So me and my partner where together for over 5 years and have a 3 year old daughter together. When she was born my partner got her registered without me being present meaning I am not registered as the father. When she was about a month old, my Ex partner had a falling out with my mother and basically asked me to choose between her and our daughter or my family, she made me cut all ties with my family for nearly 3 years and on numerous occasions would check my phone, my emails, my bank, constantly ask me where I was. I lost all my friends and felt completely alone apart from having my partner and daughter I had noone. I recently made contact with my family and my partner found out and on new years day this year she left me and within 2 days she has moved our daughters nursery and hasn't told me where the nursery is but is expecting me to pay for it, she has set up CMS, emptied the joint account and closed the account, kicked me out the house and changed all the utilities, she has on 3 occasions told me that she will get back with me if I never speak to my family again and change all my contact details and when I told her I wanted to be with her and still have contact with my family, she flipped and told me I will never see my child again and when i have been round to see my daughter, her and her mum have sat there and shouted at me in front of our daughter and told me not to contact them as to when I can see my daughter they will tell me when I can see her and if I contact them the police will be called. in the 19 days so far this year I have had 5 hours of contact with my child, no phone calls, no pictures, no video calls and been completely cut off from any form of contact and its absolutely killing me. any advice? To me this doesn't seem like the actions of someone who is devastated from a break up but of someone who has planned this. Please can someone help me understand my feelings of emptiness and lack of sense of being anymore. Thank you
Theunamedcat · 19/01/2024 22:07
You need to stop and take it to court stick to one text a day/every two days asking about the child nothing personal just child focused
Unless your family are a danger to the child you can see them strong family relationships are a bonus
No you absolutely do not have to pay for a nursery you have not signed a contract for she wants it she pays
Ignore everything about your family stick to getting regular contact with your child
Wear a go pro for any meetings so the shouting is documented
Theunamedcat · 19/01/2024 22:08
I said cut the text messages because if they follow the usual script the next thing will be complaining of harassment to the police
Reugny · 19/01/2024 22:10
This.
Until it goes legal and she has a legal representative then don't contact her mother.
Theunamedcat · 19/01/2024 22:08
I said cut the text messages because if they follow the usual script the next thing will be complaining of harassment to the police
11NigelTufnel · 19/01/2024 22:04
You need to start the legal process. Your daughter has every right to a relationship with both parents, one does not just get to ban the other. There will be turbulence in between, so keep all evidence and stay calm in front of your ex and your daughter. There are charity that can help men fleeing domestic abuse.
JMPB · 19/01/2024 22:22
Yes it does some unde domestic abuse, she has been controlling your life.
definitely seek legal advice and get the ball rolling .
i hope your ok
bluejelly · 19/01/2024 22:30
God I feel for you. This does sound like domestic abuse. I hope you can get support ie counselling to help you start to process this.
Phonedown · 19/01/2024 22:39
Just get straight to a solicitor and get the legal ball rolling as soon as possible. I personally would not go to the contact sessions if she is using it as an opportunity to abuse you and your child by being verbally aggressive and coercively controlling you. While I absolutely understand your desire to see your child, it is very harmful for your child to be around this toxicity.
Play the long game and do everything properly. So make sure you are doing what you can to prepare a place for you to have your child.
SgtJuneAckland · 20/01/2024 10:41
What was the falling out with your family over?
Why were you not on the birth certificate originally? Why have you not rectified that in the last 3 years?
These things give context that will matter in any court application for residency/contact
You're doing the right thing now establishing paternity and going via cms/court but that will take time. Just don't give up, so many men do but think about it from the child's perspective, she will need to know as she gets older that you fought for your relationship with her
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OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/01/2024 00:01
From what I have read, she has finished with you - not left you as she threw you out so you are not living in the property ?
Has she given you a reason for finishing with you ?
Has she said she is upset ? ' someone who is devastated from a break up but of someone who has planned this ' and yes there are plenty of posts on here advising mothers to be prepared before they take action.
I would guess she changed the nursery as she has thought you may try picking up the child one day, without her knowing.
Just keep doing what your solicitor advises you to do.
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