The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks Quotes

“I like my morning coffee so strong it will wake up the neighbors. And if that doesn't work, I'll start playing my tuba.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Before the blue of night meets the pink of sunrise, there is a transition of lavender. It's a gradient of color that stretches its fade through time, and that gives each moment a unique and exquisite existence.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“There is no romance if there is no fog. When everything is clear, there's no element of mystery. In The Ozarks, mystique is ubiquitous.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“In a Lake of Clouds, there's only one thing you can fish for: Dreams. Mostly I catch mine, but sometimes I catch yours, and I must say I am flattered to always see myself as the co-star in your subconscious fantasies.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Turn the music down, and when you hit zero decibels—turn it down even more. Negative volume produces the most beautiful dancing.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Can we go back to the way things were, before life got so complicated with the wheel and then the three other wheels?”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Love makes the world go round. Too bad love doesn’t make the world go other shapes, like Table Rock Lake.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“A lot of wisdom goes to waste because people speak it openly into the air during conversations, and it dissipates into the atmosphere without raining back down in the form of written text to be read in the future.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Francis Bacon has the most delicious last name ever, followed closely by Johnny Scrambledeggs. I golf like those two guys make breakfast out of family reunions.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“No matter which end of a hotdog you take your first bite from, I’ll tell you you’re eating it backwards. I’m serious, I think you may be dyslexic.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“I should design door handles made of flowing water. To open, pull like salmon swim.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Only Bob Dylan knows which of his songs belong in the trash and which belong in the garbage. I’m so ignorant, I’d say either one works.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Water doesn’t shape like clay when you move it with your hands. I've spent a lot of time swimming, and none of my motion art stayed in place. All my aqua sculpting rippled into the future, never to be seen again.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“By 2030 I won't need to carry any Portable Communication Device, because by then I will have mastered the art of telepathy. I've been practicing in the mirror.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“The truth is that the truth isn’t hiding. It’s out in the open—it’s the people that are hiding from the truth.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“All my failures as a human being I blame on my father. Life is about accepting responsibility, and it’s time my father started being held accountable for my deficiencies.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“I once saw a waterfall walk up a flight of stairs, when it could have easily taken the escalator. That's what I would have done, if I were composed of 40% more H2O.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Play your saxophone like a quacking duck. An electric guitar full of lightning doesn't even have that energy.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“This is the Los Angeles Lakers of sunsets. Purple and yellow, it reminds me of Larry Bird.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Yesterday I played a round of golf. I just kept hitting the ball in circles, but never getting it in the circles they call holes.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“The song’s advice said, “Play that funky music, white boy.” So, I took up the xylophone.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Cash rich is future poor. Back in 1913, I could have almost bought a mansion for the price of a cup of coffee today.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“You might be asking yourself, "Jarod, why did you write something that maybe one person is going to read?" The answer is easy: Because that gives me a larger audience than The Washington Post.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“On nights like this, I feel like Henry Rowe Schoolcraft as I venture into the wild. Henry made it his craft to school people about the area, becoming The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“In the Arkansas section of The Ozarks, you’ll find water so blue it’s almost green. Around here, and anywhere people aren’t colorblind, we call that teal.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“The Red Hot Chili Peppers have a great song about a bridge. And I can relate, because I love spicy food.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“In high school, I was on the carpentry team, but I got benched. It was awkward sitting on it while my teammates built it.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Coffee, it's the original energy drink. After I chug this I'll feel like I could run a marathon, but I won't, because I have two Rubik's Cubes for knees, and they still need to be solved.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“First Artificial Intelligence stole all the jobs. Then it snatched up all the people off the streets at night, and now I'm left alone, playing my saxophone at the moon.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“I like mini-golf. For me, it’s like long-billiards, where the green has contours, and the table is the floor. This putt-putt course is dilapidated, but that just makes it more challenging.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks