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Condoms

20 replies

belfastmillie · 23/05/2020 14:40

My dh sometimes struggled to orgasm when we have sex due to the condom. For context this has always been the case but for several years we didn't use condoms. We are now using again as I am not going back on the pill and very keen not to have any more children.

Once I am able to see a Dr again I am thinking about getting my tubes tied but that could be months away. In the mean time does anyone have a recommendation for ultra thin condoms? Anyone had this problem and found a brand or type that is less of an issue?

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This thread is quite old now. If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ 💐

OP posts:

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belfastmillie · 23/05/2020 14:44

Sorry I should mention we have tried durex thin feel but not thin enough.

OP posts:

Colinthedaxi · 23/05/2020 18:46

I would think they would recommend the coil first? Is that an option? Sorry I know that isn't actually what you were asking!

StarlightLady · 24/05/2020 05:55

OP, how long has it been since you had regular sex without a condom? Are you sure that the condom is the one and only reason for this?

I’m not an expert on “male workings” but l do wonder whether there are other issues causing this.

Marriedtoapenguin · 24/05/2020 07:08

Male perspective. You can tell a difference but for me at least, it's not the world shattering difference some men make it out to be.

And given the difference between wearing one and getting some or not and getting none or god forbid any more kids, wearing one it is.

Try one of the latex free brands such as Skyn which work for me.

Alternatively, why doesn't he get the snip? More kids are just as much his problem as yours.

Arnoldthecat · 24/05/2020 11:07

This is probably only a short term psychological adjustment and i think its not unknown for men to have issues when switching between no condoms and condoms. It can lead to loss of erection and failure to orgasm. Just use thinnest possible condoms and persevere and things will likely improve in time.

Grumpyrealist77 · 24/05/2020 12:13

Condoms can cause issues for some men.
Admittedly there are a number of men who “don’t like” them and therefore claim they “can’t” use them.

I fall into the category of struggling to climax or even maintaining an erection with them which may be the case for your DH.

Once we’d had enough kids my wife and I discussed the best options for contraception leaning towards making it permanent.

It’s much much easier and less problematic for a man to get a vasectomy than for a woman to get her tubes tied!!! That’s not to say a vasectomy is without risk but it’s the easiest option.

I was back at work after one day off after my vasectomy, but I may have been one of the lucky ones! Sex was off the menu for a couple of weeks but once up and running I’ve experienced no difference between me before versus after the op!!! A lot of my friends worry about loss of libido or issues with a lack of testosterone which are just a load of rubbish (IME)!!!

There’s a lot of helpful info on the NHS websites (UK).

HTH

StarlightLady · 24/05/2020 12:33

I’ve put condoms on people with my mouth. Never had any complaints!

wizzbangfizz · 24/05/2020 12:50

I'm a woman and I hate the feel
Of them so can definitely empathise with men in this area.

NameChangeNugget · 25/05/2020 14:34

I hate condoms as much as DH. Really hate the feel too @wizzbangfizz and love the feel of his ejaculation which triggers me a fresh wave of orgasms

Gobbycop · 26/05/2020 14:37

Another male opinion, they're shit.

They take away almost all the feeling, so great if you want to fuck for hours or get bendy willy 😂

Neither my I or my partner want that.

Babyiwantabump · 26/05/2020 23:26

We use the skyn condoms and honestly feels no different with or without .

www.freedoms-shop.com/shop/product/view/?product=176

These are the ones we order

Whathewhatnow · 28/05/2020 00:21

Another woman who hates condoms. Ugh. Every man I have been with has disliked them. I can understand why. Femidoms are weird. Like having sex with a carrier bag.

None of the thin condoms are any cop IME.

A vasectomy seems ideal to me. Coil is also brilliant IMO. I've got a kyleena for non-contraceptive reasons but it's been no bother at all. Bit zitty, that's the only downside.
..

mumofthree1993 · 28/05/2020 02:28

Having sex with a carrier bag this has put me in stitches hahaha

belfastmillie · 28/05/2020 16:24

Thanks all, will try skyn and see if that helps.
To address a couple of the things mentioned:

we have been trying with condoms for 18 months + and consistently have this issue. This results in him not getting to climax at all sometimes, which is obviously v frustrating. I am sure he is not putting it on to avoid condoms, as we have been together nearly 20 yrs so I know him pretty well . If that were the case, his strategy is failing quite abysmally.
I talked about getting sterilised as he does not want a vasectomy. I would love to debate the rights and wrongs of this, as I do think it's his turn to take some responsibility for contraception, but I can't force him so we are where we are..
I'd rather not mess around with the coil, long story short, I have had two babies and a miscarriage, plus some surgeries for birth injuries. Short of getting my regular cervical every few years I am done with having people poke around in my fanjo. At least a sterilisation would be a one off thing.

Thanks for the input all!

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belfastmillie · 28/05/2020 16:28

Also, to responfd to StarlightLady I have thought that there could be other reasons, such as the fact that he watches too much porn. He is trying not to masturbate so much and avoid porn for a while to see if it makes a difference. I hope it will, but I also believe him when he says he loses sensitivity with the condom. He maintains an erection quite easily but just gets very numb with the condom on which seems to prevent an orgasm.

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Name4TheSexBoard · 28/05/2020 18:26

I use a diaphragm as I can’t use hormonal contraception. I’ve got a one size fits all (pretty much all) Caya. It’s easy to fit and is pretty comfortable and used properly is 92-96% effective. That’s fine for me as I’m not hugely fertile. It might be difficult to get used to if you aren’t used to tampons or menstrual cups though.

DrDreReturns · 29/05/2020 07:38

I'm male and I have always struggled to come when using a condom - sometimes i just couldn't climax. I've never had this problem without a condom. I never found a way to fix it I'm afraid. I've had a vasectomy now so its not an issue for me anymore.

saleorbouy · 29/05/2020 19:39

Why is your DH not keen on a vasectomy? It's really not a big thing, it took 30min max and I drove home. Minor discomfort for a day or two, similar to a small cut. So many men are scared of this small operation. For me I did not want my DW on the pill and we were happy with our DC. It's a shame more men don't see it as a viable option.

belfastmillie · 01/06/2020 09:15

I have raised the issue of a vasectomy with him a few times and he has been non committal. I don't want to pressure him so I can either wait for him to get used to the idea or do something about it myself. I know I definitely don't want any more children so I might as well get it done if I can.

OP posts:

zarek · 02/06/2020 21:40

Condoms as well as being a barrier really seem to disrupt the natural friction. With many type this can really spoil things, to the point you wonder if penetration is worth it. The best we have found is durex realfeel, which is made of a different polymer which is more inherently slippery. I would say that compared to without this scores 6.5/10. Strange that science hasn't been able to come up with a male oral contraceptive..

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