Family Secrets Quotes

“We discover, often too late to talk to him about it, an episode from his life that a loved one has concealed from you. Has he really hidden it from you? He has forgotten, or more likely, over time, he no longer thinks about it. Or, quite simply, he can't find the words.”
― Patrick Modiano, So You Don't Get Lost in the Neighborhood

“At the time I was being molested, I thought I was the only one. My father controlled everything in our house and he always said that what was happening to me was natural and that I should accommodate him. Even though I have to look back sometimes, I am moving forward. And even though it's painful for me to face my mother's complacency, doing so has helped me understand that it wasn't my fault. If I could have read something at the time about sex abuse, if people had talked openly about, I could have been saved so many years of guilt and shame and secrecy. Each time I talk about my incest, I get rid of some of that shame and guilt. Each person I share with, no matter what their response, takes another piece of the pain away.”
― Patti Feuereisen, Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse--A Book for Teen Girls, Young Women, and Everyone Who Cares About Them

“..[The] disclosure of the incest secret initiates a profound crisis for the family usually...the abuse has been going on for a number of years and has become an integral part of family life. Disclosure disrupts whatever fragile equilibrium has been maintained, jeopardizes the functioning of all family members, increases the likelihood of violent and desperate behavior, and places everyone, but particularly the daughter, at risk for retaliation.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Father-Daughter Incest

“Sexual abuse of children now presents society with the ultimate crisis of patriarchy, when children refuse to protect their fathers by keeping secrets.”
― Beatrix Campbell

“In some instances, even when crisis intervention has been intensive and appropriate, the mother and daughter are already so deeply estranged at the time of disclosure that the bond between them seems irreparable. In this situation, no useful purpose is served by trying to separate the mother and father and keep the daughter at home. The daughter has already been emotionally expelled from her family; removing her to protective custody is simply the concrete expression of the family reality.
These are the cases which many agencies call their “tragedies.” This report of a child protective worker illustrates a case where removing the child from the home was the only reasonable course of action:

Division of Family and Children’s Services received an anonymous telephone call on Sept. 14 from a man who stated that he
overheard Tracy W., age 8, of [address] tell his daughter of a forced oral-genital assault, allegedly perpetrated against this child by her mother’s boyfriend, one Raymond S.

Two workers visited the W. home on Sept. 17. According to their report, Mrs. W. was heavily under the influence of alcohol at the time of the visit. Mrs. W. stated immediately that she was aware why the two workers wanted to see her, because Mr. S. had “hurt her little girl.” In the course of the interview, Mrs. W. acknowledged and described how Mr. S. had forced Tracy to have relations with him. Workers then interviewed Tracy and she verified what mother had stated. According to Mrs. W., Mr. S. admitted the sexual assault, claiming that he was drunk and not accountable for his actions. Mother then stated to workers that she banished Mr. S. from her home.

I had my first contact with mother and child at their home on Sept. 20 and I subsequently saw this family once a week. Mother was usually intoxicated and drinking beer when I saw her. I met Mr. S. on my second visit. Mr. S. denied having had any sexual relations with Tracy. Mother explained that she had obtained a license and planned to marry Mr. S.

On my third visit, Mrs. W. was again intoxicated and drinking despite my previous request that she not drink during my visit. Mother explained that Mr. S. had taken off to another state and she never wanted to see him again. On this visit mother demanded that Tracy tell me the details of her sexual involvement with Mr. S.
On my fourth visit, Mr. S. and Mrs. S. were present. Mother explained that they had been married the previous Saturday.
On my fifth visit, Mr. S. was not present. During our discussion, mother commented that “Bay was not the first one who had
Tracy.” After exploring this statement with mother and Tracy, it became clear that Tracy had been sexually exploited in the same manner at age six by another of Mrs. S.'s previous boyfriends.
On my sixth visit, Mrs. S. stated that she could accept Tracy’s being placed with another family as long as it did not appear to Tracy that it was her mother’s decision to give her up. Mother also commented, “I wish the fuck I never had her.”

It appears that Mrs. S. has had a number of other children all of whom have lived with other relatives or were in foster care for part of their lives. Tracy herself lived with a paternal aunt from birth to age five.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Father-Daughter Incest

“Whether man or beast, the secrets you kept in the fathoms of your heart always held you to ransom.”
― Dianna Hardy, Reign Of The Wolf

“Family secrets are like vampires. They never really die, and can always come back to bite you.”
― Alberta J. McMorris, Mercy: a love story

“I open my heart to her and lay it on the table.”
― Jennifer Haigh, Faith

“Whatever it is that you think you have discovered. You must forget it.
”
― Diane Samuels, Kindertransport: A Drama

“She wasn’t a collector of facts about people, this birthday, that anniversary. She cared more about the content of a person.”
― Catherine McKenzie, I'll Never Tell

“You cannot go poking skeletons in the closet without making maggots wriggle." - Springfield Road”
― Salena Godden, Springfield Road

