First week of research internship. Imposter's syndrome and difficulty with adjustment. What are the differences between RA work and research jobs?

Question

I'm a 4th (soon to be 4.5) year Ph.D student in Experimental Psychology who recently started an internship this week. This internship only admitted 10% of applicants. I am also one of the half in my cohort who did not have a pre existing connection and just applied blind in this case. I am also the only one who did their undergrad at a "no name state college," while everyone else did theirs at a public Ivy, hidden Ivy, or new Ivy. I also have a slew of clinical conditions (ASD, ADHD-I, dysgraphia, and 3rd percentile processing speed) as well that already made my work as a Ph.D student that much more stressful and led me to cutting back on research to the point that I've done the bare minimum research work at all stages of my education by only doing the major research projects for my degree and no other projects. First week of internship and I feel like the dumbest one in my cohort and am worried about letting my boss down. Even in undergrad, I had outside help that was paid for all four years (e.g., life coach) since my parents wanted me to get through it after my bad first year. I think it resulted in me not becoming totally independent as an adult and constantly waiting on outside feedback before I direct myself to something. I was able to reconnect with folks and barely get what I needed letter of recommendation wise thanks to a different coach my parents hired for graduate applications specifically. Notable example of not directing myself was when I was the only one in my Master's program who didn't take an additional 10 hour assistantship. I had no idea this was unusual until a colleague asked if I had an RAship through my advisor. I said that I did and she replied, "Well, at least you have that."

For a different example, I only did classes, pilot study my first year of my program, and was going to do my Master's thesis as my research project my second year before COVID happened and paused data collection.

Everyone is just seemingly going through content and everything else so fast and understanding it. Meetings also go through every single point lightning quick, even to the point my boss admitted himself that the morning meeting (for example) is extremely cognitively demanding. Me, on the other hand, I try to allocate my resources accordingly and only pay attention when the information pertains to me in some way. I volunteer where I can, but I am also hesitant a lot of the time because I am consistently afraid of messing up the hard stuff. In fact, I don't feel like I've done any hard stuff at all.

Not sure how normal this all is, but here we are now. Hoping I can make it. What is expected of an RA at the graduate level and internship as a scientist? What are the differences between an RA at the graduate level and internship as a scientist?

Answer 1

There are some notable differences between an RA and internee no matter at which level you are. Firstly, graduate RAs often focus on long-term academic research projects, whereas internships may have, depending on the duration of the contract, a more immediate, application-oriented focus. Secondly, when it comes to be being organized and structured, an academic research is usually less structured compared to internships, which often have clear timelines and deliverables. Depending on the situation and the environment you are working in, the internships might provide more structured mentorship and feedback, whereas graduate research can sometimes be more independent, depending on your advisor. And last but not the least, the academic environment is more exploratory and theory-driven where you are expected to come with a conference/journal publication, while the internship environment can be more hands-on, fast-paced and results-oriented.