating of flour on the outside.

[Miz] Same.

But, the dough feels soft,

and it feels like it's gonna be dough.

And then, if you have a bunch of dry bits.

[Miz] Stuck to the table.

[Carla] Just, shove them to the side.

Oh, that's not what I was gonna do.

Okay.

Like, it's just not gonna happen for them.

So now, we're just gonna knead,

and any dry bits that you still ...

Do you have any dry bits left on the surface.

I don't wanna include these.

They look like something from an infomercial

about foot skin.

You know, I was looking for the perfect description

and that's it.

Okay, so now you have a piece of plastic wrap,

so just plop that guy down.

Bam!

Wrap him up, and kind of press him into a disc.

Okay, um, wrap him up?

Wrap him in the plastic wrap.

Okay, I'm just like rolling it like a burrito.

Okay, sounds good.

And then, kind of, if you could get it

into a round disc.

Like a hamburger patty?

Yeah, like a paperback book, kind of.

That's not round.

Like a really thick pancake.

[Miz] Got it.

And then it's gonna hang out,

so the gluten can relax.

It feels like a little cat's belly.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, a cat's belly.

We're gonna make the ravioli filling.

Okay.

[Carla] So we have egg, parm, salt, and pepper.

[Miz] Okay.

[Carla] And, you can just dump everything

into the bowl with the ricotta.

[Miz] Dump everything into the bowl with the ricotta.

Everything into the bowl with the ricotta.

[Miz] Okay.

[Carla] Pepper, salt, the parm, the ricotta.

[Miz] Okay.

I guess we could whisk.

Whatever tool like, feels good to you.

But, we wanna get just everything

mixed in together.

Okay, so now, have you used one of these

thin little cheese graters, called

the micro plane before?

This one for parmesan?

[Carla] It looks like a wood tool.

Are we gonna zest this lemon?

[Carla] We're gonna zest the whole lemon.

The whole lemon?

The whole thing.

Just be careful of your nails, your fingers.

I've grated many a hand, knuckle

into my ricotta.

Oh yeah, we don't wanna pedi-egg my hand.

I like to hold the part of the grater

over the bowl, so that when I zest the lemon

it falls right in.

Oh.

But some people are more comfortable

to hold it above, and then kind of shave.

Yeah, 'cuz I can ...

Now, I can see how much. And you can

see what's going on.

That's actually the Martha Stewart way.

Oh, it's a good thing.

[Carla] I know, it is a good thing.

It's a mitzva if Martha Stewart was doing it.

And then you can also ...

She liked it always, because then

you could measure the zest

that was on top of the grater.

Right, oh I'm into this.

I don't want it to be pissed off.

One way or the other though,

this whole lemon's getting zested.

But now, stir in all of that lemon zest.

Bam!

[Carla] Seems like a lot.

[Miz] Oh no, you can never have too much citrus.

Then we could call these, lemon ricotta ravioli.

Um, I don't know how you feel about raw eggs,

so you don't have to do this,

but you can taste the filling.

I'm like, as you said that,

my finger's already on my tongue.

Mm, mm hmm.

Yeah, I'm a process cooker.

So yeah, it tastes great.

She might need a touch more salt.

[Carla] Yeah, that's what I did.

Okay, are you putting a pinch?

I put a pinch.

I'm like, I went from comedy queen to drama now.

I'm like, so serious about this food.

Here I am.

Now, this just goes off to the side.

It's gonna get dolloped later,

so just get your whole dollop ...

Like, get situated for dolloping.

I'm ready, I'm always ready for a dollop.

Save your lemon, and then

we're gonna go back to our dough.

Okay?

So, just to start, sprinkle a little flour

on your board.

Just a light ---

[Miz] A nonstick surface. A dusting.

And it's nice because, actually you don't

even have to flour the dough.

You kind of just like, drag it across the board.

Okay, okay.

And then, with your knife,

eyeball it and just cut that dough in half.

And now, just using your fingers,

just kind of coax it into like,

a rectangle that's maybe 4 inches by 5 inches.

[Miz] Four inches by five inches.

So like, a standard print photograph.

Like palm size.

Yes, the photograph.

So, just with your right hand,

hold the dough straight up and down

so it makes contact with the gears.

[Miz] Yep.

[Carla] And then, start to roll the gear

and it'll just roll through.

It goes right through.

Okay, so now you have this like long ...

Yeah, I'm like trying ...

Where'd your dough go?

[Miz] It's like, gone straight down.

Straight down.

Okay, so then take your left hand and just gently ...

[Miz] So I can just let him sit there and ...

No, you gotta pull him onto your board.

As it's rolling through, yeah.

So now, it's all on your cutting board?

Bam.

Great.

Now, we're gonna fold like a letter.

