Aligning execs & teams to raise capital & boost revenue—Don't Let People Dynamics Get In The Way. Add Some SASS In Your Life! | Certified Reinvention Practitioner | 20+ Yrs |🔥GET SASSIFIED PRE-ENROLL👇
"Are You Helping Them or Just Making Yourself Feel Better?" Someone in your life is struggling. They’re not following through on what will transform them into a better version of themselves. They’re stuck in pain, fear, and shame. Maybe you are too. You want to help. Out of the goodness of your heart, you take over, trying to spare them pain, fear, and shame. I feel a knot in my stomach as I write this. Here's the hard truth I learned: you might be easing your own discomfort at their expense, without even realizing it. Whether you're a leader, a parent, or a friend, the situation is real and hard. You want the best for those struggling. Your efforts to find solutions only fuel their complaints and excuses. This is hard to digest, but you are enabling them. What they need is to be empowered. As a recovering people pleaser, I know how easy it is to fall into this trap. It takes a lot of energy and effort to resist. How do I manage? By doing what I need to (not want to sometimes), so they can do the same for themselves. Shifting from enabling to empowering starts with looking within by asking yourself: 👉 "How is my 'help' making them think they can't do it themselves?" Remember, in the end, who we are and who we choose to become is a choice we can all make. To be the best leader, coach, parent, friend, or colleague, shift from taking over to empowering. Show up at your best so others can see your transformation and light. Gift people with the same opportunity to grow. Improvement starts with self-awareness and letting others take responsibility for their growth. Are you ready to make that shift? P.S. Want to and don't know how? Send me a DM and let's chat! 💗
Bob Sager
2w
Once upon a time my 8-year-old daughter had to make phone calls to attempt to sell Girl Scout cookies to people she knew (friends and relatives). She kept putting it off and putting it off. Finally, I told her, 'You need to make these calls before it gets too late in the evening.' She said, 'Dad, could you do it for me?' I said, 'I could. But, I'm not going to'. She made the calls and EVERY person she reached placed an order. She was SO proud of herself!
That's a powerful reflection on the dynamics of helping versus enabling. It's often a fine line between genuinely supporting someone and unintentionally preventing them from taking responsibility for their own growth and actions. Empowering others involves stepping back at times, allowing them to face challenges and make decisions on their own, even if it's uncomfortable for both parties.
Good post. People need to learn their own lessons sometimes, depends on the circumstances naturally. Often helping without thinking first is worse than doing nothing, triggering the drama triangle and dropping them into imposter syndrome. Much as we count to ten when speaking it's the same with helping. Naturally if they've been run over by bus we help but if they're working through emotional stuff it's best just to listen and let them talk back to themselves, through us, and find their own solutions.
Amide Turan
1w
Beautiful share Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau It's admirable that you recognize the value of allowing individuals to take responsibility for their own growth and development. As we continue on our own journey of growth and self-awareness, let's strive to be the kind of leaders, friends, parents, and colleagues who uplift and empower those around us. Together, we can create a supportive and empowering environment where everyone has the opportunity to thrive and become the best versions of themselves.
You are speaking truth. You do want the best for those struggling but you are not their answer and you can’t become that. I had to make a big adjustment coming out of years of pastoring to this platform Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau When you are pastors, that’s your role to be there when someone is struggling, but you also move people along out of the dependency on you and into a healthy place, whether by finding professional counseling help or simply by pastoring them forward but you can’t be their answer or you are enabling them to stay stuck there.
Umme Fatima
2w
Sometimes you need to give tough love for their good. Nothing wrong with it Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau
Wow, Isabelle, thank you for this! Taking that step from enabling to empowering can be difficult sometimes because we may feel a misplaced sense of guilt that we're in a certain place and they aren't. Self-reflection helps us realise their situation isn't our fault and we don't necessarily need to fix them (enabling) as much as show them how to do it themselves (empowering). ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Leading by example, allowing others to take responsibility for their own growth, and providing opportunities to develop are key ways to empower rather than enable.
It's a fine balance; but the other person must be willing. As stated in Theory of Self-Relativity: “It’s okay to ask for help, it’s not okay to rely on others.”
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1wIn many cases you are correct. However in far more cases you couldn't be more wrong. Take homelessness as an example. For decades the strategy in America has been to try to fix the underlying problems associated with homelessness first. Things like getting someone into substance abuse treatment, or job retraining etc. But none of these things work while the person is sleeping on the streets with no resources. People living on the streets have their hands full figuring our how they're going to eat today and where they're going to sleep tonight. Finally people are getting the concept of house the people first, nothing works until you first get them off the streets. Could you imagine telling a starving child in Africa that it's all about their mindset, that their attitude is what's holding them back? While it's great to teach people to metaphorically pull themselves up by their bootstraps, we need to make sure they have boots.