In truth I think I was put on this earth in order to balance out the Anglophiles Things I like: - books about books
Things I don't like: - British people
In truth I think I was put on this earth in order to balance out the Anglophiles who drink tea (which tastes like hot wet dirt) and wear Union Jack merchandise (red white and blue is a displeasing color palette) and enjoy teen pop sensations with accents way past their prime (I went through it too but let's face it, the golden age has passed).
Anyway. The long and short of it is that while British writers are good and the cities are pretty, contemporary books make me uncomfortable and I hate thinking about their food.
Anyway again: Onto this actual book.
I like these sweet chick-lit-type books (and I know I'm not supposed to call it that) from time to time. There's usually an almost too kind elderly character. A very mean elderly character. A friendly age appropriate male neighbor. Another mean guy or gal who turns out to be a nice guy or gal.
This had all that in spades. The romance was extremely bad, in my opinion, and I've seen the aforementioned cast o'characters done better, but overall this was fine and good.
Minus the Britishness.
Bottom line: Pretty good, even better if you're not a curmudgeon / Anglophobe. ---------------
challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
They say there's a first time for everything. I say I had to accidentally pick up a religious book sometime, and that time is now.
Or more accurately aThey say there's a first time for everything. I say I had to accidentally pick up a religious book sometime, and that time is now.
Or more accurately a month ago, when I read this.
I respond to the word "bookshop" in book titles the way runners respond to the starting gun, or swimmers respond to that weird beeping noise, or JK Rowling responds to hearing that her actions have consequences: I'm off to the races, no questions asked.
This turned out to be an overly sweet and moral and didactic read. Nice and fine, but not for me.
Bottom line: My actions have consequences (which is that I learned my lesson and will read synopses next time).
--------------- pre-review
honestly i'm surprised that it took this long for me to accidentally pick up a religious book. seems like something i would have done already.
review to come / 2.5ish
--------------- tbr review
books about bookstores ❤️
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
this booklonely old people: destroy me every time.
lonely children: destroy me every time.
sad pets: destroy me every time.
ALL THREE IN ONE? i'm ruined.
this book was very sad and sentimental in a very on-purpose way. it's part of that matt haig / fredrik backman / Be Kind And Empathetic And Embrace Life sort of cheesy novels with a moral subgenre that's been so all over everywhere lately.
I don't, it may surprise you to learn, actually like being mean.
While I feel a certain je-ne-sais-quoi joyousness when I am writing a one-star review I don't, it may surprise you to learn, actually like being mean.
While I feel a certain je-ne-sais-quoi joyousness when I am writing a one-star review of a book that deserves it (the racist, the sexist, the stupid), even though I know these ones are most likely to receive an unending wave of disagreeable comments that will suck the life, happiness, and will to go on out of me...I do not like writing negative reviews of books that mean well.
And I tried to talk myself into liking this book. I did. Even though it's sci-fi (bleh). Even though COVID-19 occurred in the universe of this story (reprehensible). Even though I really don't like the cover (the greatest sin of all).
I mean, it's an ARC with an ensemble cast of main characters of color, one of whom is unhoused, one of whom is mourning. These are all good things.
But they're the only good things I've got.
The writing style was stilted, especially the dialogue, which was really unbelievable. I didn't care about the characters, maybe because the whole thing felt too short, which I (Goodreads' leading short books advocate) never say. It had a randomly inserted unnecessary romance, and, perhaps most inexplicably of all, NO CONTRACTIONS.
So it is with a heavy heart I say,
Bottom line: Don't write books about COVID. Or with any of the stuff above. But mostly that.
--------------- pre-review
my first time reading a book in which COVID-19 exists.
i am filled with dread.
update: warranted dread, to be precise.
review to come / 2 stars
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
If you told me that a book about a girl who was turned into a vampire by some asshole dude and responded by teaming up with the other girls he turned If you told me that a book about a girl who was turned into a vampire by some asshole dude and responded by teaming up with the other girls he turned to try to save his new girlfriend and then she steals the girlfriend was SOMEHOW BORING, I would say "okay, yeah, got it" and then quietly go to another room to call your emergency contact.
