I bought this on impulse because I liked the title and you just don't really see many romance novels set in the ancient world. As soon as I found out this was set in ancient Rome, I was like YAAAAAAS. Also, it doesn't hurt that this edition also has a gorgeous stepback featured in black and white on the inside cover.
THE WARLORD'S MISTRESS is about Dana/Dania, a Celtic woman living in what I believe is Wales. She is part of the Boar Hill tribe and a member of the Briganti, traditional folk who worship Brigid and other Celtic gods. She is a very young woman who has been in a marriage with her husband, Con, for a year. In that year, her husband has been a real tool and she hasn't born him any children. According to tradition, that means they can separate, but Con's father, the druid, thinks it would be real neat to sacrifice her to the gods. You know, for funsies.
Luckily, Dania's father is the chief and he intervenes. No, he says, let's sacrifice Con instead. After a panic, it's decided on a compromise. Dania will leave her clan and act as a spy for their tribe to observe the Romans several towns over in their outpost in Coria and gather intel. They brand her to prove her loyalty and keep her from fraternizing. At first, she is a weaver but she finds out it's more lucrative-- and empowering to other women-- to start and run her own brothel, where she also doles out medical treatments and advice, and has the ear of some of the most influential Roman soldiers in the area. Call it a win/win.
But that's until Fabian enters the scene. Fabian is a high-ranking tribune and he doesn't think that Dania is as innocent as she pretends. He's also attracted to her AF and won't take no for an answer. In this house, we stan an alpha hero who isn't rapey but knows how to be a Sexy McManlyman. I loved the intrigue elements and how strong Dania was. A lot of Harlequin romances can feel very dialed in and have a sort of "painting by the numbers" vibe to them, but this one was so fleshed out and I loved all of the action and side characters. You really feel for Dania and how she's pulled in both directions, both by her brother, the new chieftain who has become corrupted with power, and Fabian, who has a soft spot for her but is ultimately motivated by ambition and duty. It's a dangerous, delicious game.
Also, there's some pretty steamy scenes in here. Like, polish-your-glasses/it's-getting-hot-in-here steamy. I was not prepared for this level of spice. It's a damn shame too because none of my friends have read this author and I'd never even heard of her, but after thrifting this book and loving it, I'm probably going to get the rest of her works on Kindle. This was just pure, self-indulgent fun.
I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would. I mostly bought it because I'm obsessed with Ancient Rome, and the ebook is ridiculously cheap ($1.49). It's a short book, and until the end, when it takes a dark turn, is on par with one of the bite-sized Harlequin Historicals in terms of mood, style, and atmosphere.
Phadera is the daughter of a Senator. Her mother is dead, and money runs through her father's hands like water as he gleefully spends money to keep his Seat. To secure his political position and get $$$, he has decided to marry Phaedra off to another Senator, a man old enough to be her father: Marcus.
On the day of her wedding, Phaedra's father hires two gladiators to fight for the pleasure of the crowd. One of these is Valens Secundus, Rome's Champion. Phaedra finds him attractive, especially in contrast to her husband, and the two of them end up talking briefly in the gardens about fate and position in society, and pledging to change the lot that fate handed to them for the better.
Several years pass, and neither of them has forgotten the other. Phaedra's husband is now dead and Valens has mostly retired from the Arena. However, a new man has stepped into the picture. This new man is Marcus's nephew, Acestes, who wants Phaedra for himself. And he will stop at nothing to get her, even if it means blood. It's been a while since I hated a character so much. He was awful.
THE GLADIATOR'S MISTRESS was a fun read. Phaedra is kind of a passive, spineless heroine, but she didn't quite border on TSTL, and seemed to have located her backbone in the last act (but only after it was basically handed to her - *sigh*). I really liked Valens. He is a kind hero, and strong. The secondary characters, Terenita, Baro, and Fortunada, were good too, and I see that the second book in this series is about Baro's and Fortunada's story. Acestes, as I said, was a pig. I liked the action scenes and the descriptions, and I think if you like HQ historicals, you'll enjoy this book as well.
