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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Potty training and nursery!

12 replies

MamaCE · 05/07/2023 00:57

Hey I’m writing today as I’m not entirely sure if I should put more pressure on my son towards potty training.

my son is three years old this month, and is still very much in pull up nappies. It’s not that I haven’t tried, because I have… ALOT. It’s just he’s clearly not ready. And I don’t want to put massive amounts of pressure on him, I feel as if like everything else, when he is ready, he will do it. I’m not saying I don’t encourage it but I currently accept it for what it is and think he will soon come round.

anyways let me get to the point of my post, my sons nursery informed me today, that if he isn’t out of nappies very soon, he will have to be held back. And will not move up to preschool with the group he joined with. To be in a group of 2 year olds again. which worries me as he is quite shy with kids and only in the last few months of nursery made two friends. I don’t want it to affect the way he transitions into reception. I was told by the teacher how I should “ just take off the nappy, let him pee all over the house and deal with it” and that “her son was out of nappies by two”.

now I don’t feel very comfortable letting my son embarrass himself by peeing himself, again and again and again. When he won’t even try to go in a potty. I’ve even tried sitting on the toilet while he does it, got him a different potty seat for the big toilet and a stool. Offered him treats or other bribes lol. But he doesn’t want to know… he does though announce when he needs a 💩following a running away and hiding.

what is it I can do? And should I just accept he might need to be held back? It’s making me so anxious and now I feel like I’m not up to speed. I’m a first time single mum and I don’t know if there’s a cut off point.

OP posts:
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1stepforward2stepsback · 05/07/2023 18:08

I don’t think they can hold them back, I think it is considered discrimination.

That said, we did just bin the nappies one day and mop up the accidents, but we did it at home just us, so hopefully no embarrassment factor. Mine never liked the potty but was ok with a toddler seat on the normal toilet. Bribes with stickers helped too.

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LobsterCrab · 05/07/2023 18:31

Personally I think that ditching the nappies and going cold turkey is the best way rather than encouraging etc. Lots of accidents for the first few days and then they get the hang of it. Why not give it a try OP? Better than him having to stay down a room.

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LobsterCrab · 05/07/2023 18:32

And yes yes to the bribes - choc buttons here!

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cyncope · 05/07/2023 18:37

They might not have the staffing or facilities in the pre-school room to change nappies. It's probably just for practical reasons that he'll stay in the toddler room.

I'd have a big push on potty training over the summer.

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Twattle · 05/07/2023 18:42

Hey, I work in a nursery.

You need to let him wet himself, its part of potty training. He will feel wet and not like it.

I have trained many many kids, you need to send him in with a bag of old pants, trouser and socks and tell them that you have started at home.

That you take him every 20-minutes, sometimes he goes sometimes he doesn't. The nursery will take over from there. They just need to see that you are doing it at home.

They will take him whenever someone in the class needs to go and your child will soon get into the habit.

With regards to being held back, in preschool some classes do not have nappy changing areas.

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mokebox · 05/07/2023 18:53

LobsterCrab · 05/07/2023 18:31

Personally I think that ditching the nappies and going cold turkey is the best way rather than encouraging etc. Lots of accidents for the first few days and then they get the hang of it. Why not give it a try OP? Better than him having to stay down a room.

I agree with this. Mine wouldn't go near a potty or toilet until she understood what happened when she didn't. It took 3 days at home when we ditched nappies completely (except for bed). She still has odd accident in nursery & at home but it's getting increasingly rare especially since she moved into the preschool room & sees all of her friends going to the toilet.

Also, he's not going to be embarrassed about peeing himself if you don't make him feel embarrassed, he's 3.

It's got to be worth a try.

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lostinmaze · 05/07/2023 19:14

Got 3 dc who are all older and also work in a nursery. I agree with pp who say take the nappy off and allow for accidents and encourage him toward the potty/toilet. I used to let my ds's wash tyres on cars whilst we were out and about which they thought was great. He will have accidents and it could take a few weeks, or could even click overnight, but it's definitely better than being held back. As it happens we have dc who are still in nappies and also ones who frequently have accidents and are wet/soiled in the pre school I work in, so I'm astounded this has been said. The other dc don't bat and eyelid btw so don't worry about your ds being ridiculed, it just won't happen.

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WaterBaby9 · 05/07/2023 20:06

My son was similar. Summer is a good time, lots of outdoor, trouserless play. I also got him the frog urinal instead of a potty, it sticks to tiles or glass doors and honestly he picked it up so quickly. The urinal has a little spinning thing to 'aim' the wee and he loved it. He was dry within a week of getting it and i recommend it to everyone

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Hazelnuttella · 05/07/2023 20:32

I read the Oh Crap Potty Training book, and followed the method. It worked really well.

It’s not going to work until you stop putting him in nappies though. If he’s wearing a nappy it’s easy and familiar and there’s no motivation to do something different.

It’s like putting a piece of cake in front of him and expecting that he will choose to eat a piece of bread instead. He’s only going to eat the bread if you take the cake away. Don’t know if that’s a good analogy!

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FlounderingFruitcake · 05/07/2023 20:47

now I don’t feel very comfortable letting my son embarrass himself by peeing himself, again and again and again
How else do you expect him to learn?! It’s part of the process.

You’re expecting him to just train himself- wake up one day, decide he’s going to use the potty, suddenly know what it feels like to need to go, be able to instantly hold it while he gets to the bathroom. I’m with you that would be great but I think the kids that do that are few and far between, if they exist at all because I’ve never comes across one in RL. It’s called potty training for a reason. You have to train, or rather, teach him what to do.

I think the cake analogy used by a PP is pretty good. Whilst you’re giving him the choice he’s obviously going to choose the safe familiarity of what he knows. You have to remove the choice. He’ll probably fight you. But stay firm. Is there a toy he really wants? Do a sticker chart, 1 for every successful potty, 10 stickers and he gets the reward. Make accidents inconvenient- not shaming obviously but he has to stop what he’s doing and clean up, put dirty pants in the machine so he learns it’s quicker to go to the loo. Wants to go to the playground? Not until he’s been for wee. Etc etc.

It’s worth a shot! Better than him having to stay down with the 2YOs.

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HAF1119 · 05/07/2023 21:15

We had a similar situation went cold turkey and took the nappies of just before he was 3, maybe 2 weeks before? He really definately didn't like 'sitting' and would prefer to pee standing we realised. He just used the toilet to stand but you can get childrens urinals I believe

We had to undo it and use nappies one day which was his birthday party as it was about 5 hours (a lot of family etc) and he was super distracted and busy with presents he would have accidents then get upset and so we just put it back on for that one day. Other than that both us and nursery had loads of spare clothes and it took a while. He's nearly 4 now, still an occasional accident, no big deal just new clothes and move on really!

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pb1234 · 07/07/2023 17:24

Worked in childcare over 20 years and have never heard of a child being held back due to toilet training. You can not judge a child's ability to cope in the next room based on toileting. I would make an appointment to talk to the manager. I have had many children in preschool who have not been ready for toilet training and yes the room did not have a nappy changing area but we used the one in the next room.
You know your child best and the nursery should be there to support you.

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