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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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MNHQ have commented on this thread

They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

580 replies

spamm · 16/10/2023 02:25

I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

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catrescuelady · 16/10/2023 02:32

I am lucky that my son is only 80 miles away. I get the odd text from him but he has been home for one night and will be back next weekend. I still find it strange and walking into his room is very emotional. 😌

NotDonna · 16/10/2023 06:08

Thanks for starting the thread spamm and it’s so good to hear he’s happy in the U.K. it can’t be easy being an overseas student or parent.

Lyxou · 16/10/2023 08:31

Thanks for starting a new thread. And thanks to PP about advice on dealing with a possible relationship split. My DD did actually see her boyfriend on Saturday evening after we left, and it was at his instigation, so she seemed happier yesterday when we met up with her again. I still think the relationship is going to end at some point, but at least she was a bit happier for now.

And the more I think on what she said about changing courses, the more I think she'd be better of sticking with maths. She seems to really like all of it apart from one pure module, and she can avoid doing any pure modules from her 2nd year anyway. Hopefully she'll come to the same conclusion.

RoyKentFanclub · 16/10/2023 08:35

I think the reality is that most school relationships won’t last when the dc head off to Uni. They change so much and meet so many different people and the reality is that distance relationships are hard, particularly if you’re used to being at school together and seeing one another every day. Fortunately there are lots of distractions (and literally thousands and thousands of potential new boyfriends/girlfriends) surrounding them.

stilldumdedumming · 16/10/2023 09:51

Thank you for the new thread. I don't post much but I do read along.

Ds has not lived with me for years but I still have such a weird and worried feeling about him as he is definitely moving on. He rings me nearly every day (he has for 8 years so that's ingrained). He is surprised how much he likes living with people. He still hasn't cooked a single thing. And he's settling to his course - which he was initially disappointed with!

MirandaWest · 16/10/2023 11:14

Thank you for starting the new thread @spamm - I was feeling bereft without it!

DS is also around 80 miles away and has been home a couple of times due to gigs with his band who are all still down here. I found myself getting really upset on Saturday night (when he had gone out) about him going back again on Sunday. Partly as he was due to go back before I was back after doing a race but also as he has a health condition which is recently diagnosed and seemed to be improving but is still a bit up and down.

In the end he was getting a lift back with his dad who lives further north than Newcastle and had been down here this week and it being his dad he was later than planned so managed to do my race and be back before he went :)

He seems to be enjoying things up there and is even enjoying cooking. His girlfriend is also at university in Newcastle and I think everything's fine with them but have a slight wonder if this is the case. I know she's been finding settling in quite hard.

Will see him again in 3 weeks time up in Scotland as stepson is getting married and we're all going. Although as the next week will be reading week for DS he's going to come here for a night before going up for the wedding I think (he also wants to get his hair cut here!)

Although I might go up there for a day in a couple of weeks too and fit in a parkrun as there's a few there and one pretty near his accommodation. Probably should let him know first if I do though!

TJworried · 16/10/2023 16:58

Thanks for new thread. I don’t post much but read along.
DD is only just over an hour away and txt everyday, video calling some days too. We have seen her every fortnight, either us going down or her coming here. She picks up her new car on Friday which will make things so much easier down in Galashiels. Easier to come home too 😊

troppibambini6 · 16/10/2023 17:33

Thanks for new thread @spamm glad you've settled into a bit of a rountine.

Bearcub101 · 16/10/2023 20:28

Ds is only 40 miles away, but have yet to see him since he left. We text most days, have had 3 calls and 1 FaceTime. Apparently he’s too busy! Lol I’m taking it as a good sign. He enjoys his course and likes his flatmates. Such a relief.

MargaretThursday · 16/10/2023 20:38

Thank you @spamm

@Lyxou I did maths, and dd did maths at uni. Pure maths is a bit of a shock at uni because it's nothing like school maths. It feels very hand waving and not similar at all. I wish unis warned students of that, but I guess it would put off some people.

