We’re living in a profoundly dark time. Images of death and destruction are all over social media, our notifications endlessly ping with awful news, and it feels impossible to look away as others suffer. It makes sense that it feels like a lot.
Simply turning away from difficult feelings—overwhelming uncertainty, grief, existential dread—isn’t the answer. Instead, acknowledging your emotions and where they’re coming from helps you take care of yourself and better equips you to show up for others too.
How do you even start to deal with these big feelings? We asked seven therapists specializing in trauma, anxiety, and grief for the coping skills they recommend to people who are feeling lost right now.
1. Find low-key ways to decompress.
Alishia McCullough, LCMHC, a therapist and the owner of Black and Embodied Counseling and Consulting in Hyattsville, Maryland, tells SELF that social media might feel especially hellish right now. Scrolling for hours on end every day can “overwhelm the nervous system by putting it in a constant state of hyperarousal. In a hyperarousal state, we may behave in ways that keep us on alert for threats,” says McCullough. That can manifest as having trouble concentrating or feeling too on edge to get good sleep. When you feel that stressed, you should actively take steps to calm your nerves.
It makes sense to want to stay informed and engaged, but you don’t need to look at Instagram 24/7 to do that. Taking news and social media breaks, which might look like setting limits around how long you look at your phone or turning off certain notifications, can better enable you to protect your mental health.
Prioritizing what you need in the moment doesn’t mean you’re disengaging from others’ pain, Alegra Kastens, LMFT, a psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety disorders in New York City, tells SELF. “What I often hear is a fear that closing the screen means a person doesn’t care, or that they’re endorsing violence,” she says. “A person can condemn violence…and simultaneously need some time off social media to cope.”
2. Don’t keep hard feelings bottled up.
Spending quality time with others can alleviate loneliness and give you an outlet for your fears and frustrations, so don’t hesitate to reach out to friends. “We are interconnected in our humanity, and having your feelings acknowledged, witnessed, and held in response to what is happening is an important and necessary part of the grieving process,” Ivy Kwong, LMFT, a trauma- and social-justice-informed psychotherapist in Seattle, tells SELF.
It can be hard to open up to others, but it becomes easier when you offer your pal room to share too. Rather than just spiraling in a monologue, tell your friend that you’re feeling, say, angry or numb about the state of something going on in the world and ask if they have the time to chat about it. When you do talk, check in about how they’re dealing too. Even if they’re mostly okay, pause, ask questions, and listen throughout to make sure you’re having a conversation that feels like it’s good for both of you.
If you’re struggling to function—like, you’re barely getting through school or work, or you’re feeling consumed by difficult thoughts more often than you’re not—talking to a therapist can be immensely helpful too. It might be especially useful to speak with a culturally competent therapist if the emotions you’re feeling are also connected to your identity. (Here are pointers about finding affordable mental health care too.)
3. Look for pockets of hope and happiness.
“It’s a normal human response to feel dread, grief, anxiety, rage, fear, helplessness, and loss around the atrocities that are going on in the world,” says McCullough. She’s personally cycling between heavy fatigue and bursts of energy that spur her to take action. She makes space for these seemingly conflicting states and recommends that you do the same. “It’s important to first identify those feelings, even if they feel contradictory. Write them down if you need to, and affirm that what you are feeling is valid,” she says.
“We are exposing our hearts to global suffering, and collectively feeling the impact of violence and loss,” McCullough adds. “In dark times, it’s important to hold both sides of our humanity.”
When you feel overwhelmed, it’s easy to forget about all of the things that have brought you joy in the past. “It’s common for people to feel guilt while others are suffering,” Yolanda Renteria, LPC, a trauma-informed therapist in Yuma, Arizona, tells SELF. But, she says, taking time to do things that make you feel happy and hopeful—and, yes, have fun—“expands your capacity to continue to be informed and take action.”
Adrienne Heinz, PhD, a research scientist at Stanford University who specializes in treating trauma and addiction, tells SELF that during periods of heartache it’s still necessary to find small moments of happiness to cope. “Even in grief, it’s still possible to cultivate hope and move toward meaningful change each day,” she says. She suggests keeping it simple and small—taking a walk outside in nature, making crafts, or doing something kind for someone you love can make you feel more grounded.
4. Recognize that you can do something to help, even when things feel hopeless.
“Accepting the lack of control is difficult,” Sara Kuburic, a doctor of psychotherapy science and trauma-informed clinician who’s lived through war, tells SELF. “Sometimes all we can choose is our attitude, then identify what lesson we want to take with us.”
To create realistic expectations about what you can do for people in need of collective aid, she recommends that you ask yourself some questions connecting your emotions to a realistic plan. This could sound like, “How, specifically, do my feelings and values relate to what’s happening in the world? How can I take practical steps to reflect that belief system and help others? How can I show up authentically?”
By zeroing in on what you can control, you can figure out what to actually do about it. Gabes Torres, MA, a psychotherapist who specializes in trauma, tells SELF that compassion and solidarity are key in this moment, and the next one, and always. “Listen to the grief, anger, and dread, but make sure you oscillate: Move back and forth from recognizing the emotion and using the emotion as the power source to propel you into collective action,” they say. “Emotion is energy—collective action is the antidote.”
Drawing on your feelings to help others serves your mental health, too. “Taking action can reduce feelings of helplessness and increase feelings of optimism, empowerment, and social solidarity, which research has shown to alleviate psychological distress,” Renteria says.
In terms of what to actually do: “Making calls and writing letters to Congress, boycotting, and educating others on what is happening” are all helpful, Renteria says. “Make sure to pace yourself so you don’t burn out.” If you’re able to donate, several humanitarian aid organizations assist those directly affected by violence. Volunteering your time and energy in any capacity can also help to alleviate depression and anxiety in times of crisis, even if that work isn’t directly related to the wider issue. Becoming active in mutual aid groups serving neighbors in need, pitching in at soup kitchens and food pantries, and organizing clothing drives are all good ways to help out on a local level.
However you prioritize your mental health right now, keep in mind that taking care of yourself can help you find clearer paths toward taking effective action. As McCullough notes, “We are able to hold the weight of this moment while allowing ourselves space for reprieve.”
If you or someone you love is in a crisis, you can get support by calling 988 to reach the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or by texting HOME to 741-741, the Crisis Text Line.
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