DEAR JANE: Doctors told me I only had six months to live - three years later I'm still alive but my life is RUINED
- Best-selling author Jane Green gives candid advice to a devastated woman
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Dear Jane,
Three years ago, I was diagnosed with non-alcoholic liver disease, and not long after, blood tests revealed that I had cancer.
The doctor who diagnosed me told me that the outlook was not positive, and that I likely only had six months to live. I sought a second opinion, and that doctor confirmed the initial prognosis.
After the initial shock, I decided that I was not going to allow myself to live in misery for the final months of my life. So I told my friends and loved ones, and began selling things and giving things away. I spent money like it was going out of style, I said ‘yes’ to all of the fun things that I’d never allowed myself to do.
And I prepared myself. I was ready.
But after that six month ‘deadline’ passed, my condition remained much the same. Three years later and I’m still here, as healthy as it’s possible to be with my condition, managing my disease just fine.
Dear Jane, I was told by doctors that I only had six months to live - three years later, I'm still alive but my life feels like it's over
I know most people would say it’s a blessing to have been given that kind of sentence, only to overcome it. But the truth is, it has ruined my life.
After telling everybody the news, I’m now too mortified to show my face in public or even talk to them on the phone. I feel like a fraud. I also learned what the people in my life truly think of me – the people who truly cared, and the ones that couldn’t give a s***.
The humiliation that I feel at the idea of people thinking I had faked this terminal diagnosis is just all-encompassing. Even my children have been thrown into turmoil by this.
What’s left of my life is ruined by shame. It truly feels as though things would have been better for everyone had the diagnosis been correct.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column
Please help me figure out what to do.
From,
Life or Death
Dear Life or Death,
I’m so sorry that shame is clouding such wonderful news, and that you are feeling nothing but mortification at this beautiful second chance.
You say it’s ruined your life, but you don’t specify what people have said, only what you believe they are thinking. If they are true friends, I would imagine they would be delighted at this second chance.
Miracles happen all the time, and how lucky you are to still be thriving despite such a devastating diagnosis.
Unless you’ve given them reason to doubt you, unless there is something I am missing, I would suggest you put the humiliation and shame aside, and carry on with living a good life.
You say your children have been thrown in turmoil, and I’m wondering why? Do they not believe this either? If this is the case, I’m wondering why you don’t show them your medical records, or bring them with to your next doctor’s appointment.
Certainly, if people are explicitly doubting your story, I would do just that – have your doctor provide evidence about how well you are doing despite all the odds pointing to a very different outcome.
Wishing you well.
