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13 years olds and no-secco

87 replies

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 10:45

Dd (13) went to a birthday party on Saturday night for a girl she's friends with in her year (8) at school.
There was about 13 girls there and the mum was there too.
I picked her up about 9.30 and she told me the mum had got some alcohol free Prosecco for them. Dd said she had tried it but it was horrible so discreetly left it on the table.

It's been playing on my mind and just doesn't sit right with me giving children that young alcohol free Prosecco.

I'm the daughter of an alcoholic so sometimes things can be a little triggering for me so not sure if I'm being over the top.

Is it like like trying makeup out? Trying to look grown up maybe? I'm just not sure.

I have older teens who have been allowed to drink around us after around 16/17 so I'm not anti alcohol and drink myself.

What do you think I'm I just being stupid?

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OP posts:

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troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:26

@anyolddinosaur no wouldn't have been bothered at all with appetiser but I think because it's not pretending to be alcohol.

But as you say essentially it's just other fizzy drink.

OP posts:

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:28

No im definitely not going to complain or even mention it to any of the other parents.

I suppose I'm just trying to figure it out.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:32

The thing is I do really dislike the drinking culture in this country...and looking at my friendship circle those who drink the most are the ones whose parents introduced it early. But I wouldn't be upset at the situation the op describes. A one off at her first teenage party is not going to set your dd down a road of drinking irresponsibly. To be fair there will be plenty of people who were necking cider at teen parties years ago!

CorylusAgain · 05/02/2024 11:32

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:20

@CorylusAgain oh god now I've just read your post!!!

Don't panic!
The hard line guidance is not to have alcohol under 15.
But the point researchers and charities are making is that alcohol affects a teenage brain differently to an adult brain. And no one knows what that impact will be. The majority will be fine drinking small amounts in their late teens, but not all of them.

minipie · 05/02/2024 11:33

Hmm my 11 year old had Champony at a party and it didn’t concern me at all. It’s basically Appletise in a champagne style bottle as far as I can tell.

I guess it could be said to be introducing them to the drinking culture early, but I think it was more trying to be celebratory and have something that looks a bit special. It’s more about the fancy bottle than what’s in it iyswim. I certainly don’t think having it will make my DD any more likely to want to try real alcohol. If anything she’ll probably be disappointed in future to find that actual alcohol doesn’t taste like appletise…

As a pp says, better this than Prime or one of those other high caffeine drinks that seem to be all the rage.

mindutopia · 05/02/2024 11:37

I wouldn't be thrilled with it, no. I'm sober and sometimes my dc do ask to try my AF drinks. I sometimes let them have a sip (mostly they think they are horrible). But I wouldn't serve AF drinks to anyone else's dc. It's about what it symbolises, not about the drink itself. They could have just as easily had some appletizer or some sprite with fancy garnishes. That would be fine. I wouldn't like the idea of pairing 'alcohol' (even if it's not) with celebration, even if no harm really came from it. That said, some parents are buying their 13 year olds actual alcohol for parties, so I suppose it could be worse.

CatamaranViper · 05/02/2024 11:39

So Nosecco and other non-alcoholic beverages like that try to imitate the taste (often unsuccessfully, but still they try).
I often buy alcohol free wine because I really enjoy the taste of wine but don't want to necessarily drink alcohol (and yes you do need to be over 18...same with grenadine which blew my mind). Mocktails often just taste of mixed fruit juices (similar to J2Os) or mixed fizzy pops and/or fruit juice. It often tastes nothing like real cocktails and there is no imitation alcoholic flavouring added.

I would definitely not be okay with this, mainly because I hadn't been asked. It's not okay for the parents to make that decision for you. I probably wouldn't complain, but I would be unhappy and I would be sitting down with DD to have a chat about drinking and your expectations of her.

My mam allowed us to drink from around 14. She bought us WKDs and Smirnoff Ice or low ABV beers. We could only drink these on special occasions such as Christmas or family celebrations and even then they were capped. Friends were not allowed to drink these unless their parents had explicitly consented directly to my parents. If their parents said no, then none of us could have any.

Callisto1 · 05/02/2024 11:44

The pretend alcohol wouldn't bother me any more than say nail painting and face masks bother me on 5 year olds. I find the copying of adult behaviour in kids strange.
Kids trying alcohol generally doesn't worry me. But I come from a culture where kids would routinely get a small amount of alcohol to try if they wanted. I think I first tried wine at 5 and hated it. I've never had alcohol issues and barely drink now unless for Christmas or special occasions.

