Being nonbinary can mean many things to many different people. For me, it’s that expansiveness that makes the term so beautiful.
My version of being nonbinary has looked and felt many different ways throughout my transition. Since coming out in 2016, I’ve gone through several different iterations of presentation and internal experiences of my gender. One thing that has remained consistent for me is the broad umbrella I use to encompass all of myself: I am nonbinary. And the longer I’ve been out, the more people I’ve met people who feel similarly about their gender.
That might be because nonbinary folks have become more visible over the last decade, from celebrities like Janelle Monáe to characters on TV shows, like Che Diaz on And Just Like That…. But with increased visibility in a society built on rigid gender categories, some nonbinary people might feel pressure to define exactly what it means to be “nonbinary.” In my experience, these social pressures lead to narrow definitions of the term, designed to appease those still clinging to the binary. But we shouldn’t limit what “nonbinary” means.
Broadly speaking, it is an umbrella term, which at its most simple definition means someone whose gender can’t be categorized as “man” or “woman.” However, there are innumerable ways one can be nonbinary, and nonbinary people don’t have to look or act alike to embody the term. Within the umbrella of nonbinary genders, genderqueer people, Two-Spirit folks, genderfluid friends, and more all have a home.
While nonbinary hasn’t always been the term we’ve called ourselves, gender-expansive people have always been here. To read more about how to tell whether you’re nonbinary, where the term originates, and the nuanced differences between different nonbinary genders, keep on scrolling.
Am I nonbinary?
No two nonbinary people experience gender in the same way, which can make it difficult to find one definitive answer to questions like “am I nonbinary?” While the term itself is relatively straightforward — it generally refers to people who fall outside of the binary gender categories of men or women — everyone’s personal experience of gender is different, and there are nuances within such a broad term. It’s important to remember that nonbinary people are not a monolith, and we come in all types of presentations, bodies, and personal experience with our genders.
Nonbinary identities can include a vast spectrum of experiences, including being genderfluid, genderqueer, and agender, as well as traditional gender variant identities specific to indigenous communities, like Two-Spirit people. For example, a genderqueer person may also be nonbinary, but not all nonbinary people are genderqueer.
Broadly speaking, if you find yourself not resonating with traditional ideas of womanhood or manhood, then you might be nonbinary. At its core, being nonbinary just means existing between, beyond, and outside of the gender binary, all depending on what feels right to you.
What is the history of nonbinary people in the U.S.?
The term “nonbinary” itself came into use in the 1980s and 1990s, as transgender organizers attempted to find language to describe the wide array of people whose identity broke away from the gendered expectations of society. Terms like “genderqueer” and “genderfluid” also emerged during this time to touch on these vast but interconnected experiences with gender. But those experiences long predate the coining of this specific language.
Before European colonizers reached the Americas, gender-expansive people across Turtle Island were revered in their communities, often holding important roles related to care and spirituality. But beginning in the 1500s, Europeans systematically persecuted gender-expansive people across the Americas, Africa, Asia, and the Pacific. This made it dangerous for Two-Spirit people — an umbrella term for gender-expansive Indigenous people in the Americas with specific roles in their communities — across Turtle Island to practice their traditions in the open, as was the case for many other gender-expansive Indigenous people around the globe as they experienced colonization.
The U.S. colonies of the 1600s were peppered with examples of people being publicly out in ways we might deem “nonbinary” today, such as The Public Universal Friend, a widely-known genderless preacher instrumental in the Great First Awakening. Yet being gender variant in any way was still largely penalized by Puritan law. This demonized gender variance of any kind, making it difficult to find community, safety, or even language to describe the experience.
In the late 1800s and early 1900s, gender-expansive communities like New York City’s ballroom scene and drag pageants formed across the U.S. out of necessity, using different words to encapsulate their lived experiences. While these communities didn’t understand themselves to be nonbinary or trans by modern terms, they were marginalized and publicly hated for breaking cisgender, heteronormative standards of gender. Many of those communities have persisted to this day.
It’s important to note that similarly long histories of gender-expansiveness can be found all around the globe. Nonbinary genders have existed for as long as recorded history. While there has been increased mainstream media attention on nonbinary folks in the last decade, it’s ahistorical to think nonbinary people are anything new just because the term itself is of relatively recent vintage. From Qariwarmi people in Indigenous Andean communities to the Mudoko Dako of Northern Uganda to the Hijra of India, gender-expansive people with pre-colonial gender roles continue to preserve and practice their traditions today, despite centuries of colonial oppression.
Is there a difference between being nonbinary and being genderfluid, genderqueer, or otherwise?
Because words are constantly evolving, it may be difficult to stay up to date on the differences between nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, and other gender-expansive identities. The short answer is that because the terms are fluid, their definitions often vary from person to person. Being genderfluid, genderqueer, or otherwise is different for each person — the best thing you can do is educate yourself on all forms of identity.
Rather than getting caught up in the nitty gritty of exact definitions, do some reading. Listen to other people describe their genders. Remember that, like queer and trans identities more broadly, these terms are fluid. Some people may be genderfluid and nonbinary. Some may be genderfluid and nonbinary but not genderqueer. And some people may use different terms to describe themselves over time. It’s all based on individual experiences and what terms resonate personally for folks.
“Genderqueer” is another umbrella term that is used to refer to people with genders beyond the traditional binary. Broadly speaking, the term refers to someone who does not follow binary gender expectations. Some people use it interchangeably with nonbinary or as a more specific subcategory of identity under the nonbinary umbrella, however, not all genderqueer people are nonbinary.
Every genderqueer person’s definition of the term depends on their personal experience of gender. Some genderqueer people have one gender, some have multiple genders, and some have no gender at all. Like nonbinary people, the ways genderqueer folks experience the world are vast.
“Genderfluid” refers to folks who feel fluid in their gender (or genders) over time, whether that be days, weeks, or years. In the same vein as “nonbinary,” the term genderfluid can refer to a variety of presentations and experiences with gender. Some genderfluid people are also trans, some genderfluid people are also nonbinary, and some genderfluid people may also be men and women. The fluidity ultimately refers to someone’s gender shifting over time and having experiences from across the binary and beyond it.
Like genderqueer, the term broadly came about in queer and trans spaces in the 1990s. Since its birth, representation has grown for genderfluid people over the last decade, as celebrities like The Last of Us star Bella Ramsey have come out and spoken about their genderfluid identity openly.
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