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Pedants' corner

Is it DH and I, DH and myself, or me and DH?

22 replies

MissMarplesNiece · 12/04/2024 09:55

I have just posted on another thread and spent far too long deciding whether I should write "DH and I used to go ...., DH and myself used to go ...., or me and DH used to go.

I have far better things to worry about but they've been pushed to the back of my mind for now, lol. Also, while I'm here with people who I think understand these things, should the list in my title and first paragraph be separated by commas or semi colons?

OP posts:
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Cofaki · 12/04/2024 09:55

What would you use if you weren't referring to DH in the sentence? Then just use that with DH - and it is never myself.

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DryIce · 12/04/2024 09:56

I'd say DH and I used to go. The same useage as if it were just "I"

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Mumoftwo1312 · 12/04/2024 09:56

Dh and I if you can replace with "we". Dh and me if you can replace with "us".

Correct examples:

Between dh and me...
Dh and I are going
Come and stay with dh and me

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Talipesmum · 12/04/2024 09:58

As above. Take out the DH bit and if it still makes sense it’s the right one.
So - I used to go / DH and I used to go.
You wouldn’t say Me used to go, or Myself used to go.

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CelesteCunningham · 12/04/2024 09:58

I went to the shop, DH and I went to the shop.

She gave that to me, she gave that to Dh and me.

I sent that to myself, I sent that to myself and DH.

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CelesteCunningham · 12/04/2024 09:59

Lol, sorry - you're going to have countless posts all saying the same thing now OP.

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KnickerlessParsons · 12/04/2024 10:00

It's never DH and myself ever.

DH and I like chocolate (I like chocolate)
Give the chocolate to DH and me (Give the chocolate to me)

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Boombatty · 12/04/2024 10:00

Myself is reflexive so you would only use it in sentences such as "I washed myself" or "I dressed myself".

It's not grammatically correct to say "please send the form to myself" or "you replied to myself" etc.

I or me, as the posters said above, depends on what you would say without DH.

"Me and DH went to the beach" doesn't work as you wouldn't say "me went to the beach".

You would say "Mum gave DH and me an Easter egg" because you wouldn't say "Mum gave I an Easter egg".

When you use "and I" you say the other person's name first so its always "DH and I went to the beach" not "I and DH went to the beach".

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nickelbabe · 12/04/2024 10:01

DH and I do xyz

It belongs to me and DH (or DH and me)

It's hardly ever "DH and myself" so don't worry about that one.

Best way to do it is to remove DH from the sentence and see if it makes sense

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maudelovesharold · 12/04/2024 10:07

‘The house belongs to me (and dh)’.
‘(Dh and) I went to the cinema.’

As pp have said, if it still sounds right by removing ‘dh’, then that’s the one to use! Never dh and myself. The only appropriate use of myself is e.g. ‘Dh couldn’t change the lightbulb, so I did it myself.’

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maudelovesharold · 12/04/2024 10:09

Ah, X post with many!

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Shiningout · 12/04/2024 10:19

I'm not much of a pedant, but I really dislike people using 'myself' all the time incorrectly, someone I work with does it often and it makes me wince but no idea why. It doesn't even make sense to say it! I would just say me and bla bla bla but that's probably not correct either 🤔🤣

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JungsWordTest · 12/04/2024 10:20

Never "myself". Never!

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CelesteCunningham · 12/04/2024 10:29

Shiningout · 12/04/2024 10:19

I'm not much of a pedant, but I really dislike people using 'myself' all the time incorrectly, someone I work with does it often and it makes me wince but no idea why. It doesn't even make sense to say it! I would just say me and bla bla bla but that's probably not correct either 🤔🤣

There's a long thread on this running ATM.

Some use "myself" believing it's more formal than I or me.

But in Ireland, we use "myself" informally and so it conveys the exact opposite tone.

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MissMarplesNiece · 12/04/2024 11:11

Thank you for the replies, it's much clearer now.

OP posts:
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upinaballoon · 12/04/2024 19:30

Please, surely 'DH and myself' is correct in the sentence ' I bought chocolate for DH and myself'.

The only time when it's ok is when you're combining 'I bought chocolate for DH' with 'I bought chocolate for myself', or similar sentences, including jelly babies.

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Brooks11 · 30/05/2024 13:42

it's never DH and myself

This is a really fascinating thing to get wrong - of course it is sometimes DH and myself. The overuse/ incorrect use of "myself" is a sort of hypercorrection and so maybe this is a hyperhypercorrection! You've gathered that "DH and myself" is often an incorrect use but overshot and think it is never right.

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maudelovesharold · 30/05/2024 19:01

upinaballoon · 12/04/2024 19:30

Please, surely 'DH and myself' is correct in the sentence ' I bought chocolate for DH and myself'.

The only time when it's ok is when you're combining 'I bought chocolate for DH' with 'I bought chocolate for myself', or similar sentences, including jelly babies.

It may be technically correct, but honestly have you ever heard people use that construction? It sounds really stilted! Most people wold say e.g. “we bought ourselves some chocolate” or “I bought us some chocolate.” Strangely, although you would say ‘I treated myself to some chocolate’, it sounds (to me) more natural to say the ‘incorrect’ “I treated dh and me to some chocolate” than the ‘correct’ “I treated dh and myself to some chocolate.” Interesting!

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upinaballoon · 31/05/2024 22:01

maudelovesharold · 12/04/2024 10:07

‘The house belongs to me (and dh)’.
‘(Dh and) I went to the cinema.’

As pp have said, if it still sounds right by removing ‘dh’, then that’s the one to use! Never dh and myself. The only appropriate use of myself is e.g. ‘Dh couldn’t change the lightbulb, so I did it myself.’

I don't agree with you that your example is the only appropriate use of 'myself'.

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upinaballoon · 31/05/2024 22:03

maudelovesharold · 30/05/2024 19:01

It may be technically correct, but honestly have you ever heard people use that construction? It sounds really stilted! Most people wold say e.g. “we bought ourselves some chocolate” or “I bought us some chocolate.” Strangely, although you would say ‘I treated myself to some chocolate’, it sounds (to me) more natural to say the ‘incorrect’ “I treated dh and me to some chocolate” than the ‘correct’ “I treated dh and myself to some chocolate.” Interesting!

Show quote history

No, I don't find it stilted and I do think it is technically and pleasingly correct.

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Teentaxidriver · 31/05/2024 22:06

If you and DH are the subject of the sentence (doing the action) then it would be DH and I. As in DH and I travelled.

Me tends to be the object of a verb or preposition. She called me.

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AllProperTeaIsTheft · 31/05/2024 22:08

It may be technically correct, but honestly have you ever heard people use that construction? It sounds really stilted! Most people wold say e.g. “we bought ourselves some chocolate” or “I bought us some chocolate.”

You can only do that if you have already established in a previous sentence that the people you are referring to are you and your husband. If not, then you would correctly say 'I bought chocolate for my husband and myself'. Yes it sounds a bit OTT, but less so if you use your husband's name instead of saying ' my husband'.

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