How can you improve communication with coachees resistant to change?
As an executive coach, you may encounter coachees who are reluctant or resistant to change, even when they have agreed to work with you on their goals. This can create frustration, misunderstanding, and conflict in your coaching relationship. How can you improve communication with coachees resistant to change and help them overcome their barriers? Here are some tips to consider.
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Alain Cardon, MCC-ACTC (ICF)Executive, team & organizational systemic coach, author-25 books, coach trainer/supervisor, keynote speaker.
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Etienne CapelleCo-Head of Advisory Sweden at Korn Ferry - Member of the CEO & Executive Development Korn Ferry practice
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Peter HaugaardHR direktør | HR Director | EY
The first step to improve communication with coachees resistant to change is to understand their perspective and the reasons behind their resistance. Resistance to change can stem from various factors, such as fear of failure, loss of control, lack of trust, or attachment to the status quo. By listening empathically and asking open-ended questions, you can help coachees express their concerns and emotions, and validate their feelings. This can build rapport and trust, and show them that you are not judging or pushing them, but supporting them.
The next step to improve communication with coachees resistant to change is to explore their motivation and the benefits of change for them. Resistance to change can also be a sign of low motivation or unclear vision. By using powerful questions and coaching tools, such as the GROW model or the Wheel of Life, you can help coachees identify their goals, values, strengths, and opportunities, and how change can align with them. You can also help them visualize the desired outcomes and the positive impact of change on their personal and professional life.
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Renata Preglej Garic
Organizational Development & Employee Engagement Advisor. Productivity Advisor. Mentor. ➡️ I help owners & CEOs improve individual and organizational effectiveness. Solve Studio Founder and CEO
If they don't want to change, it means that they are still not motivated enough. Coaching in order to drive motivation is the most difficult coaching. Encourage them to imagine how they look, feel, behave if they meet the wanted goal. Encourage them to think about whether this goal is realistic for them (define baby steps with them). Check with them who has an influence on the fulfillment of that goal. If it is only them, make them aware of their motivation level. At the end, our job is to make it clear to them that this will not happen without their full investment. We can support them but they need to do the hard part. If the reward (what’s in it for me) is greater than the pain caused by the change - they will move towards their goal.
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Derek Ma
Managing Partner at momenta Group | Country Manager Blanchard Singapore | Founder Meridian Learning | SLII® Certified Trainer | SoundWave Coach Practitioner | MBTI® | Executive Coach
Tie change, challenge, action, and results to the clients desired future. What is making them want growth? what is their deepest desire? Coaches sometimes give feedback or challenge based on what the COACH thinks is the best for them. We do not want the client to do anything for us, it is for them. In order for the best possible outcome for the client, the coach needs to understand the deeper want. The most important thing we can do for our clients is to continually realign the clients actions and momentum towards their most preferred future. This is one of the strongest pitches I share with clients, "If discover, and then take just one step towards your dreams, isn't it worth it?"
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Brian Vogel
Fractional Global HR Executive🔹Employee Benefits Consultant 🔹People & Culture Champion🔹Leadership Coach🔹Co-founder🔹Board Member🔹HRBP🔹Hypergrowth, High-Tech Experience
Oftentimes it is the visualization of what is desired that is most difficult. In my experience, oftentimes coachees misinterpret a focus on what they want to avoid as a motivator. The challenge often faced is shifting the mindset to visualizing to what they want vs. what they want to avoid.
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Dr. Neepa Choksi, Personal Development Coach
Help Leaders embrace their full potential & improve work-life balance | Pranic Healer | Counselor | Access Bars Practitioner | Co-Founder - nourishtocherish.com
Resistance to change is a natural. Most of the time be so comfortable zone that we are so sad zone, happy son, sinking zone, progress on that, we just choose to be there whether we like it or not so resistance to every thing has a certain past experience which needs to be exported. To how when where why did it come into existence. What I try to explore with some clients…. What is it that they looking at from my sessions then? What was the real reason, the purpose behind seeking professional help? What is the choose to achieve driving exactly where they are with this resistance? What is it that they will miss out if they stay stuck with the resistance?
