For so many of us, scrolling through Instagram or TikTok feels as unconscious as breathing. Your phone is a powerful tool—it can transport you to any world you want it to. The interests you find joy in, whether they be fashion, music, politics, pop culture, or home decor, are more accessible than ever. So why does social media make us so damn unhappy sometimes?
Research shows the mental health effects of social media may be vast, correlating to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, depression, and isolation1. “Struggles with social media accounts is something that comes up every day in my practice,” Saumya Dave, MD, an adjunct professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai in New York City, tells SELF.
Social media isn’t inherently good or bad, though. Some research shows that how you use it may play a bigger role in your mental health than the amount of time you spend on your go-to platforms1, Melanie Sage, PhD, an assistant professor in social work at the University of Buffalo, tells SELF. “Spending four hours online uploading videos and creating a community is different from spending four hours doomscrolling,” she says.
If you suspect your relationship with social media is taking a toll on you, the first step is recognizing that you’re not doing okay, whatever that definition looks and feels like for you. Working with a therapist can help you determine how your digital world may play a role in that—and what changes you can make to improve your overall well-being. Here’s how to find empathetic professional support if social media has left you seriously struggling.
How can I tell if social media is affecting my mental health?
Understanding if and how you’re affected by social media can help you find the specific support you need. Here are a few ways to tune into those feelings:
- Check in with yourself after using social media. Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re engaging with your feeds, Dr. Sage says. Signs of stress, like an elevated heart rate or tense muscles, may indicate that the content you’re consuming isn’t exactly relaxing.
- Listen to your internal dialogue. Content showcasing an idealized way of living life can make you feel like there is a right and wrong way to experience your own, Kerry Horrell, PhD, a staff psychologist at Menninger Clinic and an assistant professor at Baylor College of Medicine, tells SELF. Pay attention to when your thoughts lead to “should” statements, such as, “I should look like this” or “I should be doing that too” when browsing your feeds.
- Notice the changes in your real life. “Think about if you are neglecting other responsibilities at the expense of social media or if you are having a hard time focusing,” Erin Vogel, PhD, a social psychologist and senior research associate at the University of Southern California, tells SELF. If your friends repeatedly ask you to get off Twitter at parties, for example, that can be a clue that social media is interfering with your ability to be present.
How to find support when social media hurts your mental health
Finding an affordable therapist you trust and connect with is a little bit like dating. You may talk to several people before finding someone who matches your vibe, but when you do, it can be life-changing.
If you have insurance, start by calling your provider and asking for a list of therapists in your area. To find mental health professionals who offer sliding-scale or reduced-fee sessions, consider websites like Open Path, Psychology Today, and Inclusive Therapists. Some therapists specify the approaches they use in their bios, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a form of psychotherapy that explores how your thoughts influence your behaviors2. Some modalities are more commonly used to help with specific concerns, so you’ll want to ask your potential therapist how their preferred methods can help you.
Once you’ve identified a few therapists you’d be open to working with, try searching for them on social media platforms, like Instagram or TikTok, Dr. Dave says. “A therapist doesn’t have to be on social media to help you with social-media-related problems,” she says, but more and more licensed mental health professionals are growing their social platforms to include their expert voices in online conversations around mental health. If you do find a therapist you’re considering reaching out to on social media, it’s a good sign if they post a disclaimer that advice on their professional account isn’t a substitute for therapy, Dr. Dave says. Another green flag? You feel good reading or watching their content.
During a consultation or your first session, explain what you’ve noticed about your social media habits and how you want these behaviors to change. A collaborative therapist will ask clarifying questions, Dr. Sage says. “I would look for someone who is not an absolutist on either side about social media being bad or good,” she adds.
People tend to label anything used at an unhealthy level as addictive, including social media, but it’s important not to conflate heavy social media use with a full-blown addiction3. The idea of “social media addiction”—which is heavily debated among experts—has not yet been recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Social media can be used as a distraction, a form of procrastination, or a tool to escape your feelings. Most types of therapy have an exploratory component, which can help dig into why you’re drawn to these platforms, Dr. Horrell says.
Beyond these tips, we asked experts for guidance about tailoring your therapy to specific feelings commonly connected to social media.
Social media often showcases the best parts of someone’s life. So comparing your life (stressors and all) to another person’s highlight reel can understandably make you feel down. It’s also possible that people who experience depression or anxiety withdraw from others and spend a lot of time online viewing content that exacerbates what they’re already feeling, Dr. Sage says.
Most talk therapies can help ease feelings of anxiety, depression, or loneliness, but CBT is particularly useful for two reasons, according to Dr. Horrell. It focuses on reframing unhelpful thoughts that contribute to distressing mental health symptoms and it helps you create actionable strategies with the guidance of your therapist to change behaviors, she explains.
In your consultation or first session, try asking your therapist something like, “Do you use a different approach when working with people who experience depression connected to social media?” If their response doesn’t align with your values—say, they suggest cutting out all social media and that’s not what you want—then the therapist likely isn’t a great match for your needs.
