Hi all,
My lovely daughter is begging me to move schools.
The school she is at now is great. It's a very well regarded school with good results, great pastoral team and it's only a few minutes walk away. It's perfect and the reason why we moved to the house we live in.
She is doing very well academically, come on loads since primary. The school have also been great when various issues have cropped up regarding extra bits of help she has needed.
So she suffers with social anxiety and struggles to make friends or go places. She's so quiet, almost mute. She has made one or two friends but cannot cope in large groups so the friendships broke down when the friends wanted to hang out in groups rather than 1 on 1 (as they seem to do in y7!).
Unfortunately she is ending y7 as a complete loner. She spends break times and lunch alone. She does have somewhere to go (on a computer) and is fine on her own in terms of she stays occupied, but she's very very sad, probably bordering on depression.
She is begging me to move schools. She thinks that all friendships have been solidified now and it's too late for her. She is the quiet weird one who nobody wants to be friends with.
All schools in the surrounding area are over subscribed so it would be a case of adding her to a waiting list rather than moving her. But has anyone moved their child for the reason of shyness/no friends? She feels she wants a fresh start and I completely understand that but it also seems a shame when she goes to and school thats so good and has offered so much help. (Also I'm not sure she would be any different at another school!)
Was also interested to know how it works. Do children normally get to visit or spend a day there before you add them to waiting lists? Or is it a case of adding them and then visiting if and when a place comes up?
Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.
Moving Secondary schools in y8 yay or nay?
ExtrovertedIntrovert1 · 07/07/2024 11:10
ExtrovertedIntrovert1 · 07/07/2024 13:25
I totally agree that her issues need tackling rather than moving schools. Her current school has offered help but she has refused it. I cannot fault the school she is at.
She won't try clubs etc as there aren't any that she is interested in. In her mind she has kind of become this quiet weird kid that nobody would want to befriend and she will enter a new school and become somebody else. I know this is highly unlikely to happen.
So far I have flat out refused to move schools but I'm just wondering in the future if I do have to bend, how it would all work. She is actually threatening to email the new schools herself and apply 🙈
QGMum · 07/07/2024 17:16
Hi, so I totally sympathise and I get the whole can’t cope with groups thing. However this is not going to magically disappear at a new school. Your dd is fixating on this unrealistic solution and seems closed to reasonable suggestions like join some clubs. This black and white thinking along with an unrealistic view of the world is a trait of autism along with the social difficulties your dd is experiencing. Have you considered your dd might be autistic? I have autistic child and wish I had known earlier so I could get them appropriate help. I was also the mum going into secondary school to ask why my child didn’t have any friends. I was told not to worry but I wish that someone had said she might be autistic as that would have been helpful to know. Finally had to get therapist due to severe depression and anxiety and she was the one finally made the diagnosis.
While moving school may not help, at least your dd will feel listened to and sounds like she is miserable where she is so I wouldn’t discount this.
EndlessSummer · 07/07/2024 14:44
As a parent I understand as I have a child who is similar as in they can’t make friendships and they spend a lot of time in school on their own and they are very upset about it. If I thought it would make it better I would let them move schools or pull them out completely.
However as a secondary school teacher I often see a child move and the problem moves with them I’m afraid. Occasionally a child needs a fresh start if they were getting into trouble or in with the wrong crowd and that can work out. If it is someone who moved for social reasons I find they start to experience the same issues that led to them moving in the first place.
In your case your child seems adamant that they want to move. If they’re desperate I would consider it but what’s the plan if that doesn’t work out?
Darhon · 07/07/2024 17:47
Have they any lunchtime sessions for the kids who need more support? I have a dd with ASD, where it all unravelled at y8/9. She’s always been ok if she has one quirky friend and she needed to move on from her primary school one who was different to her at school. She did have an outside interest and friends but this was also waning at the same time. She did come through it and met another quirky friend, there’s s lot of movement in y8 and then 9 as the gcse classes form. I’d try and get her more support in school. There’s loads of nd kids now and they usually can find each other and be friends. My dd is at Uni now and has been fine there and loved living away from home.
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