This book review is brought to you by Chardonnay. Chardonnay all day, er'y day. 🍷✨
When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with two things: Dinosaurs and Ancient Egypt. Today, that obsession has mellowed out into a chipper, "Oh, there's a romance novel about that subject? Let me just get right on that." Especially if they're free or on sale (I feel like the vast majority of my romance novel reviews either begin with "I got this when it was on sale" or "a publisher gave this to me and I'm a trash queen who can't say no").
LORD OF THE NILE was on sale for 99-cents a while ago as part of a Kindle Countdown Deal (and I'm a trash queen who can't say no). Danae is the daughter of an Egyptian animal tamer. He's on his deathbed and takes that dire moment to drop a major truth bomb: she's not his real daughter. He can't - or won't - tell her who her real parents are, but he does tell her that she needs to beat it or her not-cousin is going to abduct her as his sex slave when he inherits.
So, Danae flees to Egypt to make nice with Ptolemy in the hopes of keeping her freedom. On the way, she meets this guy named Ramtat, who she meets when he's in Roman garb but then appears to be an Egyptian soldier later on, after he changes costumes. It turns out that he's a double-agent for Caesar and because of what she saw, Caesar now wants her dead. Instead of killing her, y'know because penis, he abducts her to his Bedouin camp in the desert because not only is he an Egyptian soldier acting as double agent to Caesar and the Romans, he's also a Bedouin sheik. Of course.
I made it to the end of this book, but barely. I didn't really care for the hero or the heroine and I thought their romance happened far too quickly given the circumstances. Ramtat did some pretty skeazy things and then tried to play the nice guy card. Yeah, good luck with that. I can stomach heroes who do bad things but it has to be treated with the proper gravitas. Danae had potential - I thought the idea of a female animal tamer was neat - but that wasn't really put into action in the story and she actually came across as fairly helpless.
Honestly, a book about court intrigue revolving around Cleopatra, Ptolemy, and Caesar could have been so good but this was Grand Central Trash Station™ and not in the fun and racy Rosemary Rogers sort of way. It was fun to see the creep cousin get his comeuppance at the end, though.
Also, fun fact: this book came out when I was still in high school, and I think that thought is scary enough that it warrants another glass of Chardonnay.
Virginia Henley is one of those authors who shows up on a lot of "best of" historical romance lists, but I'd never actually read any of her work. When the e-book version of ENSLAVED went on sale for $1.99 a few weeks ago, it seemed like it was meant to be. I'm pretty well known for my reviews of historical romance reviews, and I've had a couple people asking me to write more snarky bodice ripper reviews. ENSLAVED was the perfect book to break my hiatus! Better still; I got my friend and co-mod, Sarah, to agree to read it with me. Bad HR novels are always better with friends. Always.
The best way to describe ENSLAVED is that it's like if you wrote a historical romance novel following the template of a play. There are three "acts" in this book, and they don't really fit together as well as they should because so much of what cinches them together relies on heavy suspension of disbelief.
***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***
Act I sets the stage. We meet our heroine, Diana. An heiress who is under the guardianship of her horrible aunt and uncle. They desperately want her money, and plan to be rid of her by marrying her to a wastrel who is up to his ears in debt, Peter Hardwick. Diana isn't attracted to Peter at all, even though he's very good looking, because he's a fop and she likes real, "manly" men: Conquerors. Knights. She thinks it would be so much better to live in medieval times than Georgian times. But her aunt and uncle are determined and will stoop to anything in order to see Diana out of their way.
This part of the book is probably my favorite because I thought it was hilarious how Diana managed to find ways to spite her horrible relatives, and her relationship with Peter and his (uncle??), Mark Hardwick, were interesting. I liked her encounters with the stuffy Earl, and how she flaunted his desire for her at any opportunity, rather than sinking to her knees in a puddle of lust.