So, the left side comes in

like by a third, and then you fold the other one over,

and then use your finger tips,

work from one of the open ends closest to you.

Kind of just, use your finger tips,

and you wanna just press and move your

fingers away from you,

and we're just making sure now,

that the dough ...

[Miz] Is sticking together?

Is stuck together.

And, you should press firmly.

So, same thing.

Hold it above the rollers.

All right, here we go.

[Carla] Crank the rollers.

Bam.

And then as it comes through the bottom.

[Miz] She's a little fat.

She's a little chubs?

Yeah.

[Carla] Okay, that's fine.

Then, just kind of ...

[Miz] Every ravioli is beautiful.

[Carla] And then just drag it onto the board.

She's a little over a palm, a hand long.

Oh, is it coming halfway across the

length of the board, or three quarters,

or like where are you?

[Miz] A third.

A third?

[Miz] Yeah, it's not getting longer.

Okay, are you on zero?

Yeah.

Okay so let's go through.

You're gonna go through the roller one more time,

and I'm not.

Just kind of like, you know ...

Pull it.

Cup it gently, and pull it onto the board.

I feel like there's laughter going on off set.

I feel like, it's just a good way to describe it.

Okay, now she's longer.

I feel more comfortable with her.

Okay, let's do the folding in thirds again.

[Miz] Okay.

[Carla] And, I'm using my fingertips again,

to kind of make sure that all those layers

are getting to know each other.

Okay, so again.

[Miz] Running it through.

Hold it straight up and down like a curtain.

With my left hand.

With your left hand, and turning the cranker

with your right.

Whoot!

[Carla] And through she goes.

And then pull it onto the board.

Yeah now, I'm liking it more.

Love it.

Okay, so now we're gonna turn

the cranker to number one.

Same motion.

How do I keep her from like, stretching out?

That's okay.

So, you just don't want the part

that is flopped over the top

to stick on something.

And pull.

Exactly, all right lovely.

So now, are you through?

Yep.

Yeah?

Yep.

So, let's go again.

On one still?

No, crank up to two.

I'm going through again.

Cranking, right hand.

I'm such a kitchen natural.

Right?

I really feel like you are.

Cuisine Queen.

When you're ready, let's take it up to three.

Cuisine.

All right, I'm through.

[Carla] Okay.

That's called a Port Monto.

And, if it gets too ...

If you start to feel like it's too unweildy,

we can cut it in half.

And mine is folding over itself

quite a number of times as it goes through the bottom.

[Miz] Right, okay.

Now mine is like, as long as my cutting board.

Okay, tell me when you're ready to go to four.

Yeah.

We're going all the way to ...

I'm like emotionally ready.

Okay, now we're getting to like, the length of the board.

Okay, if you can still manage it,

just make sure that one half

is going over the back of your hand,

and the back of the machine,

and one half is going through.

[Miz] Okay, this is the last time, right?

Uh, no.

[Miz] A couple more. All right,

I don't care.

[Carla] We gotta go to translucence.

I feel she's so delicate, I don't wanna

stretch her. I know, but

she's not delicate.

She's really stretchy.

She has so much elasticity.

Same.

She's still pretty thick.

All right, are you on season five of your roller?

[Miz] I just finished season four.

Okay.

[Miz] All right, I'm going to five.

Go to five.

She's like, super long now.

That's okay, right?

[Carla] I know, we might have to cut in half.

Mine's long too.

I think I wanna cut it in half,

because I'm worried about ...

That's fine.

Cut it in half.

Okay, here we go.

[Carla] Okay.

Yeah, I'm now seeing how ...

[Carla] You're going through on five?

[Miz] She looks weak, but she's strong.

Right, she's got that ...

We made that gluten happen.

♪ She's strong enough ♪

Oh, that's the gluten.

That's the gluten.

What a wonderful thing.

I'm so sad that some people are allergic to it.

I'm starting to be able to see my hand,

so maybe we go to six.

[Carla] I'm rolling through You are?

[Carla] season five. Oh season five.

Okay.

I rushed her.

I apologize little pasta.

Six.

Okay, six.

[Miz] Just yapping away.

I know, I like it.

That's what the Nona's did.

[Miz] That's what the who?

The Nona, like the Italian grandladies.

[Miz] Oh, yeah.

They would just sit there making dough all day.

Oh, is that like Italian for Yenta?

Uh, pretty much, yeah.

Okay, or Bubala.

Or Bubala.

I mean, the Jews and Italians as far as I'm concerned.

Except for a brief couple of decades.

When you're running it through,

and you have your hand underneath the dough

as it comes out, can you see your fingers?

Like, is it thin enough to be translucent?

Mm hm.

It is?

Yeah, I mean, I can definitely see,

like I can see the dough, through the dough

if that makes sense.

You can see the dough.

Can you see your hand through the dough?

