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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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How common is it to have the idea of wishing you could change sex cross your mind at some stage

107 replies

opalsandcoffee · 28/06/2024 16:09

I just wonder how many of us female adults, particularly oldies, have had a stage in our lives when we wished we were physically male. (or the other way around)

I can remember distinctly have a stage when I desperately wished for a penis instead of a vagina - I don't know how long it lasted, maybe a few months? I think I was about 12 or 13.

The reasons were firstly, I didn't want periods, and secondly, I was afraid, from what I knew about sex. I understood it that women had to have the passive role and accept what was done to them by men, and I very much wanted to be the person who was going to be in control when I started having relationships. I also wanted to be the stronger sex in general

I just think this may actually be quite a common phase, and not really mean young people are trans.

OP posts:

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cupcaske123 · 28/06/2024 16:16

When I was growing up, overt sexism was rife and anything to do with girls, was seen as less than. I didn't want to be associated with anything 'girly' and refused to wear skirts or dresses.

Because it was so ingrained and, even though I was a feminist, I disparaged stereotypical feminine things. There were times that I wanted to be a boy. I don't remember actually ever wanting a penis, I just wanted the same kind of respect and approval.

I even got into the dysfunctional habit of trying to prove myself to blatant misogynists. Never a good idea.

Forhecksake · 28/06/2024 16:17

I can only speak for myself but I have never thought of changing or imagined how things might be different if I was the opposite sex. I've wished periods hurt less sometimes but that's about it.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 28/06/2024 16:18

Never

Crossingsout · 28/06/2024 16:21

I never wanted to be a boy but I did want to get rid of my breasts for a long time. When I found out that Amazon women cut off their breasts (not sure if this is actually true btw!) I became slightly obsessed. If someone had offered an op I would probably have accepted.

Myalternate · 28/06/2024 16:22

I’ve always loved being female. It has given me many advantages 😇

babyproblems · 28/06/2024 16:23

Literally has never crossed my mind. I feel very aware that women have some disadvantages in life.. but that’s not the same as ‘wanting to be a man’ or to change sex as you put it. I have never had any thoughts on it and it’s never crossed my mind as a possibility… I think a) because I’m pretty happy in my own identity, and b) because really, I don’t believe it is possible to change sex. You can pretend to be whatever you want in life, I think deep down I don’t believe I could really truly become the opposite gender so it seems somewhat pointless to me to even consider it. I suppose I see it as bit like I can change my hair or glasses or try and be more extrovert - some characteristics that I feel are changeable, but it doesn’t occur to me that gender or biological sex is within that range of changeable characteristics.

opalsandcoffee · 28/06/2024 16:25

I never thought it was possible, but I did go through a brief stage of wishing I could

OP posts:

Crouton19 · 28/06/2024 16:28

I have, but would not want a penis! I would love to be stronger and more able to move about in the world without fear. I watch Simon Reeve, Michael Palin etc travel programmes and know that they go to places women cannot.

I also find my own breasts annoying - achy, sweaty, back pain, bra straps dig in, expected to have them on show or put them away depending on the occasion. I would much prefer to be Chris Hemsworth 😁

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 28/06/2024 16:28

No, I have never once wished this. I don't really feel that I either love or hate being a woman... I just am one. I have never desired to be a man, physically or in any other sense.

SkeletonBatsflyatnight · 28/06/2024 16:30

I grew up on a series of military bases in the 80s/90s being called Lolita amongst other things by my dad's squadron...I wished I was a boy for a good chunk of my childhood/teens. I used to sleep on my chest in the hope of crushing it out of existance and used to dream of taking a knife to it and my thighs.

In the circumstances I think it was a "normal" reaction. My dad's boss liked "wrestling" with me when I was 12 or so. I thought if I was a boy he'd either leave me alone or optimistically I'd be able to kick his ass. As a girl, even a tall one I had no chance against him.

If anyone had offered just going through puberty me a magic pill to avoid the looks, the comments, the hands, the blood, the breasts...I would have bitten their hand off.

