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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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How common is it to have the idea of wishing you could change sex cross your mind at some stage

133 replies

opalsandcoffee · 28/06/2024 16:09

I just wonder how many of us female adults, particularly oldies, have had a stage in our lives when we wished we were physically male. (or the other way around)

I can remember distinctly have a stage when I desperately wished for a penis instead of a vagina - I don't know how long it lasted, maybe a few months? I think I was about 12 or 13.

The reasons were firstly, I didn't want periods, and secondly, I was afraid, from what I knew about sex. I understood it that women had to have the passive role and accept what was done to them by men, and I very much wanted to be the person who was going to be in control when I started having relationships. I also wanted to be the stronger sex in general

I just think this may actually be quite a common phase, and not really mean young people are trans.

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Mairzydotes · 28/06/2024 17:11

I've wished I could convincingly impersonate a man , to my advantage. I suppose that is more cross dressing, than wanting to be a physical man.

Echobelly · 28/06/2024 17:13

I remember telling my parents when I was 6 that I had been born a boy but my willy fell off. I was a 'tomboy' throughout my youth and happy just being that. Wore my hair cropped short from about age 8-14, and found it hilarious when people thought I'd be hurt by them asking 'are you a boy or a girl?!' Like, I wouldn't go around looking like that if I wasn't fine with not being super feminine.

Moveoverdarlin · 28/06/2024 17:14

44 year old female and I have never once thought this.

DuesToTheDirt · 28/06/2024 17:17

Never. From a very young age I realised that women were disadvantaged, and I wanted what they had. But I didn't want to physically be one, and I would get a bit annoyed when I was mistaken for one (enforced short hair!)

SaltPorridge · 28/06/2024 17:18

I never wanted to be male.
I was always very pleased to be female.
My version of female has been nice so far.
From an early age I was encouraged to do whatever interested me. If anyone said it was for boys, one of my parents told them not to be silly.
Likewise I learned young that I didn't have to put up with anyone touching me, and that all the grownups around me would back me up.

SirChenjins · 28/06/2024 17:18

I’ve often thought I’d love to have the confidence (arrogance?) and male entitlement that many men have, but I’ve never wished I was male.

Blackcats7 · 28/06/2024 17:21

I hated periods and the idea of getting pregnant but I never wanted to be a boy. They seemed so stupid. Who wants to be stupid?
I could see the world was set up in their favour though.

DialSquare · 28/06/2024 17:22

Never thought about it as an option at all. And I was a tomboy.

allaboardtheplaybus · 28/06/2024 17:25

I did when I was about 10-13. I hated dresses and anything "girly", and I was better than many of the boys in the school footie team but not allowed to play. These days I'd have been transed by my school no doubt.

Littlewhingingfucker · 28/06/2024 17:29

I never wanted to be a man or have a penis but I've always wanted male privilege.

Biscofffan · 28/06/2024 17:32

Growing up in the 60s and 70s I was a 'tomboy' who loved being outdoors, playing football with the boys in the street (they made me go in goal because I was just a girl). My parents always totally went with it and never tried to make me more 'girly'. The only time I remember wishing I was actually a boy though, was on Friday afternoons in primary school when the boys could go into the yard a play football and other games or choose to do art and us girls were forced to sew and knit! Grossly unfair especially as I was crap at both!
When choosing options for O Levels I was one of 3 girls who were the first in the school to be allowed to take Technical Drawing. Still never wanted to be a boy though. I think I would have said 'Don't be ridiculous!' if someone has suggested it.

anyolddinosaur · 28/06/2024 17:32

Never wanted a penis but I used to get told I "should have been a boy" because I was more interested in toys seen as appropriate for boys than those traditionally given to girls. Hated having periods. I wanted male freedom and male privilege.

midgetastic · 28/06/2024 17:35

Definitely wanted to be male
Called myself a male name
In every dream I was male
In every story I wrote I was male
Short hair, black trousers , simple jumpers
Couldn't understand how someone like me managed to be female
Which was it basically - the boys were treated so differently that it was so very unfair and I wasn't a stereotypical girl
Sone of the school teachers were unbelievably sexist and despised bright girls whilst lauding clever boys
From around 9 until late teens
Well into my 50s now
Still have large parts of me that are created by the crap socialisation that girls of that generation experienced however much I didn't want any part of it and however much my dad tried to shield me

Of course it wasn't a thing then - being told of course that's right you are a boy would have led me down a route to physical harm and sterilisation - those stupid sexist teachers would have delighted at the idea of sterilisation of bright girls

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 28/06/2024 17:35

I did as a preteen/teen. Not necessarily to the point of transitioning (didn't even know it was a thing) or wanting a penis, but I spent years wishing I was a boy. Even spending a few years dressing up as a boy and being happy if I "passed".

