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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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How common is it to have the idea of wishing you could change sex cross your mind at some stage

133 replies

opalsandcoffee · 28/06/2024 16:09

I just wonder how many of us female adults, particularly oldies, have had a stage in our lives when we wished we were physically male. (or the other way around)

I can remember distinctly have a stage when I desperately wished for a penis instead of a vagina - I don't know how long it lasted, maybe a few months? I think I was about 12 or 13.

The reasons were firstly, I didn't want periods, and secondly, I was afraid, from what I knew about sex. I understood it that women had to have the passive role and accept what was done to them by men, and I very much wanted to be the person who was going to be in control when I started having relationships. I also wanted to be the stronger sex in general

I just think this may actually be quite a common phase, and not really mean young people are trans.

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EdithStourton · 28/06/2024 22:01

My father was a rampaging misogynist and I spent several months at about 13 wishing I was a boy. He'd have liked me better, plus boys had all the fun and girls got all the crap.

Also, I come from a family of engineers and petrol heads and liked unladylike things like dismantling my bike and watching the man next door fixing his motorbike. I preferred climbing trees to putting on make up, when younger had preferred Lego to dolls and liked all crafts fairly indiscriminately, though I preferred playing with a forge to carrying in eggs and flour for cookery at school.

God knows what would have become of me now, with my scraped knees and extensive collection of toy cars. I did sew. Beyond that, it was mostly boy stuff.

I sympathise, @LonginesPrime - I'd typed my post before I saw your but it does seem to be a theme.

LetsTalkTwaddle · 28/06/2024 22:37

I was a teenage feminist back in the 70s, and realised I was a lesbian in the 80s. I was never a girly girl, always plain and strongly built, and never good at at performing feminity: it's been a life mainly in trousers and failing to have the right hair, make-up, jewellery etc.

But I've never, even for a minute, wanted to be a man. I've occasionally wondered what it's like to be male, but never wanted to be one. Although I've struggled with what my body means to the world because of power and politics, the idea of having a penis and being male is actually repugnant to me. I love being female. Even now I'm older and starting to fall apart, I find great power and contentment in being female.

newrubylane · 28/06/2024 22:53

allaboardtheplaybus · 28/06/2024 17:25

I did when I was about 10-13. I hated dresses and anything "girly", and I was better than many of the boys in the school footie team but not allowed to play. These days I'd have been transed by my school no doubt.

But still not allowed to play on the boy's football team.

Ambleberry · 28/06/2024 23:18

It's been really interesting reading these comments, I'm glad I'm not the only person who desperately wanted not to have breasts age 12 or the harassment and misogyny shame that went along with them. I had my children quite young so after that I was in no doubt that I was a woman whatever my personal feelings on the matter! I experienced DV in several relationships and as a child and as several of you have said, I would have liked the social safety and benefits and physical simplicity of being a man, but not a penis.
A few years ago I started going through menopause just as some of my friends were talking about transitioning FtoM and it prompted me to start doing weights and wear minimising tops and I did feel a bit happier in my body, but my skin is soft and my joints are crunchy and my hips are wide, my breasts didn't reduce and the physical reality is that my body is what it is.

I'm sure if I'd been a man with all that strength and power and confidence, I wouldn't have been a very nice person. It's hard not to be arrogant when you've never felt vulnerable.

My body is a saggy mess now despite best efforts, but it gave me the children and I've had some great meals and lovely orgasms and gone on some good walks, I've provided for my family - so it's done me proud really and I'm grateful.

I notice when people say they want to be a woman they rarely volunteer to care for elderly parents or messy children or disabled friends, and yet in my experience, caring for people and putting others first (sometimes under duress ;) is one of the defining features of being a woman, whether you have kids or not.

Nellymadeofjelly · 28/06/2024 23:48

If you had asked me when I was 6 I would have insisted that I wanted to be a boy. Absolutely 100%
if you had asked me why I would have told you that jimmy could pee standing up and I wanted to do the same because I didn’t like public toilets.

thank god no body was daft enough to ask back then, or mad enough to listen to the answer

AgeingDoc · 29/06/2024 00:06

I don't think I have ever exactly wanted to be physically male but certainly there have been many times throughout my life, from childhood onwards when I wished I could be treated like a male. I could write all night about the misogyny I experienced at school in the 70s/80s when I announced my career aspirations and it really continued throughout medical school and my entire working life. It's more subtle now, but it's not gone away. I have often thought my life would have been a lot easier if I'd been a man, because of course it would, but I have never really wanted a male body, I just want people not to treat women like shit.

Grendell · 29/06/2024 00:08

Never.

StopStartStop · 29/06/2024 00:25

To add to my 'Never' post (which won't let me edit), I am an autistic woman. Autistic. And completely unconfused about my sex.

IwantToRetire · 29/06/2024 02:01

Just wanted to add a second comment. Even when I grew older and there was more pressure (not hostile but a bit haven't you grown out it yet) to stop being tom boyish, I never ever want to have a male body.

What I wanted was for just about every body, particularly adults, and as likely to be women as men, to stop commenting on my body.

Too fat, too thin. Not enough make up, too much make up. Why didn't I wear a bra. Although I didn't have a word for it then as I grew older in fact I became less of an individual but just a body that needed to conform or meet feminine expectation - and the big one, didn't I want children.

It just seemed mad to me. I was the same person, but all people seemed to go on about was my appearance, or whether I conformed to what at the time a woman was meant to look like and behave.