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🧙♂️ Hemant Gupta
✍️ Author of "Before You Get Angry" | Work Life Coach | I am Storyteller and help people know their story.
Motivation is personal. A Coach can give power, not change the fuses bulb 💡. That power a client has it within themselves. It’s good to know what motivates a client however one must know that Motivation is a moving target which changes with every new situation and circumstances in life. It would be beneficial to explore the goal and values, as they fuel the motivation.
The third step to improve communication with coachees resistant to change is to address their challenges and the obstacles to change. Resistance to change can also be a result of practical or psychological barriers, such as lack of resources, skills, confidence, or support. By using a solution-focused approach and brainstorming strategies, you can help coachees overcome their challenges and find solutions that work for them. You can also help them break down their goals into manageable steps and actions, and celebrate their progress and achievements.
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Etienne Capelle
Co-Head of Advisory Sweden at Korn Ferry - Member of the CEO & Executive Development Korn Ferry practice
Helping someone to change begins with recognizing and acknowledging the reasons why change can be difficult. In my opinion, there are two main reasons why people resist change. The first reason is often that the change requires the loss of something important to the person. Whether it's relationships, status, or giving up a project. It can be helpful to explore this issue and identify the losses. And to accept them and/or find creative solutions to minimize the impact. The second reason may be a fear of not being able to succeed in the new context created by the change. Here it is helpful to explore ways to build the person's confidence. For example, by preparing them for the change.
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Claire Powell MBA
Chief Executive Officer | Strategic Leadership | Business Development | Brand Positioning | Product Innovation | Fashion, Beauty and Retail
Sometimes a coachee doesn’t see the need for change - it may be their manager who has signed them up for coaching. Then the approach is to have them envision an ideal future state and identify what is different between today and that state. The “miracle question” can be useful: “if you woke up tomorrow and a miracle had happened overnight and all your problems had disappeared how would you know?”
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Derek Ma
Managing Partner at momenta Group | Country Manager Blanchard Singapore | Founder Meridian Learning | SLII® Certified Trainer | SoundWave Coach Practitioner | MBTI® | Executive Coach
A clients' resistance to change can be a window into the clients world. It's a high risk, high reward situation. Early in my coaching journey I sweated and panicked when a client pushed back or had significant challenges. However, I remember the words of my excellent master coach trainer, "Do not get sucked into their issue, bring perspective." While we don't want to dwell in the past, I have found acknowledging the challenge, respecting it, understanding where and why it's there, is important because I show respect to the client. Sometimes, a coach can be dismissive of challenges, which can discourage clients. Being able to address, unpack, solution, and action against a challenge is one of the most powerful aspect of coaching.
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Maik Neubauer
Transformation & Change Advisor, Interim CxO - Energy Transition & Markets, Tech & Infrastructure, Agile Scaling, Governance, Risk & Regulatory Compliance (GRC)
In my experience coachees who do not want to reflect or change their views and behaviour cannot be forced to be more open. They need to accept that chance is necessary and will help and support them in achieving their goals, reach a better balance between work- and private life and to better contribute to the company goals. Resistance to change is normal - to a certain extent - and the Executive Coach needs to create a better understanding of the value of the change.
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🧙♂️ Hemant Gupta
✍️ Author of "Before You Get Angry" | Work Life Coach | I am Storyteller and help people know their story.
Address when the Coachee is interested. Be careful not to make it personal, it’s a client choice to address and a Coach job is to support not persuade.
The fourth step to improve communication with coachees resistant to change is to provide feedback and encouragement throughout the coaching process. Resistance to change can also be influenced by the feedback and reinforcement they receive from you and others. By giving constructive and positive feedback, you can help coachees recognize their strengths and areas for improvement, and reinforce their learning and growth. You can also encourage them to seek feedback from others, such as peers, mentors, or stakeholders, and use it as a source of inspiration and motivation.
