Comment améliorer la communication avec les coachés réfractaires au changement ?

If they don't want to change, it means that they are still not motivated enough. Coaching in order to drive motivation is the most difficult coaching. Encourage them to imagine how they look, feel, behave if they meet the wanted goal. Encourage them to think about whether this goal is realistic for them (define baby steps with them). Check with them who has an influence on the fulfillment of that goal. If it is only them, make them aware of their motivation level. At the end, our job is to make it clear to them that this will not happen without their full investment. We can support them but they need to do the hard part. If the reward (what’s in it for me) is greater than the pain caused by the change - they will move towards their goal.

Tie change, challenge, action, and results to the clients desired future. What is making them want growth? what is their deepest desire? Coaches sometimes give feedback or challenge based on what the COACH thinks is the best for them. We do not want the client to do anything for us, it is for them. In order for the best possible outcome for the client, the coach needs to understand the deeper want. The most important thing we can do for our clients is to continually realign the clients actions and momentum towards their most preferred future. This is one of the strongest pitches I share with clients, "If discover, and then take just one step towards your dreams, isn't it worth it?"

Oftentimes it is the visualization of what is desired that is most difficult. In my experience, oftentimes coachees misinterpret a focus on what they want to avoid as a motivator. The challenge often faced is shifting the mindset to visualizing to what they want vs. what they want to avoid.

Resistance to change is a natural. Most of the time be so comfortable zone that we are so sad zone, happy son, sinking zone, progress on that, we just choose to be there whether we like it or not so resistance to every thing has a certain past experience which needs to be exported. To how when where why did it come into existence. What I try to explore with some clients…. What is it that they looking at from my sessions then? What was the real reason, the purpose behind seeking professional help? What is the choose to achieve driving exactly where they are with this resistance? What is it that they will miss out if they stay stuck with the resistance?

Motivation is personal. A Coach can give power, not change the fuses bulb 💡. That power a client has it within themselves. It’s good to know what motivates a client however one must know that Motivation is a moving target which changes with every new situation and circumstances in life. It would be beneficial to explore the goal and values, as they fuel the motivation.

Helping someone to change begins with recognizing and acknowledging the reasons why change can be difficult. In my opinion, there are two main reasons why people resist change. The first reason is often that the change requires the loss of something important to the person. Whether it's relationships, status, or giving up a project. It can be helpful to explore this issue and identify the losses. And to accept them and/or find creative solutions to minimize the impact. The second reason may be a fear of not being able to succeed in the new context created by the change. Here it is helpful to explore ways to build the person's confidence. For example, by preparing them for the change.

Sometimes a coachee doesn’t see the need for change - it may be their manager who has signed them up for coaching. Then the approach is to have them envision an ideal future state and identify what is different between today and that state. The “miracle question” can be useful: “if you woke up tomorrow and a miracle had happened overnight and all your problems had disappeared how would you know?”

A clients' resistance to change can be a window into the clients world. It's a high risk, high reward situation. Early in my coaching journey I sweated and panicked when a client pushed back or had significant challenges. However, I remember the words of my excellent master coach trainer, "Do not get sucked into their issue, bring perspective." While we don't want to dwell in the past, I have found acknowledging the challenge, respecting it, understanding where and why it's there, is important because I show respect to the client. Sometimes, a coach can be dismissive of challenges, which can discourage clients. Being able to address, unpack, solution, and action against a challenge is one of the most powerful aspect of coaching.

In my experience coachees who do not want to reflect or change their views and behaviour cannot be forced to be more open. They need to accept that chance is necessary and will help and support them in achieving their goals, reach a better balance between work- and private life and to better contribute to the company goals. Resistance to change is normal - to a certain extent - and the Executive Coach needs to create a better understanding of the value of the change.

Address when the Coachee is interested. Be careful not to make it personal, it’s a client choice to address and a Coach job is to support not persuade.

One of my favorite methods for helping executives be more coachable is showing them a simple formula: You must have “confidence covered by humility.” I have successfully used this approach with clients who struggle with listening, with asking for help, with admitting they’re in over their heads, and to get them to be introspective about how they’re being perceived. It’s not foolproof because people who lack humility aren’t coachable. Fortunately, the vast majority of leaders I work with are coachable once we break through their tough and brash exterior.

Positive reinforcement is do powerful. This is especially important for someone who doesn’t believe in themselves. Sometimes people have to’ borrow’ belief from someone else. This is one of the key skills for leadership. Great leaders can instil their own belief in their followers / teams. In the coach / coachee relationship, the coach is the leader (at least at the start) and sometimes the coachee will believe in the coach more than they believe in their own ability. As you positively reinforce their progress and results, this builds their own self belief until they no longer need the coaches belief, they believe in themselves.

Resistance may come from anywhere. If it is a repeated pattern then there is something in that resistance that needs to be unknotted. I'd first establish the trust, enough for me to get permission to provide the client my feedback. Once permission granted, I will call out the resistive behaviour and go deeper to explore with the client what is really behind it. Finally, I will applaud the client's courage to journey with me in a difficult topic and work on a path towards the desired future. The key to making feedback useful is to ensure that the client is not left wondering what's hit them. We must make a positive shift in their state of mind.

"Catch them doing the right thing." Senior leaders tend to not get direct and objective feedback, so we as coaches should be that voice. Sessions become what I like to explain to clients, a "sacred" space, where they get feedback, guidance for reflection, inspiration, and encouragement. Oftentimes when I coach senior leaders, we coach on things not pertaining to the business or function, so there aren't any KPIs to gauge performance. So it is up the coaching to ensure the client understands their growth, that they're on the right trajectory, and they receive appropriate feedback to keep momentum. Resistance to change will decrease if the client can identify their growth and breakthroughs. Sometimes, coaching is the only ones to do this.

