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Menopause

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Has the menopause affected how you feel about sex?

48 replies

Liveonyournerves · 22/06/2021 14:07

I'm interested to hear from those of you whose attitudes and feelings towards sex as you progress along the meno journey - either deep in peri or post meno.

I'm post-meno. I haven't had a period in many years, but had a slightly early menopause. I'm only 51 now. I was on HRT for a while, then came off, but I'm back on to help with sleep - which it has done - and libido - not yet. The doctor said that once I've been on estrogen/prog for a few months, they'll add in testosterone if needed.

I realised today that I feel so disconnected about sex; I used to fantasise and masturbate, I used to feel sexual, but those feelings have completely gone. I'm married to a man who I know still finds me attractive and desirable, and who I still have sex with - but it feels different. Mentally, I have to pysch myself up. And during sex, as well as the obvious dryness-needing-lubricant, it's much harder to let go and enjoy it.

I am young. I want to have an active sex life still. I'm interested to hear how others have adjusted to the change?

OP posts:

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junipertree2 · 22/06/2021 19:52

I think it's the lack of testosterone, OP. And I think that HRT might actually reduce it further - I do recall reading that, somewhere. Why or how I don't know!

Think a lot of women remember feeling really sexual during the run-up to ovulation, and thinking 'oh this is oestrogen', but it's really testosterone then too. Your adrenal glands yield a bit of weak T post meno, but I'd imagine it varies between women.

If your GP is prepared to provide it, it couldn't o any harm to try? Supposed to be good for energy too.

DinosaurDiana · 23/06/2021 07:53

I’m 50 and peri. My sex button seems to have just turned off at some point.
I’m not sure if it’s my body, or if it’s from my relationship problems with DH. I occasionally masturbate, but I have no interest in sex with a man whatsoever.

RoseAddict · 24/06/2021 19:21

I came on this board to ask a similar question this is not encouraging! Please tell me there are post menopausal women enjoying sex??? Please….

whatisforteamum · 24/06/2021 20:33

I agree I just don't think about it now.Perhaps if I had a nice new partner I would.🤣

StayCalmX · 24/06/2021 20:36

I could be bothered. I'm single though, so there's nobody I love beside me.

If I were to try to date the pool of men who'd consider a realtionship with me migth be pushing 60. I just can't get worked up about that.

I suppose men considers themselves so much MORE sexual than women at 50 ish and often they are but often a large part of that is that they see themselves as the 'suitors'' of much younger women.

If I could strut through life with the belief and expectation that some of those hot 35 year old men in the office fancied me, I have a right ol' spring in my step.

But, nothing would turn me off sex quicker than confronting the reality of the men who be seriously interested in me as a partner.

Toilenstripes · 24/06/2021 20:36

53 and feel like I’ve been neutered. I’ve no libido and haven’t had sex with my husband in at least a year. I do hope to come out on the other side at some point.

StayCalmX · 24/06/2021 20:50

I'm so relieved I'm single tbh (51)
I was seeing somebody before covid and the distance and the not going out killed it. But I'm not exactly dying to get back out there and meet somebody else.
When my teens are a bit older I want to go away on holidays for older single people and I know that most of the people who go on these holidays are women! Fine! I just want to do what I want to do and not worr about a relationship.

RoseAddict · 24/06/2021 20:58

Ok still not encouraging… does any woman over 45 still enjoy sex??? Am I on the brink of a sexual abyss that no one ever told me about?

Poorlykitten · 24/06/2021 21:01

I not post menopausal but peri menopausal and my sex drive is sky high. Is this odd? 😂

Poorlykitten · 24/06/2021 21:01

I’m 50.

Liveonyournerves · 24/06/2021 21:13

@Poorlykitten, who knows...and you know, good for you, but prob not the most helpful thing to come and say on this thread

OP posts:

Liveonyournerves · 24/06/2021 21:14

@RoseAddict - i still enjoy sex. I do. I still have sex regularly. We just bought a whole load of new sex toys and that was fun.

But it's different...

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Missillusioned · 24/06/2021 21:17

@Poorlykitten it's normal to have a higher sex drive in Peri, yes. The hormones are unpredictable and this can happen.

Happened to me, but then it just crashed and died. HRT has improved it somewhat

Poorlykitten · 24/06/2021 21:21

@Liveonyournerves that’s a bit unfair when the poster before me was asking the question ‘Ok still not encouraging… does any woman over 45 still enjoy sex??? Am I on the brink of a sexual abyss that no one ever told me about?!’ I was trying to be encouraging and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Poorlykitten · 24/06/2021 21:22

@Missillusioned i didn’t realise it was ‘normal’. Will look that up.

Liveonyournerves · 24/06/2021 21:25

@Poorlykitten. You're right. I genuinely apologise.

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junipertree2 · 24/06/2021 21:31

Menopause is ovarian failure and the ovaries produce oestrogen and testosterone, imagine if men's testicles just stopped doing that mid-life.

I've just come to the conclusion that men and women aren't particularly compatible, which is kind of awkward when most of us make what are meant to be lifelong monogamous marriages.

Northernsoullover · 24/06/2021 21:37

I'm 49. My libido has fucked off. I still dream about sex and its good but whilst awake I'm completely dead from the waist down. I'm not even remotely arsed about finding my libido tbh. My poor partner.

RoseAddict · 24/06/2021 21:39

@Poorlykitten well you tried to reassure me thanks!

Some days in my cycle my body just doesn’t respond at all. Dh does all the things that work normally and just nothing… I’m dearly hoping post menopause isn’t like that permanently.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 25/06/2021 11:17

I'm 57 and still have and enjoy sex!

MaMelon · 25/06/2021 11:22

52 here and no drive at all. I enjoy it when we do it but I agree with a PP who said she feels neutered - that’s how I feel. I don’t even feel bad about it, so the ‘OMG is this an abyss’ comment upthread is a bit yawn tbh.

mug2018 · 25/06/2021 11:28

I hit menopause at 44 & had a coil fitted to help with the hormonal effects. In the last year I've also struggled with sleep so now also have a low dose estrogen patch which is brilliant. In terms of sex drive, it's gone from zero interest to not quite obsessed, but not far off

mug2018 · 25/06/2021 11:30

Sorry .. hit post too soon
That said, middle age spread from menopause doesn't help in terms of my body confidence but my partner just adores me & that absolutely helps with the sex drive
There is definitely hope .. seek support for how your feeling from your partner

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RealisticSketch · 25/06/2021 11:35

45 here and do really enjoy sex but it is all mental to get started, the ripping your clothes off gggrrr feeling is utterly gone. I want sex because I know it feels nice when I do, it makes DH feel wanted/loved and it brings us closer and strengthens our bond. DH is a good lover. I feel sad that this good partnership is being let down by essentially mechanical failure, in the form of hormone changes. I feel pissed off that something I really really like feels like a chore!

Wotrewelookinat · 25/06/2021 11:54

I have lost all libido, feels like someone just pulled the plug. DH and I still make the effort, and it feels good when we do, but I could happily live without sex entirely now.

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