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Am anticipating irritating comments and need some replies at the ready - help!

15 replies

ameliameerkat · 21/06/2010 19:35

So, I'm 30, female and work as a sustainability consultant for a large engineering consultancy. We're having a client networking evening thing on Thursday night and I just know at least a couple of guys are going to ask if I'm the office manager/in business development/marketing. Of course there's nothing wrong with being any of those things, but why PRESUME that I can't be an engineer just because I'm female?!?!? (And at a networking evening, why ask close ended questions like that?! But anyway....).

After the last time it happened, I vowed that I was never going to be 100% 'nice' in future in dealing with it. I'm usually a bit wishy washy and just say 'oh no, I'm a consultant actually'. But if you don't challenge the attitudes they'll never change their ways, right??

So I need some good replies in readiness for Thursday night. I still have to be polite, obviously, as it's a client thing.

So far I've come up with saying:

'no' and then turning to talk to someone else in the group.
'yes' and then asking if he's the janitor in his office.
'no, I don't do anything useful really, I'm just employed to make the office look prettier'
'no, I'm the director in charge of the sustainability business in the UK' (leave awkward pause) 'I'm joking, that's a few years off yet, I'm a consultant for now.'

I'm probably happiest with the last one, but still not particularly happy. I need your ideas please!! I can report back after the event and let you know how they went down!!

OP posts:

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luciemule · 21/06/2010 19:45

The fact that you're considering using any of the above will, imo, make the sterotypes you're trying to avoid even more true; that it's bolshy, rude, over assertive women that are the only ones who make it in a man's world.

Why not just be kind and nice.
If I were in your shoes, I would be as nice as pie and just say, "no, I'm a consultant". Yes, they're stupid to assume otherwise but you'll be the one who looks good with a simple, non-arsey answer.

ps - my DH always votes for a woman in his annual Professional Engineering election as he truly believes it's fab to have more women working in the engineering industry.

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minipie · 21/06/2010 19:48

Many possible sarcastic responses. But in fact, I think better to turn it back on them:

"No, I'm an engineering consultant. [slight pause] So tell me, why did you think I worked in marketing?"

In other words: "Go on, admit it, the reason you thought that is because I am a WOMAN."

You can then judge them by the quality of their response. If they say "You're too pretty to be an engineer": nul points. If they say "Oops, sorry, of course I should have expected you to be an engineering consultant seeing as this is an engineering consultancy": maybe forgiveable.

Oh and it's an open ended question...great for networking!

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luciemule · 21/06/2010 19:50

great one minipie

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Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/06/2010 19:52

What about "no, I'm an engineering consultant. Are you in business development/marketing yourself?"

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Adair · 21/06/2010 19:59

Perfect, Maisie. Gold star to you!

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ameliameerkat · 21/06/2010 20:00

Thanks for your replies folks!

I think I like Maisie's the best so far - makes the point without appearing irritated by the question! I can't bear to do nothing about it anymore, but do need the tread a fine line and not come across as rude/too in your face.

OP posts:

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Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/06/2010 20:02

You are welcome - if only I could think of these smart replies in RL!

Hope your networking evening goes well

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Portofino · 21/06/2010 20:13

I like Maisie's too. Being all sarcastic doesn't help on a personal or professional level. It can be hard though. I still remember the withering stare I gave to a guy who suggested I order the sandwiches for HIS meeting.....

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HerBeatitude · 21/06/2010 20:37

Yep Maisie's response definitely gets the prize, with a follow up of minipies if the answer to whether they work in marketing etc. is no.

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pointissima · 22/06/2010 09:00

Maisie's response is excellent!

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SweetDreamerGirl · 22/06/2010 09:37

I suggest that you stress consultant engineer. There are a lot of office/business/marketing consultants out there too and the point of your original post seemed to be your wish to differentiate yourself from those groups.

Definitely don't say "I do nothing", "I'm just here to make the office look prettier" etc. The men you are aiming at will think "all's as it should be" not "there is a witty intelligent competent woman whose skillful mastery of irony highlights the dreadful prejudices that working women have to deal with". That line of attack would just re-enforce any existing assumptions on their part. Please, please tell me you were joking...

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SweetDreamerGirl · 22/06/2010 10:11

To refine my previous post just a little more:

I recommend you stress "consultant" and "engineer" equally, especially if the term "consultant" carries implied additional seniority or expertise in your particular field.

Good luck on Thursday! I hope you will report back to this thread to let us all know how it went.

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frikonastick · 22/06/2010 10:19

i have had this before (construction)

and my response was usually, no im xyz....why?

i couldnt give the proverbial if a man thought i was bolshy rude or an over assertive woman though........or if i am percieved as anything less than nice as pie.

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ElephantsAndMiasmas · 22/06/2010 12:12

I was going to suggest smiling and asking "what makes you think that?" - after all they are starting the guessing so play the game. Then you're ready after their (sure to be shit) response with, "Interesting. I'm a consultant engineer actually. How about you?"

Nice mix of making them realise the assumptions they are making, and being polite/chatty.

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ameliameerkat · 25/06/2010 13:14

I have nothing to report! Everyone was very well behaved and I didn't get to try out my line! Which I suppose I should be happy about, but I wanted to try it........