Because I would assume you were crying for help.
But unfortunately - and everyone put your phones down - that is the case with this book.
This premise is everything to me, and yet the story itself is already actively being removed from my memory.
Perhaps it is simply my comeuppance: I read another book by this author this VERY MONTH that I really enjoyed when I did not expect to.
So maybe reading this one, which I expected to like but which had none of the charm/humor/fun messages/friendships/good romance of the other, is the universe righting itself.
But I don't have to like it.
Bottom line: I am 1-2 disappointments of this caliber away from completely falling apart.
--------------- pre-review
the tragic case of the Brilliant Premise, Okay Book.
review to come / 2.5 stars
--------------- tbr review
it's the age old story: boy meets girl. boy turns girl into vampire. boy breaks up with girl. girl steals boy's new vampire girlfriend as act of revenge.
and i for one cannot wait.
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
You know - how in Coraline she goes through the creepy little door in her creepy pink apartment building to fiThis was the Other Mother of YA fantasy.
You know - how in Coraline she goes through the creepy little door in her creepy pink apartment building to find her creepy little alternate life where she can eat corn on the cob and have a friend who shuts up once in a while? But ultimately she returns to her real life (after some incredibly high-stakes and skin-crawl-y quests and riddles) because this Other Life has no HEART?
That's what this book is all about.
This is a very cool story (girl goes to hotel to figure out why her sister returned different) with a very cool concept (magic hotel with water-based memory harvesting), but it had no HEART. No DEPTH. I didn't care about the characters, or the romance, or the friendships or sisterhoods or families or what have you, because there was no way I could have.
This felt very shallow. And so, like Coraline, I will be returning to my side of the apartment building, and also going to the grocery store and buying a bag of apples and a whole chocolate cake.
Bottom line: Now I want cake. And to have gotten what I wanted out of this book.
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the REAL magic was the inexplicable relationships we witnessed along the way!
review to come / 2.5 stars
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
This story has a topical conceit: Our main character meets some hot guy on the subway. She tweets a picture of him, for some reason. They go on an amaThis story has a topical conceit: Our main character meets some hot guy on the subway. She tweets a picture of him, for some reason. They go on an amazing date. He ghosts her. She gets her dream job. He also works at said dream job. He undermines her repeatedly.
Relatable. Fresh. Modern.
Just one problem:
That guy is NOT DESERVING OF ANY ATTENTION, LOVE, OR WARM CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
How am I supposed to like this character? Why would I root for these two to get together? Even if a handful of these (plus the even more instances of misogyny and dumb guy-ness to come) can be chalked up to miscommunication, guess what? SEXISM-BASED BANTER AND DRAMA DO NOT WORK FOR ME.
Bottom line: There was a grave miscalculation here. Could've been the book's. Could've been mine. Who's to say.
--------------- pre-review
if i had landed my dream job and a hot guy who'd ghosted me kept undermining me at work, i simply wouldn't catch feelings for him. respect to the protagonist but i'm different.
review to come / 2ish stars
--------------- tbr review
feeling: thankful that Berkley sent me so many romance e-ARCs, which have single-handedly kept this project from ruin
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
once upon a time, i read this book, and despite the fact that i have a heart of darkness (sorry joseph conrad) and am full of hate and vitriol (makes once upon a time, i read this book, and despite the fact that i have a heart of darkness (sorry joseph conrad) and am full of hate and vitriol (makes me a fun gossip though) and eat romance novels for breakfast (as in am very picky about them - i'm actually not a big breakfast eater)...
i enjoyed it.
and then i read everything else that this author has ever written, and i hated all of it.
and when to came time to revisit...
well, welcome to judgment day.
i hated this too.
maybe most of all.
