Trying on clothes can be a body image minefield and the experience only gets more fraught during the summer: When the swimsuits, shorts, and tank tops come out, so do the insecurities. Showing a lot of skin is enough to make anyone feel a little vulnerable, and if you struggle with body stuff in general, it can easily trigger a self-loathing spiral.
As someone who has been in summer body image hell before, I want to validate that, as normal as it is, not loving how your clothes fit feels really shitty. Maybe you pull out last year’s shorts and they’re way tighter than you remember, or you order a bunch of cute dresses online only to have your confidence obliterated when they arrive and look nothing like you imagined. Regardless of the particulars, the pain is real. But it doesn’t have to last—or ruin your fun.
Whether you’re trying on new pieces or putting old ones back on, the expert tips below can help you stay grounded when you’re unhappy with the fit of your ’fit, so you can move on and actually get excited for your summer.
Give yourself a grace period.
First, know that you may just need a minute to adjust to more revealing styles.“It can take time to get comfortable showing parts of our body that we’re used to concealing during the colder seasons,” Danielle Konsky, LMHC, a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and body image at Every Body Therapy in New York City, tells SELF.
In other words, if you’ve been covered from neck to toe for eight months, of course it may be a little jarring to suddenly be walking around half-naked in public. And simply acknowledging that it’s normal to feel insecure at the beginning of summer can help you give yourself a break, Konsky says—when you, say, slip on a bikini for the first time since last August and instantly want to cling to your chunky sweaters.
Decide if something fits before you look in the mirror.
It’s easy to zero in on things you don’t like about yourself when your body is right in front of you, and picking yourself apart can distort reality. “Our perception of ourselves cannot be trusted typically!” Konsky says. “When we’re in front of a mirror, we tend to fixate on certain body parts to the point that we can no longer see ourselves clearly.”
That’s why she recommends trying to avoid your reflection when you first try on clothes, which can help keep things in perspective in a couple of ways. For one, you can be more neutral about the fit. Konsky recommends asking yourself: Is anything digging into my skin? Does the fabric and style feel good overall? Can I sit down comfortably? If something’s too tight or otherwise not right, you can put it in the donate, return, or put-back pile without giving it a second thought (or looking in the mirror at an ill-fitting outfit, which is likely to hurt your confidence).
And even if a particular item feels good but you still hate what you see, the practice of trying things on for comfort first can help you zoom out and feel less attached to your appearance—which can prevent spirals over time. “Focusing on the feeling of the clothes and reducing the amount of time you spend fixating in the mirror helps you to get a more objective versus subjective experience of your body,” which is a key component of a healthy body image.
Let go of—or hide—anything you don’t feel good in.
You’ve probably heard this advice before, but it bears repeating because it’s true: “You are not supposed to fit yourself into clothes; clothes are meant to fit you,” Konsky says. Reminding yourself of this can make it easier to get rid of items that don’t work for you without taking it personally, she adds.
If you feel insecure in that strapless dress you keep holding onto because you like the idea of it, donate it so someone else can enjoy it, Konsky recommends. If you order a new swimsuit that’s a little too big in some spots and a tad too small in others, send it back without overthinking it. The idea is to work toward a more neutral perspective, she says: Something either fits well (love it!) or it doesn’t (not for me!).
That said, while breaking up with old clothes that make you feel bad can be liberating and celebratory, Konsky acknowledges that “there’s often grief that accompanies this process.” You may feel like you’re saying goodbye to your former body, for example, or letting go of an idealized (thinner) future version of you.
If you’re not quite ready to part with certain pieces, that’s okay: Konsky suggests storing them in an opaque bin for now (or a bag under your bed) so they’re less likely to spur a shame cycle. “When the clothes that don’t fit are in sight, it can set you up for a bad body image day,” she says. (And once they’ve been out of your daily life for a while, you’ll probably find it much easier to get rid of them for good whenever you’re ready to.)
Hold your negative thoughts up to your values.
Forget about what your clothes look like; what do you want your summer to look like? Konksy says this is an important question to ask yourself because you can rely on the answers to put negative body thoughts in their place. “Set intentions for the summer related to adventures you want to go on, ways you want to feel, and people you want to be around,” Konsky suggests.
For example, maybe you plan to hunt for the best al fresco dining spots in your town or commit to making new friends IRL. Or perhaps you simply want to feel more carefree, like you did when you were younger, or be more present for the people you love most. If you spend a little time writing these goals down in a journal (or your phone’s notes app) you can easily refer to them when you start to get down on yourself.
Sure, you may hate how that crop top looks, but does that really matter to you—and does dwelling on it get you closer or farther away from what does? “When you check in with your values in this way, you can clarify how your body image thoughts may be interfering with the life you really want to be living, which probably doesn’t involve beating yourself up,” Konsky says.
Diet culture makes you believe that looking a certain (unrealistic) way is the key to happiness, but I can tell you from hard-earned personal experience that the opposite is true: When you stop placing so much value on your appearance, life—summer included—gets so, so much better.
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