Talk

Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Flip

custody arrangement

6 replies

jahamer97 · 08/06/2024 12:50

Hi I'm 26 old dad with a wonderful son who unfortunately has autism and a difficult mum. I need to address and formalize custody details with my ex-partner, who tends to be domineering about the arrangements. Previously, we had an understanding that my son would stay with me every other weekend and on Tuesdays overnight, to be taken to school on Wednesday and to spend time with me until the evening.

This had to change when we noticed it was distressing him to see his mother at school pick-ups on alternate days. So, I adjusted my schedule to have him every Friday night, extending to Sunday evening on my weekends, or Saturday evening otherwise.

I've made significant sacrifices to maintain this schedule, including altering my work hours and leaving apprenticeships, plus lending her money—only to be met with hostility and accused of being a "part-timer."

She is now returning to work, after maternity leave with another child and things have taken a dramatic turn, she wants to rip everything up and change once again. I understand her in terms of its difficult especially a son with SEND but when her behavior includes things like turning up at mine randomly with my son (on my day off) and his bag packed for the night, she knows that i cant say no as he'd get extremely upset. Other things include taking the mick out of my disabled hand, not being at home when its time to drop him off and telling me im having my son for the week because she needs a break.

She's now proposing that I either take him every weekend without exception or for a full week every month, both of which are unworkable given my work and university commitments. I'm also dealing with epilepsy and hemiplegic cerebral palsy, and the stress has been detrimental to my health. I need a resolution urgently, i just want some advice from other parents out there who potentially has had similar issues from there ex, mum or dad?

I'm sorry for the lengthy explanation just need some help!

OP posts:

Report

Nocturna · 10/06/2024 20:18

You seem to think the bulk of parenting should be done by your ex, with you playing a minor supporting role. No wonder she needs a break!

You need to work out a schedule that works for you both, ideally with you parenting 50% of the time

Report

RandomMess · 10/06/2024 20:21

If you had your DC 50:50, what financial support would you get to pay for childcare etc.

I think you need to start with that.

You may have to delay studying until he is older or see what childcare provision you are entitled to.

Report

Comeoncar · 10/06/2024 20:21

Parenting a child with Autism is exhausting, you should be doing 50% as the father.

Report

TheShellBeach · 10/06/2024 20:24

Is there a reason you're not doing 50/50?

Report

Flopsythebunny · 10/06/2024 20:44

You should be doing 50/50. Your child's mother has to work too so why should she have to be the one who does the majority of childcare?