💥 Amy Kean 💥’s Post

“Your words are too direct.” “Your tone is too blunt.” You have no idea how many women I work with who KEEP receiving this feedback. And honestly? You have no idea how much this feedback is hurting them. Why? Because it’s vague. It’s subjective. It’s making them question their entire character, making them believe something is wrong with them, and making them second guess every single word they use. You have no idea how often it’s women giving other women this feedback. And it has to stop. Feedback like “you’re too direct” aimed at a woman plays into the most archaic stereotypes that women must be soft, and appeasing. That we have to be lovely all the time. And that female social groups have to be cute and laden with compliments in order to thrive. Let’s look at the alternative to being “direct”. Is it better to never say what you think? Is it better to bitch behind people’s backs? Is it better to be passive aggressive? Is it better to tap dance around every point, making meetings last twice as long because no one really wants to commit to anything? Is that preferable? I wouldn’t say so. Or are we seeing a trend where the average majority are simply gaslighting the honest ones, because they’re terrified of feedback. They’re terrified of facing up to the reality that they might not be perfect. Being blunt and direct, when facts are being stated, is literally just telling the truth. Eek. So, when it comes to well-intentioned people who have - in the eyes of average society - a tone that is too direct, instead of a bunch of toxic behaviours associated with being unable to actually speak your mind… I know who I’d rather work with. My ego can handle a challenge every now and again. 

WORK/LIFE BALANCE. 8am: hotel breakfast buffet (my favourite thing) 9am: calls about upcoming fun stuff 12pm: giving a talk in Eastbourne on the science of weirdness for the students attending the latest Advertising Association Media Business School 1pm: Mr Whippy on the beach. Inevitable brain freeze (WHY IS BRAIN FREEZE A THING) 2pm to 5pm: kicking off the latest Good Shout Powerhouse course with 9 impressive women who wanna get louder 5pm: more beach, more ice cream, hopefully less brain freeze

Do you know how I got rid of my public speaking nerves? I stopped seeing the audience as a threat. Lemme quickly tell you about my public speaking origin story... At one of the first conferences I did, in my late twenties, I was heckled by an ad agency CEO just a few minutes after I'd started speaking. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE" he shouted. He was challenging my first slide so aggressively that the chair of the event had to step in. (Turns out the CEO had been seen taking coke in the toilets during the break before my session, as confirmed by a couple of conference delegates. But that's neither here nor there.) This scarring and completely unexpected incident made me terrified of audiences afterwards. Before each speaking occasion, I would consider the worst. What if someone did it again? What if the heckler got louder this time? More aggressive? What if I was completely humiliated? 😨 The audience were a potential threat to my reputation! 😨 The audience were a potential threat to my status! 😨 The audience were a potential threat to my wellbeing, damn them! On stage, the nerves would get wild. My hands would shake, my voice would squeak and I'd cry afterwards. Every time. I'd get through my talk unscathed, but there was no enjoyment there. It makes sense, though. Evolutionarily. In cave-person times, when all eyes were on you, it was a threat. It meant you were about to be attacked and you were probably about to die. This is why we get nervous: our brain and body want to know if we're ok. BECAUSE OUR BRAIN AND BODY TALK TO EACH OTHER. But we're not cave-people anymore. The psychology of emotions is a fascinating thing, because once you understand them, you can reframe them. You can even manipulate them. It's SCIENCE. When we see a situation as a threat, we're more likely to feel negative emotions. We we see a situation as an opportunity or a challenge, we're more likely to feel positive emotions. When I learned this, I started thinking about the audience like they were future friends. That they were rooting for me, and wanted me to succeed. I started imagining they'd come up to me afterwards and ask questions and say how much they enjoyed it. And you know what? They normally do. My brain and body established a better relationship, and I genuinely haven't had a heckler since. Not even a "this isn't a question it's more of a comment" guy! Such a simple reframing makes a massive difference: turning hideous threats into beautiful opportunities with a few simple thoughts. Although I still like to rock a cheeky cavewoman outfit every now and again.

Hello. I love this woman! (She’s also done a great video about why people pleasers are manipulative because they’re trying to control your opinion of them and you should watch it. Her TikTok profile is here https://lnkd.in/emyyrB6Y )

I’ve been thinking a lot about imagination recently, and how work completely stifles it. When it comes to finding solutions or coming up with ideas, there’s generally a PROCESS: 🥱 You get in a room and bark at each other.  🥱 There’s a framework everyone must follow.  🥱 There’s a form you have to fill in.  🥱 There’s agreed-upon techniques you always use. 🥱 There’s tried and tested formulas that you can articulate confidently, because they worked once before. All legitimate tools or tactics for *coming up with ideas* - whilst forgetting the thing that makes those ideas possible in the first place. The Imagination. When was the last time you actually thought - or cared - about the imaginations of your employees? Those utterly unique and gorgeously weird and unfiltered things that sit in their heads?! Because work isn’t set up to nurture the imagination. 🦋 No one ever has time to sit and think anymore. 🦋 People are always tired and stressed.  🦋 The closest a meeting room gets to being interesting is a quirky name.  🦋 Conformity and “fitting in” are rewarded, which means people will seek out and say the same things, over and over again. In a world where AI is apparently going to replicate everything that’s been done before and churn it out at the press of a button, surely our imaginations are the only original thing we have left?

I need to understand the psychology of someone that finds you through LinkedIn Search, views your profile, and then doesn’t add OR follow you. Is it a hate search?! If so, I’ve been the recipient of a lot of hate searches lately. 🤣

This post is aimed at very talented people, so if you’re not very talented, just keep on scrolling! Ok. Just the very talented people left? Right. One thing I’ve learned, from helping hundreds of people find and use their voice, and hearing them share their challenges and frustrations with me, is: If you’re very talented, people with less talent are going to try and take advantage of you. They’ll try and use you until they no longer need you: after the money’s been made or their profile’s been raised. And, if they’re the kind of people to take advantage of another human, chances are they’re also the kind of people to make you feel really shitty when you stand up for yourself, or attempt to take some power back. In fact, if you’re very talented, there’s a pool of people who’ll benefit hugely from you having only small amounts of self-esteem. Because that makes you easier to use! Let’s face it: being very talented comes with some issues. If you’re very talented, people might dislike you or want to put you “in your place”. They might even be jealous. And it’s ok to acknowledge that. It really is. I see far too many very talented people used, exploited, alienated, bullied and gaslit. Which they’ll talk about in private, but not publicly because they don’t want to be seen as arrogant, or a trouble-maker, or a diva. Why do you think imposter syndrome is such a popular concept? Because it’s a lot more socially acceptable to think less of yourself, rather than admit and accept your own brilliance. So my advice to the very talented people is: keep going, keep believing in your talent, but understand the road to success and achievement won’t be easy. It’s littered with pr*cks. (It’s also littered with amazing individuals who want to collaborate with and help you, but you don’t need to be warned about them.) If you’re very talented, please remember: when people treat you badly or disrespectfully, 99.999999% of the time it’s about them, not you.