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Feel miserable and need a good moan! DS having induction at the school we got - really don't like it.

94 replies

localnotail · 04/07/2024 06:07

Just that, really! Feel depressed and cant sleep so decided to have a whine.

We ended up with a school over 3 miles away, it was number 5 on our list (and it shouldn't have been on our list, but its another story). The school is supposedly "above average" but really is just a dumping ground for all the kids who could not get a place at their preferred school - no idea what area they cover but the school has no catchment and accepts everyone. Its a nightmare to get to (no buses go straight to it, a lot of walking through narrow back streets), would take over an hour and the school is located in a very high crime area known for muggins. They have zero phone policy, also not allowing money, so basically I will have to ferry my poor DS back and forth as don't want my 11 year old to wander through dodgy parts of London for an hour without phone or money. I tried talking to the school about allowing him to have his phone for travelling but they told me they have 1000 children on site and no one is getting special treatment. So I had to ask my work to allow me to go pick him up and got myself a pay cut for now (just what I need as a single parent).

He did not get into his preferred school as we had to move slightly further out a few year ago, the catchment for this school is tiny. We are 11th on the waiting list so no chance of getting in for September. This school is very impressive academically, close to us (15 minutes walk), most of his classmates are going there, and all the kids form the previous years, so I already know all the parents, our primary had a very active parent group which is now moving into this secondary.

I know I'm probably overthinking it but I cant get over my poor DS being forced to go to the school we got. He is the only kid who did not get his preferred place and no one knows this secondary he is going to (he is the only child from his primary who was unfortunate enough to end up there). His teacher was shocked and told me to transfer him to our local secondary school as soon as I can, so I will try - but for now I have to endure preparing him to go to the school we are made to go to, and try to make the best of it. The travelling will be a stressful nightmare adding hours to our day and screwing up with our lives. I know a lot of kids travel to their secondaries but they travel to attend a better school - in our case, we have to travel further out to attend at best, an average school. I feel very isolated and excluded, and try my best to hide my feeling from my DS - trying to make him feel positive - but feel like this is a complete shit show as going to this school is only going to be temporary but I have to act as if its not for my DS's sake. But even having to look into buying his uniform etc makes me irrationally angry - like, "why do I have to spend money on this shit??" 😂

So just that, really. This weighs heavily on my mind at the moment and I feel like I failed my child - either way, if he stays at this school, he will have to travel further out and will have substandard education; if he is going to be moved to have a shorter trip to school and better academic prospects - it will probably be around spring time - it will be disruptive and stressful for him... A lot of people are telling me "maybe he will like it and want to stay" but I don't really know how I feel about it. I just want him to have the best chance of getting a good education, and I feel this school is not going to provide it.

Anyways, thanks for listening. x

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TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 06:14

Sorry to hear this.
. Unless they do bag searches, many schools won't mind a phone switched off in bottom of bag, ditto money.
. I trust you are on the waiting list for all other schools you would prefer?
. It hopefully won't be as bad as you think. Hope induction day goes well.

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MollyButton · 04/07/2024 06:16

First my son got into our preferred school from 25th on the waiting list. Are you on the waiting list of all the other schools you preferred?
Did you appeal?
Are there any other schools that might work better?

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Waterlooville · 04/07/2024 06:18

I'd feel the same as you. 11th on the waiting list isn't bad. I think you'll get in at the last minute.

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Disasterclass · 04/07/2024 06:23

Given you are in London you might still get another school if you're on the waiting list for all of them. Lots of kids I know managed to get into a school they wanted eventually as there is so much movement in London.

My DDs school has a zero phone policy but loads of them take phones for the journey and switch off just before they get near the school. Depends if the school is really a 'out of sight, out of mind' school or the type that does bag searches

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 06:24

@TeenDivided I don't really know but I suspect they do searches. I know that they confiscate phones for a term if found - so I would not want to risk it.

@MollyButton - we are on the list for 2 schools, one preferred school doesn't have a waiting list. We have other several school closer but they are awful. I did not appeal as I consulted an appeal lawyer and was told we cant appeal based purely on preference for a better academic results and the travel distance, it would be a waste of time.

I was told many times "there is a lot of movement before September" but our waiting list moved 3 places from March...

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TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 06:31

You would have been better off asking about appeals here. People would have advised you to identify other things about your preferred school that could be used for appeal.

You could get a cheap phone, just for emergencies, so if it gets confiscated it doesn't matter.

What do you mean 'doesn't have a waiting list?' I think I have read here they have to keep a list until at least December, though I may be wrong on that. Otherwise, if someone drops out who do they give the place to??

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CurlewKate · 04/07/2024 06:32

Where I live, more than 3 miles qualifies for transport- does that apply in London?

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IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 04/07/2024 06:34

That sucks, op. I'm 35 but I remember being first on the waiting list for my preferred highschool, I didn't have to wait long. Then I made a great friend in the first week, turns out she was 12th on the waiting list. Just putting it out there... It can still happen. Hope you get a place for your ds.

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 06:46

TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 06:31

You would have been better off asking about appeals here. People would have advised you to identify other things about your preferred school that could be used for appeal.