(well, almost most of all. a love interest putting our protagonist's entire boob in his mouth is still not quite as terrifying and unsexy and jail-worthy as j*cking *ff into the discarded bra of the girl you s*xually *ssaulted, a real thing that happens multiple times in an actual ali hazelwood novella.)
i am an adult woman. i am tall. my hair is a normal, non-neon or -pastel color. i own zero pairs of knee-high socks with lisa frank prints on them, i am capable of feeding myself, and i do not live my life between instances of awe-inspiring misogyny from men that only other men can rescue me from.
this is a relatively typical list of traits, i think, and yet these details completely prevent me from enjoying even a moment of any given ali hazelwood I-Big-You-Small-Let's-Spend-40-Pages-Talking-About-How-I-Can't-Fit-Inside-You "romance."
c'est la vie.
bottom line: i officially give up on sunshine, rainbows, love, and happiness. and also this author.
--------------------- original review
(view spoiler)[Excuse me a moment. I just have to give myself a little pep talk. Won't take more than a paragraph or two.
Okay, Emma. I know you - gag - felt...feelings during this book. I know you were invested in the romance in a way that you have rarely been invested in anything that can remotely be construed as warm and cozy and positive. Your most-watched movie is Spotlight and when you were at home alone for a week you spent it rewatching Mindhunter and You. Your heart is typically shale-esque, in hardness and brittleness and darkness.
So I know that you're tempted to give five stars for the fact that it cracked your Grinchy shell and made your heart grow three sizes or whatever, but no.
This is not a perfect book even though reading it was, like, a near-perfect experience.
Even I, who thinks the miscommunication part of any romance is the best part due to the fact that is the most angsty and suffering-based, thought there were about 7 miscommunications too many here.
And I could have used a bit more personality from our love interest. Maybe, I don't know, actually I take that back because men should leave being fun and characterized to women, who do it better.
Okay. End pep talk because it isn't working. This is an insanely cute and skipped-heartbeat-inducing book and I want to give it five stars for that alone.
Maybe I'll come back to it.
Bottom line: Yippee! There's nothing more fun than enjoying a romcom!
--------------- pre-review
this is an extremely cute book that simultaneously rivals normal people in anxiety-inducing miscommunication.
We're all familiar with ye olde expression if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.
But what if, hypothetically, I don't have We're all familiar with ye olde expression if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.
But what if, hypothetically, I don't have anything to say at all?
What if - let's just say - I read this book 5 weeks ago and have since put off reviewing it because I don't even know what I would put in the body of said review?
What if I felt so profoundly meh about every aspect of this (the characters, including our quirky protagonist and hyper-boring love interest; the romance between them; the friendships between them and a similarly boring royal couple; the happenings of a small town whose only interesting factoid is it's also an island) that I didn't WANT to say anything?
What then?
Bottom line: Meh!
--------------- pre-review
the unthinkable has happened once again (the worst part of a romance novel was the romance)
review to come / 2.5 stars
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
There is nothing more important to me than judging books by their covers.
I firmly believe that it is my god-given right to exist on this planet readinThere is nothing more important to me than judging books by their covers.
I firmly believe that it is my god-given right to exist on this planet reading only things that are pretty. And the fact that the point of that expression is that covers often belie their contents is the bane of my existence. Every time I read a pretty book and am disappointed, it takes a year off my life and one percent off my happiness.
So here we are. Dying younger and living sadder. Because this was...not a good read for me.
This is a misogynistic, poorly written Me Before You. Minus the ending.
There is so much to not be a fan of here.
Such as...
All the background characters being stereotype-based POC (A “huge black man.” A “tall black man” who is a drag queen. A Latinx married couple who are a housekeeper and gardener respectively.)
The love interest's nickname for the protagonist being..."goddess.
The most randomly inserted I love you of all time.
An insanely unbelievable and unprofessional work “subplot” that is probably the actual plot more than the romance is.
And probably the cheesiest ending to a book I have ever read in my life. If you read this book, read it only so you can get to that ending and talk to me about it, please.
Bottom line: This is a probably well-meaning but still all-time-worst-executed book.
Note: I read an advance copy of this book. Details are subject to change.
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
I enjoy a pleasant surprise. When I actually like something I didn't expect to like - that rules.My first Jasmine Guilllory and… :(
All I can say is :(
I enjoy a pleasant surprise. When I actually like something I didn't expect to like - that rules. So the fact that I liked everything that was unexpected about this book - subplots about mental health, family, work/life balance, charity, what have you - that was good.