Self-care tip: Perform a digital declutter. You can curate intentional feeds, which Dr. Dave helps people do during therapy sessions. She recommends setting a five-minute timer for each social media account you’d like to address. Then, browse mindfully: Pause as you scroll to each post and pay attention to how it makes you feel. What emotions bubble to the surface? How does your body respond? “You have to Marie Kondo your feeds,” Dr. Horrell says. In other words, unfollow or mute accounts or online groups that don’t spark joy. When content that drives negative self-talk returns to your feeds, it’s likely time to do another declutter.
“Practices that help you say, ‘I’m going to try to be in the present moment, in my body, and in a way that is nonjudgemental,’ can be incredibly helpful in having a kind and accurate experience of yourself in your body,” Dr. Horrell says. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which focuses on finding a balance between accepting yourself and your thoughts while acknowledging that you want to change4, can help with that. Developing coping skills like mindfulness is a large component of DBT, and this method is often used to treat eating disorders.
Talking to a therapist who deeply understands the psychology behind eating disorders can be valuable for anyone questioning their sense of self, regardless of their eating habits, according to Dr. Horrell. “I know a lot of people will think, But I don’t have an eating disorder, and that is very likely true,” Dr. Horrell says. But therapists who treat eating disorders will have experience and training in navigating body image concerns, which can apply to many situations in which you feel unkind about your appearance.
Self-care tip: Reject your algorithm. If you notice that watching restrictive food diary videos makes you feel guilty about your eating habits, for example, hit Not Interested the next time one appears on your feed. Over time, you can try to tailor your algorithm so it surfaces less of the content that does not serve you. Similarly, following accounts and joining Facebook groups that celebrate body positivity can help support your values and provide regular doses of positive reinforcement, Dr. Horrell says.
Social media is an incredible tool when it comes to raising awareness about important issues, like the war in Ukraine or injustice against marginalized communities. But these types of topics can feel very heavy and trigger a lot of difficult emotions—particularly if you regularly see individuals you identify with being harmed, demeaned, or discredited, Dr. Horrell says. “It’s so easy to imagine yourself or a loved one in that position,” she says.
Finding a balance between staying informed and taking a break when you’ve seen too much is complicated. “People may question, ‘If I’m pulling back, am I not being an advocate? If I’m overly connected, am I hurting myself?’” Dr. Horrell says. A therapist can help you strike that medium, and a psychodynamic therapist may be particularly helpful in exploring social identities, she says. Psychodynamic therapy involves having open conversations about past experiences and exploring how they affect you now, according to the American Psychological Association. Your goal isn’t necessarily to target specific symptoms and change your behavior, Dr. Horrell says. Instead, you may talk about a triggering photo and explore whether prior experiences contribute to the emotions you feel when looking at that image.
Above all, it’s important to work with a culturally competent therapist whom you trust, Dr. Sage says. If you can’t find a therapist who shares some aspect of your background, she recommends asking questions specific to your identity, such as, “What is your experience and comfort in working with someone who has experienced microaggressions?” or “What are your anti-racist approaches?” and noting if their answers make you feel comfortable. (Check out SELF’s in-depth guide on how to find a culturally competent therapist here.)
Self-care tip: Develop a trigger management plan. Avoiding upsetting posts 100% of the time isn’t realistic if you use social media, so creating a plan to use in these situations can help you feel prepared when it does happen. Dr. Sage recommends creating a list of activities that make you feel good (like on the notes app on your phone) so you have an easily accessible reserve of ideas that can help you reset emotionally. “I have a comedy list of videos to watch when I feel like I’m getting into bad news cycles and need a brain break,” she says.
How to find other sources of emotional support
Everyone can benefit from having a support system, and that doesn’t necessarily need to include a professional therapist if you don’t have access to one or if you’re not ready to commit to one. Dr. Horrell recommends confiding in someone you trust—like a close friend or family member—by starting a general conversation about social media. If you feel comfortable doing so, let this person know how you’re struggling and how they might be able to help. (This can be as simple as having a texting buddy when you’re emotionally spiraling.) It’s important to set expectations upfront so the other person knows they can be honest when they don’t have the emotional capacity to talk.
You can also turn to social media communities that help you feel engaged or connected to others with similar experiences or interests. Setting intentions about the online communities you join and knowing what you want from each one is the key to using these groups in a healthy way, according to Dr. Sage. She recommends searching for private Facebook groups that have an approval process because they are less likely to receive spam posts. Once you’re in a group that matches your needs, such as support for depression, Dr. Sage says it’s a good idea to look at the tone of other posts before chiming in yourself. Consider whether community members uplift and support one another—and if you even want to be a part of that group.
Online support is accessible outside of social media too. Organizations such as The National Eating Disorders Association and National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offer in-person and virtual support groups. Groups for specific communities, like the Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective (BEAM) and LGBTribe, can be found online by searching for “support group” along with the community you identify with. Or you can download Wisdo, an app where you can talk to others in themed groups, such as anxiety- or depression-focused chats.
Something as big as social media will always have its challenges, but your virtual world should enhance—and not detract—from your life. With the right support, you can use social media and feel good about yourself.
Sources:
1. Elsevier Public Health Emergency Collection, The Relationships Between Social Media Use and Factors Relating to Depression
2. Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
3. BMC Psychology, Social Media Use Disorder and Loneliness: Any Association Between the Two? Results of a Cross-Sectional Study Among Lebanese Adults
4. The Mental Health Clinician, Dialectical Behavior Therapy as Treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder
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