We stayed in the “Seaview” apartment for a week. The place is dark, depressingly dark, and hot. Like a previous reviewer stated, Mirage is in a sad state of disrepair, what with rickety stairs, wobbly railings, a patio door that needs manhandling to open etc. The microwave hummed loudly, but did not work. There is a coffeemaker in the online pictures, but there was no coffeemaker in the apartment. During our 7 night stay, the linens were changed once, but there was no housekeeping or garbage removal. The management also told us, after arrival, that we had to provide our own toilet paper and dish soap.

The online pictures are deceiving. There is no “sea view”, unless you stand and look through the bars of the angled patio door and then through the bars of the security fence. The main pic displayed in Trip Advisor is very old. The window on the right is now the difficult-to-open patio door. Also, the building is surrounded by a wall and a jail-like metal security fence. The bed is basically in the kitchen, and the bunkbeds are in the bathroom, directly across from, and in full view of, the shower and sink. There is no comfy seating area inside, except for the bed or dinette chairs.

One day we unlocked the 2 padlocks – one on the patio door and one on the exterior fencing - in order to go down the stairs to the beach. While we were gathering towels, a local man walked right into our apartment from the beach. Remember I said it was dark? Obviously, he couldn’t see us standing right there. Once he did, he backed away while saying “Bless you and welcome to St. Lucia”. We have no doubt he was planning to rob us.

The online pics make the beach look serene. It is not. At any given time, day or night, there are people sitting against or leaning on the wall that surrounds Mirage. On the weekend it got very crowded and noisy. Lots of music from various sources, lots of yelling and the unmistakable aroma of pot in the air. Interestingly, a rental cottage (that sits behind Mirage) offers disposable ear plugs to their guests - because of the noise - and they aren’t even located on the beach! That is how loud it can get.

Did we feel safe? No, not really. Did we feel relaxed? No, not really. Will we be back? Absolutely not.

I recently spent a week at the Mirage Beach Resort with my wife. Naming it a resort is a stretch. This is a house. We had the misfortune to rent the Sea View apartment, which I believe is a porch they walled in to get another rentable space.
Entry is gained climbing a dark unsteady staircase and finding the correct key from the ring of 6 or 8 keys you are presented with upon arrival. There is no outside light at the top of the stairs so at night, a flashlight is a necessity. There are few lights inside. Several fixtures actually had no bulbs and others we couldn't find switches for. We asked for bulbs and the look we received made me think the caretaker believed we had removed them. Several times the lights would go off and we had to reset the breakers. This happened one time when the caretakers were cooking under the apartments and filling the place with smoke, just as we were going to complain about the smoke about half the lights went out. The caretaker came to reset the breaker and glanced at the smoky haze in the apartment without comment.
The bunk beds sit in the entry way directly across from the tub/shower, beside the sink. There is no shower curtain or any sort of divider for anyone bathing, you are 6 feet from the bunk beds and in the open passageway. Essentially, the bunk beds are in the bathroom. Thankfully, the toilet is in its own little room. We were told upon arrival they did not supply toilet paper and had to add that to the shopping list after our first night. I am pretty sure you get toilet paper in a youth hostel, just not at this place.
The king bed sits in the kitchenette which has a hot plate, under counter size fridge and homemade jury rigged sink. There was a non functioning microwave which buzzed when turned on and the carafe for a nonexistent coffee maker. There was no dish soap, salt or pepper and the single paring knife was so dull as to be useful only as a butter knife. Since they don't supply dish soap, I wonder how many guests have washed their dishes with shampoo or not at all.
The private balcony is a ten by ten foot, high walled, prison courtyard style deck. This deck was accessed with one of the aforementioned keys to remove a padlock from the inside of the sliding door and using both arms to manhandle the door open. It would open about 3 feet after a struggle. The high steel bars fencing this deck could open with another padlock to access the beach. The seawall at the deck usually had many locals lounging in the shade of the palms indulging in the local pot. That made using the deck a sketchy proposition unless you enjoy constant music and clouds of ganja.
We were fortunate in knowing the folks who rented the Master Bedroom apartment and were able to open the connecting door between the two places. That gave us access to their dark living room, a working coffee maker and the large deck by passing through their place. Being stuck solely in the dark space of our apartment would have been unbearable.
There was always plenty of scalding hot water from the solar water heater on the roof. Sadly, for several days we had to go outside to switch on a pump in order to have cold water so we could shower without burning ourselves. There were no instructions or guest book so we never took our garbage out during our week as we didn't know where it went. The caretakers appeared halfway through the week and changed the sheets and towels but did nothing more.
There is no chance my family or our friends will revisit the Mirage.

The location - right on the beach - is fantastic with a superb terrace overlooking the sea. However the accommodation (we stayed in the larger suposedly better apartment) has been unloved for many years. It is dark and hot inside - very difficult to read due to lack of proper lights - many lightbulbs missing or not working. The fridge/freezer alarm goes off regularly day & night - a known poblem apparently. There were no blankets or spare sheets. The shower fitting was broken. I could go on but you get the gist.....

And all this for a high rental cost