But the fact that I didn't like every reason I was reading it...that, my friends, is an UNpleasant surprise.
The characters were a no. The romance was a no.
And so overall...this book wasn't a no. But it was a lot closer than my ideal.
Bottom line: Bummer!
--------------- pre-review
this was like "what if men were psychic and genetically enhanced to be perfect boyfriends" fanfiction.
review to come / 2.5
--------------- currently-reading updates
only cool people start a series six books in
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
HUGE fan of there being a book for children that: a) teaches science b) teaches who ACTUALLY invented that science c) teaches the existence and pervasiveHUGE fan of there being a book for children that: a) teaches science b) teaches who ACTUALLY invented that science c) teaches the existence and pervasiveness of misogyny, racism, and general bigotry and discrimination to our most moldable minds
This book rules! End discussion.
--------------- pre-review
ready to get mad.
update: am furious.
review to come / 3.5 stars
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
So maybe I've never gotten on a flight and landed thirty years later, like this girl, but I have lost a year of my early twenties to a pandemic-relateSo maybe I've never gotten on a flight and landed thirty years later, like this girl, but I have lost a year of my early twenties to a pandemic-related lockdown so it feels about the same.
Just kidding. Also get vaccinated.
This was just...whatever. It felt about one to two hundred pages too long. The romance icked me out so bad my shoulders were around my ears in a defensive cringe positioning for at least half of the aforementioned too-many pages. The characters were in a firm second place to the plotline.
I've only seen fifteen-second clips of the show Manifest, but here's what I got: Like the show Manifest, this is about a flight that goes missing in the air, with minutes passing for the passengers and years passing for everyone else.
Also like the show Manifest, it was not my cup of tea.
Bottom line: Too much pseudo science in my YA contemporary!
--------------- tbr review
uh, you're telling me, title!
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
This is about a rich kid (princess) and a poor kid (son of some guy who smells stuff in the forest for a living) who team up Here's all I have to say:
This is about a rich kid (princess) and a poor kid (son of some guy who smells stuff in the forest for a living) who team up and go on adventures in the woods.
It's cute. It's sweet. It's too much of both. It's fun. It's a good solid middle grade fantasy. I will probably not remember it for very long and that's fine.
Bottom line: This review is one of the shortest I've ever written and it's still unnecessarily long!
--------------- pre-review
cute + sweet overload.
review to come / 3 stars
--------------- tbr review
nothing hits quite like middle grade fantasy
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
a book that claims to be funny gets me every time.
now let's individually rate some stories!
STORY 1: BRIDAL BODY this is the most heavy handed unfunny ta book that claims to be funny gets me every time.
now let's individually rate some stories!
STORY 1: BRIDAL BODY this is the most heavy handed unfunny thing i have ever read. this is like if the quirky best friend character in a rom com was forced at gunpoint to write a short story on the spot. i am filled with raw fear at what the rest of this collection holds, because we appear to be beginning at rock bottom. rating: 1
STORY 2: THE FIRST INFLUENCER another title that promises complete unoriginality. i can't wait! this was already sickeningly unfunny (and also sickeningly gross) and then boom. rape joke. rock bottom is carving itself away to reveal a deeper, rockier bottom. which is a bummer because the ending of this would have been kind of cool, maybe making a good point. if i had felt generous. which i do not. rating: 1
STORY 3: THE SNOWMAN what we in the industry would call a one-joke premise. i'm not in the industry. rating: 2
STORY 4: DINNER AT EIGHT the joke of this story is that the narrator keeps switching and first is anti-semitic and then is sexist and then is ableist and then is racist. what fun. rating: 2
STORY 5: BIRTHDAY GIRL what the hell is the point of any of this. rating: 1.5
STORY 6: MY DEAREST CAROLINE okay this was actually very funny. rating: 4
STORY 7: THE ADVENTURE OF THE MISTAKEN RIGHT SWIPE jesus even this title is lame. super basic sherlock holmes situation, and also the right swipe in question was not even a mistake. rating: 1.5
STORY 8: MONSTER GOO a super-cool story about a fifty foot tall teenage boy getting f*cked by animals and inanimate objects against his will in exchange for money. rating: 1
STORY 9: ONE THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS there were moments that were funny in this that only made me more sad that the rest of this book is so not. rating: 2.5
