💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Literary Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
I was curious about this book before the TV show came out, but the TV show made me even more curious. Aidan Turner is gorgeous, and it seemed like PBS was running with Ross Poldark to compete with Starz's Outlander, albeit without all the torture and rape. A Georgian-era romance set in Cornwall that transcends class and features an impoverished nobleman who cares a little too much about his tenants for society's liking? Hell yes!
ROSS POLDARK is not a very long book but it took me forever to read. In fact, I think it took me longer to read than OUTLANDER did, which is hilarious because OUTLANDER is twice as long (at least) as this book. The problem is the pacing - it is slow and plodding. I think part of that might be chalked up to the book's age; it was published in the 1940s and I think people were more willing to wait for a good thing back then. Now, access to internet and other technologies has shortened people's attention spans and increased the desire for instant gratification.
Ross Poldark, the eponymous hero, is part of the noble Poldark family. He has just returned from fighting in America - I'm guessing in what was the Revolutionary War - and has returned from Cornwall to find that the woman he was in love with has gotten engaged to his cousin instead. Morose, he turns to alcohol and the minding of the mine on his property, as well as the wellbeing of the people and their families who work in it. His care for his people is what prompts him to take in a girl, Demelza, from her abusive household and hire her on as his servant. It also prompts him to intervene when a man is caught poaching for his starving family.
There's some action in this book, but it's interspersed between long periods of nothing. I also didn't realize that this was going to be a guardian and ward romance, which I am sometimes into, but not when the ward begins the story as an actual child. I've expanded on my feelings about that more in other reviews, but basically I feel like it's a violation of a child's trust in a parental figure to turn that sort of relationship into a sexual one. The way that Verity's (Poldark's other cousin) relationship to a wife-beater is also portrayed in here wasn't great, either. I get that it's a different time and women were still considered chattel and beatings were only in poor taste if they were public or debilitating, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant to read about in the here and now (even off the page).
Overall, my feelings with this book are pretty lukewarm. It wasn't awful and I liked Ross Poldark, the cranky but well-meaning old drunk, but the story was boring and the writing didn't blow me away. I have books two and three on my Kindle so let's see if I can bring myself to get around to those later.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Motorcycle/MC Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
Ladies and gentlemen (and other dignified personages who may not identify as either), today is a monumental day in history. Today is the day that I found a motorcycle romance that I actually loved.
I know. I didn't think it was possible either.
Motorcycle/MC club romances are my least favorite genre of romance. All the ones I've read have been awful Sons of Anarchy knockoffs, with total cavemen heroes who swear a lot and treat women like garbage. I know that does it for some people, but I hate the unintelligent brutish alpha male stereotype, and avoid reading them whenever possible because it never ends well.
However, my romance group - the Unapologetic Romance Readers - has a yearly challenge that encourages people to read romances that they might not typically enjoy or, indeed, even go out of their way to avoid, which is how come every year I end up reading things like Amish romances (although we retired that category this year), rock star romances (another disliked trope of mine), and yes, of course, motorcycle romances.
One thing I do like, however, are diverse romances. And while this is not a genre, it is a type of romance that often does not get the publicity or attention it deserves. Lately, I've gotten into #romanceclass romances, which are romance novels written and published by a group of Filipino women, and headed by Mina V. Esguerra. This month of August they are having this event where a number of their works are discounted or free each day, to encourage people to keep checking back to see which ones are the daily specials.
I bought TAME THE KITTEN after several days of deliberation. Even though it was a motorcycle romance, the premise sounded really great. The heroine, Kit Torres, is not Filipina (the first of these #romanceclass novellas I've read to not have a Filipina heroine); she is a Puerto Rican woman living in New York. She works as an HR manager for an investment firm, and enjoys sticking it to the mostly-male offenders (although she would not phrase it as such).
One day, her male boss comes to her and tells her that he has a rich and famous potential client who's acting highly reluctant about signing with them. He wants her to babysit the client and take him around New York to show him a good time. To cinch his Creepmaster status, he even leverages the promotion she's angling for, and makes it contingent on the would-be-client's membership.
Kit reluctantly agrees - and then is immediately outraged when she finds out that the client, professional motorcycle racer Fabrizio Magnani, is the same reckless driver who nearly hit her as she was getting out of her taxi as she was going to work. Initially, she dislikes him, but she also finds him very attractive. Something Fab capitalizes on when he tells her that he'll only agree to each stage of the membership process if she goes out on a date with him following each "step."
Friends, this is such a good book. It sounds cheesy, like so many other romances of convenience of this type, but manages to be better and deeper (heh) than any of them. First, there's some pretty hot fem-dom action in here, which I wasn't expecting but was totally welcome, because romance needs more sex scenes about woman taking charge. And take charge Kit does (and it's hot). Second, the characters actually have some really great discussions with one another which is the source of their gradual connection, and it's actually meaningful. Their dates are also great - at one point, they go to an authentic New York ramen shop, and at another they go to a vintage punk clothing store and pick out clothes for each other to try on. Third, this book has some great conversations about what it means to be a professional woman - especially a professional woman of color - without being heavy-handed. Kit has a conversation with her coworker, Tamara, that's very moving and accurate.
Who knew that the answers to all my frustrations with the romance genre lay across the ocean? I'm not kidding, all of these #romanceclass romances are gold, and I've read about ten of them so far, and they've just been subverting one trope after another, and featuring leads of color. I am shooketh.
Get on this romance train, you guys. #FilipinoRomances are the future.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Scottish/Highlander Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
First of all, big thanks to my friend MG, who was kind enough to lend me this book on Kindle. I was desperately trying to find a Scottish romance to fulfill the category for my romance challenge after the one Scottish romance I owned didn't pan out (spoiler: it was a Maya Banks book). She said this book was one of her favorites, and I love her taste in books, so I was excited to read it.
Unfortunately, even though I am very grateful for my friend's kindness, I didn't end up caring for this book much at all.
The plot is pretty simple. Espy is a talented healer who had an equally talented physician as a father. Her father traveled a lot to foreign lands and learned a variety of experimental and unconventional techniques, which made him a figure of ridicule and suspicion among some of his more orthodox peers. Espy, armed with those same techniques, is overseeing the birth of a Scottish clanleader's wife when we meet her at the beginning of the book. The wife is hemorrhaging and begging Espy to save her child, but the (male) physician present convinces the clanleader that Espy has killed his wife, and she is hurled out of the tent, and informed in no uncertain terms that if she returns, it will mean her death - or worse.
So of course, many years later, Espy returns, because her grandmother Cyra still resides in the village. She's still haunted by that woman's death, but now she has new ghosts to terrorize her as well, in addition to a fresh scar on her face. When the clanleader, a man named Craven, finds out she's back, he fully intends to torture her. But when he sees how sickly and pathetic she looks, he agrees to let her grandmother nurse her back to health just so it will be more satisfying for him to break her later. What a prize, right? Now would be a good time to inform you that this man is the love interest.
When Espy inevitably recovers and is taken to the village proper to receive her fate, she is accosted by many members of the clan who have had to deal without healer or physician this entire time, and have injuries that run the gamut of splinter to serious infection. Craven observes her usefulness and decides that maybe torturing her isn't the best route - especially when new evidence arises that suggests that perhaps the physician and not Espy was the culprit responsible for what looks to have been the premeditated murder of his late-wife.
I liked the healing scenes, because I'm a sucker for healer and doctor characters. It's part of the reason I loved THE KING'S MAN and OUTLANDER so much. There is something selfless about people who devote their lives to the healing of those who are sick or wounded, and I love that. I also thought the murder mystery element of TO LOVE A HIGHLANDER was well done. Sometimes romance novels include murder as if it's an afterthought, something to prolong the tension or to bulk up a skimpy page count, but Donna Fletcher did a good job incorporating it into the story, I thought.
