Philanthropist and entrepreneur Caroline Stanbury currently stars on Bravo's reality series “The Real Housewives of Dubai.” Stanbury also hosts the podcast “Uncut & Uncensored,” has a wellness brand, “Bust The Label,” and is building a real estate venture in Bali called “Samsara Nest.” She is married to Real Madrid soccer star Sergio Carrallo and has spoken about their plans to have a child together on the reality show. In a personal essay for TODAY, she shares more about their desire to grow their family, and why they are considering surrogacy.
Having a biological child with my husband, Sergio, was something I always knew would come up between us, honestly.
Sergio doesn't have any children. He's 29 and I just turned 48. From the moment we got involved, I realized that he'd probably want his own family.
I have three children from my first marriage: one 18-year-old girl, Yasmine, and two 14-year-old boys, Zack and Aaron. Sergio is very, very good as a stepfather. It’s a lot of work to blend into an already grown-up family. Of course, the kids love him.
Everyone kept asking if we were having a baby after our wedding two years ago. They're rooting for a Sergio-and-Caroline baby. I think they just want to see me waddling around or watch how first-time dad Sergio copes with sleepless nights. But it’s a lot of pressure to have the whole world know our reproductive issues.
Maybe I never should have mentioned it in front of the cameras. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.
We've already done two rounds of in vitro fertilization. Even though we got 15 eggs the first round and another 15 or 20 the second round, we only ended up with one viable embryo.
So we have a little baby boy on ice, waiting for us.
Knowing that there's one embryo is exciting, but it's also worrisome for Sergio. He's thinking he'd like to do another round of IVF in January next year and try for another embryo or two.
I suggested using someone else's eggs if we don't get another embryo with mine — which is a great option that works for many people — but that isn't something Sergio would consider. He wants our baby to biologically belong to both of us.
Unfortunately I probably can't carry another child myself. I had preeclampsia with all my children, and I got very sick with the twins. My children are against me carrying a baby because of the health risks for me. But right now, I'm undecided. My doctor thinks that I may be able to carry one more child, however, and I also feel the healthiest I've ever been. So never say never.
In the meantime, we're looking for a surrogate.
I never thought I’d be in a position where I’m reading how to find another woman to carry my baby, and I'm trying to figure out what that would look like. What if she wants to live in another country? What if Sergio wants to rub her belly? There are a million questions that don’t have answers to right now.
Surrogacy was illegal here in Dubai until just a few months ago. After surrogacy was legalized, I called the IVF clinic and they gave me two names of surrogacy agencies. I'm due to have a consultation, which I put off until after summer.
Moving forward with having another baby is a difficult decision at my age. It’s definitely something we go back and forth about a lot.
Sometimes, we think about the fact that we’ve already got three children. I’m older. I’ve already raised kids. We’ve got a life where we travel a lot and we work a lot. We have a really nice lifestyle. My children have grown up, and they’re leaving home.
Having a baby now would mean that while Yasmine is going to university, I’m about to go and look at nappies again.
But I think that Sergio will be a great dad, and he deserves to be a father. And it could be fun! Maybe I'm better prepared to go back into the trenches now. I know exactly what to expect, so I won't be so overwhelmed by it all.
When you have a baby at a younger age, you're in shock because everyone's telling you what you can and can't do with your own child, and you're scared. But now that I've had three kids, I know that babies are resilient. It's not as hard as people like to make out.
Having three children under the age of 5 was quite hard, but I think having just one might be a walk in the park for me.
I've got more patience now than I had when I was a younger mom. I was running a much bigger company then and was dealing with more pressures at the time. Now, I've softened. So maybe when I have Sergio's baby, I'll be all gaga over it. A baby may turn me into a completely different human.
In talking to women on my podcast, "Uncut & Uncensored," I've realized that the one thing Sergio and I have given everybody is hope. I'm showing women that they can go on and start a whole new life — perhaps literally — at 48.
At the same time, I know that it's tough for a lot of couples who want to have children and can't. I think the most important thing is that your partner supports you wholeheartedly. You can have a wonderful relationship with children or without, and it makes such a difference when you have a partner who reassures you that they will be by your side no matter what.
And Sergio has done just that. Which, ironically, is one of the many reasons I know he would be a great dad.
“The Real Housewives of Dubai” airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo.
