The most vulnerable people in our society need our help now more than ever, and it’s up to those of us with privileged identities to stand up for them. Yet too often, events like the overturning of Roe v. Wade and legislative attacks on LGBTQ+ rights lead to rage-driven demonstrations, donations, and other reactionary forms of allyship that ultimately aren’t sustainable. True allyship must go farther.
How can we create long-lasting, consistent forms of allyship for those in need? One key is to “move past allyship and towards co-conspiratorship,” says Dominique Morgan, who serves as director of The Okra Project, a group that seeks to provide healthy, culturally-specific meals and community support services to Black trans people. “I don’t want you on the periphery. I want you in this with me.”
For Morgan and others, co-conspiratorship means consistently investing in marginalized groups, decentering yourself in your support, making a commitment to listening and growing, and finding the right intentions and true sincerity along the way. By moving away from performative or reactive allyship and towards genuine care for marginalized people, we can create more sustainable and impactful ways of supporting those who need it most in our society. Read on to learn about five ways you can become a better ally and more ways you can show up fully in the fight for liberation.
Redistribute your money consistently
If you’re in a position of privilege, donating money is one of the best ways you can show your allyship.
There are two primary ways to provide direct financial redistribution: by participating in mutual aid and through donations to organizations. Mutual aid, broadly defined, means helping others in our communities to meet their needs directly. It can take on many forms — everything from a community fridge to volunteering can be considered mutual aid — and often includes giving money to others who need it firsthand. Donating to an organization, on the other hand, puts money in the hands of organizers who can redistribute funds to different efforts or individuals. Both are great ways to show up for marginalized folks.
Dominique says donating directly to organizations gives them the best ability to help people who need it. However, she also notes that many of the donations organizations receive are reactionary, such as the commitments made after mass civil rights protests following the murder of George Floyd in 2020. These contributions are often fleeting and unsustained. Dominique says her ultimate dream would be for “every follower of The Okra Project on Instagram to donate a dollar a month. Those are donations that you can count on and you know that’s a person who’s invested — who will share with their family and friends.” By setting up recurring donations, you’ll also help by allowing organizations to better plan and budget their income, which allows them to help as many people as possible.
Making direct and consistent investments also helps us to form relationships with the organizations that we support. Dominique says that these donations are not meant to be one-sided, as organizers want to build community with their supporters. But this can’t occur if we only contribute when we feel guilty. Similarly, we cannot form true mutual aid relationships without this consistency. “We are building something together,” as Dominique puts it.
Decenter yourself and your feelings
Those who have privileged identities can often carry a sense of guilt about them, but centering that guilt turns one’s allyship into a band-aid for that feeling, making it harder to combat oppression from a genuine place.
When one approaches allyship from a place of guilt, they often use their support as a way to assuage their own feelings. But if you approach allyship as something to make yourself feel better, it can lead to disappointment if the people you’re supporting don’t act in a way that caters to your emotions.
Centering your guilt in your allyship can lead to demanding that marginalized people, and particularly Black people, do things like talk about their oppression gently, speak to “allies” in a placating manner, or perform trauma in a way that is palatable and “sympathetic” to their oppressors. This is not anyone’s job. The sole purpose of organizing is to aid marginalized communities. Whether someone is nice to you or not, whether someone smiles at you or says “thank you” or not, your dedication to being an ally should remain steadfast.
Dominique says she often faces scrutiny at the hands of so-called allies who question things like her need to care for herself or expect her to forgo basic needs for the sake of “the work.” It’s a demand that she suffers for the cause — and it highlights the kinds of entitlement that can be pervasive among allies. This attitude ignores the actual work folks like Dominique do, how crucial it is, and her positionality as a Black trans woman who is organizing and fighting every day.
Listen and grow
Allyship requires constant humility and a willingness to listen, understand, and learn. Your actions need to evolve with the needs of the group of people being harmed. Dominique points to guilt-ridden, one-time donations following tragic events in the news as one example. “We don’t want to cash those in,” she says. “We want a renewed investment and dedication that reflects where we are now, one that listens to where we want to go forward.” This means that allies need to focus less on what looks good and more on what communities say they need.
Ayanna Ife, a Black, queer, disabled TikToker, says that she is often infantilized and ignored as a queer disabled person. People talk over or through her, but they don’t hear her. She says having allies who listen to and understand her multitudes is deeply important. “If you’re really an ally, I want to know you see me and recognize me as a whole person, with [all my] intersections and sexuality,” Ayanna tells Them.
There’s no rulebook on how to be a perfect ally because all people and communities are different and have different needs. Listening to what the people in your life say they want to see from you and following through is the biggest source of allyship there is. Make a commitment to see those you want to support as whole people with varied and evolving needs and respond to them accordingly.
Prioritize the safety and comfort of marginalized people
Ayanna says that good allyship means providing a sense of safety for those you support, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. That safety goes beyond the context of your relationship; it means knowing you won’t bring others into spaces where they might feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or insulted, for example. “I don’t want to experience harm from people in your circle,” she says. This requires not only an awareness of one’s own beliefs but to remain accountable for the harm one might “let slide” from other people.
Even further, queer folks need to know that their “allies” will stand up for them if unexpected harm comes up. This is a key aspect of allyship, and means staying aware of the material differences between a marginalized person’s life and yours, and making the necessary changes to cater to that. If you know someone may face extra danger walking home alone at night, go with them. If you know a nightlife space will be predominantly white or straight, consider whether or not your friend who is not will feel safe there. We have to make tangible changes to how we live our lives to be true allies to those we’re around. Being thoughtful about the lives of others is crucial.
Be sincere and authentic
Finally, know that sincerity and authenticity go a long way. Dominique, as one example, points to the history of white philanthropy and its lack of true sincerity. “It was about shelters for white people to hide their wealth and on the front end, to be celebrated,” she tells Them. Allies need to do better than that. “Where’s the relationship there?” she says. ”Let’s break bread together.”
It’s important to understand that allyship is an act, rather than an identity. In order to truly be an active accomplice to marginalized people, you need to make the effort to connect with communities and people directly. This means going beyond the fear of making a mistake and instead learning from your errors. True sincerity and investment in the cause go a long way to create true co-conspiratorship and allyship.
Dominique also says marginalized people investing in their own communities is key. She says “we can be our own liberators” when we realize our success is innately intertwined and we support each other.
Every single one of us can help bring liberation to the most disenfranchised in our society — and by taking these steps, we can help realize a future where each of us can be free.
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