Why? I grew up in a massively sexist and mysoginistic society , so everything about me was wrong. I was girling wrong so I wanted to be a boy so I could be normal and not get in trouble/be told no for simply being me. I actually despised a lot of the girls I knew , so it was a double edged sword.The other reason was a couple of sexual assaults under my belt already by the age of 14 , and being a boy was not just better, but safer.

Theunamedcat · 28/06/2024 17:39

SirChenjins · 28/06/2024 17:18

I’ve often thought I’d love to have the confidence (arrogance?) and male entitlement that many men have, but I’ve never wished I was male.

Edited

This absolutely

devildeepbluesea · 28/06/2024 17:41

Never. I’ve never been into wishing for things that can never happen.

Applesandpears23 · 28/06/2024 17:44

I liked maths and climbing trees and hated pink and dolls. My mother used to buy me jewellery and hand bags and expressed frustration I was into neither. I hated getting breasts and I would have gladly accepted their removal and to be given typical boy presents instead of the stuff I got.

StopStartStop · 28/06/2024 17:45

Never.
Why would I?
Being a woman is glorious. Men can't do that.

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 28/06/2024 17:47

I wanted to be a boy when I was a child. But not because I "felt" like a boy but because I liked societies stereotypical "boys" things, and I never felt like I fit with the girls or the boys.

MarieDeGournay · 28/06/2024 17:48

From as soon as I had self-awareness as a child, until I very grudgingly accepted that my first period was happening, and I was going to have to just get on with it, I wanted to be a boy. Or wanted others to acknowledge that I actually was a boy.
I only wanted to be a boy because I just knew I wasn't a girl. And non-binary hadn't been invented yet😁
In retrospect of course I realise that I didn't want to be a girly-girl, not that I had actually worked out all about biological sex and gender identity.
Fortunately my family were OK with me being a total tomboy.
Discovering feminism made me feel positive about being a female, and stopped me trying to be 'one of the lads'.

It scares me to think what would happen to me today if I had less sensible parents: I might have ended up in the Tavistock and I'd have jumped at surgery and puberty blockers. I really feel for today's gender-non-conforming girls, or little lesbians-to-be, as I was.
(Controversial, I know, but I part of my gender non conformity as a little girl was never even considering being interested in boys 'that way', and declaring when I was 6 that I was never ever going to get married).

SonicTheHodgeheg · 28/06/2024 17:50

I have thought “I wish that I wasn’t a girl” or “My life would have been much easier as a boy” but I have never thought “I wish I was a boy”.

Cantfindanavailablename · 28/06/2024 17:50

Trans boys are predominantly autistic girls. I am an autistic woman and so desperately would have loved to have been a trans boy if I knew it was an option. Probably still would if I wasn't so set on conforming.

It surprises me though because I have huge concerns about the trans movement and the impact on our younger generations.

I'm very torn

IGuessIllbetheFirst · 28/06/2024 17:51

Never - although I was often teased for looking like a boy as I had short hair (thanks mum) and was thin & a very late developer. But I never wanted to change my body in any way, I liked my body even though it didn’t fit the norms of the world as a teenage girl was supposed to look. I was a fast runner and I liked running cross-country and for that my body shape was ideal. I also avoided the unwanted male attention that my friends had to endure and I was glad to be able to go about my life unnoticed.

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Cattenberg · 28/06/2024 17:52

Littlewhingingfucker · 28/06/2024 17:29

I never wanted to be a man or have a penis but I've always wanted male privilege.

Yes, this. To speak in a meeting and know you will be listened to, and that your ideas won’t be credited to someone else. To be paid more. To not be expected to bear the mental load at home and always be the default parent and housekeeper. To be able to go for a walk/run after dark without thinking twice…

WaggledMyAerialAndWolfedMyCustardCreams · 28/06/2024 17:57

I never wanted to be male - just wanted to be me - but I too grew up in a misogynistic household and was aware from a young age that I’d have had a very different home life if I’d been a boy.

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