“Memories, good and bad, can be used to help us heal if we don’t let ourselves be mired down in them.”
― Sarah Jo Smith, The Other Side of Heartache

“There was no mistaking her daughter's handwriting. And the words... "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.”
― Elizabeth Heiter, Stalked

“Attitudes and ignorance” about (any type of) abuse can be passed down through the generations. It is important to our healing that we sort out the belief systems we adopt; belief systems that were taught to us and because they are so full of lies, they lead to all kinds of depressions, addictions and other struggles while we try to cope with the manifestations of the problems instead of the roots of the problems.”
― Darlene Ouimet

“When I was little, my mother used to tell me that a woman becomes invisible to men at a certain age.
Perhaps that's why she let him commit the acts that he did. She would become visible only then, once she'd served a purpose in his agenda, and she knew the secret would forever bind him to her.”
― Heather Dark, The Designer Wife

“This is how silence works in families: it means questions go unanswered, timelines are unclear, and the details of a child's life are a mystery that will not be resolved.”
― Margaret Kimball, And Now I Spill the Family Secrets: An Illustrated Memoir

“In a note written shortly before her death, Violet had expressed the wish that her son should be the arbiter of what was left for history to judge of her life: 'He [John] may look and destroy, or keep everything.' she had instructed. The task had consumed him. From the moment she died, he had rarely emerged from the Muniment Rooms.”
― Catherine Bailey, The Secret Rooms: A True Gothic Mystery

“There is too much at stake to chance rocking the boat by holding on to highly inflated expectations. Keeping our relationships intact and pretending they’re successful, even if they aren’t, is the price we must pay to harbor our deepest secrets.”
― Sarah Jo Smith, The Other Side of Heartache

“Linda would say that she was so excited to have half-sisters that she didn't fully appreciate how her story posted a fundamental threat to their story.”
― Libby Copeland, The Lost Family: How DNA Testing Is Uncovering Secrets, Reuniting Relatives, and Upending Who We Are

“People thought they could get away with everything, she says– and indeed, they did until genetic genealogy came along. In Moore's view, DNA is an equalizer, a revelatory force with the power to right past wrongs.”
― Libby Copeland, The Lost Family: How DNA Testing Is Uncovering Secrets, Reuniting Relatives, and Upending Who We Are

“I’m still the same, even if I don’t feel the same.”
― Risa Nyman, Swallowed by a Secret

“I came here for the truth, but not this truth.”
― Risa Nyman, Swallowed by a Secret

“That girl wasn’t who she wanted to. be anymore, but sometimes you don’t get to choose who you are.”
― Margaux MacAllister

“That girl wasn’t who she wanted to. be anymore, but sometimes you don’t get to choose who you are.”
― Catherine McKenzie, I'll Never Tell

“When I was little, my mother used to tell me that a woman becomes invisible to men at a certain age.
Perhaps that's why she let him commit the acts that he did. She would become visible only then, once she'd served a purpose in his agenda, and she knew the secret would forever bind him to her.”
― Heather Dark, excerpt from The Designer Wife

“When I was little, my mother used to tell me that a woman becomes invisible to men at a certain age.
Perhaps that's why she let him commit the acts that he did. She would become visible only then, once she'd served a purpose in his agenda, and she knew the secret would forever bind him to her.”
― Heather Dark, The Designer Wife

“Then I noticed the top envelope had my name on it. My real name, not Judith Broch but Julie Pike.

My mother had long since stopped using that name for me. She’d lived under an assumed name herself. The only person who’d be writing to me with that name, at that address was him. Or more likely, someone working for him.

Raymond Wayfield; serial rapist and murderer. My father.

I stared at that letter for a long time. The light shifted in the flat as cars went by outside. Blue whirling lights and sirens went past, setting off a series of thumps and a baby’s cries in the flat above. Still I couldn’t bring myself to reach out and open that envelope. As if by doing so I’d be letting that man back into my life. Into my reality.

As if he’d ever left.”
― Sarah Goodwin, The Butcher's Daughter

“I once watched a video of a deer being rescued from drowning only to find herself surrounded by humans, and then she ran immediately back into the water. It's what panic looks like. An animal feeling of blind propulsion that aims at survival but doesn't quite get it right. We are so preoccupied with disaster that we step right into it.”
― Margaret Kimball, And Now I Spill the Family Secrets: An Illustrated Memoir

“Those secrets that our families do not discuss keep us stuck in cycles of pain. Show me a family that has a lot of drama and I will bet you there are some secrets that are bottled up that have passed down generational hurts.”
― Nijiama Smalls, The Black Girl's Guide to Healing Emotional Wounds Devotional

“What if the real Minu was out there in the world somewhere? And here I was, trapped in this awful life I wasn’t supposed to be living.”
― Minu Cash, The Painted Pink Dress: A Daughter’s Story of Family, Betrayal, and Her Search for the Truth