[Miz] I can see the color of my hand.

She's translucent.

Lovely.

Get yourself a board length of dough.

Does that make sense?

[Miz] Okay.

So, the dough stretches from one long side to the other.

I'm gonna go ahead and cut mine

to the length of the board.

And, while you're doing that,

I'm gonna repair a hole.

[Miz] Excuse me?

I tore a whole in my dough.

Oh.

Maybe with one of my rings.

Is this a wedding ring.

No, I don't know.

It could have been the pasta machine.

Bizarrely personal.

It would have been awkward if you'd just

broke down crying, at this point.

I was married.

Exactly, until this morning!

Okay, so now I have two pieces that are

running parallel to one another.

[Carla] Yes, that's fine.

Okay, should I cut off the excess or just leave it?

You could cut it off where it's

hanging over the side of the cutting board.

Mine, I cut it and then it shrunk back in

because of the gluten.

Like the witches foot in Wizard Of Oz.

Okay now, do I get to munch some of this dough?

I wanna taste it.

[Carla] You can, you can try it.

It has raw egg, but that never bothered me.

All right, so you have a bowl of ricotta.

Oh, it tastes like pasta.

Okay.

There you go.

You should have a tablespoon measure

on your cutting board.

Or somewhere nearby.

I've got it.

Got it.

So, scoop out a heaping tablespoon of ricotta.

[Miz] Got it.

Kind of, two inches in from the edge of the dough,

right in the middle, between the top and the bottom just ...

Bam!

[Miz] Bam. She did it.

And now, kind of eyeball.

You want to put your next blob of ricotta

about four inches away.

Are you going dollop number three?

Where are you?

[Miz] I'm doing dollop number three.

She's a little of a runt.

I'm gonna add a little more to her.

I got five out of the length of dough that I had.

I feel comfortable with four.

Okay great.

All right, so just use your fingertip

and draw a little circle of water

around each ricotta mound.

And, if you get a little bit of cheese

on your finger, that's fine.

[Miz] That's fine, which I totally did.

Magic circle.

We're in the circle of trust.

Okay, now can I do it?

[Carla] Yes.

Okay, I'm ready.

She's a cook.

It's time for dinner.

All right, are you using your fingertips

now on the top?

So, you wanna press from like,

closest to the ricotta and then

working your way to the edge.

Just to make sure there's no air bubbles, and pressing.

There's no air bubbles.

But, this is where I kind of get some wrinkles,

and that's okay.

My ravioli looks ...

I'm not gonna say that it looks like

Cher's child from The Mask,

but I'm not gonna say it doesn't look like that.

Okay, do you see your little

fluted, wooden handheld cutter?

Uh huh, yeah.

So, the first thing that I want you to do

is to use that to zip the length of it.

Like, just square off one long side.

I don't know what you mean.

And just get rid of like,

where the dough might be overlapping each other.

Do you know what I mean?

Where there's excess?

[Carla] Where there's excess.

Just trim that right off.

But, don't go too close

[Miz] I'm not. to the mounds.

Take your cutter now to cut

to the left and the to the right.

Kind of, equal distance.

[Miz] Equal distance, okay.

[Carla] And, between the mounds.

Oh my God, we made ravioli.

[Miz] I'm really proud of us.

[Carla] I am too.

We went out on a limb for and with each other.

Some of mine are large.

Some of mine are small.

Some of mine have air holes.

Some of mine have bubbles.

Okay, now we get to cook it.

[Miz] Woo!

Okay, sheblam.

And, if you have any flour left on your board,

just slide your ravioli over to the flour

just so they don't stick to your board.

I cut mine really close to the quick.

That's okay.

[Miz] Farewell.

Do you have four ravioli?

I have four.

Amazing.

Okay Cracker.

I'm ready.

You have your ravioli on your board,

you should have one hot skillet,

you should have a skillet with boiling water.

And I do.

We're gonna cook the ravioli for three minutes.

Okay?

Just gently pick them up like little babies.

They are my babies.

Just slide 'em in?

We're gonna boil the babies.

Are they gonna scream like lobsters?

Yes, they're screaming inside.

[Miz] Hot water burned baby.

So, I'm gonna do my extra fifth one,

just in case something happens.

That's what my grandmother said when she had her children.

And, I'm setting a timer for three minutes.

You should grab a hand towel,

'cuz the handle of your saute pan might be hot.

Si.

And just take that, all of the butter.

[Miz] All of the butter.

All of the butter into the pan,

and it's gonna sizzle.

It should sizzle and start bubbling right away.

Well ...

[Carla] Is it sizzling?

[Miz] She's melting.

Okay, so maybe not that hot.

Are the bubbles big?

Uh, she's just melting.

She's just like slowly melting?

She's like the wicked witch of the west.

