Royal Family

Updated: 03:55 EDT
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EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: As Kate's Wimbledon attendance hangs on the word of her doctor,

Kate's hopes of attending Wimbledon might depend on doctor's orders - but there is another issue. Her stand-in to present the trophies, Prince William, might not be available. His diary is in the hands of Gareth Southgate, whose England team could be in action in the Euro Championships final on Wimbledon's last weekend. William, possibly with George in tow, is pencilled in to attend. What to do? Former President of the Lawn Tennis Association the Duchess of Gloucester, who has never presented the trophies, would surely be chafing at the bit. THE inquiry into the election betting fiasco triggers nervous gulps among Palace flunkeys who discreetly provide inside information about royal events to favoured punters for a fee. Before the Palace released advance details of what the Queen would wear to Royal Ascot, one courtier trousered a hefty bookie bonus by correctly betting on her hat colour. The sale of advance info remains lucrative with staffers anxious that the current probe doesn't upset the honey pot. As essayist Walter Bagehot noted on the mystery of majesty: 'We must not let in daylight upon magic.' TREASURY plumbers are on standby for likely election victor Rachel Reeves's elevation to Chancellor. Current incumbent Jeremy Hunt's black-and-white tiled private bathroom is 'masculine and functional' and has never had a female occupant. The biggest headache has been whether to leave the urinal in place. Mandarins have decided to leave the decision to Reeves, above. 'Tis all cisterns go Rachel!

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