Sometimes we talk to our plants. Or we take long, hot showers. We obsess over skincare, over Netflix, over hot tea and good soup. Masturbation helps some; yoga others. It all falls under the umbrella of self-care, and practicing self-care has never been more important than now, as LGBTQ+ rights continue to be attacked with a historic slate of legislation targeting trans children, LGBTQ+ people in education, trans athletes, and more. Given these scary times, some might say self-care is downright essential.
What is self-care? According to Psychology Today, it’s “the mindful taking of time to pay attention to you, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that ensures that you are being cared for by you.” It’s about taking a moment to evaluate your anxiety, recenter yourself, and think about what activities make you feel cared for.
Practicing self-care means paying attention to your body’s needs, whether that be through creating art, cooking, meditation, or resting. The mental health awareness organization Active Minds states that “doing so enhances our ability to live fully, vibrantly, and effectively. The practice of self-care also reminds both you and others that your needs are valid and a priority.”
Below, we reached out to over a dozen expert queer healers — including traditional psychologists, as well as sex therapists, personal trainers, reiki masters, and hypnotists — to curate creative ways to take care of yourself right now. As you read, just remember that it’s up to you to seek joy, wellness, and guidance. It’s up to you to remain in touch with your body — whatever that looks like. It’s up to you to give yourself space to ponder, to make art, to have faith. And if that sounds like a responsibility, it is. But practicing self-care isn’t a chore. It’s an opportunity.
Complete The “Stress Response Cycle”
Educator and psychotherapist Andrea Glik likes to think of trauma in terms of antelopes. “When an antelope is being chased by a lion, it goes into survival mode. It either runs, fights back, or plays dead,” she tells Them. “Many of us are having these responses right now: We are leaving big cities, becoming angry with the government, or dropping into a depression.” The thing is, many of us are not taking the next step, or doing what Glik calls “completing our stress response cycle.” “After the antelope gets away or is free from the lion, it shakes off its body, literally releasing the stress (in the form of cortisol and adrenaline) through movement.” Self-care during the coronavirus outbreak, Glik suggests, means being more like the antelope. It means doing the “releasing we can do right now after every new trigger, piece of information, hour of the day as things progress: breath (breathing is movement), jumping jacks, plank pose until our arms shake (we can also be just like the antelope and shake too!), journal (writing is still release and movement), sigh, push against a wall, or just ask your body what it needs to do and do THAT.”
Seek Joy
As psychotherapist Lourdes Dolores Follins explains, the darkness in the world right now only amplifies the importance of seeking your own personal kind of joy. “Joy looks different for each of us, so it could be making a point to listening to the birds chirping in the morning, savoring a warm cup of tea/kava/hot chocolate/coffee, dancing just because you can, or looking at a picture of a younger version of yourself playing,” Follins tells Them. “When we only focus on the sad, anxiety-provoking things in the world, that tends to be all that we see.”
Seek Guidance
No self-care toolkit is complete with a single tool, of course, which is why Follins suggests seeking not only joy, but also wisdom — particularly the kind to be found through considering our ancestors. “This could mean turning to your personal ancestors and asking them for guidance, or asking yourself, ‘What would James Baldwin or Sylvia Rivera do in this moment?’”
Stay in Touch With Your Body
“Remaining physically active is imperative for everyone, especially queer folks, during self-distancing to maintain a healthy mind/body connection,” says Mar Keller, an experienced LGBTQ+ personal trainer. “Whether it be breathing exercises, stretching, weight lifting, or any sort of self massage or touch, remaining physically active and staying connected to your body is especially important for queer folks who might be triggered by the lack of control they have over the world’s current situation.”
Make Art
Staying creative isn’t just a fun use of your time while self-isolating. According to NYC-based art therapist Glenn M. Smulyan, it can also provide powerful mental health benefits. Whether through “collage, drawing, embroidery, painting, knitting, or coloring... your engagement with material communicates to the nervous system that you are in control and this can support us responding, not reacting, to a crisis situation,” Smulyan tells Them.
Give Yourself Space to Ponder
Lots of folks have more time on their hands than they’re used to these days. It’s easy to fill it by doing things that don’t necessarily make us feel great, like scrolling Instagram or checking the news. Instead, New York-based therapist Christina Tesoro advises spending that time in reflection. “Right now is a time for slowing down, resting, and dreaming, and collective dreaming is how we connect with each other when we can’t be together physically,” they tell Them. Best of all, sharing these reflections can create unexpected closeness: “The act of sharing your deepest, most private imaginings and fantasies is a profoundly intimate act, and you don’t need to be together in person to do it.”
Get Good Sleep
Sleep is more essential than you might think right now, even if you’re spending more time than ever lounging around: proper sleep is key to keeping your immune system healthy, your mind alert, and your body in the best shape it can be to make it through long periods of self-isolation. “The more stressed we are, the more sleep we need,” as Lourdes Dolores Follins reminds us. “So, if possible, make an effort to get more sleep — even if you think it’s too early to go to bed.”
Have Faith
Faith is, of course, a complicated subject, and can mean many different things to many different people. For reiki master Maria Liu, the nature of one’s faith is far less significant than their having it in something — anything. “Connect to your faith in the universe, in spirit, or whatever it is that you believe in,” Liu tells Them, “because faith has many proven benefits to your well being, especially in a time of crisis.”
Try Something New, Like Hypnosis
According to Joanne Davies, a certified hypnotist with 10 years of experience in the field, hypnosis “is a great way to remain grounded in our bodies while still having a much needed mental vacation. It can help us to trust our subconscious mind... It can remind us that we are going to be OK.” More like meditation than anything you’re likely to see on A&E, Davies’ practice intends to “help us visualize happier places, that give us some respite from the daily grind so we can return to it refreshed.”
Don't Lose Your Queerness
Amid all the fear and worry going on in the world, it’s easy to forget to do the things you normally do. It’s easy, in other words, to lose sight of yourself. Laura A. Jacobs, a psychotherapist who specializes in “therapy for lives inside and outside the box,” puts it another way: “Don’t lose your queerness,” they tell Them. “Try to shrink that pile of dirty laundry. Clean your home. Keep a daily routine. Bake cookies. (Chocolate chips are best. I recognize that others may have different preferences which is something I don’t fully understand, but I try to be nonjudgmental.) Netflix. (Chill if you can do it safely.) Let your freak flags still fly.”
Know That You Are Never Alone
We’re here for you. I know this is breaking the fourth wall, and that’s kind of weird, but these are weird times, and sometimes weird situations require weird solutions. Many of you all have reached out to me personally via email or Instagram to ask questions, raise concerns, or even to do a little copyediting (thanks!). It’s been a privilege to share what knowledge and/or resources I can. This crisis will not fray our connection to you. As the psychologist Monica Johnson says, “In the digital age, distancing and quarantine doesn't have to mean total isolation...Social intimacy doesn't require physical proximity.”
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