What I'd say is before she makes decisions do look at what the 2nd year options are. I had to do 5 (I think) compulsory subjects (out of 9), all of which were pure. And of the options (4 papers) I think there were 3 mechanics options, 1 statistics and possibly one other applied subject.
It was not helpful-at finals nearly half my marks came from one paper (maths modelling-beautiful subject), and it didn't even feel difficult to me! Analysis and Algebra were totally closed book, and dd agreed with me. Thankfully in my day you didn't have to pass every paper.

Dd had much more choice. But she did end up doing some pure in her second year because if she didn't do some pure, then the subjects she could take in her 3rd year was so limited, in fact I think she reckoned she have almost no choice. And, don't forget, that applied isn't one subject. You have mechanics, statistics and decision and it may be that she isn't good at one of them. Dd started very keen on statistics, but hated the third year of it (tbf she said the statistics lecturer was bad) and only scraped that paper, and ironically did far better at algebra!

I'm not saying her decision is wrong, just make sure she goes into it with eyes open and so doesn't have a nasty shock in her third year.

cptartapp · 16/10/2023 20:40

DS2 is just over two hours away. We've been to see him once and he's home for reading week at the end of the month. He seems to have settled. It's going so quickly.

Lyxou · 16/10/2023 21:09

@MargaretThursday That's really interesting info. The main reason for staying with maths is that she loves statistics, but if that turns into a nightmare as well, then maybe engineering would be better. She's doing all the right things anyway, talking to transition officers/well-being officers and a lecturer from engineering, so I'm sure she'll make the right decision for her.

I just wish she'd gone to loads of open days in the summer of Y12 to get a feel for a variety of courses, but she didn't go to any because she didn't want to miss any school. She didn't even look round any of the universities she applied to apart from York, and the only reason she went to that one was because they dropped her entrance grades if she went.

MargaretThursday · 16/10/2023 21:58

@Lyxou Dd thought her statistics was a nightmare because of her lecturer. I don't know whether it really got much harder. I suggest she tries asking 3rd years who are doing it and see what they say.
I think dd said there was the highest failure rate on the first year stats exam (she did fine though) of any exam at their uni for a long time - and it was first year of covid so they had 48 hours and open book.
Unfortunately the same lecturer continued teaching for the 2nd and 3rd year. She coped well until 3rd year, using extrapolation from A-level further and books, but the 3rd year she really struggled.

I never even got started on stats because we had the world leading Statistics person teaching, and I'd done no stats at A-level because I'd only done mechanics. I have no idea whether he thought first years were beneath him, but the stats lectures comprised of him saying "this is the question and I'm sure you can all see the answer is 1/3". We'd then go to our tutor and ask him to explain it and our tutor would get a different answer. They exchanged increasingly rude notes throughout the term, which in the last week our tutor received one saying "I am the expert" and nothing else. 🤣
I don't think our tutor was the most subtle when having an argument though. I suspect he quite enjoyed needling another tutor. 🤣

If she likes stats, then maybe economics would be another possibility, although that might mean writing essays, which avoiding that was one of my motivations for choosing maths.

Lyxou · 17/10/2023 08:14

@MargaretThursday Like you, her motivation for doing maths is to avoid writing essays. She hasn't written one since GCSEs.

Her struggle with the pure maths module is because the lecturer is so awful, I don't think she actually dislikes pure maths itself.

Lowther · 17/10/2023 15:47

@spamm thank you for the new thread. DD has been home every weekend so far -thank you Tesco points for Railcard! But I have suggested that this weekend she should stay and make plans with her new friends to go out. I feel mean but it has been difficult saying goodbye when she goes back. She has no lectures on Mondays so I think she has been finding the weekends long and boring. She is enjoying her course and friendships which is great. I think part of the problem is that she broke up with BF during the summer and he has already moved on. She's still hurting.
Hope you are all having a good week.