But still never every want a male body. ugh!

borntobequiet · 29/06/2024 06:52

Though I was concerned that I liked doing boy stuff rather than girl stuff when I was a child (in the 1960s), and in fact carried on in the same way for much of my life, I never thought I was a boy or that I would physically prefer to be a boy. I had brothers and knew they were very different from me.
On the other hand, if I could have stopped my periods and what I subsequently realised was PMDD, I’d probably have jumped at the chance, and would now perhaps not have my wonderful children and grandchildren.

ichbrauchenichts99 · 29/06/2024 06:56

I have often jokingly said 'it might fun to try being male for a day' as comparison almost, but I have never wished I actually was one!
I'm me and I'm happy I'm me.

Catsmere · 29/06/2024 06:58

I used to wish it at about the same age, OP. Not to be a boy, I hasten to add - all the boys I knew were repulsive (nor are they any better in retrospect). I wanted to change instantly to be a man. Knew it wasn't going to happen, and it was just a thing I'd think about lying in bed.

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 29/06/2024 07:03

Wanted to add that I often thought/said I have a "boy's brain in a girl's body " or that I thought like a boy. Never actually considered having a male body with a penis and what not or necessarily wanted one.

MysteriousUsername · 29/06/2024 07:03

Yes, from about age 4-15. I desperately wanted to be a boy, loved it if people thought I was a boy! Which stopped about 10/11 when my periods started and my breasts grew - which I absolutely hated and would have got rid of if I could. 15 was when I started getting interested in boys. Nowadays I could have just declared myself a gay man, but no I'm just a heterosexual woman, and was diagnosed autistic as an adult.

Now I'm perimenopausal I wish I were a man every time my stupid period surprises me. Will it be early, will it be late? Surprise every time! Just go away!

PermanentTemporary · 29/06/2024 07:13

I've often wanted to be able to have sex with a penis a few times, but that's a kind of curiosity rather than wanting to be a man. The curiosity is less now that my sex life as a woman is so much better, it was partly about just wanting to have my orgasm more of a priority.

And as a rower I would have liked to race as a man a few times too. The difference between watching a men's boat and a women's is really stark.

allaboardtheplaybus · 29/06/2024 07:44

But still not allowed to play on the boy's football team.

I didn't word that very well- nowadays they have girls footie teams which is what I'd have loved. When I was at school it was a netball team for the girls, football for the boys.

YahdahYahdayYoo · 29/06/2024 10:45

I'm finding this thread so interesting. It has sent me back to the dark years of teenage life. This whole becoming a woman was so hard for me. Through my twenties I struggled to fit in with my female peers, I preferred the company of men. I didn't want kids. It was truly a rejection of femininity. I'm sad thinking about it. I'm far more at ease with my body now (mid 40s) and happy overall to be a mother and be female after all. I'm so pleased to read of others who were always thrilled to be female but it does just bring up the difference for me. I never felt the way growing up, hard times and hard emotions really that I'd forgotten about. I too am likely autistic (that's the view of my family, plus I have a asd kid and nephew), and given the number of posters similar to me on this thread, highly relevant to today's female transing movement. How peculiar.

chillidoritto · 02/07/2024 16:34

Yes i definitely wanted to be a boy. I preferred the clothes and the toys for a start. When my mum was pregnant with my brothers I prayed that they’d be boys.

I remember the nurse bathing them in the hospital and seeing their willies and feeling very very jealous!

I have to say that my parents never restricted me or made me play with girls toys. They let me climb trees, have short hair and most of the time they let me wear trousers. Unless it was a wedding when they made me wear a dress and I cried hysterically because my little brothers could wear trousers!

I also used to put things in my knickers like a chapstick and pretend it was a willy!

I am still female, married with 5 children!

TerfTalking · 02/07/2024 16:43

ImthatBoleyngirl · 28/06/2024 16:18

Never

Same.

58 years of never wanting to be anyone else but me and certainly not male. I’ve always been a girls girl, though not a girlie girl.

Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 02/07/2024 16:49

When I was 16 and had just started college we had a fancy dress week and I went as Charlie Chaplin, with the eyebrows and moustache and everything. I remember thinking at the time that my life would probably be so much better if I was male. I was a very awkward young woman who didn't fit in, with almost no female friends, and I used to think how great it would be to have a group of easy going male friends and of all the freedom I could have, compared to being female. It lasted for a few months and then faded but these days it wouldn't surprise me if I'd have been encouraged down the trans line.

Floisme · 02/07/2024 17:01

I desperately wanted to be a boy for a while when I was about 8 or 9 (pre puberty). They clearly had more fun than girls - better toys, better games, better books, better comics.

I remember how sometimes my mum would talk to me and I'd refuse to answer until she'd used the masculine version of my name. It never occurred to me to say anything at school but you can be damned sure I would have done if I'd thought they'd take me seriously.

I'm not sure how long it lasted - it might have been a year or it might have just been for a summer.

It gives me the chills to think how it might have ended now.

CaptainOliviaBenson · 02/07/2024 17:03

Never. I've always loved being a girl/woman.

DeadlyKnightshade · 02/07/2024 17:48

Never, ever.

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BeachParty · 02/07/2024 17:53

No, I've never wished I was male.
Total "tomboy" growing up, hated anything "girly" and was into climbing trees etc.
Never felt like I should be male though, I always felt and knew I was female.
Still do.

Redlarge · 02/07/2024 17:53

Never

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