The One Where Nothing Happened: did Friends really have the best TV finale of the century?

Name: The Friends Finale.

Age: 15 years old.

Appearance: The greatest television finale of the century.

No. Yes it is. The Friends finale is the greatest final episode of television from the past 20 years.

No. It is. There was a survey. The results prove that the Friends finale was objectively much better than all the other finales.

No. Oh come on, it was a Digital Spy readers poll. Are you really going to argue with the entertainment website’s readers?

Yes. Why? Because you think that the past 20 years represent the best that television has ever been, and truly great finales stand as genuine works of art?

Yes. Oh, because I suppose you preferred the finale of The Sopranos; a masterpiece of such dread-filled ambiguity that people still squabble over its true meaning to this day?

Yes. Or I suppose you would rather it was the extraordinary final eposide of The Leftovers, which somehow achieved the narrative trick of explaining the central mystery in such a way that it left you feeling as if it didn’t matter, because all we have during our brief time on Earth are the connections we make with other people, which are so much more important than the bigger abstracts of the universe?

Yes. I bet you preferred the Breaking Bad finale, because it not only wrapped up a complex story with satisfying simplicity, but also had the best finale title ever? Felina referenced a song played during the episode that foreshadowed Walt’s death. It was a compound of the elemental symbols for iron, lithium and sodium (Fe, Li, Na), which meant it stood for blood, meth and tears. It’s also an anagram of “finale”.

Yes. But you are out on your own here. The people have spoken, and they preferred the Friends finale to all of those.

Fine then. If the Friends finale is so good, why don’t you explain what happens in it? Oh. Um.

You can’t, can you? Yes I can. Was it the one where Monica got her head stuck inside a raw turkey?

No. The one where they all said “pivot” a lot?

No. I remember, it’s the one where Ross gets back with Rachel, Chandler and Monica move to the suburbs and they all drink some coffee together.

That doesn’t sound very momentous. It isn’t. But that is the whole point. Friends is not some deep serial. It isn’t even the sort of show that really needed a finale. It has aired out of sequence on so many different channels for so long that the only way to navigate the chronology is by looking at Jennifer Aniston’s hair. But listen, that doesn’t mean the Friends finale isn’t worthwhile. People truly love that show, and a love like this should be respected. Your elitist cynicism stinks.

Lost had a better finale than Friends. Shut up.

Do say: “The Friends finale has been voted as the best of the past 20 years.”

Don’t say: “By people who have only ever watched Friends.”