You could get a cheap phone, just for emergencies, so if it gets confiscated it doesn't matter.

What do you mean 'doesn't have a waiting list?' I think I have read here they have to keep a list until at least December, though I may be wrong on that. Otherwise, if someone drops out who do they give the place to??

I did ask about appeals on here and was told I have no chance )))

Our second preferred school don't operate a waiting list, they have a different system.

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 06:47

CurlewKate · 04/07/2024 06:32

Where I live, more than 3 miles qualifies for transport- does that apply in London?

I don't think it works in London, never heard of it.

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TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 06:49

Different system? You have me intrigued now. Lottery? They would need a waiting list for that, just not ordered. Backhanders? Grin

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Mishmashs · 04/07/2024 06:54

My kid has a watch that can make and receive calls. It works well and also can track where they are. You as the parent can block it remotely so between 9 and 3pm (or whatever school hours are) it just functions as a watch that tells the time. Would that work as a compromise? I also think 11th on the waiting list is not bad. Call them every week to see if you have moved up (or perhaps it is the council’s education department that controls these things?)

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ThatEdgyOliveFox · 04/07/2024 06:56

My kids always took their phones to school despite them being banned. Teachers don’t have time to search bags for phones - I am one, I know I don’t.
If you are concerned get him a second hand brick phone and a PAYG SIM card. Cheap if it is found and confiscated.
Do remember though, we all got through life without out one.

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 06:57

TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 06:49

Different system? You have me intrigued now. Lottery? They would need a waiting list for that, just not ordered. Backhanders? Grin

I actually think it is a bit dodgy! They divide all applicants into 12 bands and then, apparently, pick at random from whichever.

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Turquoise19 · 04/07/2024 06:59

your Feelings are valid. I’d be devastated too

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 07:00

ThatEdgyOliveFox · 04/07/2024 06:56

My kids always took their phones to school despite them being banned. Teachers don’t have time to search bags for phones - I am one, I know I don’t.
If you are concerned get him a second hand brick phone and a PAYG SIM card. Cheap if it is found and confiscated.
Do remember though, we all got through life without out one.

I agree we used to got through life without mobiles phones - same as our ancestors got through lives without indoor sanitation, cars or painkillers... doesn't mean we have to revert to the old days, does it?

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TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 07:00

So still a waiting list, just not ordered.
Are the bands based on an academic test, so they are ensuring a spread? 12 bands seems a lot!

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sashh · 04/07/2024 07:04

Re the money and the phone.

Many years ago when I rode a dinosaur to work my mother unpicked a bit of my blazer and sewed a £5 note in. I knew it was there but you would have to know it was there to find it. This was for emergencies.

With the phone, could you get something like a Nokia 105? https://www.hmd.com/en_gb/nokia-105?sku=1GF019CPA2L05

Again it could be sewed into something, maybe the lining of his bag and only taken out in case of an emergency.

The new Nokia 105 feature phone

Made with trusted Nokia phone build quality. Featuring a 25% bigger battery. Crafted by HMD for reliable performance.

https://www.hmd.com/en_gb/nokia-105?sku=1GF019CPA2L05

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Weetabbix · 04/07/2024 07:05

I don't really know but I suspect they do searches. I know that they confiscate phones for a term if found - so I would not want to risk it.

@localnotail Lol, OP, the school can't hold your property for a term. It's yours. If they take his phone, just go in and get it from them. They have to give it to you.

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 07:05

TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 07:00

So still a waiting list, just not ordered.
Are the bands based on an academic test, so they are ensuring a spread? 12 bands seems a lot!

yes, the bands are based on CAT and then on distance to the school.

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localnotail · 04/07/2024 07:07

Weetabbix · 04/07/2024 07:05

I don't really know but I suspect they do searches. I know that they confiscate phones for a term if found - so I would not want to risk it.

@localnotail Lol, OP, the school can't hold your property for a term. It's yours. If they take his phone, just go in and get it from them. They have to give it to you.

Well that's what I was told. Apparently, school can confiscate and hold "prohibited items"...

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BananaDaiquiri · 04/07/2024 07:07

You should be on 4 waiting lists if you got into your fifth choice. Is it worth checking where you are on all lists. Regarding the 12 banding school, that's tricky as it depends what band a place comes up in. Where do most people on your new street/area send their kids at secondary? Is it worth applying there as well? You can add in more schools that you didn't originally apply to at this stage.

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Weetabbix · 04/07/2024 07:07

localnotail · 04/07/2024 07:07

Well that's what I was told. Apparently, school can confiscate and hold "prohibited items"...

Show quote history

They can take it off him temporarily during the school day, but if you go in and demand it, they can't keep it! It's not their property.

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BendingSpoons · 04/07/2024 07:08

CurlewKate · 04/07/2024 06:32

Where I live, more than 3 miles qualifies for transport- does that apply in London?

London buses are free for under 16s and the bus route is fairly extensive, so they won't really offer anything else unless it's for a child with special needs travelling a long way to a specialist school.

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TeenDivided · 04/07/2024 07:09

They can confiscate, but I think it has to be 'reasonable.' A whole term seems a bit ott, but it will be a strong deterrent from getting an iphone14 out in class!

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