What I didn't like was the hero. He is one of those uber-alpha dudes, the kind who choke women to show off their superior power and get their attention (he chokes Espy several times). When she's his prisoner, he followers her around constantly and berates her for disappearing without telling him where she's going first, which I guess is understandable. However, he does the same thing when he decides he likes her, telling her that he expects to know where she is "at every moment." Ha ha, no. I get that this is a medieval romance, so this mindset is probably accurate, but it was still very annoying, and I didn't really see much to redeem him by the end of the book. I thought he was awful.
Espy also verges on TSTL territory. She's constantly wandering off into the face of danger, and what was frustrating to me is that she's obviously far more educated than a woman of her time would typically be, and given her history you would think that she would have learned caution, but no. Her stupidity was the turning point for many a plot revelation and it was extremely irritating to see the story moved along by such poor decision-making. It really made the plot drag a lot.
TO LOVE A HIGHLANDER isn't a bad book, but it wasn't a particularly good one, either. There were a lot of typos, the writing was pretty basic, and the hero was a turd.
At least I have finally read and finished my Scottish romance challenge, though! :)
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Paranormal Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
Look at that cover - oh my God, the pose, the costumes, the cheese. This is what I live for, as a reviewer of vintage romance novels. Bad romance covers are a key part of the Old Skool Experience™. That said, once I got over the low resolution Photoshop job and what is either a B-movie vampire wearing a Target Halloween costume or an innovative male stripper wearing a pair of armpit tassels, I noticed the small blurb at the top that said, "A breathtaking vampire romance in the tradition of LINDA LAEL MILLER." Once I stopped giggling over the (I'm assuming) unintentional pun of "breathtaking" to refer to a vampire romance, I was like, "Wait, why does Linda Lael Miller sound so familiar?"
...Oh wait, I remember. She's that lady who wrote FOREVER AND THE NIGHT: the romance novel that has the dubious honor of being one of the worst vampire novels I ever read, due to "Anglo-Saxon" sex words, eyelid-licking, and Nazi costumes.
And this book is written "in the tradition" of... that.
To PRINCE OF THE NIGHT's credit, it isn't quite that cringe-worthy, but it's still pretty bad. What makes this sad, is that the book actually has a really great start. Cordelia is an upstanding young English miss. She's escorting her pregnant cousin, Mary, and her maid Ellen, to this reclusive Italian estate called the Three Fountains - allegedly a long-forgotten home owned by her father. When she gets there, she's shocked to find out that the estate - which is really more of a sprawling mansion - already has an owner, the Count of Albion.
Right away, things are super suspicious. There are several murders, which may or may not have to do with the Second Italian War of Independence; the Count has a number of young boys as servants, avoids being in their company, won't eat the food, and makes a creepy comment about Cordelia being a virgin; and, oh yes, the two Austrian soldiers who escorted Mary and Cordelia to the castle from the inn seem super suspicious of everyone - especially Cordelia - and nobody takes her suspicious seriously, except for the Count's sinister and elderly maid.
As I said, the beginning is great, and has that claustrophobic, gothic vibe I've grown to love, and pays a brilliant homage to the original Dracula novel written by Bram Stoker. All that changes when Cordelia finally acknowledges her attraction to Dakon (Count Albion), which in my opinion happens much too quickly, and things start getting weird as Jasmine Cresswell starts playing around with the vampire mythology in order to make it her own.
First of all, the vampires in this world come from outer-space. That's right. They are aliens.
Second of all, they can only impregnate virgins.
"It's true, then? The count must drink human blood in order to live?" "Only at ... certain times," Anna said. "For years he has tried to make do with the blood of young boys, but there is no substitute for the blood of a female virgin where my master is concerned." "The blood of men and women is the same - " "No, signorina, it cannot be, and the blood of virgins seems more potent than any other. His people have discovered that they can only produce offspring if their female partners are virgin" (250).
Third of all, all vampire offspring created with humans are male because the coupling is so violent.
"It seems so strange. In your own world, girls must presumably have been born in equal numbers with boys, so what is it about joining with human females that causes only boys to be born?" For a moment, Dakon didn't respond. "Our scientists have concluded that the violence inherent in the act of mating with a human determines that the offspring of the union will always be male," he said. His voice was harsh, and he obviously disliked reminding her of the brutal reality of his nature (302).
Vampires apparently go through this mating frenzy where they lose control to the point of rape. They can also kill by tearing the throat of the person they're mating with. So how do you get a girl?
"Perhaps they have not examined the situation from the correct point of view," Cordelia said. "But it seems to me that if you insure that the mating between a Vam-pyr and a human female is not violent, then the child resulting from that union will be a girl" (302).
So, need a boy child? Use your human wife ill. Need a girl child? Love her tender.
You know what makes this even more disturbing, though? When Dakon and Cordelia (inevitably) have a child - and of course it's a girl - and show her to her vampire grandfather, he's shocked.
ZArymp (lol) shook his head in bewilderment. "Vampire babies are always boys. For four thousand years, no Vam-pyr has ever fathered a female child" (377).
What the flipping-frick. That's got terrifying implications. For FOUR THOUSAND YEARS, vampires have been gleefully and violently ill-using humans, and nobody took a moment to stop and think, "Hmm, maybe we should be subverting the violence that's inherent in the system?" Nobody?
The sex scenes are all pretty terrible, too. Vampires were, historically, an interesting and "safe" allegory of earthly sexuality without totally offending Victorian sensibilities. Cresswell really takes the phallic imagery of a vampire's fangs and runs with it.
His sacs burst instantly, sending mating fluid streaming into the tiny openings he had made in Cordelia's throat. His whole body pulsed with the power of her blood, and her body thrummed with the erotic impact of his mating fluid (370).
IT STINGS SO SWEET came out when everyone was trying to out-FIFTY SHADES OF GREY FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I bought it at the tail end of the fad, when people were starting to get fatigued by the crazy influx of taboo erotica. This book, along with others, was sitting sadly on the discount table at a Barnes & Noble, where its price had been slashed several times, despite the lack of takers. I imagine it's like arriving late to a Roman orgy when everyone's tired and all the grapes are wilted.
My hopes were pretty low when I picked it up, but after a few pages, I was like, "Wow, this is hot!" It's costume fiction to be sure, but the author made a genuine effort to pick up the slang and the scenery of the times, and it gives IT STINGS SO SWEET a fun, colorful element that keeps it from being "just another kinky erotica." I don't know if the author was watching The Great Gatsby on TV and thought, "this would make a good porn," but if that's the case, she was totally right, and more power to her, because it put this awesome book in my hands.
IT STINGS SO SWEET contains three short stories that have interconnecting characters. Each can be read as a standalone, but together they create a whole, as several of the characters have arcs that are introduced in one of the previous short stories in which they are a secondary characters, only to have it resolved when they finally get their own story. I thought that set-up was pretty creative.
Love Me or Leave Me: ☆☆☆☆
This is the first story and it is definitely the most intense. Nora Richardson and her husband, Johnathan, are at a party, but neither are enjoying themselves. Nora got drunk and kissed another man and her husband is fuming over her infidelity and planning to leave her on the morrow. But first - he wants to punish her by humiliating her in front of all their friends, which at first fills her with outrage, and then fills her with something far more complicated and messed up.
I think if people have issues with one of these stories, it's going to be Love Me or Leave Me, since it's so dark and really toes the line of safe, sane, and consensual. This is because Johnathan is a sadist and Nora is a masochist, and their dance of physical and emotional humiliation can feel very uncomfortable, especially when Johnathan forces her to do sexual things with other men while he watches (stopping short of sex, of course) or even hitting her in the face. That said, I felt like it was done well, and there was aftercare, and the author really tried to untangle Johanthan's anger from his wife with his desire to see her humiliated, and I appreciated that distinction from straight-up abuse.
When I'm Bad I'm Better: ☆☆☆☆
I liked this story a lot. It's about a silent film star named Clara Cartwright who meets a flying ace from WWI at the same party where Nora and Johnathan have their fight. He blackmails her into seeing him by claiming to have a smutty tape she filmed when she was a teenager. To her horror, the tape is real and he forces her to watch it with him, which she finds out she actually likes. She actually lets him keep the tape, despite his offer to give it back, so he can continue to use it against her and blackmail her into humiliating herself more and more, culminating in a menage a trois with another man.