Coaching is all about asking the RIGHT and POWERFUL coaching questions, over telling or recommending. Think about what questions you can ask to shift perspective and don’t go into a coaching session with your own agenda. Focus on the person. Coach the person.

A client who is resistant to change requires patience, most of all. Thoughtful questions over time will eventually bring the client to a point where they co trading themselves. That’s the opportunity for a coach to ask the perfect, simple question they will bring the client to the realization that they’ve got some work to do on self-awareness. Once you turn that corner with the resistant client, true growth can occur. Just be patient.

It’s really important to talk upfront about what progress looks like in a coaching relationship. It’s not a linear, constantly moving forward kind of experience. And having that conversation ahead of time can be helpful. Also asking clients to reveal how they behave when they are in resistance, or scared or worried so it can be talked about more easily when it shows up. Definitely adjusting and adapting as we go - but most importantly, I move at the pace of my clients’ slowest parts. I listen for them, respond to them, encourage them. If we only follow the pace of anyone’s mind, it’s game over.

Just be yourself which is the most vulnerable and courageous thing to do. If your gut as a Coach says ask, ask it. As a Coach my energy can feel my clients energy more accurately.

Whilst all coaches should be adaptable, really this comes down to selecting the right coach in the first place. This doesn't necessarily mean the coach should have the same personality traits and work style as the coachee though!

I coach a Japanese native speaker. The top of every page on his client notes is, "Speak SLOWER, use STORIES". The client committed to the coaching in English because he needed more business English practice and has never been coached. So, this coaching engagement includes both language and cultural resistance. However, it's on on me as the coach to flex my style to unlock his potential. This requires significantly more energy from my end, rephrasing questions or using much simpler terms, yet there's been an amazing sense of victory for this client when he says, "I've never thought of that, and we don't do that here, but I will try it." If I ignored this clients English or cultural struggle, he would not have committed to change.

In the end, we can only coach. we do not force, and we allow the client to chose. In my intake and chemistry meeting, I am absolutely clear in that the client themselves will create the solutions, and they must ATTEMPT the actions. They must have complete ownership of this process, because we create unhealthy reliance on us if they can't self-generate the solutions. so, if in the end they continue to resist, I probe to understand is the resistance something that we can coach on, or is this a genuine closing the door on this option and we need to find an alternative. I've some of the best coaching when I help the client stay curious of their resistance. I tell people, the resistance is a data point, it's not a closed door. Stay curious.

I would move the conversation back to initial goal and motivation of the client, asked if anything has changed, is he still interested in pursuing initial goal and follow the client from there on.

It is our job as coaches to hold space for coachees to step into their own power. So often, “uncoachable” people are simply disempowering themselves in some way. In the most challenging scenarios, the best move is often stepping back and allowing them the space to step in and own something for themselves. They ultimately get the choice of whether to accept that opportunity or not. It’s not our job to force it. In fact, it is quite the opposite.

Ultimately, a client engages us to provide support and guidance, but it remains their choice as to how and when (or even if) they implement it. I’ve worked with a number of clients for whom the the time or circumstances haven’t been quite right to progress with coaching. Sometimes this is for clearly understood and communicated reasons, and sometimes less so. However in almost all cases, respecting and supporting the client’s wish to pause the coaching process has allowed them to then return to coaching at a later date, having had the space to re-evaluate goals and challenges, and with a renewed appreciation for how they can benefit from the coaching relationship.

I like the coach question : what do you do when clients play "yes but"? These clients are resisting what they perceive is a direct or hidden suggestion or prod to move forward. Also, any energy deployed in any direction provokes equivalent energy in the opposite direction, and THE TWO TOGETHER create resistance. Consequently, in a systemic perspective, resistance emerges out of of an interface where one is pushing, and the other pushing back. i.e. : The client is not resistant to the content of the change, but resistant to being pushed into it. Same when according to management, employees are said to be resistant to change. They are resistant to being DRIVEN into it. So they very healthily push back, actively or passively. YAY !

Why do even call it “coachee resistant to change”? Maybe it speaks more to the illusions of grandeur of the coach? How can we think someone should change when all we have is our own subjective perception or the other person.

While not a model of coaching, Rick Maurer's work can be a great guiding framework for identifying the reason of resistance. The coach may try to evaluate if the resistance is stemming from a lack of information about coaching process or misinformation about how the organization may use insights from the coaching sessions. Another level of resistance could be stemming from the dislike for the process as it may have been mandated without buy-in. Finally, one of the leading cause might be lack of trust in the relation with the coach or the fear of revealing too much in a professional setting to a complete outsider.

Personally I try to avoid the descriptor 'resistant to change' as it implies they are blocking something that has to change - frequently that's a manager or organisational perspective on what they should do. It's also a negative label that can imply they are a 'difficult' personality. Our response to change depends on the situation. Even people who embrace disruption will encounter situations where either benefits aren't there, the costs too high or the energy is lacking. Sometimes adapting can misalign with a person's strengths, values and purpose - and so is not a good outcome. One reframe is to explore what adapting to the current change would look like for them and the consequences of not adapting.

In my view this is a misnomer - people vote with their “feet,” and anyone who is there in a coaching relationship is there to change. To talk about “resistance to change” is to blame the client for my not having found the issue(s) around which they will engage. If a client has been mandated to coaching, I offer them an out - I’ll tell their manager that they are not a good fit for coaching or something like that so that they can opt out. No one I’ve offered this to has ever taken it, but it establishes their agency in being in the relationship and we can move from there.