Act II occurs after Diana randomly decides to "try on" a Roman helmet and it transports her to Ancient Rome. She's almost crushed by the patrician, Marcus Magnus, who manages to stop just in time and is so taken by her blonde hair and violet eyes that he decides to enslave her on the spot. He isn't pleased when she doesn't want to sleep with him, so he sets her to floor-scrubbing, and Diana hates menial labor so much that she ends up giving in and then the sexings start in earnest, with horrible phrases like "manroot" and "love slick" and "dark honeyed cave" and "creamy with craving" along with countless uses of "marble-hard" and allusions to peens as swords, with cringe-worthy double-entendres like "I shall bloody you, but not with my whip" to refer to taking someone's virginity and referring to sex as "swordplay."
This part of the book takes place in Nero's Rome, and obviously Nero is the bad guy and obviously since he is the bad guy, he is bisexual but prefers the company of men (as villains of romance novels of this time period often do). The hero's brother, Petrius (like Peter - get it), is also bisexual, and he and Nero end up getting it on later in a weird D&S-style relationship while plotting to ruin the relationship of Diana and Marcus. Petrius has it in for Diana because his attempt to woo her with animal sacrifice (warning: a cute baby lamb dies in this book) and rape did not go well, so now nobody else is allowed to have her since she spurned his "affections." Shockingly, his attempt to murder Diana succeeds. She's taken to the Circus Maximus, and turned into a human torch while having lions sicced on her, and her suffering ends when Marcus stabs her to put her out of her misery.
Act III takes place after Diana's "death". Being stabbed has put her back in the present, where she learns that she's been missing for months. Her relatives have declared her dead and taken her money and are none too pleased to have her return. Diana ends up under the care of Mark, who is Marcus's descendant, and who she now loves thanks to her stint in Rome. They start having the sexings. Diana spurns Peter. The guardians get a doctor to commit Diana to an asylum on the pretext that she is delusional because she believes she really did go to Rome. It turns out that Mark has "past memories" of his life as Marcus now for some reason(????). He rescues Diana from the asylum and together, they blackmail the evil relatives into giving them permission to marry. Peter tries to kill Diana and Mark and ends up getting thrown from the roof. Everyone lives happily ever after. The end.
There was a gritty bodice ripper in here fighting desperately to get out, but it was drowning in Bertrice Small-level purple prose and bad plotting. The three-act formula didn't work because part I feels like the opening to a different book from part II and part III weakly attempts to tie parts I and II together by bringing up past lives and hinging on odd coincidences. Plus, the writing is bad. At one point, Diana actually says "Ohmigod." And it's written just like that, too. Cringe.
I know the way bisexuality is handled in this book is also bound to upset people, but I'm afraid that was par for the course in many vintage historical romance novels. Many villains of vintage historical roms were either bisexual, gay, or homoerotic (i.e. they only wanted to have anal sex and/or had a weird, UST-turned-to-rage style obsession with the hero).
Did I enjoy this book? Yes and no. It was fun to laugh at, and was so over the top at times that it was genuinely entertaining, but other times it was plodding and dull. I've said this before and I'll say it again. 90s "bodice rippers" were part of an uncomfortable transitional period in the historical romance timeline where writers were seemingly trying to clean up the unsavory aspects of 70s and 80s bodice rippers (villainous heroes, unambiguous rape scenes, graphic torture, racism, misogyny) while also trying to keep that same gritty edge. What ends up happening, though, is that you get bland romance with alpha d-bag heroes who stop just short of rape with total, over-the-top cray-cray villains who are probably rejected "heroes" who escaped the archives of unpublished bodice rippers that never made it past the 80s and dead-pissed about it. I wanted to give this book a 1* for annoying me so much, but I made it to the end and it gave me some much-needed laughs, so I'll round up.
Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨
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