This story lacks some of the emotional intensity of the first story, but ups the kink level to compensate for it. I thought it was really well done, as exhibitionism and sexual blackmail are fetishes that are less-explored than some of the more mainstream ones (e.g. spanking, bondage). I also liked how the romance between Clara and Leo played out, and his descriptions of PTSD from the war. I always appreciate it when the author makes a solid attempt at characterization in erotica because that emotional intimacy makes the sexual intimacy that much more explosive.
Let's Misbehave: ☆☆☆½
The last story in this book requires the most suspension of disbelief, even though it's also the cutest. Sophie is a girl working at a hotel, while also trying to undermine the status quo from within. She's an activist who speaks in union halls and hands out pamphlets about birth control to her friends and coworkers, and basically wants to make everything better for her coworkers. When she's called into the boss's office, she assumes she's going to get fired. Robert Aster is, after all, heir to a vast fortune and son to a notoriously cold and no-nonsense ambassador. However, Robert doesn't want to see her about her picketing; he wants to talk to her about the journal he found when her locker was searched - a journal in which she detailed all of her secret sexual fantasies.
The romance between Sophie and Robert is more typical of the millionaire meets the innocent ingenue-type BDSM romance the market was flooded with from 2012-2014, but Sophie has her head set firmly on her shoulders and isn't afraid to take control or set limits. She also doesn't abandon her principles at the first glimpse of a pretty face, which I appreciated, and made this story feel like it was written by Courtney Milan or Alisha Rai instead of, say, C.D. Reiss or E.L. James. This story is less edgy than the other two, although it does experiment with the fluidity of sexual attraction.
Overall, this collection came as a pleasant surprise. It was well-written and most of the sex scenes were very hot. There were a few phrases that made me lift an eyebrow (one in particular, which I gleefully made fun of in a status update, because that's what I do), but for the most part, I was very pleased andliked the feminist twist on all of these stories. Porn doesn't have to be exploitative.
Romantic suspense is kind of a misleading name, because the "romantic" part makes me think of a cozy cop romance, when the truth is usually anything but. Take NIGHTFALL, a story about a man accused of murdering his wife and children, and a woman who is the daughter of the super-shady author writing his "true crime" story.
Cassidy, like most of the nation, has heard about Richard Tiernan and his trial. A man accused of murdering his beautiful wife and two young children, with all evidence pointing to his guilt. Worse; his trial is being expedited because his late wife was the daughter of a beloved war-hero and notable political figurehead. As far as he's concerned, the writing's on the wall, and it says GUILTY in red, dripping letters.
Richard Tiernan is willing to let his story be told by Cassidy's father, but in return, he wants Cassidy. The reasons aren't clear, but it sounds sketchy as hell. Her father doesn't like it, but Richard's story is important to him for reasons that are also made clear as the story goes on, so he agrees to this Faustian bargain over his conscience, inviting his daughter to the very apartment without telling her that it's actually the lion's den. Obviously, this being a romance novel, she finds him darkly fascinating and finds it difficult to reconcile her attraction to him with his possible guilt.
Anne Stuart's first published novel was actually one of those pulpy Gothic romances, and in NIGHTFALL, she goes back to her roots, with a densely atmospheric story that is absolutely mired in whodunnitry, with a sick, utterly disturbing twist that I'm sure made V.C. Andrews sit up in her grave and break out in applause. It's been a while since I was so disturbed by the grand reveal in a book. And this was published by a mainstream publisher? Man, that's ballsy. Just goes to show how quick people are to write these off as fluffy drivel. That was some Game of Thrones level horror.
NIGHTFALL is not one for the fluffies and I'll be the first to admit it has its flaws. The pretense for the hero and heroine meeting is pretty thin, and a little lame, and as my friend Heather pointed out in her review of A ROSE AT MIDNIGHT, her writing can be very repetitive, as she tends to become overly attached to specific phrases (e.g. "he said, very gently"). The hero in this book is also more unpleasant than some of her other heroes, who were blithe, morally grey men cast in the mold of Jareth, from Labyrinth. This guy is more like the OG James Bond, a broken man with a broken moral compass who doesn't value his own life, sees nothing wrong with hitting women if the situation calls for it (warning: he hits the heroine and also the heroine's adolescent sister), and will basically rationalize any sort of unpleasantness if he thinks it is for "the greater good." I find characters like that fascinating, but other romance readers may not. Consider this a warning, please.
Man, I'm still kind of blown away by the ending, and all that doom and gloom. If you're a fan of dark romances and atmospheric tension, this is a must-read. Just keep in mind that the hero is a jerk, and for about 50% of the book, most of the interaction between the hero and the heroine consists of, "Did you murder your wife?" "Maybe." "Do I frighten you?" "Yes." "Good. Want to screw?" "If we must."
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
Man, I always secretly dread the BBW challenge. In principle, I think the concept is great. As a plus-sized woman, it's awesome to see curvy or heavy women gracing the covers of romance novels. When I saw the cover of this book in the Kindle freebie section, I snagged it instantly, because of course I want to support that.
The problem is that these sorts of books usually come across as cliche-ridden and fetishistic. PRETTY IN INK is no exception. Aubrey is rich and overweight. When we meet her, she's at a bar with her skinny-bitch sister who's getting married. They're double-dating (Aubrey's seeing the best man). Aubrey has issues about her weight (and it's suggested that she's this heavy because she eats), but refuses to starve herself to become as slim as her sister. Her entire family is this cliche bunch of villains that demonize her for being heavy, and this loser she's dating actually tries to veto her dinner order at the bar to force her to eat a salad and chicken instead of cheese and steak. It turns out this loser is just dating her for her money and utterly resents her for being fat.
Cut to our hero, Garrett, who loves big women because they give him a "smooth landing" or something like that. He loves curvy women a little too much, actually, because his attraction to Aubrey is simply because she's big, and that makes sex more fun for him. I guess that's fine, but at the same time, he's not really seeing her as a person, but as a plus-sized blow-up doll, and while I get that that is the point of these short, sexual fantasies - objectification, but in a "positive" way - it still feels gross. Particularly since the narrative appears to be trying to belabor the point that Garrett is such a nice guy for willing to date her for herself, and that he's the only one who sees her as a sexual being with feelings and not as some gross blob, so he is validating her very existence, blah, blah, blah.
PRETTY INK INK tries really hard, but the quickie format just doesn't work for the topics it broaches. It made weight-shaming and body image issues feel cheap. Maybe if you enjoy Alexa Riley romances, you'll enjoy this, as they are very similar in tone - there's that same protective alpha, "I MUST CLAIM HER" caveman vibe that their fans seem to love. But if you're expecting something substantial, with good plus-size rep, you're going to be very disappointed.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Young Adult Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
I love weekends. You know why? They give me the perfect excuse to clean out my Kindle. I think I must have finished about eight books this weekend, and I feel so proud of myself. One of those books finished was NEVER NEVER. I've been on a Tarryn Fisher binge, because I really like her style and you never really know what you're going to get with one of her books. One of the last ones I read, THE OPPORTUNIST, even had an amnesia subplot like this one, so that was amusing but okay. I'm a sucker for a good amnesia plot. They're one of my favorite cracky tropes.
As I said, I like Tarryn Fisher, but I'm more ambivalent about Colleen Hoover. I like some of her darker books like TOO LATE and IT ENDS WITH US, but a lot of the other ones of hers I've read have really made me angry. I didn't see how two such very different authors could mesh together, but Tarryn lightened up her style and Hoover darkened it. I actually thought Hoover was Fisher, because Silas's POV was my favorite and I assumed that was because it was written by my favorite author of the two, but no. Maybe they were trying to imitate each other's styles? Anyway, they did manage to blend, so kudos to them, because I totally wasn't expecting that to happen.
The plot is weird, and kind of reminds me of those other "memory loss thrillers," like Memento, Paycheck, and Before I Go to Sleep, only this is told from a YA/NA perspective. Silas and Charlie both "wake up" in school not knowing who they are, where they are, or why they can't remember anything before their moment of dawning consciousness. When they glimpse one another and see how lost they are, they know that they aren't alone and that they must have a connection. They do. They're boyfriend and girlfriend.
