How do you overcome resistance from coachees or supervisees?

1 Understand the sources of resistance

Resistance is not a personal attack on you or your coaching skills. It is a natural and common reaction to change, uncertainty, or perceived threat. Coachees or supervisees may resist coaching for various reasons, such as fear of failure, lack of trust, low self-esteem, conflicting values, or different expectations. To overcome resistance, you need to understand where it is coming from and empathize with the coachee or supervisee. Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and acknowledge their feelings and concerns. Avoid judging, blaming, or criticizing them for being resistant.

2 Build rapport and trust

One of the key factors that influence the success of coaching is the quality of the relationship between the coach and the coachee or supervisee. To overcome resistance, you need to establish rapport and trust with them. Rapport is the feeling of connection and mutual understanding that creates a positive and supportive atmosphere. Trust is the belief that the coach is competent, reliable, honest, and respectful. To build rapport and trust, you need to show genuine interest, curiosity, and appreciation for the coachee or supervisee. Use their name, mirror their body language, and match their pace and tone. To build trust, you need to demonstrate your credibility, reliability, integrity, and respect. Share your credentials, experience, and expertise. Follow through on your promises and commitments. Keep your coaching sessions confidential and ethical. Respect their autonomy, choices, and boundaries.

3 Use a collaborative approach

Resistance often stems from a sense of powerlessness or loss of control over one's situation or goals. To overcome resistance, you need to use a collaborative approach that empowers the coachee or supervisee to take ownership and responsibility for their own learning and development. A collaborative approach involves working with the coachee or supervisee as a partner, rather than a superior, expert, or authority. It involves inviting their input, feedback, and ideas, rather than imposing your own agenda, solutions, or advice. It involves helping them discover their own strengths, resources, and options, rather than telling them what to do or how to do it. A collaborative approach fosters a sense of autonomy, competence, and confidence in the coachee or supervisee, which reduces their resistance and increases their motivation and commitment.

4 Provide positive reinforcement

Resistance can also be a result of low confidence, self-doubt, or frustration. To overcome resistance, you need to provide positive reinforcement that boosts the coachee or supervisee's self-esteem, self-efficacy, and resilience. Positive reinforcement is the process of giving praise, recognition, or reward for desirable behaviors or outcomes. It encourages the coachee or supervisee to repeat or sustain those behaviors or outcomes, and to overcome challenges or setbacks. To provide positive reinforcement, you need to be specific, timely, sincere, and proportionate. Highlight the coachee or supervisee's achievements, progress, or efforts. Acknowledge their challenges, difficulties, or mistakes. Express your confidence, support, or appreciation. Avoid overpraising, exaggerating, or patronizing.

5 Manage your own emotions

Resistance can trigger negative emotions in you as a coach, such as anger, frustration, disappointment, or anxiety. These emotions can interfere with your coaching effectiveness and worsen the resistance. To overcome resistance, you need to manage your own emotions and maintain your composure and professionalism. Managing your own emotions involves recognizing, accepting, and regulating them. Recognize your emotional triggers and signs. Accept your emotions as valid and normal. Regulate your emotions by using coping strategies, such as breathing, reframing, or self-talk. Maintain your composure and professionalism by staying calm, respectful, and objective. Avoid taking resistance personally or reacting defensively or aggressively.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?