Spirituality and religion are not the same. This is an especially crucial distinction for many queer and trans people who have experienced trauma in church communities; many organized religions continue to target queer people through anti-LGBTQ+ doctrine, biased rites of passage that exclude same-sex couples, conversion therapy, and more. It can take years to emotionally process the pain these policies and practices cause, so it’s understandable that some in our community feel an aversion to anything even remotely associated with religion.
But for those who want to explore it, spirituality — defined broadly as beliefs and practices that center energy and connectivity beyond the physical world — can help you find healing, inner peace, and create stronger connections with yourself and your loved ones, living and dead. Encompassing a wide range of practices, traditions, and beliefs, spirituality can lead to powerful moments of self-discovery and celebration.
“Spirituality is a way of life. It’s a lifestyle that promotes mindfulness and growth,” Ashantè Fray, a spiritual teacher and CEO of Synchronized Souls Inc., tells Them. “It’s a journey that starts with a lot of education, reflection, and accountability.”
It’s important to note that for some people, spirituality does look like organized religion — but that’s only one of many ways to be spiritual. For others, it may involve energetic cleanses for your home and regular tarot card readings. It could involve working with a teacher, guide, guru, or curanderx within your specific spiritual tradition. It can also be as simple as daily mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling.
If you’re looking for a way to reinvigorate your queer spirituality journey, you may need advice on finding guides and healers within your specific sacred practice in your area. As a beginner, it’s important to vet your sources, shop ethically, and be sure you aren’t engaging in appropriation.
Read on for a comprehensive guide to creating your own unique spiritual journey toward wellness, self-love, and healing.
What is spirituality?
Spirituality is a broad term that generally refers to belief in connection and power beyond the physical realm, though it can manifest in many different forms. For some, it involves convening with nature, connecting with one’s ancestors, and embarking on traditional rites of passage throughout life. For others, spirituality can be more nebulous, with a focus on setting daily intentions, making time for meditation, and practicing mindfulness in our relationship with the world around us.
When we think of “spirituality,” many of us may think of specific religious symbols, texts, and services. While religion can play a large role in some people’s spiritual lives, others eschew organized faith entirely. This can be especially true if your queerness was stifled by the religious institutions in which you were raised.
Fray, for example, says that the religious beliefs that were “handed down” to them “limited and ostracized” their queer identity, but that “there was something magical about learning about spiritual practices that were grounded in my own Jamaican and African lineage.”
“My full acceptance of my spiritual beliefs didn’t come until I fully accepted my queer identity,” Fray says. “It gave me a sense of agency to connect to myself and start to heal.”
It’s important to note that spirituality isn’t always fixed throughout a person’s life. You may start off practicing one faith and later find that other spiritual practices are a better fit. At first, religion spoke to Lauren LeBeaux, a certified trauma-conscious yoga instructor. “I enjoyed the praise and worship and ‘always on time’ word of the Black Church,” she says. “But something was missing.” It wasn’t until later in life that she found her spiritual calling in trauma-conscious yoga, mindfulness, and shamanic energy healing.
Spirituality can truly look different for everyone. We are each on an individual journey of self-discovery, so it’s important to pay attention to what resonates with you and engage with your chosen practices with intention.
Where can I start my spiritual journey?
If you’re a newcomer to engaging with spirituality, it can be overwhelming to find a practice that works for you. But it’s all about trial and error. While not every practice is a one-size-fits-all approach, using different tools like writing, meditation, and mentorship can make our paths to spirituality easier. Here are just a few ways to incorporate spiritual practices into your life:
Putting your thoughts to paper can be a great gateway to manifestation and reflection. Decide when and how frequently you want to journal and then set a timer for 10 to 15 minutes, LeBeaux recommends.
“Just put pen to paper and allow whatever comes to your head and heart to come out onto the page,” she tells Them. “Try not to stop and think or edit yourself as you write. Allow yourself to dump everything onto the page.”
“Spirituality is about mindfulness and awareness,” Fray adds. “I found that journaling provides an opportunity for both.”
Meditation is part of many spiritual practices and organized religions across the globe, making it a great starting point for newcomers. For many people, meditation is central to their daily spiritual practices as a way to reflect on their feelings, find serenity before their day, and generally set personal intentions.
Meditation can be a “powerful tool for mental health,” LeBeaux says, and as easy as doing a ten-minute guided session on YouTube. “Do this every morning before you check emails or notifications,” she says. “Put yourself first on your to-do list.”
Connecting with your ancestors can be an important step to healing past trauma and guiding your spiritual journey. You can ask your ancestors for help, guidance, and protection by using an altar. LeBeaux recommends laying a white cloth on a table or floor, along with a white candle, photos of your ancestors, a cup of water, wine, or their favorite drink, and offerings like coins, food, and crystals. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like.
