Welcome to Delicious or Distressing, where we rate recent food memes, videos, and other news. Last week we discussed Peeps apparently containing carcinogens.
Doing what it does best—elevating questionable things to virality—TikTok has found a way to sully Earth’s most fundamental substance by way of a particularly dubious new “recipe”: flavored water. In a trend that feels at once primitive and dystopian, creators are lacing outsize Stanley cups of water with a cocktail of artificial flavorings. Points for hydration, I guess, but more negative points for diet culture tomfoolery.
Veterans of beverage discourse, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Affleck (I found out recently that she took hubby’s surname), have once again found themselves under the microscope. Against all odds, neither Dunkin’ nor Starbs are complicit. JAff launched a new line of alcoholic canned spritzes—contrary to her own outspoken sobriety and that of her husband, who’s historically struggled with alcoholism—and fans are calling her out. Capping off this beverage-heavy news, parm-topped espresso martinis are making the rounds, and I’m wary but also morbidly intrigued. I’m a sucker for a chilled espresso martini, for better or for worse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a shower of cheese might undercut its refreshing quotient. I’ll opt for the new strawberry shortcake McFlurry instead. —Li Goldstein, digital production assistant
People are making “water recipes” on TikTok
My stomach aches even thinking about this. Let us mentally shoot Pepto as we plunge into what feels like the year 1987: All over #WaterTok, a corner of TikTok haunted by hydration enthusiasts, creators are turning enormous tumblers of H20 into flavors like Peach Ring, Cotton Candy Watermelon, and Strawberry Shortcake. Just about all of these recipes call for sugar-free powders and syrups from brands like Sunkist, Nerds, and Gatorade.
Of course, the commenters are all mad as hell, insisting that these neon-hued, doctored-up drinks are no longer even water. Meanwhile, many of the creators say they simply would not be able to hit their daily hydration goals without a little powdered Sonic Ocean Water—so sue me! None of this discourse matters. According to Eater’s Amy McCarthy (and me), the inherent diet culture rhetoric here is one big, aspartame-laced red flag. It’s giving leg warmers and fat-burning workouts. It’s giving low-calorie meal plans. It’s giving…just add a squeeze of lime?? 4.7/5 distressing for the water girlies. —Ali Francis, staff writer
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McDonald’s introduces a new Strawberry Shortcake McFlurry flavor
I used to think the McFlurry was the greatest fast-food dessert of all time…until I had Jollibee’s Peach Mango Pie. That being said, the McFlurry still holds a special place in my heart, and I was pretty excited when I heard that McDonald’s was releasing a new flavor. The Strawberry Shortcake McFlurry—made with vanilla soft serve, strawberry-flavored clusters, and crispy shortbread cookies—will only be offered for a limited time at participating McDonald's nationwide. Is a limited window reason enough to seek out a McDonald’s with a working soft serve machine? Maybe. I did some detective work on TikTok and it looks like the frozen treat is…okay. It looks more like a Good Humor strawberry shortcake than anything else. When I think of strawberry shortcake soft serve, I imagine layers of ice cream, shortbread, and macerated strawberries. But perhaps that’s expecting too much from McDonald’s. 3/5 delicious for all you McFlurry fans out there. —Esra Erol, senior social media manager
Some fans aren’t happy about JLo’s new spritz drink
If her Instagram is to be believed, Jennifer Lopez Affleck will endorse just about anything. Makeup, high-end Italian underwear, sports drinks—the woman loves a paid partnership! And who could blame her? I too would be in my bag if I could make money by posting photos of myself, and this woman('s social media team) has maintained 241 million followers, so something's working. This week, though, JLo has angered her JLovers—that’s their name, I looked it up. Her fans were enraged when she announced her newest business venture: a company called Delola that sells a line of bottled spritzes in flavors like Paloma and Bella Raspberry. According to her Instagram post, JLo was inspired to create Delola when she fell in love with “the effortlessly elegant lifestyle and hospitality of the Italian coast” (a term that refers to a geographical area of over 4,500 miles). Fans are upset because JLo has been vocal about her sobriety, and because her husband has a very public past of alcoholism. But isn't a nonsensically inspired brand of sugary cocktails completely in line with the JLo we know and...know? As one level-headed commenter put it, "She doesn't even drink but get that bag girl." Inspired by the elegant lifestyle and hospitality of the Italian coast, I'm giving this one a sparkly, sweet 3.4/5 distressing. —Sam Stone, staff writer
People are making espresso martinis sprinkled with Parmesan
Did you, like me, think sweetly and naively that espresso martinis had already reached their trendiest form? As Nikola Tesla once said, there are man-made horrors beyond your comprehension and they come sprinkled with Parmesan on top. TikTok creators are coating espresso martinis with a layer of shredded Parmesan cheese and claiming the combination tastes “astonishingly delicious” and even “good.” One creator explains, “The nuttiness of the cheese is a soft, little finish at the end.” I’ll admit it: I’m kind of repulsed but also kind of intrigued. Cheese already features in drinks like milk tea, and cheesy cocktails are apparently a thing in (where else?) France. I’d give a Parmesan-dusted espresso martini a sip. Maybe even two sips. Why not. The industrial revolution and its consequences, Nicky. 3.9/5 delicious. —Karen Yuan, culture editor