My son started secondary school in September, and it has been MISERABLE. He started off getting in little bits of trouble (late for class, chatting, not doing homework), but has spiraled, I now get almost daily calls from the school, I get a text message every single day that he has detentions, he is rude, he walks out of class, spends ALOT of time in Linc, or pastoral, he swears at teachers, he gets aggressive. I have had to leave work on numerous occasions to collect him when he becomes "unmanageable", he actually walked out of the school the other day and appeared at my Mums house, and the school had no idea! They thought he was hiding on site somewhere...... the list goes on and its a living nightmare.
He now say she wants to move school, to get a "fresh start", he thinks if he moves everything will just magically change. I have told him HE needs to change and work on his behavior etc, as it wont be any different at any other school, he will still get in trouble for things, he will have to follow rules, behave in class etc etc but he is adamant everything with will be happy clappy, peaches and cream just by moving schools...... he has said to me he will refuse to attend, as he knows I can't physically force him to go "until you get fined and then you will have to move me"...!!!!
Today I had to go and collect him again, and he basically said infront of me and the Head, if you don't let me move I will just get worse until they expel me.......I have tried to reason, explaining that you can't just waltz into any school you like, especially when you attend one already without good cause...... that people would wonder why a kid would move schools after 1 year, when they currently go to the most local one, unless they have moved or are being bullied - and they would contact his current school and find out that he is actually just a massive pest and then they certainly won't take him. He just cannot see this- I have said if you get expelled, no other school will take you except the worst ones..... nothing seems to deter him and I am literally at my wits end with it all. He blames everyone/everything and will NOT accept his behavior is to blame (teacher hates me, that is a lie, I wasn't THAT bad, I only swore once, my mate was doing it but didn't get in trouble etc etc) he has literally wasted his first year and I am terrified what more is to come...
He has been accepted for an urgent referral to check for ADHD/ADD etc (he was fine in Primary, no sign of this coming at all!), but I have said IF he does get diagnosed, he is still him and has to learn to deal with it...... he is already getting as much support in school as he probably would if he received a diagnosis of some kind. I genuinely don't know where to turn its consuming my whole life and putting so much strain on everyone in our family.......... :(
Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.
12 year old practically blackmailing me to move schools... :(
doublemint44 · 04/07/2024 17:03
PissPotPourri · 04/07/2024 17:07
What consequences have you put in place for this behaviour?
Have you grounded him? Taken away technology? Anything at all?
Invisablepanic · 04/07/2024 17:08
Had he explained why he wants to move? Is he being bullied/threatened? What was he like at primary?
Testina · 04/07/2024 17:18
Have you spoken to the relevant person at school about it? SENCO? They may have another school that they do managed moves with, and would be willing to follow that process even though it hasn’t reached that point. He may need to see the proof that it isn’t different.
Has he mentioned any particular school?
doublemint44 · 04/07/2024 17:03
My son started secondary school in September, and it has been MISERABLE. He started off getting in little bits of trouble (late for class, chatting, not doing homework), but has spiraled, I now get almost daily calls from the school, I get a text message every single day that he has detentions, he is rude, he walks out of class, spends ALOT of time in Linc, or pastoral, he swears at teachers, he gets aggressive. I have had to leave work on numerous occasions to collect him when he becomes "unmanageable", he actually walked out of the school the other day and appeared at my Mums house, and the school had no idea! They thought he was hiding on site somewhere...... the list goes on and its a living nightmare.
He now say she wants to move school, to get a "fresh start", he thinks if he moves everything will just magically change. I have told him HE needs to change and work on his behavior etc, as it wont be any different at any other school, he will still get in trouble for things, he will have to follow rules, behave in class etc etc but he is adamant everything with will be happy clappy, peaches and cream just by moving schools...... he has said to me he will refuse to attend, as he knows I can't physically force him to go "until you get fined and then you will have to move me"...!!!!
Today I had to go and collect him again, and he basically said infront of me and the Head, if you don't let me move I will just get worse until they expel me.......I have tried to reason, explaining that you can't just waltz into any school you like, especially when you attend one already without good cause...... that people would wonder why a kid would move schools after 1 year, when they currently go to the most local one, unless they have moved or are being bullied - and they would contact his current school and find out that he is actually just a massive pest and then they certainly won't take him. He just cannot see this- I have said if you get expelled, no other school will take you except the worst ones..... nothing seems to deter him and I am literally at my wits end with it all. He blames everyone/everything and will NOT accept his behavior is to blame (teacher hates me, that is a lie, I wasn't THAT bad, I only swore once, my mate was doing it but didn't get in trouble etc etc) he has literally wasted his first year and I am terrified what more is to come...
He has been accepted for an urgent referral to check for ADHD/ADD etc (he was fine in Primary, no sign of this coming at all!), but I have said IF he does get diagnosed, he is still him and has to learn to deal with it...... he is already getting as much support in school as he probably would if he received a diagnosis of some kind. I genuinely don't know where to turn its consuming my whole life and putting so much strain on everyone in our family.......... :(
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Froniga · 04/07/2024 17:50
I feel that your son is out of control. If a parent cannot exert reasonable pressure on a child to toe the line and behave within normal parameters then they are “out of control “ of the parent.
Id be telling son this and informing him that I shall not put up with anymore of his outrageous behaviour.
Next step is Social Services and a placement away from home!
This child has to learn to behave in an acceptable manner. He is blackmailing you, his mother, by refusing to change his behaviour and demanding to change school
Take a stern line!
doublemint44 · 04/07/2024 17:03
My son started secondary school in September, and it has been MISERABLE. He started off getting in little bits of trouble (late for class, chatting, not doing homework), but has spiraled, I now get almost daily calls from the school, I get a text message every single day that he has detentions, he is rude, he walks out of class, spends ALOT of time in Linc, or pastoral, he swears at teachers, he gets aggressive. I have had to leave work on numerous occasions to collect him when he becomes "unmanageable", he actually walked out of the school the other day and appeared at my Mums house, and the school had no idea! They thought he was hiding on site somewhere...... the list goes on and its a living nightmare.
He now say she wants to move school, to get a "fresh start", he thinks if he moves everything will just magically change. I have told him HE needs to change and work on his behavior etc, as it wont be any different at any other school, he will still get in trouble for things, he will have to follow rules, behave in class etc etc but he is adamant everything with will be happy clappy, peaches and cream just by moving schools...... he has said to me he will refuse to attend, as he knows I can't physically force him to go "until you get fined and then you will have to move me"...!!!!
Today I had to go and collect him again, and he basically said infront of me and the Head, if you don't let me move I will just get worse until they expel me.......I have tried to reason, explaining that you can't just waltz into any school you like, especially when you attend one already without good cause...... that people would wonder why a kid would move schools after 1 year, when they currently go to the most local one, unless they have moved or are being bullied - and they would contact his current school and find out that he is actually just a massive pest and then they certainly won't take him. He just cannot see this- I have said if you get expelled, no other school will take you except the worst ones..... nothing seems to deter him and I am literally at my wits end with it all. He blames everyone/everything and will NOT accept his behavior is to blame (teacher hates me, that is a lie, I wasn't THAT bad, I only swore once, my mate was doing it but didn't get in trouble etc etc) he has literally wasted his first year and I am terrified what more is to come...
He has been accepted for an urgent referral to check for ADHD/ADD etc (he was fine in Primary, no sign of this coming at all!), but I have said IF he does get diagnosed, he is still him and has to learn to deal with it...... he is already getting as much support in school as he probably would if he received a diagnosis of some kind. I genuinely don't know where to turn its consuming my whole life and putting so much strain on everyone in our family.......... :(
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