STORY 10: FIRST KID, SECOND KID finally, some eldest child representation. i'm assuming. ugh god i hate parenting humor. add it to my list of reasons to never have children. rating: 1.5
STORY 11: THE BOYFRIEND IDENTITY please, for the love of god...tell me this isn't supposed to be a pun on the bourne identity. ... it was. rating: 1.5
STORY 12: THE SECRET MEETING OF THE WOMEN'S CLUB this f*cking sucks so f*cking much holy jesus. all powerful women secretly have penises. taylor swift denies the holocaust. basic man and blackface engager justin trudeau is labeled "honorary woman." gayle king's and ava duvernay's sole jobs are to prevent jane fonda from engaging in cultural appropriation. harriet tubman's life's work is a sequel to first wives club. if i die unexpectedly tell the world this story is the cause. rating: 1
STORY 13: THE TALE OF MR. MITTLEBURY, MILLENNIAL PIG please...no...not millennial jokes...i'm so weak...i can't take anymore...the words "avocado toast" will take me out for good... rating: 1
STORY 14: BIG TIME the titular story. the closer. the hundred-pager. so close to the end of this suffering...yet so far. this wasn't even that bad but i don't care. I'M DONE!!!! rating: 2.5
OVERALL i think this was one of the worst things i have ever read. rating: 1.5
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
update: not going to write a huge review of this one because it is so very personal! i will say that the degree to whicmemoir fan club reconvening now
update: not going to write a huge review of this one because it is so very personal! i will say that the degree to which sex is a part of this made me uncomfortable - not because that's not a valid way of the author writing it, but just the degree to which women were sex objects in the romantic/sexual parts of this book = not for me.
however - the author is incredibly inspirational, this is a good book, and i think that had more to do with writing style than any actual misogyny on the part of the author!
going to shut up now. i hate making precarious points.
bottom line: would recommend!!
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
this is good reporting and the unwillingness of white feminists to recognize the complicity of women in alt-right/white nationalist/racist/bigoted/etcthis is good reporting and the unwillingness of white feminists to recognize the complicity of women in alt-right/white nationalist/racist/bigoted/etc. movements is gross!
end review.
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
It turns out that funny banter-filled romantic spooky mythical creature-populated fantastical historical fiction has been something that we've been alIt turns out that funny banter-filled romantic spooky mythical creature-populated fantastical historical fiction has been something that we've been allowed to have this whole time??
So now I'm furious that this is the first time I, personally, have experienced this.
I have grown to realize that I don't even LIKE historical fiction, contrary to decades (okay, like one decade) of belief, which is why I put off reading this book for, uh, two years.
And then I got around to it and it somehow charmed even ME?
Yes, I had a hard time getting into it, and yes, there were times I had a hard time staying in it, but overall any book with mermaid gremlins and creepy children and romances beginning in graveyards where one party is a ghost...
All of those are for me.
Bottom line: One of a kind! Sadly.
--------------- pre-review
my 200th read of the year!
review to come / 3.5 stars
--------------- tbr review
ladies and gentlemen, we have a genre-bender
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
Here is what you need to know: - this is well-written - this is well-researched - this is charming AND interesting AND fun - this made me hungry - this conHere is what you need to know: - this is well-written - this is well-researched - this is charming AND interesting AND fun - this made me hungry - this contains a Which March Sister Are You quiz and it told me I'm Jo!!!!!!
For all of these reasons, especially the last one, I FIRMLY recommend this book.
Bottom line: SO good so cute so fun!
--------------- pre-review
possibly the cutest and most charming thing to ever exist.
review to come / 4 stars
--------------- currently-reading updates
i am going to read this, and then i am going to be hungry, and then i am going to use it as an excuse to rewatch greta gerwig's little women, and then i am going to cry through it like i always do.
planning is so important.
--------------- tbr review
never has a book sounded so perfect to me by title alone!
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challenging myself to read as many review copies as possible this month because i'm addicted to projects!
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