OldTinHat · 05/02/2024 11:45

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:00

Even when you buy alcohol free in shops, you need to be over 18

Well apple juice, orange squash and milk are alcohol free. Surely you should need id to buy them then?

I've seen it in supermarkets. People buying AF drinks and being ID'd. The difference is AF drinks are packaged as being their alcoholic counterparts.

A carton of apple juice or a bottle of squash isn't remotely likely to be alcoholic.

Not sure how I would feel about my DC drinking Nosecco. It's just a soft drink in a fancy bottle at the end of the day. Like all AF drinks.

SirenSays · 05/02/2024 11:49

I think I'd view it the other way. Mocktails would likely look and taste far better and could encourage drinking more than a AF Prosecco

Bbq1 · 05/02/2024 11:51

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:00

Even when you buy alcohol free in shops, you need to be over 18

Well apple juice, orange squash and milk are alcohol free. Surely you should need id to buy them then?

You 100% need id to buy al free in shops and id to buy it in a bar to prove you're over 18.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 05/02/2024 12:03

This wouldn't have bothered me at all when DD was 13. When we had celebrations at home and were having a toast with champagne we used to give DD some pink lemonade in a champagne flute to make her feel grown up.

When the PTA organised the Y6 leavers party we had a mocktail bar as part of the theme. No one queried this.

When the 14th birthday parties started being arranged I was quite surprised to hear that there was an expectation that someone would sneak alcohol into the party - now that surprised me!

DD refused to have any kind of party for her 14th or 15th because she knew I'd confiscate any alcohol and she didn't want to be embarrassed.

The parties she goes to now at almost 16 always involve alcohol but I would feel too responsible for the safety of her guests to allow that in my home.

I'm not opposed to her having a little bit of alcohol every now and again but I don't want to be responsible for a group of drunk teenagers.

ContinentalBreakfast · 05/02/2024 12:03

I’d be happy with my youngest having some, but I’d check with other parents before giving any to her friends. I wouldn’t feel particularly uncomfortable about her being offered some without my knowledge. It’s a moot point, though - she has tried similar things and doesn’t like the taste.

ContinentalBreakfast · 05/02/2024 12:04

…drinking culture doesn’t seem particularly strong amongst my children and their friends; I think they have all been scarred by seeing their parents at parties.

RedHelenB · 05/02/2024 12:06

At 13 I'm surprised they were satisfied with nosesco tbh.

Growlybear83 · 05/02/2024 12:07

JaninaDuszejko · 05/02/2024 11:26

I think mocktails are different because they are just fun fruity drinks. Whereas alcohol free drinks that taste like alcohol are more closely related to drinking culture. Why not just have normal soft drinks? But I wonder if the girl was interested in trying her Mum's prosecco and so her Mum gave her some non-alcoholic stuff and it's now become a thing. I wouldn't complain about it, just think it's a bit strange.

DD1 has had alcopops at parties in the last year, the parents have always discussed it before to check we're OK with it. When she had her 16th party I asked if she wanted us to supply alcohol but she and her friends were quite happy to just have soft drinks. If they're not fussed either way I'm not going to push it.

I agree that some alcohol free guns and beers do taste like the real thing, but my husband has been drinking alcohol/very low alcohol wine for several years now and has tried every brand going, and there isn't one that I think tastes like real wine. I really do think nozecco or other AF wines would only put people off wine for life as they are so foul! 😆😆

Tryingandfailingagain · 05/02/2024 12:07

viridiano · 05/02/2024 11:01

I suppose I would be wondering why the mum felt like this was something she wanted to offer to a bunch of 13 year olds. Did they ask for it or did mum just get it and encourage them to try it? If so why?

It's all a bit weird, really. Kids don't really tend to be all that interested in alcohol these days anyway compared to how it was 20 years ago. I imagine mum probably wanted to be seen as cool, and it was more about her than the kids.

It wouldn't sit right with me. It's not only about it having no alcohol, it's the whole culture around alcohol, which is why you need ID to buy it and kids can't buy it.

Agree. It doesn’t sit right with me. It’s just…. “Off.”

I’d place a wager that it was more for show for the mum’s instagram stories and photos though, than about the 13yr olds….

Ultimately, there’s just no need, or sound reasoning for this. What’s wrong with a selection of soft drinks? 🤷🏼‍♀️

erinaceus · 05/02/2024 12:10

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:00

Even when you buy alcohol free in shops, you need to be over 18

Well apple juice, orange squash and milk are alcohol free. Surely you should need id to buy them then?