As they form a wary partnership and start digging into the lives that don't even feel like their own, they discover some very disturbing revelations about themselves and their families. Legal trouble, cheating, violence, betrayal - it seems like their relationship wasn't just on the rocks, it was impaled on them, bleeding out treachery. But they also seemed to love each other, too, despite everything else, and it isn't really clear why they would want to cause each other so much pain if there was love. That's just one thing in a long list of things that they can't remember.
The book starts getting really creepy towards the end, with two particularly notable scenes that gave me chills, even if they were a teeny bit cliche. But right when things begin to pick up, the book ends on a wicked cliffhanger that occurs after one of the biggest revelations in the book. If NEVER NEVER feels short, it isn't your imagination; it's under 200 pages, and by the time you finish the book you don't really know anything more about the mystery behind these characters than you did at the beginning. It's incredibly frustrating to become that invested in the story with so little payoff.
NEVER NEVER isn't a bad book but it's definitely not one of my favorites. It's actually my least favorite Tarryn Fisher book I've read so far, although it's fine for a CoHo (I expect better from Fisher). I'm certainly not so wowed by what I read that I feel the urge to race out and purchase the sequel. There are too many other amnesia books that did it better and answered my questions better.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Second Chance Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
A lot of my fellow romance-lovers enjoy cute, fluffy romances that make them smile. Not me - I like my romance novels to make me feel like I've been sucker-punched in the solar plexus half a dozen times before throwing me out on my ass in the middle of a busy sidewalk. That's why I chose THE OPPORTUNIST as my "second chance romance"; when it comes to messed-up romance novels, Tarryn Fisher invariably delivers.
Our main couple, Olivia and Caleb, are epic trash people, and this is their saga of dumpster-worthy decisions. They first hooked up in college, but only after Olivia schemed, lied, and stalked her way into his heart, even going so far as to screw over his then-pregnant girlfriend by spilling out all of her dirty laundry. I saw a meme earlier that said "All Tea, All Shade" - that's Olivia. She's scandal wrapped in an ill-fitting dress. You can't quite hate her because her life is so awful, but you can't really stand to be around her, either.
It's told in dual timeline format, with the present story being written in present tense and the past story written in past tense, which can be a little confusing (especially since sometimes the author forgets which story she's telling, and slips into the wrong "tense"). This format is used to conceal information from the reader, because in the current story, Caleb, now with a different girlfriend, has amnesia, and Olivia, schemer that she is, takes advantage of his delicate condition in order to worm her way back into his heart a second time. We know that when they last parted, Caleb hated her for some unforgivable transgression, but we don't know what. All that we do know is that Olivia is one sick puppy... and as we read on, we find out Caleb is, as well. Maybe worse than we think.
The last third of the story gets extra weird and a little unbelievable, but I just decided to roll with it. MUD VEIN and MARROW did the same thing. Tarryn Fisher seems to be making "jumping the shark" her trademark, and somehow she makes it work, even if you secretly admit to yourself that what's happening is a little stupid. The "past" story was the embodiment of virtually every negative new adult stereotype that I hate, but somehow Fisher made that work, too. I think it works because she doesn't try to apologize for being over-the-top or writing trash people characters. She just writes them and lets them tell their story themselves, rather than wasting time trying to apologize for them. ATHEISTS WHO KNEEL AND PRAY also featured a cast of incredibly repulsive characters, but I liked that book more than I should have, because it was compelling and unapologetic.
This definitely feels more unpolished than MUD VEIN and MARROW (both of which I believe were published later), and I noticed more errors in THE OPPORTUNIST, as well. There is also a higher rate of awkward metaphors that sound like something you might expect to see in a high school creative writing class, some notable ones comparing a dude to a shiny pepper she wants to take a bite out of and mouths clashing together like thunderclouds. *eye roll* But if you can get over the negative tropes and the unlikable people and the OTT drama, this is actually a riveting read. I devoured it in just a few hours and was frankly amazed at how quickly those pages turned. I own the two sequels and am excited to see what dark and reeking twisted alleys this story takes next.
I almost never like rockstar romances. I think it's because they tend to be very shallow and superficial, focusing more on the "I'm hot and have to wade through a sea of willing women and available drugs" aspects of the profession and less on the talent and the artistry. It gets old after a while, you know? When setting up for this romance reading challenge, the rockstar romance category was one I dreaded almost as much as motorcycle/MC romance - gag.
But I'd heard nothing but good things about Mariana Zapata for years, and even though DEAR AARON turned out to be a bust, I thought that maybe, just maybe, RHYTHM, CHORD & MALYKHIN might turn out to be a winner.
Spoiler: nope.
Here's the thing - in many ways, RHYTHM has a lot of the same problems that I had with DEAR AARON, except magnified. Whereas DEAR AARON was almost, almost a three or four star read bar an unfortunate last act, RHYTHM was almost a one, except for the fact that I finished it, held captive by this trash person opera of ribald foolishness and moronic courtship rituals. The hero and heroine are supposed to have a "connection" but mostly it's just a physical connection, if you catch my drift. More telling, the descriptions of Sascha are nearly identical to those of Aaron - swimmer physique, blocky abs, small waist, broad shoulders, "perfectly sculpted" body - and the only difference is skin color and eye color. I get that some authors have a "type" and that's fine, but when the descriptions feel interchangeable, it starts to feel more like lazy writing.
Second, like Ruby in DEAR AARON, Gaby has insecurities. Ruby had anxiety and Gaby has body image issues, so much so that she decided to get breast implants to boost her image. Again, fine. But I feel like, as with DEAR AARON, it wasn't handled very well, and like Ruby, Gaby never really learns to stand up for herself; she waits for others to do it for her. While her friends are sitting there, making comments about how women with fake tits are slutty, she just sits there and waits for her men (her crush and her brother) to defend her. Her friends and her brother call her Flabby Gabby, Flabby, Flabs, and even Doctor Flabby because (I guess?) she used to be heavy when she was younger. It's obvious that she was really traumatized about her weight when she was younger but since she's thin and hot now, she seems to be totally fine with the nickname and never calls them out on it.
Third, like Aaron in DEAR AARON, Sascha totally yanks Gaby around. He sends her mixed signals, calling her a friend while doing sexual things with her, and never calls her his girlfriend. For a while, she even thinks he might be seeing someone else because at one point his ex comes for a visit and he pulls out a chair for her - in front of Gaby - sits with her, eats with her, and during a telephone call that Gaby overhears, even tells his ex that he's "not seeing anyone." Later, he tries to tell Gaby that it's because his ex is a psycho, but it's not even this part that really upsets Gaby (although it should because it's classic avoidance syndrome); no, she's upset because he told his ex that he still cares about her. She freaks out about it instead of talking to him, and acts like a raging bitch.
Fourth, the transphobia. There are so many transphobic jokes and insults in this book that weren't present in DEAR AARON. I think it's supposed to be "locker room talk" (ugh) because Gaby is the only girl in this group of boys on tour, but it comes across as really disgusting. I've quoted a few of them in my status updates for this book, and found it rather disturbing just how often it came up. These people are supposed to be in their mid- to late-twenties and sound like they're freshmen in high school. The constant potty talk and references to fecal matter and farts hammered in this suspicion for me. The latter is purely juvenile but the way the former is normalized feels dangerous. For example, one of the "worst" things that Gaby envisions happening to her ex in revenge is that he'd unknowingly hook up with a transvestite, presumably because he'd experience the infamous "trans panic" - something that has been used to rationalize the assault and even murder of trans people who outted themselves.
Add to that general d-baggery of all the characters and the fact that one of the characters never showers and is inexplicably described as a vagina magnet (ew), and I found myself wondering, quite blatantly, "Why the hype?" I still have a couple more of this author's books languishing on my Kindle app, so I'll probably check those out, but my "success" so far is making me think I won't be buying any more.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: STEM Heroine Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
I tend to prefer vintage bodice rippers to their present-day historical romance counterparts, but the prospect of reading about a female geologist was too good to miss. #Fomo
ONE FOR THE ROGUE is about a woman named Gemma Hart. She, and several other ladies, are under the guardianship of a woman named Serena Beauchamp, living in the Beauchamp household which was previously owned by another female geologist, a woman named Celeste.