Kitkat1523 · 28/06/2024 16:32

Never in 59 years

hesaman · 28/06/2024 16:34

Might sound strange but when i played computer games alot when i was younger I sometimes when tired or semi asleep, actually thought i was a man (cos you're usually a man in games). I assume I'm not the only one who played too much and i wasn't even that in to them compared to others

StirlingMallory · 28/06/2024 16:34

When I was 16 or so I got into reading Christopher Isherwood, started making friends with a few gay, flamboyant boys and I thought enviously of what seemed a decadent, daring lifestyle, even said out loud a couple of times "I wish I was a gay man". But it was only for what I thought was the "glamour" of it all and not based in reality and the phase lasted only a year at most. It might have been when "Brideshead Revisited" was on TV, come to think and I was just a pretentious drama club teen with daft ideas. Apart from that, no I've never ever wanted to be a man.

CorvusPurpureus · 28/06/2024 16:36

As a teenager, yes, definitely. I blame Anne Rice tbh...

Churchview · 28/06/2024 16:38

Kitkat1523 · 28/06/2024 16:32

Never in 59 years

Exactly that.

TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking · 28/06/2024 16:44

If I've been desperate for a pee and nowhere near a toilet or unable to sit on one I've thought how handy it would be to have a penis but that's it.

I've tried a shewee, we don't get on.

IDontHateRainbows · 28/06/2024 16:46

When I was a teen, I never really considered it as it wasn't really an option in those days (90s)
I did want to be someone else, not myself, due to low self esteem but that someone else was a thin( hello eating disorder) prettier female version of myself, not a male.

JellySaurus · 28/06/2024 16:46

I certainly wondered what it would feel like to be male - I would have jumped at an offer of magically and temporarily being male for a day!

I would try to remember what it had felt like to run without jiggling, but reality was so solid that I couldn't. I considered myself to have a boy's mind in a girl's body, but reality was so solid that I never considered myself to be anything but a girl, and it never occurred to me to wish that I was physically male. I just wished that I fitted in better.

JellySaurus · 28/06/2024 16:48

TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking · 28/06/2024 16:44

If I've been desperate for a pee and nowhere near a toilet or unable to sit on one I've thought how handy it would be to have a penis but that's it.

I've tried a shewee, we don't get on.

Try a Pstyle. Vastly better.

Maddy70 · 28/06/2024 16:54

No never

Shortshriftandlethal · 28/06/2024 16:57

Not quite wishing I could change sex; but when I was a young woman, I would look at really good looking young men ( which i still like to do) and it felt as if I was was looking at them through the eyes of a gay man.. I imagined that if I was male, I'd be gay.

SaltPorridge · 28/06/2024 16:59

@SkeletonBatsflyatnight
sorry to hear that. What a horrible time.
Hope things are better for you now.

Shortshriftandlethal · 28/06/2024 17:06

Also, once when i was 10 years old and on holiday in a Welsh holiday resort with my parents ( 1970s), I spent some time wandering on my own down at a small fairground near the main promenade. I had short hair, which I still do ( I've always felt most myself with short hair, and have always gone back to it when I wanted to touch base with myself) and was wearing trousers and a vest top. No breasts at that point, of course.

A couple of slightly older boys pointed at me and said " See that boy over there...." After a moment or two of feeling indignant, I actually decided I found the experience interesting. I became very conscious of the fact that the way they perceived me was different to the way it would have been if they'd known I was a girl. I still recall the feeling vividly...although I've never seriously considered wanting to be a boy.

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Catsinaflat · 28/06/2024 17:06

I remember being possibly 7 or 8. I used to play out in our close. There were two girls and seven boys in the street. The boys would have weeing against a wall matches to see who could hit the highest point or from furtherest away. I definitely went through penis envy for a while and discussed with my mum how I could get one

LonginesPrime · 28/06/2024 17:09

I grew up in a misogynistic household where women were seen as "less than".

My dad was so misogynistic that I grew up with a strong aversion to anything that would identify me as being female (sports, interests, mannerisms, clothes, etc), which probably sheds some light on why I was such a tomboy. I was desperate for my dad's approval but he absolutely hated women and had zero respect for them (he had his own childhood trauma which makes it obvious why).

My reluctance to be seen as stereotypically female has definitely followed me through to adulthood in various ways.

It makes perfect sense to me that any girl growing up around misogyny might seek ways to avoid being the object of everyone's hatred by distancing themselves from their femininity.

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