I listened to a podcast about low/no-alcohol beers which explained why this isn’t the case.

It is partly to do with marketing: manufacturers of low/no-alcohol beer do not want to be associated with leading under 18s to booze so they market their products to adults.

With this in mind I think you are reasonable to think if you wouldn’t be comfortable offering alcoholic drinks to that age child, no/low alcohol versions are also inappropriate. A better option is raspberry lemonade in champagne flutes or something along those lines.

Podcast: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001lyvr

Sliced Bread - Low and No Alcohol Beer - BBC Sounds

Are no or low-alcohol beers better for you than a regular pint?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001lyvr?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

viridiano · 05/02/2024 12:12

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:26

@anyolddinosaur no wouldn't have been bothered at all with appetiser but I think because it's not pretending to be alcohol.

But as you say essentially it's just other fizzy drink.

The thing is, if it's no different to any other fizzy drink, then why is the mum choosing to serve it instead of any other fizzy drink?

Why doesn't she just decant it into a plain plastic bottle and serve it as a soft drink, instead of calling it no-secco?

Answer - because it's not the same. It's all about psychology for the kids and how it's being framed.

Because it's 'cool', because it's 'like alcohol'... because of alcohol culture which the kids are being introduced to.

That's the problem with it.

scotmum16 · 05/02/2024 12:13

My daughter is 13 next week this wouldn't bother me tbh however those who have said at this age alcohol isn't an issue etc maybe it's a regional thing. I'm in Scotland and unfortunately my daughter has came home under the influence. I wasn't impressed in the slightest but the truth is alot of these girls look so much older or have older siblings who provide it.its becoming a real issue in my area atm even the local high school are saying there finding alot more preteens and under 16s being under the influence between this and vaping it's just minefield trying to control and the only way I've managed to get hold of it is not letting my daughter out with certain groups etc. my nerves are shot with it I'll be very honest

easylikeasundaymorn · 05/02/2024 12:15

Tryingandfailingagain · 05/02/2024 12:07

Agree. It doesn’t sit right with me. It’s just…. “Off.”

I’d place a wager that it was more for show for the mum’s instagram stories and photos though, than about the 13yr olds….

Ultimately, there’s just no need, or sound reasoning for this. What’s wrong with a selection of soft drinks? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

But in terms of the alcohol content it IS just one of "a selection of soft drinks". Perhaps the birthday girl asked for it and the mum agreed...at the very least the wide variety of opinions on this thread illustrate that a lot of people wouldn't even consider this to be inappropriate in anyway thus it seems a huge leap to be attributing it to the mum being "off"/wanting to look like the "cool mum" or posting it on her Instagram stories, all without the slightest bit of proof at all.

I'm more on the "It's like practicing make up" for young girls train...something fun they can do as a one off that's similar to what adults do (as recognition of the fact 13 is a transitional age and they're growing up) but not the same.

Tbh when I was growing up most people I know were sneakily drinking actual alcohol aged 13/14 so pearl clutching at what is essentially fizzy juice in a prosecco-shaped bottle does seem odd to me!

Sparklyhat · 05/02/2024 12:23

I dont think it's a big deal. It's was a one off for a special birthday. I saw photos from someone on FB's DD 13th birthday party. They hired a DJ for a big party in the garden, 13 year olds drinking WKD clearly in the photos, tiny revealing dresses. Now that I would have a problem with!

flatmop · 05/02/2024 12:24

I can't remember the name of it but when I lived in France there was a sparkling grape juice the kids used to have to toast at family celebrations while the adults had champagne. I see no-secco as something similar so it shouldn't bother me. For some reason it still does but not enough that I would say something.

I think it's the link to the wine culture we have here. Something that suggests we all need to get carried away with wine or Prosecco everytime we meet our friends or that you can't have fun without it or that drinking is the only option after a hard day at work. I'm probably over sensitive as I'm an alcoholic in the early stages of recovery and still desperately want to drink wine everyday 😭

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Cazpar · 05/02/2024 12:30

It's just a jazzed up overpriced fizzy drink.

Raise your daughter to have a healthy approach to alcohol and you'll be fine.

Andthereyougo · 05/02/2024 12:33

Use it as a conversation starter about alcohol and how we never need to be pressurised to drink. Your dd was sensible leaving a drink she didn’t like, you can build on that.

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