“This is a beautiful remembrance of their life and acknowledgment that you want them to join you on your continued journey,” LeBeaux says. “Be sure to keep your altar clean and refreshed often and watch for the signs that your ancestors are listening and answering.”
For many, using spiritual tools like crystals and candles can be a way to add dimension to their spiritual practice, whether it be to attract positive energy, repel negativity, or convene with ancestors. For example, amethyst is used for healing, purifying, and overall bodily health, while rose quartz is said to attract love and trust.
In some cases, spiritual tools like tarot cards and pendulums can also be used to reflect on what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen in a person’s life. Tarot card readings have been used for centuries to better understand where someone is at in their life and what lies ahead. You can pay a tarot reader to do a reading for you or buy your own deck if you decide you want to learn how to use them.
If you are going to use spiritual tools like tarot cards or crystals, purchase from reputable BIPOC-owned shops that source their materials ethically, as many precious stones and metals are acquired through underpaid labor and colonization.
“Choose to take accountability by choosing to invest your resources — time, energy and money — into souls and businesses who are constantly learning, innovating, and have integrity,” Fray says.
If you belong to a specific spiritual practice, you may need to find a guide in your area. For some, that can mean finding a new curanderx or healer. For others, it could look like reaching out to a new reiki practitioner.
Regardless of your specific spiritual practice, it’s important to find an expert you trust to guide you and answer any questions you may have. Spiritual spaces online and on social media are often overrun by bots, misinformation, and fake accounts, LeBeaux notes, so it’s important to be cautious, practice vigilance, and double-check credentials when reaching out.
It’s crucial to note that while trial and error can be part of your spiritual journey, this is not an excuse to appropriate closed spiritual practices, or traditions and rituals you must have familial connection to in order to participate in. It’s critical to do your research before engaging with specific traditions and avoid ones that seem unclear as to whether or not they belong to a closed practice.
How can I find spirituality without appropriating?
Cultural appropriation — or the use of sacred practices, aesthetics, and customs of a culture you do not belong to — is an ongoing issue among newcomers to spirituality. Yoga, for one, is an extremely popular spiritual practice. Over 36 million people practice it in the U.S. alone, but as LeBeaux points out, its popularity has also led it to become commercialized.
“Although its practice and teachings are overwhelmingly dominated by white teachers and practitioners in the West, yoga has both African and Indian origins,” LeBeaux says. “The very people who created the practice — Black and Brown people — are most often excluded from it due to lack of access and affordability, [but] would benefit the most because we experience a disparate degree of trauma as a result of white supremacy and racial injustice.”
In addition to people co-opting and profiting off of practices like yoga, the appropriation of spiritual traditions can also harm those practices in the long run. For example, white sage smudging and palo santo burning are both sacred to Indigenous people respectively in Turtle Island (North America) and Abya Yala (South America). Due to non-Native people buying up white sage, usually from non-Native businesses, the plant’s very existence is now under threat. Aside from the environmental impacts of spiritual appropriation, it’s just plain bad medicine to use a sacred herb that doesn’t belong to you.
It’s important to do research before engaging in any spiritual practice and find alternatives where you think you might be engaging in appropriation. Yoga practitioners looking to better their spiritual practice should consider supporting a Black and brown-owned yoga studio. Rather than cleansing your room with white sage or palo santo, try burning rosemary, lavender, or juniper.
“It may be unintentional, but it’s crucial to educate ourselves before engaging in spiritual practices,” Fray says. “We may not be aware of the ways that we are cherry-picking certain practices while culturally appropriating them.”
Understand that part of spirituality is continually learning and growing. For some of us, this means acknowledging when we’ve made a mistake — like using a tool of spirituality designed for a closed practice — and not doing it again.
Ultimately, there are no ethical alternatives to some spiritual practices because they are only meant for people with ancestral and familial connections to them, such as Hoodoo, Voodoo, Santeria, and Shamanism. These are closed spiritual practices that you should not engage in if you are an outsider.
“We cannot ignore the identities we’ve been given in this lifetime, simply because we feel more connected to another,” Fray says. “It’s important to remember these practices are protected by cultural heritage because of the sacredness of the practices.”
No matter what path toward spirituality you take, know that your journey is sacred. For many, spirituality is a way to find community, peace, and purpose throughout our lives. It can be an avenue of healing ancestral trauma, connecting more deeply with the earth, and being intentional in our daily actions.
“Your spiritual practice is a form of activism,” Fray says. “My spiritual practice allows me to fight injustice by embodying love, understanding, forgiveness, and justice in every aspect of my life every day.”
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