[Carla] Okay, turn your heat up

a couple clicks on the burner.

Okay, I'm turning it up to 180.

So now, the goal is the butter's gonna melt.

It's gonna foam, the bubbles are gonna be really big,

and then when they kind of stop foaming,

it's gonna turn brown, and that's actually what we want.

And then, you can swirl the pan.

And really, we're not gonna do anything

until it starts to brown.

Okay, now I'm bubbling.

[Carla] You still have bubbling?

But it's still golden?

[Miz] It's still golden.

It's still golden.

And ravioli are kind of,

bobbing up to the surface maybe?

Yep, all but one.

Oh, he came up.

It's time, he knows it's time for dinner.

Well, what's your butter doing?

She's like ...

She went from golden yellow to like, hobo urine yellow.

Do you see some light brown?

If you tilt your pan towards you

so that all the butter flows to one side,

do you see some little brown bits

stuck to the bottom of the pan?

[Miz] No.

Not yet, okay.

So, you're not there yet.

Oh, timer, timer.

Okay, I'm increasing the heat to 250, yeah.

I'm gonna take mine off for a sec

so we're at the same place.

[Miz] And, you should be able to smell it.

Oh, they're dark.

They're dark?

Okay great.

So that pile of sage leaves,

throw those in.

They're gonna ...

[Miz] Just as they are?

[Carla] Just as they are.

And they should sizzle and curl up right away.

[Miz] They are.

[Carla] Okay, so now you've got a sage brown butter sauce.

Now, scoop up your ravioli.

If you can manage to get three in there.

Ow!

Hot fat and water.

I'm worried that they're gonna stick.

[Carla] They're not.

Just scootch 'em around.

Like, scootch your pan back and forth.

Are they sliding?

Yeah, one of 'em is.

One of 'ems stuck.

[Carla] Oh okay, just scootch the pan

a little more.

It's fine.

Go underneath.

[Miz] Yeah, okay, okay.

[Carla] Okay, you got it?

Tragedy averted.

Uh, thank God.

Uh, oh no!

One of mine like, farted open.

Okay, let's go to the plate.

So, take your plate, your serving plate,

put it next to your saute pan.

I'm gonna do kind of a combination, tilt and slide.

Delish.

[Miz] She looks great.

Even the one that has a little split.

And, I'm gonna take my sage leaves

and sort of have them happily here and there.

And then, take your lemon half,

and then a little squeeze of lemon

'cuz we've got like, the fatty richness,

and the cheese, and the butter.

Yeah.

[Carla] And I feel like we need the lemon.

So, squeeze your lemon over.

Girl, I have got a lot of blonde hair in this food.

Hashtag, plated hair.

Okay.

All right, are you garnished?

Do I put it in my hand

and turn around to you.

Yeah, so we're gonna pick up our plates,

and on a count of three,

we're gonna turn around.

Can we say, Okay, it's time for dinner,

when we turn around?

Are we gonna say, Okay Kaitlin,

it's time for dinner?

I think it's necessary.

Okay, one, two, three.

Okay Kaitlin, Okay Kaitlin,

it's time for dinner! it's time for dinner!

Oh, yours are so much bigger than mine.

Yours is very beautiful though.

Mine are dainty.

What happened to your sauce?

My sauce?

Done.

Oh, do I put my ...

Yeah.

I didn't know if I was ...

[Carla] A lifting and sliding.

[Miz] Just like this?

Yeah, sure!

So, yours looks incredible.

The way that you trimmed to the edge of the filling,

is nothing short of surgical.

Oh yeah, absolutely.

Seriously, like how did that even happen?

There are surgeons in the family.

And the beautiful thing that you did

with the sage leaves and the lemon.

You're welcome.

Yeah.

It looks incredible.

Aesthetics.

All right, I'm gonna put a little pepper.

All right, a little salt if you please.

And then, would you like cheese, madam?

Please.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Can I do yours?

Oh please, that's very nice.

Tell me when to stop.

Gorgeous.

Oh, look at that.

Bon appetite.

Bon appetite.

I'm so great and so happy.

Also, your slow and steady wins the race

with our browned butter.

Look at the milk solids.

That's a good thing?

So beautiful.

Okay.

They're perfect.

Your sauce is more beautiful than mine

to be honest.

This is really good.

I think you're an 11 now.

I thought I was being audacious,

but I think I'm correct.

I think I'm knocked down a peg or two,

because of exploding one of my ravioli.

No, but at the end, the ricotta everywhere

gave it nice texture and I think

it gives it a bon appetite cover quality.

I feel the same. She's a cover girl.

[Miz] I'll let you know

when I have something that I wanna make.

I'll let you know, and I can come back.

And we can do that.

I can come back and do this again.

I would love that.

'Cuz there's always time for dinner, God damnit.