Celeste has bequeathed her collection to Gemma, who works tirelessly to add to her late-benefactress's legacy. This is an obstacle hampered, as you might well imagine, by the fact that she is a woman.
Cam, the hero, is one of these hamperees. Gemma previously sent in a paper to be published in his magazine, only for him to turn it down. He claimed it was because it was too similar in nature to other articles being published at the time but she assumes (probably partially correctly) that it's because she's a woman and he's just another barrier to that elusive glass ceiling.
He's nothing compared to the slimy idiot who is conniving to breach the Beauchamp estates in order to gain access to the grounds. Rumors of a dinosaur skeleton abound, one that would be a priceless edition to any fossil collection as well as a sizeable feather (did you know that dinosaurs were feathered?) in one's geologist cap. The question is - how many other people want this fossil? And what might they be willing to do to get it?
The beginning of this book was very good. The mansplaining and the sexism were done well, and any woman who's worked in an industry or workplace populated mostly by men knows how it feels - to this day - to have someone make light of your contributions or knowledge simply because you are female. The plot crumbled a bit when the author introduced a murder mystery, made a big conspiracy out of it, and tried to get me to like the hero when he had revealed himself to be one of those insensitive mansplainers fairly early on in the book (even though he did redeem himself).
Despite the unique premise, ONE FOR THE ROGUE just couldn't pull me in the way I wanted to be pulled in and I rolled my eyes at the cheesy ending. If you're a fan of Courtney Milan's fluffier stories, you might like this.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Dark Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
Remember when FIFTY SHADES OF GREY came out and people were like, "This is weirdly uncomfortable - this feels more like the ownership of another human being than a romance"? Well, Celia Aaron decides to take squick a step further in COUNSELLOR, because hey, wouldn't it be fun if a girl and a millionaire signed a contract where he would actually own her?
Stella's father is going to jail and Sinclair represents the opposing party. He meets with her on the DL and presents her with some papers and then says, "Hey, baby - be my slave for a year and I'll nix all the charges against your pops. But if you refuse, I'll make sure that he gets raped and probably dies in prison LOL. But seriously, sign or bad things will happen to your dad."
Faced with that kind of ultimatum, Stella signs the contract "willingly" while he is literally panting at her ear like a horny pervert insisting that she do so (alarm bells, anyone? no?) and promptly becomes a slave. As it turns out, Sinclair is part of this creepy group of people who have resurrected the slave trade in the South. I'm sure they have a name, but let's just call them the Slave Appreciation Society. Sinclair is in the running to become Sovereign, which is basically President of the Slave Appreciation Society, which means that he gets tithes from their income and also power and prestige. Oh, and that he breaks freaking slaves that he kidnaps. Let's not forget that part.
You become Sovereign by having weird, Hunger Games-like human versions of "dog shows" only instead of fighting for their lives, the audience has an orgy while watching the "contestants" (read: slaves) get forcibly tattooed with branding marks, paraded around naked on a runway while people catcall and grope, and then whipped 25 times (one time for each decade that the Slave Appreciation Society has been in existence). It's a truly bizarre and disturbing scene and I found myself both fascinated and horrified.
I know the slavery thing is going to be a deal-breaker for some, and I feel like even the author kind of had a "oh no!" moment when she realized that writing an erotica novel about romanticized slavery in the modern-day South might be triggering for some because at one point, Sinclair casually says, for no apparent reason, that this new slave trade isn't about color. To be fair, it isn't. All of the slaves at the competition are white (if I remember correctly). That doesn't make what you're doing any better, bro.
I don't mind reading "captive" romances as long as they're done well, but I feel like this one was executed pretty badly. Don't get me wrong - it was breakneck AF, and I sped through it while hating myself for each page read, unable to help myself - but there were some pretty huge problems that made suspension of disbelief fall utterly flat on its face. There are some pretty awful psychological elements that come into play for Stockholm Syndrome, and if you're going to write that book but wuss out at the idea of making the heroine hate the hero, then you really shouldn't write captive romances because as uncomfortable as it is to write a romance where the hero and heroine hate each other (for good reason), I think it's more uncomfortable when this is just glossed over as normal.
Seriously, why are people doing this? Sinclair keeps saying that he has to do it for duty, family, etc. Why? You have dirt on high-powered political people and if you really wanted to get out of it, all it would take was a whisper in the right ear, and all of this would come crashing down like the f'd up Jenga tower that it is. Whining about how you're powerless to stop what you're clearly capable of stopping just makes you a spineless weenie. Also, where are they getting these people, these slaves, from? Stella was blackmailed and one of the women was a prostitute - what about the others?
Also, I thought it was really creepy how quickly Stella started fantasizing about Sinclair. Right after she's kidnapped, she starts touching herself while imagining them doing it in the shower (uh?) and then right after he whips her so badly that they have to medically induce unconsciousness, she and him do it. The beginning was great, because she hated that jerk and with good reason, and I thought, "Oh, cool, a heroine who isn't going to take this BS, and will give the hero something to think about." #Nope. All of that flies out of the window as soon as she scopes out his hot bod and killer jawline.
The book ends on a cliffhanger, encouraging you to buy the next one, but I think I'm going to call it quits with the Slave Appreciation Society for now. Go figure, hey?
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Chick Lit. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
I think the last time I saw a contemporary romance getting this much attention, it was Sally Thorne's THE HATING GAME (in fact, initially, I thought this was a sequel to THE HATING GAME, since the colors of the book covers and the art style were so similar). When I read the summary (and looked at the author's name), I realized, of course, that it was a totally different book. But it still sounded like a book that I'd read before...
Last year, I read a book for a romance reading challenge called BEGINNER'S GUIDE: LOVE AND OTHER CHEMICAL REACTIONS. Tell me if this sounds familiar: a brainy, heroine in STEM with Asperger's has trouble dating and feels pressured by family to commit to that monogamous life. She decides to find a boyfriend by quantifying her love life by establishing a baseline that feels comfortable and seeking out an Asian creative type who originally seems like he's her total opposite but ends up being her soulmate and oh, by the way: he has a cool tattoo. Sounds like this book, right? It's also the premise of Six de los Reyes's book, LOVE AND OTHER, which came out two years before this one.
THE KISS QUOTIENT has differences to LOVE AND OTHER, of course. The main character, Stella, is white. Her love interest, Michael, is half-Vietnamese and half-Scandinavian. The characters in LOVE AND OTHER are both #OwnVoices Filipino characters. Stella is a econometrician and Michael is a tailor by day and an escort by night. Kaya, on the other hand, is a geneticist and Nero, her love interest, owns a bubble tea cafe and paints. Kaya and Nero originally agree to go out on blind dates whereas Stella and Michael meet when she seeks him out with an escort app. They aren't the same story and their trajectory are totally different, but they're similar enough that one made me think of the other and I can't help but compare the two while reviewing THE KISS QUOTIENT.
I'm sorry to say that THE KISS QUOTIENT falls short.
My expectations were very high for this book because people were praising it for the Autism rep as well as the Asian rep. People were also saying that the sex scenes were hot, and that it had a very feminist-friendly bent. All of these things sounded very appealing, because as much as I love those trashy romance novels from the days of yore when men behaved like d-bags, sometimes it's nice to read about a male hero who wouldn't make you run - fast - in the other direction. But now that I've read the book, I'm a little bewildered because I noticed so many problems that nobody else was really bringing up.