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James R. Mayhew
BUILDER and Chief EXECUTION Officer for Purpose-Driven Teams† | Improve Communication • Enhance Teamwork • Build Confidence | 👉 Get your FREE Thriving Culture Guide | ☎️ (319) 929-2604 | BELIEVER, Husband, Dad, Grandpa
One of my favorite methods for helping executives be more coachable is showing them a simple formula: You must have “confidence covered by humility.” I have successfully used this approach with clients who struggle with listening, with asking for help, with admitting they’re in over their heads, and to get them to be introspective about how they’re being perceived. It’s not foolproof because people who lack humility aren’t coachable. Fortunately, the vast majority of leaders I work with are coachable once we break through their tough and brash exterior.
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Carole Fossey (LION)
✨Helping busy coaches, speakers and trainers generate actual clients on social media. ✨ Digital Apprenticeship ✨LinkedIn Coaching ✨Done For You Social Media ✨Hootsuite beating software. Connect and let’s chat
Positive reinforcement is do powerful. This is especially important for someone who doesn’t believe in themselves. Sometimes people have to’ borrow’ belief from someone else. This is one of the key skills for leadership. Great leaders can instil their own belief in their followers / teams. In the coach / coachee relationship, the coach is the leader (at least at the start) and sometimes the coachee will believe in the coach more than they believe in their own ability. As you positively reinforce their progress and results, this builds their own self belief until they no longer need the coaches belief, they believe in themselves.
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Philip H.
Supply Chain Leader | Executive Coach | I Drive Results, Achieve Breakthrough
Resistance may come from anywhere. If it is a repeated pattern then there is something in that resistance that needs to be unknotted. I'd first establish the trust, enough for me to get permission to provide the client my feedback. Once permission granted, I will call out the resistive behaviour and go deeper to explore with the client what is really behind it. Finally, I will applaud the client's courage to journey with me in a difficult topic and work on a path towards the desired future. The key to making feedback useful is to ensure that the client is not left wondering what's hit them. We must make a positive shift in their state of mind.
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Derek Ma
Managing Partner at momenta Group | Country Manager Blanchard Singapore | Founder Meridian Learning | SLII® Certified Trainer | SoundWave Coach Practitioner | MBTI® | Executive Coach
"Catch them doing the right thing." Senior leaders tend to not get direct and objective feedback, so we as coaches should be that voice. Sessions become what I like to explain to clients, a "sacred" space, where they get feedback, guidance for reflection, inspiration, and encouragement. Oftentimes when I coach senior leaders, we coach on things not pertaining to the business or function, so there aren't any KPIs to gauge performance. So it is up the coaching to ensure the client understands their growth, that they're on the right trajectory, and they receive appropriate feedback to keep momentum. Resistance to change will decrease if the client can identify their growth and breakthroughs. Sometimes, coaching is the only ones to do this.
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Kirsty Norton
🧨 I help tech professionals at career crossroads pivot with impact💲 Refreshingly unconventional & relentless tech career coach 🤖
Coaching is all about asking the RIGHT and POWERFUL coaching questions, over telling or recommending. Think about what questions you can ask to shift perspective and don’t go into a coaching session with your own agenda. Focus on the person. Coach the person.
The fifth step to improve communication with coachees resistant to change is to adapt your style and pace to their needs and preferences. Resistance to change can also be affected by the match or mismatch between your coaching style and their learning style, personality, or readiness for change. By using different communication techniques and tools, such as active listening, mirroring, paraphrasing, summarizing, or reframing, you can tailor your coaching style and pace to their level of comfort and engagement. You can also check in regularly with them and ask for feedback on how they feel about the coaching process and what they need from you.
