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Christmas Arrangements

8 replies

2pacdad · 27/11/2023 15:20

A breif history

There is currently a court order in place with regard to contact which states I have my children 6 nights in 14 days. 2 nights a week and every other weekend, to which I supply all clothing/uniform/food for my 3 children when they are with me and on top of that pay all my CSA religiously (£350 a month)

So....

That time of year has come around and I know how much my children enjoy xmas at my ex's parents, so previously all I have asked is that I have them for a few hours in the morning, where I collect and drop-off. That's been every Christmas since we split

This year it has been dictated that I have my children from 9am-11am. The round trip of collection and drop off is approx. 40mins.

This leaves the children the best part of 1.5 hours with me, on may I add, my day in the evening according to the court order. I've also given up the Friday/Saturday before so the kids can go to a pantomime

These plans would have already been made and should I refuse, my ex will undoubtedly make me look the bad guy to my children. My eldest is 14 and told everything by her mum

To add to this, upon my agreement to give up my time, she now thinks I am debt to her by missing the Monday night that she has planned!!! I'm sorry but children are not currency. I sacrifice my time in their interests and make all my plans with them around the court order

Where do I go from here, there really is no reasoning as its always her way or the highway, hence why I got the order in the first place.

The bottom line is that if I refer back the order, she will effectively be in breach, however thats not fair on my children, especially on such a special day

Advise anyone

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flowerygloves · 28/11/2023 06:02

Is a split christmas what is best for the children? They will be spending a lot of time in the car on Christmas day. Would they be happier if you saw them on Christmas eve or boxing day instead?

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2pacdad · 20/12/2023 09:09

So i have agreed the demanded hours, purely to avoid conflict xmas day for the sake of the kids. We have them all day on Christmas eve so we will make the most of that

So the next issue is that because I have agreed to drop my time with them on said occasions, I am now in 'debt' of hours and she is threatening to drop the children to me after Xmas on dates that are not within the order.

I put the order in place to give the children structure and to avoid their mother constantly changing plans to suit her. We have made plans around the order to see other family and friends etc

The bottom line is, and it has been stressed by the judge that upon no agreement, the order remains and she will be in a position of breach

Its just the children's confusion I am petrified of, as she will tell them they are with me on said days, and threatened to turn up with them at my house. Fact of the matter is, we wont be there because of ours plans, but this does not look good for the children and I will be made out to 'not want to see them'

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MissyB1 · 20/12/2023 09:20

You are going to have to stand your ground and be crystal clear with her. She is the one changing contact over Christmas, you will not agree to her changing anymore of your plans. Tell the kids in an honest but non judgmental way. Your 14 year old is old enough to understand. Tell your ex if this situation arises again you will go back to court. Stay calm and polite, but firm.

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piscofrisco · 20/12/2023 11:40

Advise her in writing if the times you have agreed to have them (where these are different to the court order). Be factual and polite. State that she to other commitments made around the order you are unable to have them outside of the times you have already agreed to vary the court order for at her request.

Wattsapp your 14 year old, (and the mum on the same chat if you can) and just say 'with all the changes to the usual routine agreed between mum and I just want to get it straight where you will be over Christmas just so we all know where we are-(bright and breezy)- then list them. If you like say where you will be when they aren't with you. No come back then and nothing (or less things) Mum can say to her to discredit you.

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piscofrisco · 20/12/2023 11:41

And yes before next year get the court order re Christmas/Easter whatever tightened up-so one year it's x days with one and x days with other and alternate the years for example.

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Quitelikeit · 20/12/2023 11:47

It looks like you can do two things

Send a polite message saying that you want the kids for at least 3 hours on Xmas day outlining the reasons why this is fair

or you can state the terms of the court order quite clearly and tell her you will be enforcing the terms as per your legal rights

If your ex lies to your children you are quite within your rights to tell them the truth in a calm factual way. Your children will soon see who is being unreasonable and who is not.

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Quitelikeit · 20/12/2023 11:50

I am quite surprised you didn’t hash out Xmas day when you first went to
court. This scenario was inevitable especially where parents are unable to co parent that they need to resort to court in the first place!

Of course it you enforce the order as it stands then yes you’ll have to cancel all your plans but tbh if you want to make a point that you will not be taken advantage of then you are going to have to consider quoting the order to her and picking the kids up as per the days of the order

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2pacdad · 03/01/2024 16:02

Thank you all for your reassuring responses. I know where I stand in the eyes of the court, which is why it came to this in the first place (it was far worse than this)

She has once again made arrangements in my time again with no agreement from me. There just doesn't seem to be an understanding of the court order and she continues to do as she wishes, using the children dictate her plans. Of course, I'm then the bad guy again

Off to court again I go!!! Relentless