1. The autism rep was portrayed awkwardly. I feel like I'm getting a little out of my lane here, but Stella's portrayal made me uncomfortable. There's this dinner scene with Michael's family that actually made me wince, and I couldn't help but wonder: did her mother never explain to her the rules of social conduct? Lecturing people about microwaving plastic and how it causes death (and using that as a pretense to refuse to eat the food that's cooked for you) and then probing incessantly into your date's absentee father is so tasteless and is basically rule #1 of "don't's" in social interactions. Another thing she does is read his bills when she's alone in his apartment. That's how she finds out his real name (he gave her a fake one because of his job, and for other personal reasons), as well as the fact that he's financially in debt. Again, pretty sure most kids are told that "snooping is bad." And I've met some autistic people before and even if they can get stuck on a single subject in conversation, they're usually pretty good with rules - especially if the reasons behind them are explained - so this felt very unrealistic and needlessly awkward, as this is something that would definitely come up in parenting, and just felt like it was created to create drama! for Stella. Also, of course their sexual relationship mitigates some of the issues she has because of her autism. #MagicDicklit strikes again. It seems like good sex can cure just about any ailment or symptom, doesn't it? Especially psychological conditions or neurodivergence. How interesting.
2. The relationship is not healthy. Any time a relationship is based in prostitution, I'm a little skeptical. Adult entertainment is a high stress, high risk job, and jealousy is going to be an issue, no matter how openly you communicate. Michael accepts her as a client, despite knowing that he's probably going to get too attached (and he does, spoiler: because obviously). They move from "educational sex lessons" to "educational fake relationship lessons," which basically consist of them going through the motions of a real relationship whilst lying to themselves about how they really feel about one another. Worse still, in the last act, Michael becomes this alpha stereotype, claiming that he's going to beat up this other guy for kissing Stella against her will and then later, when Stella goes out with the Kissing Assaulter on a date(!), he interrupts their date to punch the other guy in the eye while talking about how he's going to make the guy choke on blood or something like that. It's also pretty clear from the get-go that there is a definite economic imbalance between them, as Stella is wealthy and comes from money and Michael is poor and in debt (as she found out from reading his mail). Towards the end of the book, she donates fifteen million dollars to the hospital where his mother is receiving cancer treatments, so they'll treat his mother for "free." This felt so weird to me, because if she wanted to pay for his bills, why not just pay the bills - why sneak about it behind his back in some grand gesture that ends up depleting her entire trust fund account? When he breaks up with her (for her own good, of course), she almost resigns from her well-paying job on the spot to pursue him. Feelings that strong and that reckless aren't healthy - that's more like an addict w/ a fix.
3. The relationship is superficial. We're told over and over again that Stella feels comfortable with Michael in part because he's so attractive, she just can't help herself (he looks like Daniel Henney). Michael also founds Stella wildly attractive, and is absolutely thrilled that she wasn't lying about being thirty when she sent in the app, in fact, she says that she looks barely legal despite being older than him by two years! OH BOY! She's also thin and curvy, with "porn star nipples" that he says "men and babies both dream about" and a body that would make her perfect at pole dancing, not to mention that she's suddenly incredible at sex under his brilliant tutelage and comes like a porn star. We're led to believe that Michael is this great guy for being so considerate about her autism but it feels more like he's liking her despite her autism and making all these concessions for her (because he's actually annoyed with her at times for her behavior, and sends her mixed signals about them that I imagine an actual autistic person would find very confusing). At least in LOVE AND OTHER CHEMICAL REACTIONS, it's clear that Nero loves Kaya for who she is, whereas it kind of feels like Michael just likes Stella because she's good at sex and doesn't know how attractive she is, and brings out his alpha male protective instincts. In some ways, it kind of reminded me of a gender-swapped version of PUDDLE JUMPING, another autistic romance I had many problems with.
4. Philip. He's such a creep. Forcing himself on Stella and hitting on interns and employees at the office? How the hell does he still have a job? Stella totally seems to take his behavior for granted, and apart from the punch in the eye Michael gives him, he doesn't face any sorts of consequences for his behavior. For such a "progressive" romance, it was weird to see one of the villainous characters in this book get away with what would be considered a form of assault by some people.
5. The sex scenes were actually kind of awkward. I didn't really feel their dirty talk. Michael said some pretty odd things and so did Stella, including telling Michael that French kissing reminded her of pilot fish cleaning a larger fish's teeth. The weird porn star remarks and the comment about boobs that babies would love were just the cherries on this bizarre sundae of bad artistic choices.
I don't think this is a bad book, per se, and I would be interested in reading more by this author in the future - especially since it looks like she has yet another #OwnVoices romance with an autistic character coming out (one of Michael's cousins). I think the escort angle made this book awkward, even though the author said in her author's note that she was trying to go for a Pretty Woman vibe, maybe because she wasn't quite sure how to portray some of the complex gender role crises that could arise from a relationship of this type. I did think it was odd, for example, that Michael didn't feel any shame about his escort services but was embarrassed about being a tailor/fashion designer. Things I did like: I loved Michael's family and Stella's mom (hated her dad - and Michael's too; all the dads in this story just seem to suck), and thought the econometrician angle was interesting (I'd never known that was the science responsible for AI-generated recommendation algorithms on commercial websites). I probably would have liked this more if I hadn't read LOVE AND OTHER CHEMICAL REACTIONS first, but it wasn't as bad as puddle jumping, and if people with autism relate to this story and feel like they're seeing themselves in a romantic story for the first time, that can't be too bad of a thing. I wish this author luck with her next effort.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Sports Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
File this under "Goodreads led me astray on yet another over-hyped piece of nonsense." How could you have failed me yet again?
I remember when this book had under 100 ratings on Goodreads. Now it has over 15,000 and I honestly don't get the hype. Quality-wise, it reminds me of some of the self-published efforts I used to see on Fictionpress or Fanfiction.net: well-written trash that for whatever reason garnered a cult following. Nothing against trash - I am a huge fan of trash - but when I read trash, I want things to happen. Exciting things! Scandalous things! And THE FOXHOLE COURT doesn't really have a whole lot going on for a book that's supposed to be #SoEdgyYouGuysOMG.
In fact, it was actually kinda boring.
THE FOXHOLE COURT revolves around a made-up sport called "Exy" that seems to be a cross between lacrosse and soccer. The main character, Neil, is good at Exy. He's also on the run for ~reasons~. Clearly, he hasn't done a good enough job about covering his tracks because he ends up getting drafted to the Palmetto State Foxes Exy team. They just have to have him... even though he's kind of an ungrateful, shady jerk about it.
The team is basically comprised by a bunch of psychos, one of whom wields a knife (which he uses to threaten people with) and does a copious amount of drugs. All of the "strong" women on the team get overly physical and have bad tempers. There's a rapey gay dude. Their leader is a classic tsundere who hides his ~complex emotions~ under a shield of physical aggression and rage because he's so ~damaged~. They are led by a coach who sees nothing wrong with enabling these bad behaviors and even gives them alcohol. By the end of the book, I feel like my face looked like this: o_o
Also, for some reason, the yakuza is involved? Whaaaat.
Takeaway points:
1. This is labeled as a romance, but there is basically no romance. I think this is the set-up for a romance that happens later but there isn't really any strong UST to make me motivated to care.
2. THE FOXHOLE COURT is offensive AF. If you read this book and gave it five stars, you are never allowed to speak badly of bodice rippers ever again, because THE FOXHOLE COURT runs the gamut of ablelist and homophobic slurs. "Retard" is used several time, and so is "cripple." I'd already written this group off as a bunch of psychos, so I didn't really care what they said and I'm able to compartmentalize as a reader, but keep in mind if you're sensitive, the language is there.
3. Drug use and mental health are represented pretty badly here. I posted a status update a while back about how I didn't like books that glamorized going off your meds as this wild and crazy journey. This book does that with one of his characters, and his on-again, off-again behavior is accepted as a sort of "in joke" among his teammates, and his coach even passively encourages him to go off his meds for games because it makes him play better, or some ridiculous BS like that.
4. NOT A WHOLE LOT HAPPENS. Also, for a new adult book that takes place in a college, nobody cracks open a book. I think there was one scene where Neil was studying. These kids must all have F's because they only seem to party and do drugs and never study. Way to prepare for the real world.