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Bob O'Brien
Executive Leader; Talent Management, Leader Assessment, and Leader Development Expert; Executive Coach (ICF-PCC); TS/SCI Clearance
A client who is resistant to change requires patience, most of all. Thoughtful questions over time will eventually bring the client to a point where they co trading themselves. That’s the opportunity for a coach to ask the perfect, simple question they will bring the client to the realization that they’ve got some work to do on self-awareness. Once you turn that corner with the resistant client, true growth can occur. Just be patient.
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Clara Chorley
Executive Career Coach for women in senior leadership roles | Career Change | Professional Advancement | Trauma-Informed | Get back to your best self so you can do your best work
It’s really important to talk upfront about what progress looks like in a coaching relationship. It’s not a linear, constantly moving forward kind of experience. And having that conversation ahead of time can be helpful. Also asking clients to reveal how they behave when they are in resistance, or scared or worried so it can be talked about more easily when it shows up. Definitely adjusting and adapting as we go - but most importantly, I move at the pace of my clients’ slowest parts. I listen for them, respond to them, encourage them. If we only follow the pace of anyone’s mind, it’s game over.
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🧙♂️ Hemant Gupta
✍️ Author of "Before You Get Angry" | Work Life Coach | I am Storyteller and help people know their story.
Just be yourself which is the most vulnerable and courageous thing to do. If your gut as a Coach says ask, ask it. As a Coach my energy can feel my clients energy more accurately.
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Richard Waddell
Managing Partner at Boyden I Leadership Assessment I Leadership Development I Coaching I Succession I Team Effectiveness I Ex-Army Officer
Whilst all coaches should be adaptable, really this comes down to selecting the right coach in the first place. This doesn't necessarily mean the coach should have the same personality traits and work style as the coachee though!
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Derek Ma
Managing Partner at momenta Group | Country Manager Blanchard Singapore | Founder Meridian Learning | SLII® Certified Trainer | SoundWave Coach Practitioner | MBTI® | Executive Coach
I coach a Japanese native speaker. The top of every page on his client notes is, "Speak SLOWER, use STORIES". The client committed to the coaching in English because he needed more business English practice and has never been coached. So, this coaching engagement includes both language and cultural resistance. However, it's on on me as the coach to flex my style to unlock his potential. This requires significantly more energy from my end, rephrasing questions or using much simpler terms, yet there's been an amazing sense of victory for this client when he says, "I've never thought of that, and we don't do that here, but I will try it." If I ignored this clients English or cultural struggle, he would not have committed to change.
The sixth and final step to improve communication with coachees resistant to change is to respect their autonomy and choice. Resistance to change can also be a manifestation of their sense of agency and ownership over their decisions and actions. By using a non-directive and facilitative approach, you can help coachees discover their own solutions and insights, and empower them to take responsibility and accountability for their change. You can also respect their boundaries and limits, and acknowledge that they have the right to accept or reject your suggestions, or to terminate the coaching relationship if they wish.
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Derek Ma
Managing Partner at momenta Group | Country Manager Blanchard Singapore | Founder Meridian Learning | SLII® Certified Trainer | SoundWave Coach Practitioner | MBTI® | Executive Coach
In the end, we can only coach. we do not force, and we allow the client to chose. In my intake and chemistry meeting, I am absolutely clear in that the client themselves will create the solutions, and they must ATTEMPT the actions. They must have complete ownership of this process, because we create unhealthy reliance on us if they can't self-generate the solutions. so, if in the end they continue to resist, I probe to understand is the resistance something that we can coach on, or is this a genuine closing the door on this option and we need to find an alternative. I've some of the best coaching when I help the client stay curious of their resistance. I tell people, the resistance is a data point, it's not a closed door. Stay curious.
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Ivona Misimovic
ACC ⭐certified executive coach⭐ business advisor⭐ Robbins Madanes Trained Coach ⭐ Management Consultant ⭐ Strategic Interventions Coach ⭐Change Management ⭐Leadership ⭐ Strategic Marketing
I would move the conversation back to initial goal and motivation of the client, asked if anything has changed, is he still interested in pursuing initial goal and follow the client from there on.
