Dial A for Aunties Quotes

“Meddy, how can you say that? Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food? How can? Oh, we have dragon fruit, good, good.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“You're not a mess. You just kill by accident only. Bad luck. Can happen to anyone.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“I’m basically driven by a mixture of caffeine and familial guilt.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“I hear about this kind of Internet scam before. Is called goldfish.” “Catfish,” I say. “No, I’m sure is call goldfish. Because pretend got gold, but actually just a fish.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“I look at the ceiling. Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“My eyes fill with tears. All these years, I have never seen it that way, but Ma’s right. I did grow up with four mothers, and it really has been amazing. There’s been so much love in my life that I took for granted.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“I told you to buy Glad brand. Haven’t you seen their ads? Glad bags will hold his cut-up body just fine, no leaks!”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Or maybe the business is dealing coke. Or human trafficking. Wow, I have a low opinion of my family.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“Don’t leave your big day to chance, leave it to the Chans!”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Some of the aunties in Dial A for Aunties speak the sort of broken English that my parents’ generation does. Their grasp of the English language is not a reflection of their intelligence, but a reflection of the sacrifice that they have made for us. They are, in essence, trilingual, and I am so proud of this heritage.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“They band together and reduce us to kids having a tantrum, dismissing our words so we can’t pierce their armor. Part of me wants to kick crazily at the floor and scream until they listen, but of course that’ll only confirm their belief that I’m nothing more than a silly child.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“Yes, you right, more respectful". She pats me on the cheek. "I raise you so well".

Hysteria rises from deep in my stomach and I have to swallow it. Trust Ma to take pride in my etiquette when I've just shown her my date, whom I've killed, in the trunk of my car.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Who drugged you?” Sheriff McConnell roars. “I mean, I don’t know. I’d like to know, that was some good stuff—er, I mean, yeah, that was really uncool, drugging us like that,”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Lord help me, we are literally talking about fridging the dude.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Chinese family meals aren’t complete without everyone serving food to everyone else, because doing so shows love and respect, which means we all need to do it in the most attention-seeking way possible.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“Yay, global warming,” I cheer weakly. Bad for the environment, good for killers.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“What? What is it?” Big Aunt says. “He sound like very nice boy, offer to cook eggplant for you.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“What is with the Chinese-Indo community and their hard-on for Hermès?”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“He trick me? Use me get to my daughter!?” Big Aunt nods solemnly. “I hear about this kind of Internet scam before. Is called goldfish.” “Catfish,” I say. “No, I’m sure is call goldfish. Because pretend got gold, but actually just a fish.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Ah, filial piety, the foundation of Asian parenting. From ever since I can remember, I’ve been taught to put my elders—that is, Ma and the aunties—above everything. It’s the reason why I, out of seven kids in my generation, am the only one involved in the family business, even though I desperately want out.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“always reply in English no matter which language my family is speaking because Second Aunt says listening to me struggle through Indonesian or Mandarin makes her blood pressure rise.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A For Aunties

“Meddy, how can you say that? Your aunties coming over, so late at night, coming to help us get rid of body, and we don’t even offer them any food?”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“There’s a dead man in my car. A man. Dead. In the driver’s seat of my Subaru. This is not at all on-brand for Subaru. Subarus aren’t killers’ cars. Jeep Wranglers are.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Have they always been this blasé about chopping bodies up? “Such silly idea,” Ma scoffs. “So messy, and the garbage bags always leak. You will make big mess in my garage.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“How can I describe the chaos that is a dim sum restaurant in the heart of San Gabriel Valley at 11 a.m.?”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Pretty sure that when Glad was planning their marketing campaign, they didn’t think their target market would be a bunch of middle-aged Chinese women arguing about how to best dispose of a body.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“I can’t believe my aunts’ rivalry with each other is jeopardizing us getting away with murder.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“This is what always happens when one of my generation dares to talk back to our parents. They band together and reduce us to kids having a tantrum, dismissing our words so we can’t pierce their armor. Part of me wants to kick crazily at the ground and scream until they listen, but of course that’ll only confirm their belief that I’m nothing more than a silly child.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Yeah.” I sigh, feeling so ashamed of my generation.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties

“Most other entertainers go with coke.” “Coke got so much sugar,” Big Aunt sniffs. “Better drink Coke Zero, otherwise later you get diabetes.”
― Jesse Q. Sutanto, Dial A for Aunties