ZittiEBuoni · 17/10/2023 15:51

Aha, a new thread - thanks, @spamm .

Having not seen dd for a month, it looks as if I'll be seeing her for the next 3 weekends in a row - on Sunday to take her a laptop to replace the broken one, then the Friday/Saturday after for city-based fun, and now she wants to come home for the Bonfire Night weekend for MIL's traditional family gathering. Looking forward to all of this, even the dull laptop visit .

Lyxou · 18/10/2023 10:38

My DD was sobbing on the phone again last night. I think this is going to happen once a fortnight when her assignments are due in (due in tomorrow). I sometimes wonder if she's not cut out for academic studies, but one of her favourite things is studying, especially maths, just not the deadlines.

She seemed a lot happier after she'd talked to us though.

NotDonna · 18/10/2023 18:37

Ahh that’s hard@Lyxouespecially when you’re not there to give her a hug. Is she a perfectionist? Suffers with anxiety or has in the past? It maybe that this will be how it goes every time and that she’ll need ‘talking down’, with ‘you’ve got this’. Don’t necessarily assume that despite nailing the assignments that it’ll get easier each time because it may not. It’s sometimes hard for them to rationalise and their negative thoughts can spiral. ‘Yes I know I did brilliantly last time but this time is different because of xyz and no time and I’ll fail and it’s too hard and there’s soooo much to learn and…’ Big breath. She can do this!
Not my current DD who’s at uni but I know!

Lyxou · 18/10/2023 19:47

@NotDonna Yes, she's a massive perfectionist! Oh, the number of times she's come out of exams sobbing, and then nailed 80% or something.

I think we need to be here for her, but ultimately she needs to find her own path through it and her own ways of dealing with it, whatever that may be.

And I don't think she's actually that bad - I offered to come up and see her tomorrow, instead of waiting until the weekend, but she'd rather I waited until the weekend.

MirandaWest · 18/10/2023 23:10

DS has been here since yesterday but not for good reasons as he’s currently in our local hospital. He was diagnosed with IBD over the summer and it was much worse Monday and Tuesday so he called the IBD team here. That combined with his blood test results meant they said he should get admitted to hospital so he is there at the moment having various IV meds. At least here I’ve been able to see him and I’m glad he’s only an hour away by train but it really isn’t how things should be going. Not sure how long they will want to keep him there for either.

NotDonna · 18/10/2023 23:27

Oh no @MirandaWest your poor DS!! How horrible for you all. He did the right thing though and is in the best place. Once he’s ‘better’ he can catch up. Hopefully not too long xx

Lowther · 19/10/2023 00:00

@MirandaWest wishing your DS a speedy recovery and that you are ok too. Good that you are not too far away and able to see him.

ZittiEBuoni · 19/10/2023 09:17

Ah no, sorry to hear about your DS @MirandaWest , fingers crossed that his stay in hospital will be brief and he will be in full health very soon.

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MermaidEyes · 19/10/2023 12:11

Thanks for the new thread, just realised the other one is full! No particular news here. DD is still loving York and settling in well. One thing she mentioned is that some people just never turn up to class. What's the point in ending up thousands in debt for nothing?!
@MirandaWest so sorry to hear about your son, I hope he's recovering. I have a child with an IBD and I know how hard it is, not just for them but for us too.

AnneOfCleavage · 19/10/2023 13:50

Thanks for new thread @spamm

Sorry your DS is in hospital @MirandaWest. So glad you can be with him. Does it coincide with his reading week?

DD on reading week as of Saturday so we're off to pick her up for the week. She's just been given news of her placement for the whole of November and she's been paired with one of her flat friends and some other students that she vaguely knows so an opportunity to meet new people. Yay! She's got to figure out how to get to the school as it's not local to her Uni but at least she's not alone for this first placement.
She's finally gone down with a cold which is not surprising since her course mates are all coughing and sneezing. Reading week has come at the best time although she has a tonne of reading to do but she'll have me to cook her face meals and get her washing done 😀

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