Hi everyone.
I’m a FTM to a 7.5 month old DD. My DH is very hands on and very capable when taking care of her. I bottle fed (breast milk initially now formula) from early on which always meant my DH could help me out with feeds.
As time has gone on, my baby is in a wonderful routine, sleeping 7-7 since about 3 months. Eating very well, growing and very happy and healthy little girl. We live a few hours away from family so we don’t have back up locally to give support, which is fine we accepted that.
Overall, I’m loving my maternity leave. I adore my DD and this is probably the best year of my life.
I have other Mummy friends who’s babies are a simile age to my DD. As expected we all have different parenting styles, which is fine and it’s great to chat about them as we all learn from each other.
One thing that I do get guilt about though is that, I like to go to hairdresser (once) meet friends for dinner (twice), go to an exercise class once a week for an hour, pop to the supermarket alone etc. I do so knowing my DH has everything under control. I have done this since the baby was maybe 3.5 months old. I love getting out for short bursts of time, not too often, because I miss my DD and feel so renewed when I come home.
However, other Mummy friends don’t do this. They never leave their babies, take them to hair appointment, don’t meet friends, rarely leave the baby with their partners. I can’t help but feel maybe I’m wrong and shouldn’t be so keen to do those little things for myself. These mummy friends do breastfeed so they are needing to be there more but. Am I a cold mother? Or is the need for me to get out of the house alone from time to time normal? Yes it works for me. But am i deficient in some way?
I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others but I can’t help it sometimes.
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Taking time away from baby for short period of time
amiwastingmytime · 21/08/2021 22:25
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I think my insecurities come from myself having a raging narcissist as a mum.
I do not want to be anything like her we she was cold and nasty to me.
But also I try to arranging things that mums would enjoy and babies can come along to. But a couple of mums just say no cause it’s not sensible or baby friendly. I guess I see a baby that isn’t walking as easy to take anywhere. Not every thing we do needs to be about the baby, it can even for us along with the babies (I’m talking lunch in a nice restaurant).
Maybe that comment above will change your opinion of me 
@amiwastingmytime
I do not want to be anything like her we she was cold and nasty to me.
But also I try to arranging things that mums would enjoy and babies can come along to. But a couple of mums just say no cause it’s not sensible or baby friendly. I guess I see a baby that isn’t walking as easy to take anywhere. Not every thing we do needs to be about the baby, it can even for us along with the babies (I’m talking lunch in a nice restaurant).
Maybe that comment above will change your opinion of me
Different strokes and all that for you and your friends - you do you!
You sound perfectly balanced
your friends who haven’t been lucky with easy babies however are likely to be much less relaxed and feel like they have to be more baby focused - it puts a dampener on things. I’d love to have been like you in an ideal world but with a difficult baby until about 8 months I just couldn’t!
My friends aren’t lucky with easy babies for reasons I can possibly identify from long chats.
They feed on demand, little and often.
They don’t really let their partners do stuff, then complain they have to do everything for the baby.
Treat the babies as though they are the decision makers, for example “oh they haven’t fallen into their own routine yet but they might work it out some time ”. 
One has even kicked her DH out of bed so the baby can sleep with her, for feeding at night time as it’s easier.
They find bottle feeding a faff due to the sterilising, but happy to feed on demand 24/7.
I reeeeally want to give some helpful advice, but really bite my tongue as I fear they wouldn’t appreciate it.
If I’m honest, I’m sad we can’t do more stuff together but they are so consumed, it’s impossible.
But yes, I’m a happy mum, baby is happy and my DH is happy. So all is right.
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