Let’s face it, few years on record have been as miserable for LGBTQ+ people as 2022. Don’t get us wrong: Plenty of good stuff happened this year, and the last thing we want is to sink into the doomer mindset. But in the world of politics, 2022 was a year of relentless attacks against queer and transgender people across the U.S., with escalating violence against Pride events and drag shows accompanied by a surge in rhetoric smearing trans people as mentally ill “groomers” intent on abusing children. We came out to have a good time, but we are literally feeling so attacked right now.
While we don’t want to downplay the extremely real violence and stochastic terror spread by Republicans, conservatives, and assorted reactionaries this year, sometimes you just gotta laugh at how ridiculous, inane, and blatantly false their attacks can be. This year has truly been a banner year for unhinged statements about the LGBTQ+ umbrella at large. So while it’s super depressing that any of these statements actually worked, we can at least take a moment to wonder: what planet are these people living on, anyway?
“When you use pronouns to introduce yourself, I’m assuming everything you have to say after is as idiotic as your introduction.” — Lauren Boebert
Rep. Boebert (R-CO) rose above the pack this year with a potent combination of harmful lies about queer people and denials that she had ever said anything bad, ever. When she wasn’t freaking out about the TSA’s plan to not grope so many trans people, Boebert could be found freaking out about basic grammatical constructs and the apparently Western civilization-ending practice of “pronouns in bio.” We’d ask for donations to buy her a grammar workbook, but she’d probably just ban it.
“There are no pronouns in the Constitution.” — Lavern Spicer
Speaking of Pronoun Derangement Syndrome, Spicer, a failed Republican candidate (a phrase which never gets old) for the House of Representatives, has been vying for a spot on this list since July — and who are we to deny her the crumb of attention she ordered? In a since-deleted Tweet, Spicer stated that “there are no pronouns in the Constitution,” with all the confidence of someone who doesn’t actually know what a pronoun is. Spicer apparently missed the feeling of Twitter insults, because she revisited the theme again this month, posting ominously: “Do not ever refer to my Lord Jesus Christ with pronouns.” That’s going to take some gymnastics for Spicer’s pastor every Sunday, but God works in mysterious ways, are we right, folks?
“We’re going to be exposing every satanic Pride shrine.” — Ethan Schmidt
Previously known for his videos harassing people over masks and COVID-19 vaccines, QAnon conspiracist and Kari Lake superfan Schmidt announced in June he would “hunt” LGBTQ+ people — specifically at Target stores, where executives had recently rolled out Pride collections featuring low-cost binders and packing briefs. Given that plenty of us had our own problems with Target’s #corporate #synergies, Schmidt’s fervor for dismantling the “shrines” where we perform animal sacrifices to fast fashion felt as absurd as it was alarming. Schmidt was arrested shortly thereafter for violating an unrelated restraining order.
“It’s a transsexual leftist illegal alien.” — Paul Gosar
Following the school shooting in Uvalde, TX that left 19 children and two adults dead, Rep. Paul Gosar, R-AZ, apparently spent a lot of time on 4chan — or at least fell for a hoax that originated on the site. In a since-deleted Tweet, Gosar (like other bad actors on the right including Alex Jones and Andy Ngo) accused an innocent trans person of being behind the shooting using every conservative buzzword he could fit into a sentence. We didn’t realize you could make such a hearty, filling salad using only four words.
“Kids who identify as ‘furries’ get a litter box in the school bathroom.” — Meshawn Maddock
The hoax that some children are litter-ally (sorry, it was right there) using cat litter in schools was one of the year’s most ridiculous right-wing conspiracies, kept alive by credulous conservatives who only have a vague sense of what a “furry” even is. Based mostly on random assertions at school board meetings, the idea that “gender ideology” is encouraging kids to identify as animals spread like wildfire among hordes of right-wingers. That includes Michigan GOP co-chair Maddock, who boosted the allegations on social media with a call for “parent heroes” to “take back our schools.” The grim reality? Some schools have started keeping a bucket of litter on hand in case children have to use the bathroom during a shooting. We’re sure that doesn’t have anything to do with conservative gun policies at all.
“It’s so fucking Handmaid's Tale.” —Joe Rogan
Few pairings in this world are more cursed than self-described “theocratic fascist” Matt Walsh and notable bullshit peddler Joe Rogan, as they both proved on an episode of Rogan’s podcast last month. Discussing the social push to affirm trans people and their identities, Rogan invoked Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, a book-cum-TV series in which cis women are defined by their capacity to breed and birth and trans women are executed by the government. Exceptional reading comprehension, gentlemen, really. We think you’re finally ready for tenth grade English.
“Don’t tread on our kids.” —Brittany Aldean
We didn’t think anyone could make the Gadsden flag more cringe, but by God, this country singer and Instagram influencer found a way! After she got clowned on for days following a transphobic post about parents forcing tomboy girls to be trans boys (a thing which does not occur), Brittany Aldean did what any self-respecting grifter would: she monetized it. Claiming that she’d been “taken out of context,” Aldean released Barbie-font shirts reading “Don’t Tread on Our Kids” on her official store for a whopping $57. A portion of those profits reportedly went to professed anti-human trafficking group “Operation Light Shine,” whose founder Matt Murphy has appeared multiple times on FOX pundit Tomi Lahren’s streaming show to agree that affirming trans children is the same thing as sexual abuse. Is treading on kids only okay if they don’t conform to conservatives’ ideas about gender? (That’s a rhetorical question; we already answered it this year.)
“Maybe if he promises to put more chemicals in the milk to turn kids trans, they’ll lay off.” —Tucker Carlson
Ah, Tucker Carlson, the only man alive with resting “who farted” face. There are too many inanely queerphobic remarks Carlson has made in the last month alone to include them all here, but our outstanding pick for the year has to be this bit of verbal incontinence from the August 22 episode of his Fox News program. Speaking to right-wing writer Jeremy Loffredo about an Amish farmer’s battle over USDA food safety regulations, Carlson apparently flashed on Alex Jones’ infinitely memeable claim that Democrats were “putting chemicals in the water to turn the freakin’ frogs gay.” We don’t have space to dive as deep as we’d like into how this connects to conservative panic over “soy boys” and various other conspiracy theories, but we can say that if the Deep State were really pumping HRT into the bovine milk supply, a lot more trans folks would be doing the gallon challenge.
“Probably in about four or five generations, no one will be straight anymore.” –Marjorie Taylor Greene
Based on everything we’ve seen on this list, Marje, don’t threaten us with a good time.
“You literally have to bow to the Rainbow God.” — Kristina Karamo
While this technically wasn’t said in 2022, it still deserves an honorable mention for abject hilarity in the year. Karamo, another failed Trump-endorsed candidate for Michigan Secretary of State, hosted a podcast about “Christian theology, culture and politics” called It’s Solid Food for 50 episodes between 2020 and 2021. The second, titled “We Are Being Lied To!!!!” — yes, we double-checked the number of exclamation points — finds Karamo on a full-tilt rant about every incremental gain LGBTQ+ folks have achieved in recent memory, bemoaning that conservatives must now “bow to the Rainbow God” lest they be ostracized from society. Whaddya gonna do, get raptured about it?
Twenty twenty-three hasn’t even started but, given how out-of-pocket Republicans have been this year, we know we’re in for another laughfest-slash-gaffefest in the next twelve months.
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