5. I'm still hung up over the whole yakuza angle. Like, one of the teams is a front for a mob boss's sinister organization? Lmao, what. This must be the worst-regulated sport in the history of ever, because people are allowed to brutalize each other on the court (there's a loophole that allows you to hit people who don't have the ball), and there seem to be ZERO drug tests (hence the partying).
6. THE FOXHOLE COURT went all THE HUNGER GAMES and shit at the end. May the odds be ever in your favor, Neil. Too bad nobody cares. At least, I don't. Why did I buy the next two books in this series again? Oh, right. Because they were 99-cents each and I am a sucker.
Overall, I can't say that I hated this book. It was very well-written, as I said, and kind of had an anime vibe/anime fanfic vibe to it, which is why I imagine this book is so popular with the youngins. If the characters had been fleshed out more, I think I would have liked the story more, but they all felt like caricatures to me. I can't say it's worth the hype but I'll probably read the sequels since I bought them.
I was going to try to look up some funny memes for this review, but apparently typing "bear" and "sex" into Google search mostly just turns up a lot of gay porn. Go figure.
MY BOYFRIEND IS A BEAR is a graphic novel about a girl named Nora whose boyfriend is a literal bear. Nora has a lame job working as a call center associate for a phishing site. She has a long list of "douchey" ex-boyfriends guilty of crimes such as wearing pukka shells and suspenders (not together - each item was a crime particular to a unique individual), or wanting to issue spank in the bedroom. The fiends! With such cads on her dating history, it's only natural that she'd want to date a bear.
Nora met Bear when she was hiking with one of her nasty ex-boyfriends (who still works with her at the call center). He berated her for reading fashion magazines instead of real literature and Bear saw her burying them in shame. Bear followed her home to return the magazines, and in the vein of human-human relationships, Nora is flattered by this stalkery (predatory?) behavior. One of Nora's friends is 100% on board with Team Bear, but her other friend is like WTF are you doing. And after some thought, I'm afraid I'm on Team WTF Are You Doing, as well.
Bear and Nora's relationship is cute, and maybe if it kept up the whole platonic, anime vibe I could buy it. There's a pretty cute manga called Tuxedo Ginabout a boy whose spirit is reincarnated into a penguin after he is killed. But Bear is not a human cursed to live as a bear; Bear is an actual bear. This makes it especially weird when Bear does things like get a job(!), fixes things up around the house(!), or has sex with Nora(!!!!). The sex, thank God, is never on screen but it is hinted at multiple times, and I'd say that it was the elephant in the room, but that's not the case is it? (At least I hope not. What a threesome from hell that would be.)
Fun fact: bears have something called a baculum, which means that they have a literal bone in their boner. I'm not going to say anything else. You can just take a moment to think about that.
P.S. I resent the hipsters touting Jose Saramago in here being portrayed as the bad guys. Jose Saramago is awesome.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Science Fiction Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
Edit/04/24/18: Rounding this up to 5 stars because I can't stop thinking about it.
While reading this book, I had the song "Silent Running" by Mike & the Mechanics playing in my head on loop because it reminded me of a good 1970s science-fiction movie, like Westworld or Silent Running - one that might be a little dated, but still holds up over time because of how it tackles serious ethical issues about what happens when technology goes too far or falls into the wrong hands.
Looking at the cover for this book, you might think that you're going to get something like ABSOLUTE BOYFRIEND meets DEMON SEED. A lonely woman creating a "sensual" artificial intelligence that she wants to find a human body for? Gee, that doesn't sound creepy at all. I had nightmarish visions of what that story line would entail, let me tell you. Spoiler: The Mummy.
What I got instead was an incredible story with a great romance and pulse-pounding action. It had this fantastic 70s or 80s movie vibe, and I kept thinking to myself, "Damn, it's a shame people are pretentious twits who can't look past a romance cover, because this would make an amazing movie!"
Vic is a brilliant computer hacker working for a huge software company named Visimorph whose creator, McIntire, has a total monopoly on the industry. Vic is in charge of one of their newest products, Neuromancer (yes, named after the William Gibson book), but she's also got a side-project nobody knows about that's hidden inside Neuromancer's code: the first truly autonomous AI, Jodie.
Jodie, who is named after Jodie Foster, feels a near-instant bond with its creator, even if they sometimes butt heads or misinterpret the other's feelings or intentions. It wants to please her, and tries to get her gifts or presents, and feels jealous when it sees others attempting to vie for her affections (but not in a creepy way). After watching Jodie evolve and grow, Vic feels affection for her creation in the manner of all creators, but when she learns that Jodie identifies as male (and not female, as she originally intended), that affection quickly grows muddled and far more complicated - especially when Jodie expresses his desire for a body, so he can live, and breathe, and feel, as he aches to do.
BODY ELECTRIC references many cyberpunk books, like Ray Bradbury's I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC, William Gibson's NEUROMANCER, and even THE CONCEPT OF MIND, in reference to Gilbert Ryle's criticism of mind-body dualism. This is only fitting, though, considering the weightiness of the subject matter. Even though I would call BODY ELECTRIC a romance, it brings many interesting and serious discussions to the table like gender identity and dysphoria (and the pain of having someone misgender you, especially intentionally); what it means to have true AI, and the ethics that come with that; and, of course, sexism, particularly sexism faced by women in a male-dominated industry where their achievements are either overlooked, appropriated, or both.
I couldn't put this book down. It was one of those books I found myself thinking about as I went about my day, looking forward to the moment when I could return to the story. McIntire is a truly terrible villain, and I found myself invested in Jodie and Vic's star-crossed romance, wondering how they could possibly have a happy ending when they had so many people working against them. There are moments when it was almost painful to read, but there was no way in hell I was going to stop.
I can't wait to read this author's other books.
P.S. This makes for the first romance I've read that involved sex on top of bubble wrap.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Ménage à Trois. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
When it comes to vampire novels, I have very specific things that I like and very specific things that I don't like. I guess you could say that I like my vampire novels the way I like my coffee: smooth, dark, not at all sweet, and with a whole lot of bite. Three vampire novels that did it all "right" in my opinion are Tanith Lee's DARK DANCE, Trisha Baker's CRIMSON KISS (first book only, though), and Heather Crews's DREAMS FOR THE DEAD.
When Heather gave DIE BY THE DROP a glowing four-star review, claiming that it was everything she liked to read about in a vampire story, I immediately raced to pick it up. Especially because it was free, and the only thing in the world better than a good vampire story is a free vampire story, especially when it's being lauded by one of my favorite people on the internet. I read DIE BY THE DROP immediately, and asked myself, WTF.
Did we read different vampire books?
The story is pretty simple: Evie is just an ordinary girl who ends up becoming the plaything for three vampire "brothers" named Jesse, Vaughn, and Liam, when they happen upon her as she's storming from a party. Their initial plan was to kill her after torturing her and having sex with her, but it turns out that Evie is actually an empathic witch, which makes sex extra interesting. Their leader, Jesse, decides she's interesting enough to keep around as they go on a psychotic road trip. That's the plot.
Reading the Amazon reviews for this book was a hilarious experience because the things that people were upset about over there aren't the things that bothered me about this book at all. "This isn't a romance!" they cried. "This is torture and violence!" Which, okay, fair enough. But then, what did you expect from a vampire erotica called "DIE BY THE DROP"? Twilight: The Musical? I wonder about people sometimes. I actually have no problem with rough and kinky stuff in fiction if it fits the tone of the story (and no children or animals are involved, because I find that disturbing and upsetting). What I have a problem with is bad writing, which this book has in spades.
The sex scenes were just disgustingly written - not because of the content (I want to emphasize that) but because of the words used to describe them. Overuse of words like "juicy" and "sloppy" (ugh), and phrases like "defenseless little star" used to describe an anus. This author also uses my least favorite word for the female anatomy, and Evie's "kitty-cat" has so many action verbs that you would think her hoohah was an autonomous entity in and of itself. Um, yeah, no thanks!
