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Wife beating my daughter

62 replies

Scoobs222 · 05/07/2024 03:04

So I'm seperated from wife, in the process of divorcing, i live 2 hours away from her. To cut a long story short, we've had issues the whole 10 years, she's very narcissistic and in the end I had to leave for my own sanity. Couldn't leave my kids when they were young. Anyway one time she started a big fight for no reason and kept provoking me until I got angry and threw my plate of food on the floor, I just got in from work and it's the last thing I needed. After the argument she told me to leave, I said no I won't, so she called the police next morning, telling them I threatened to kill her (all lies) etc so the police arrested me and told me I can't come near the family house so I moved back in with my parents, she also got a non mol out against me. The police charges all got dropped, non mol finished and then she started playing nice for a bit but I didn't go back to her, I've asked her if I can see the kids half half during the holidays, she said no I can't see them at all as they need their mum! So went to court and she brought up the fact I smoke cannabis (one spliff before bed), which I admitted and they told me I need to do a drug test, which I did and passed after 2 months abstinence. Went back to court to reapply, now she's saying I got a anger problem and the kids aren't safe, even forced my daughter (9 years old) to speak out against me to carcass, saying she's scared of me and generally speaking, I'm not a nice person. My daughter fell out with her mum over this for a long time, me and my daughter are close and always have been despite the fact her mother has been working on her to make her hate me! Obviously didn't work! So I had to go through a 3 month anger management course and go back to the courts. That's where I am at the moment, just waiting to reapply in about a month after the THC has left my system. I'll get to the main point now..
Last time my daughter came down in April this year when my mum passed away, she wanted to stay a bit longer with me and when she told her mum, her mum strangled her and dug her nails into my daughters neck leaving visible nail puncture marks. I took a photo of this and a secret recording where she's telling me how her mum hits her and her little brother often but she's too scared to report her to anyone. After all it's her mother and I understand she doesn't want a bad relationship with her, she also told me not to tell the courts, I'm in a tough situation here, I don't want to betray my girl, she trusts me a lot but at the same time I can't let this happen, it will mentally destroy the kids when they're older, they'll end up weird. What do I do here? Will the courts take the kids away from her and give them to me (I'll be clean by then) if I show them the domestic violence towards the children? What are the chances?

OP posts:
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Mouswife · 05/07/2024 03:16

Did you record this in April?

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Aquamarine1029 · 05/07/2024 03:24

Your daughter's mother is physically abusing her, it shouldn't be a question whether or not to report this. Contact SS and your daughter's school and stop smoking weed. Your kids need someone stable and responsible caring for them.

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IgoogledYOLO · 05/07/2024 03:29

Don't see it as betrayal. You need to protect your child.
Could you speak to the school to look out for signs?

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 03:42

Have you been to the police?

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PardonSmardon · 05/07/2024 03:53

Firstly well done for stopping the weed and getting clear test results for your children.

This sounds an incredibly toxic relationship

i must point out that she cannot make you throw your food, nobody can do that, you chose to throw your food but equally could have chose to do something else, like go for a walk to break the tension.

Did you think you needed anger management? Were you sometimes physically or mentally badly behaved?

Do you communicate respectfully to your ex?

Do you reliably pay child maintenance? The full amount willingly?

Contact the police with the strangulation bruising/red mark photos today. The police need copies of the images. This may be the catalyst for radical changes.

Please ensure you direct the police to do a welfare check each time the kids say (or you suspect) she strangles them. Take screen shots/recordings as evidence for the police. .Make a list of dates the kids say she has previously strangled the kids. Be aware strangulation is a known precursor to more dangerous behaviours.

Tell the kids (when you next talk) that this sort of behaviour is a safeguarding issue and you don’t have any choice but to report it to keep them safe. The kids just need to be honest with the police.

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 03:58

You wouldn't have been asked to do an anger management course just for throwing your dinner on the floor, OP.

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PardonSmardon · 05/07/2024 03:59

Explain to the kids that you will always keep their confidence but on rare occasions will have to break this confidence because you love them and have to prioritise their safety above everything else. Strangulation is extremely serious dangerous behaviour

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Panpastels · 05/07/2024 04:00

You should have raised a safeguarding concern/called the police.

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Thunderpants88 · 05/07/2024 04:07

TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 03:58

You wouldn't have been asked to do an anger management course just for throwing your dinner on the floor, OP.

That is just not true. I’m a women and women can be very manipulative and if a women says she is in a relationship with someone who has AM issues she will be believed. She is clearly not in control of her emotions if she is digging her nails and strangling her child. She is dangerous and could well land her EX in anger management by lying.

Don’t be so naive to thing women are helpless and sweet and wouldn’t lie to get their EX’s in trouble and make life difficult for them on purpose

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grinandslothit · 05/07/2024 04:20

You're not a very good storyteller

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SBHon · 05/07/2024 04:27

That's where I am at the moment, just waiting to reapply in about a month after the THC has left my system.
Your children are potentially being abused and you still did drugs that are slowing down your process to them being away from her and with you??…

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 04:31

So you carried on doing drugs after your daughter told you she was being abused.
Right.

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GingerScallop · 05/07/2024 05:05

Sounds like your kids are stuck between an abusive mum and a dad who cares more about a spliff than having/protecting his kids. Poor kids.
Report the abuse. Ditch the cannabis. Do better by your kids. You chose to have them. They didn't choose you.

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 14:06

GingerScallop · 05/07/2024 05:05

Sounds like your kids are stuck between an abusive mum and a dad who cares more about a spliff than having/protecting his kids. Poor kids.
Report the abuse. Ditch the cannabis. Do better by your kids. You chose to have them. They didn't choose you.

Yes, this 100%

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cupcaske123 · 05/07/2024 14:14

There's no way on earth I'd take my child back to someone who left strangulation marks on them OP. She could have killed her. You need to get your children and make a report to the police. Inform the school. Inform social services if they're involved. Don't let her have unsupervised access. Protect your children.

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 14:17

cupcaske123 · 05/07/2024 14:14

There's no way on earth I'd take my child back to someone who left strangulation marks on them OP. She could have killed her. You need to get your children and make a report to the police. Inform the school. Inform social services if they're involved. Don't let her have unsupervised access. Protect your children.

Yes. And prioritise your child, not your weed habit.

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cestlavielife · 05/07/2024 14:22

You report to school safeguarding lead who can refer or direct to police
You stop spliffs
Child needs safeguarding
You may or may not be assessed as being safe but put the child first

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FatmanandKnobbin · 05/07/2024 14:23

Neither of you sound great.

Is there another family member the kids could live with?

You should have reported the second you found out. Instead you've waited to try and make yourself look like a decent father, meantime the kids are getting abused.

These poor kids are nobody's priority.

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Runnerinthenight · 05/07/2024 14:51

I feel hugely sorry for those children stuck between two sorry excuses for parents.

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violetposie · 05/07/2024 14:57

Your daughter told you that because she is scared and needs help, so help her. Contact social services and provide them with the recording. Let them do the rest while you concentrate on sorting yourself out!

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lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 15:09

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lowsugarchilli · 05/07/2024 15:10

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 15:15

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I know; it's very telling, the way he keeps changing his story to suit his narrative.

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TheShellBeach · 05/07/2024 15:16

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I entirely agree.

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