You know what I'd be thankful for this Thanksgiving? Having a relative who doesn't call Fox News correspondent Tucker Carlson "a sweet boy." But alas, here we are in the Dumpster Fire of 2017, and the high holidays have arrived to dive right into all your deep, old wounds and pour a heaping pile of salt upon them. Perhaps nobody knows the horrors of the holidays quite like a queer person — dodging well-intentioned family who can never remember your pronouns, enduring awkward stares when you and your partner show any form of intimacy, or having to bury rage as people talk about politics but then tell you "not to take it so personally."
For those of us who will be needing a little extra love this holiday season, we prepared this gift guide...for yourself! (And if you have any suggestions, you can hit me up on social media at @pfpicardi. Trust me — I'll be dying for a distraction.)
Aveda Chakra 3 Balancing Body Mist, $30. Nordstrom.
These body mists double as incredibly effective room sprays — try spritzing twice over your bed and once in the doorway. A calming blend of essential oils and a few deep breaths will literally reset your mind. (Fun fact: I spray this in the bedroom before my boyfriend comes home if I know he's going to be mad. Works like a charm!)
Headspace, around $10. App Store.
A trial of Headspace will probably cost you around $10 — and while the meditation challenge is a great introduction, I recommend scooting on over to the specialized "Meditation Packs," which are more catered, guided sessions you can choose à la carte. There's even a sleep option, which is lovely.
Hope Gillerman Essential Oils, $48. Anthropologie.
This collection of oils covers pretty much any immediate need, from stress to sleep to sinuses. My favorite happens to be Jaw-Clenching Remedy — a deeply necessary oil for anytime a 40+-year-old cisgender white male decides to bring up your choice of clothing, or Hillary Clinton. (You can also pop off the rollerball applicator, fill up the bottle cap with oil, and drop it into your bathtub for an extremely aromatic experience.)
Boy Smells Kush Candle, $29. Nordstrom.
Don't be fooled by the brand name, and focus instead on the title. It doesn't get more calming than Kush.
Dr. Jart Hydration Lover Rubber Mask, $12. Sephora.
A great excuse to avoid conversation? "Sorry, I'm masking." Set aside 15 minutes of nothing but R&R with this mask on your face, and then watch in amazement at your Rihanna-level dew when you peel it off. (Yes, it's that good.)
Herbivore Botanicals Coconut Milk Bath Soak, $18. Nordstrom.
Should you not be a New Yorker living in an apartment where surely dozens, if not hundreds, of people have laid ass naked in your bathtub, take a moment this holiday to enjoy the most luxurious soak of your life. The coconut milk will leave your skin so soft, it'll be hard to care about anything else.
Mosaic Bianca White Weighted Blanket, $95. Mosaic Weighted Blankets.
Much has been said about weighted blankets, but the premise of the phenomenon is basically that having weight on top of us makes us feel protected, which in theory, would help calm anxiety. Plenty of people now sleep with weighted blankets — in fact, a few people use them at our office — and they've gathered quite a devoted following. It's worth a shot, right?
Crush by Richard Siken, $14. Amazon.
Nothing occupies the mind quite like poetry – plus, you'll feel so accomplished after finishing a book in less than a day.
Weleda Arnica Massage Oil, $13. Target.
The only positive thing about feeling stressed? It's an awesome excuse to have someone help relieve you. And if you're going to all that trouble, at least make it worthwhile — arnica is a no-nonsense ingredient that knows how to treat a body right. Make sure your masseur is up to the challenge.
Phillip Picardi is the Chief Content Officer and a founding editor of them., as well as the digital editorial director for both Teen Vogue and Allure *. When he’s not working, he’s either fixing his makeup application or playing with his two cats, Freddy and Juniper.