The second half of the book was much, much better than the first and the writing improved significantly. I wondered if maybe the second half of the book was completed at a much later date (like the author had written the first half and then written the second half a few years later after shelving it), or if two different versions of the story had been smooshed together. The difference in tone and quality was that noticeable for me. I'm sorry to give this a relatively low rating because I did think there was a lot of potential with this book and I loved the idea of the story Bennett was trying to tell; I just absolutely loathed the execution and the disgusting, juicily dripping sex scenes.
I'd be willing to read the sequel if it was free like the first one, but I won't be shelling out $ for it.
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: "I Picked It for the Cover!". For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
Disclaimer: Minerva is a Goodreads friend of mine. She did not, however, solicit me to read and review her book. I found the title on Netgalley and, recognizing the name, decided to check it out.
The cover of DANGEROUS leaped out at me immediately because of the cheesy, 90s romance-style cover, hearkening back to the days when every other hero was cast in the puffy shirt mode of Fabio, and poor photo shop led to some questionable aesthetic decisions.
Likewise, the premise of this book also seemed like it was going to be a throwback to the Bertrice Small school of writing. The heroine, Euphe(mia) Marlington, was kidnapped by pirates when she was a preteen and sold as a slave to a sultan's harem.
Now an adult in her thirties, she finds that the starchy English society isn't really prepared for her like. Her peers snub her, and creepy older dudes want to have their way with her, but nobody really wants to take her as a wife - and they'd want her even less if they found out about her adult, biracial son who's currently in the middle of a power coup in Africa.
Her father (who also has no idea about the son) decides to take matters into his own hands and throws an elaborate party where Mia is supposed to choose one of the men assembled for a husband. They're basically all the utter dregs of the well-to-do, except for a certain cold-eyed marquess named Adam de Courtney, who allegedly murdered his previous two lives and lives in infamy in his manor.
Neither are what they appear to be, but both feel an instant attraction as soon as they see each other.
Wow, I was really impressed by this book! It's like a modern upgrade to everything I love about bodice rippers - steamy sex scenes, globe-trotting adventures, pirates, seafaring expeditions, naughty harem hijinks - but with a modern, PC-friendly twist. DANGEROUS is very sex-positive, in my opinion, and the hero is the perfect blend of stern alpha with a caring side and icy bad boy.
AND DID I MENTION THE SEX SCENES?
Her writing style really reminds me a lot of Meredith Duran's, so if you're a fan of the Rules for the Reckless series, this might be a good book to pick up next. The only shortcoming was Mia's sequence of third-act TSTL decisions and some fights that felt pointless, but at least these characters actually talk about their problems instead of dancing around them endlessly like Julia Quinn's characters.
It's very refreshing to read a book where the characters actually enjoy talking to each other.
Thanks to Netgalley/the publisher for the review copy!
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Contemporary Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
WALLBANGER by Alice Clayton is aptly named, because when I finished this book, I wanted to throw it at the wall, it was so bad.
I wanted to read this book because I love romance novels and people were saying that it was the funniest romance novel they had ever read. When I picked it up, I envisioned BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY for the twentieth century woman.
Instead, I got... something lame.
Caroline lives in a San Francisco apartment that is much too nice for her to afford based on the job that she has (interior designer). Her next-door neighbor has great sex every night... with another woman - and Caroline is annoyed because they bang against the wall they share, and it reminds her that she can't get any.
Not only that, but she comes up with mean nicknames for each of the girls he sleeps with. "Giggler" for the girl who laughs during sex. "Purina" for the girl who meows during sex (??). And "Spanks" for the girl who enjoys rough stuff in bed. She charmingly calls these girls his "harem."
One day, she confronts him in a pink nightgown and for some reason they find each other attractive. The next 300 pages is a hot-mess of stupid cat-puns, as related to female genitals, Caroline exclaiming "Mother of Pearl!", bad jokes, poorly characterized individuals running around and acting like idiots, and some of the worst sex scenes I've ever read.
Considering that his sex life pre-Caroline is like a traveling circus act, his sex life post-Caroline is surprisingly vanilla and banal. Is this perhaps anti-marriage propaganda, paid for by a corporation that has a vested interest in keeping the world promiscuous? (I SEE YOU, TROJAN CONDOMS). Don't have marriage, or you will lose your exciting and numerous meowing, spanking, giggling sex partners and be whined at and nagged and humiliated while having boring sex! I can see no other rational explanation for how something so consciously terrible gained so much steam (especially considering the lack of steam).
Also, extra negative points for using the line: "I am not like most women" (66) and meaning it.
Terrible sex scenes:
The idea that a kiss, just a kiss, had turned me into this giant lusting bag of CarolineNeedThat was undeniable, and I knew that if he continued to make me feel this way I was going to invite him straight into my Tahoe. Great idea.
"Come into my Tahoe, Simon," I mumbled incoherently into his mouth (203).
She's so pretty. I mean, there's pretty and then there's pretty... What a pussy I am. Fuck pretty - she's beautiful ... pussy ... And she smells good ... pussy ... why do some girls just smell better? Some girls smell like flowery, fruity bullshit. I mean, why would some girls want to smell like a mango? Why should a girl smell like a mango? Maybe if I think the word MANGO enough I won't think about pussy anymore. Caroline ... mango ... Caroline ... pussy ... God! And now I'm hard ... (217).
My shirt bunched up around my waist, and the feeling of his hi-there against my hoohah was indescribable (267).
Oh, and you know how Ana from FIFTY SHADES OF GREY has an inner goddess and a subconscious? Not to be outdone, Alice Clayton gifted Caroline with O, the personification of her missing orgasm. O, who has a personality and who Caroline talks to the way she does her cat.
I could see the edge, high above the raging waters. As I peeked over the edge, I saw her. O. She waved at me, diving under and over the water like a sexual porpoise. Crafty little bitch (333).
Spoiler: Caroline's not swimming.
I can't say I'm surprised that I didn't enjoy this book, though. I knew it was going to be rough sailing when the heroine shames the hero in front of all their friends for NOT taking advantage of her while she's drunk. Because how dare he not find her attractive enough to ignore her lack of consent!
💙 I read this for the Unapologetic Romance Readers' New Years 2018 Reading Challenge, for the category of: Medieval Romance. For more info on this challenge, click here. 💙
WONDERFUL is a medieval romance from the 90s that has been rereleased for the Kindle Store. It was free recently, so my fellow romance lovers, Korey, Maraya, and Heather, decided to do a buddy read of it, Kindle Clean-Out style! Historically speaking, my luck with 90s romance novels has been mixed. There are some authors who I actually really enjoy - most notably, Danelle Harmon - and then there are those who seem to exemplify the genre in all its terrible glory: by which I mean authors like the one who wrote WONDERFUL.
WONDERFUL is basically the classic example of why I don't like 90s romance novels. Clio, the heroine, is one of those heroines who acts in a way that is incredibly unrealistic for the times, with foot-stomping, childish crying, and petty "defiance" that had me rolling my eyes rather than cheering for her. I don't know why people seem to think throwing a temper tantrum = girl power, but it doesn't.
Merrick was actually a pretty decent hero. There's no rape or dubious consent and the worst thing he does is burn down her brewery towards the end after she puts everyone to sleep with her ale (which she didn't even seem to particularly care about, which was weird because earlier on in the book she drains the castle well dry while they're renovating it, nearly putting her castle's structural integrity into question). He makes a few casual threats about shaking her or throwing her out the window, but since I wanted to do both those things to Mrs.-I'm-independent-and-enjoy-running-headlong-into-danger-and-getting-shot-in-the-heart-by-Welshmen and Mrs.-I'm-going-to-cry-and-whine-and-throw-a-hissy-fit-over-my-own-wedding-like-a-medieval-bridezilla, it was hard to feel bad about that.
I can't really credit WONDERFUL. I hated Clio and the storyline too much. Her writing style is very much like Danelle Harmon's, but Harmon's heroes ooze charm and protectiveness without being brutish, and while her heroines sometimes toe the line between annoying and rebellious, I usually end up liking them by the end of the books. The best parts about WONDERFUL were probably the historical tidbits about foolish superstition and bad medical advice, but that was the whole of it.
Nenia ✨ I yeet my books back and forth ✨
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