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Jen Liss
Podcaster, Coach, Speaker, Creative Strategist, Trauma-informed breathworker
It is our job as coaches to hold space for coachees to step into their own power. So often, “uncoachable” people are simply disempowering themselves in some way. In the most challenging scenarios, the best move is often stepping back and allowing them the space to step in and own something for themselves. They ultimately get the choice of whether to accept that opportunity or not. It’s not our job to force it. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
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Ben Austen
Business Growth Coach | Board Member | Chair of Trustees
Ultimately, a client engages us to provide support and guidance, but it remains their choice as to how and when (or even if) they implement it. I’ve worked with a number of clients for whom the the time or circumstances haven’t been quite right to progress with coaching. Sometimes this is for clearly understood and communicated reasons, and sometimes less so. However in almost all cases, respecting and supporting the client’s wish to pause the coaching process has allowed them to then return to coaching at a later date, having had the space to re-evaluate goals and challenges, and with a renewed appreciation for how they can benefit from the coaching relationship.
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Alain Cardon, MCC-ACTC (ICF)
Executive, team & organizational systemic coach, author-25 books, coach trainer/supervisor, keynote speaker.
I like the coach question : what do you do when clients play "yes but"? These clients are resisting what they perceive is a direct or hidden suggestion or prod to move forward. Also, any energy deployed in any direction provokes equivalent energy in the opposite direction, and THE TWO TOGETHER create resistance. Consequently, in a systemic perspective, resistance emerges out of of an interface where one is pushing, and the other pushing back. i.e. : The client is not resistant to the content of the change, but resistant to being pushed into it. Same when according to management, employees are said to be resistant to change. They are resistant to being DRIVEN into it. So they very healthily push back, actively or passively. YAY !
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Nikita Mikhailov
Chief Neuroticism Officer | Author-Personality: A Users Guide | Coaching | Team workshops | Speaker | Lecturer | Occ/IO Psych Recruiter | Comedian
Why do even call it “coachee resistant to change”? Maybe it speaks more to the illusions of grandeur of the coach? How can we think someone should change when all we have is our own subjective perception or the other person.
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Devika Gulla
Talent Management & Organization Development||Early Career Mentor||TISS || LSR ||
While not a model of coaching, Rick Maurer's work can be a great guiding framework for identifying the reason of resistance. The coach may try to evaluate if the resistance is stemming from a lack of information about coaching process or misinformation about how the organization may use insights from the coaching sessions. Another level of resistance could be stemming from the dislike for the process as it may have been mandated without buy-in. Finally, one of the leading cause might be lack of trust in the relation with the coach or the fear of revealing too much in a professional setting to a complete outsider.
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Kathryn McEwen
Global Lead at Working With Resilience, Creator of the Resilience at Work Toolkit and Founder of Team App Perspective
Personally I try to avoid the descriptor 'resistant to change' as it implies they are blocking something that has to change - frequently that's a manager or organisational perspective on what they should do. It's also a negative label that can imply they are a 'difficult' personality. Our response to change depends on the situation. Even people who embrace disruption will encounter situations where either benefits aren't there, the costs too high or the energy is lacking. Sometimes adapting can misalign with a person's strengths, values and purpose - and so is not a good outcome. One reframe is to explore what adapting to the current change would look like for them and the consequences of not adapting.
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Ed Gurowitz
Master Coach, Diversity and Inclusion (DEI) Specialist, Strategy Consultant, Executive and Leadership Consultant & Coach
In my view this is a misnomer - people vote with their “feet,” and anyone who is there in a coaching relationship is there to change. To talk about “resistance to change” is to blame the client for my not having found the issue(s) around which they will engage. If a client has been mandated to coaching, I offer them an out - I’ll tell their manager that they are not a good fit for coaching or something like that so that they can opt out. No one I’ve offered this to has ever taken it, but it establishes their agency in being in the relationship and we can move from there.
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