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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Childcare from nursery vs grandparents

20 replies

Alison1981 · 05/12/2019 19:54

What is your view on childcare from grandparents versus nursery for a one year old?
I'm returning to work 3 days in March. My mum (who lives 20 miles away) is keen to look after my son for all three days but Im keen for him to also have exposure to a nursery (as well as having some grandparent time) so that he has variety and gets use to being around other children.

I also have the complication of my partner working from home a lot so it wouldn't be ideal to have our son in the house too much with all the noise etc

My family are saying that it's cruel to send a one year old to nursery even for a couple of days and that nobody would chose that if they had the option of a grandparent to look after them

Would appreciate any thoughts

OP posts:

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Am I being unreasonable?

9 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

22%

You are NOT being unreasonable

78%

Wildorchidz · 05/12/2019 19:56

It’s your child and your decision.
Do not allow yourself to be browbeaten into a situation that you are not happy with .

coragreta · 05/12/2019 19:57

I did two days grandparents 1 day nursery. Cost was the biggest factor for me. Can't she look after the child at her house?

Cornishmumofone · 05/12/2019 19:58

Care from a grandparent would save a lot of money. Would the other grandmother feel left out?

OctoberLovers · 05/12/2019 19:58

A 1 year old would struggle to settle into nursery, especially if only one day a week...
I worked / managed a nursery for 6 years.
We always found a baby was easier to settle if under 7/8 months or over 3 years

I would definitely opt for grandparent care if i had the option...
But make sure they take him to lots of classes, playgroups, music and library time etc

Namelessinseattle · 05/12/2019 19:59

Is your mom happy to commit and plan holidays around it and parties and Christmas and birthdays? I'd say book him in the three days and ask your mom to do half days or treat days every week. I don't think people realise how huge and exhausting an undertaking it is.

blackcat86 · 05/12/2019 20:01

I work 3 days a week and my 15 month old has had GP childcare since 10 months (1 day with my parents as my mum works PT still and 2 days with retired but active PIL). At 1, I started her at nursery 1 morning a week as I wanted her socialising with other children more. Her GPs love her and they have a fab time but DD is mostly going out with them shopping or in the buggy. They wont take her to soft play or anything like that. I spend the rest of my time trying to make this up. We do save a lot and also both sets of GPs were very keen to look after DD. The other downside is that I do a lot of driving and get up at 5am to get myself ready, then DD, drive about 20mins out my way to drop DD off and then going to work. GPs both want to care for DD at their house. I have had to let go of a lot of expectations (PIL ignore me suggesting toddler friendly activities and insist DD still needs 2 naps, my parents feed her too much sugar IMO) and trade that with 2:1 care. I personally think a mix is best.

angelopal · 05/12/2019 20:02

It's a big commitment for your mum. What happens when she is ill, wants holiday etc? We used nursery with grandparents.doing a day a week. There have been times when they have been unavailable and we have had make other arrangements. Also will you have to do drop offs and pick ups.

Could you compromise with her doing 1 day a week and nursery the other 2. You then can use it as a backup if she is unable to do it.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 05/12/2019 20:02

I’d massively prefer grandparent care to nursery up to about 2. I really don’t think they get much out of it socially before then.

Soontobe60 · 05/12/2019 20:04

My grandson does 1 day with me looking after him, 2 days nursery, 1 day his other grandma looking after him, both of us go to his house. Then 1 day with mummy.
It's perfect. He gets to do really messy stuff and socialise at nursery, he gets both grannies spoiling him a bit and spending quality time with him.
I too live nearly 20 miles away. I can't lie, it's quite hard work at times as he's an active boy 🤣. I wouldn't want to do more than 1 day.

Eminybob · 05/12/2019 20:06

Nursery will be more reliable as GPs will have holidays or illness.
Nursery are childcare professionals - know what to do to stimulate and help develop your baby
There would be more socialisation with other children at nursery.

My DS1 went to nursery at 1 when I went back to work, and he loved it. DS2 is about to do the same. Much more fun than spending the day with grandma.

Illeana · 05/12/2019 20:09

If I had grandparent care available I’d return to work immediately. I stay at home precisely because I don’t like the idea of sending my child to nursery before about 2-3yo.

Liverpoolgirl52 · 05/12/2019 20:09

If a childminder is an option then I’d chose that along with a day at grandparents. I can’t say I’m a fan of nurseries but lots of people do use them and have no problems. I’d recommend booking appointments at all the local childminders and nurseries to see what would suit your child and you best

Alison1981 · 05/12/2019 20:12

She could but as she lives 20 miles away that would be a lot of driving for her and also the little one would be in the car for almost 2 hours a day

OP posts:

Blueroses99 · 05/12/2019 20:13

My parents offered to have DD 5 days a week when I went back to work, they had already retired and were complaining about being bored so it was really a win win situation. But I wanted DD to go to nursery for a couple of days as a back up in case they were ill or it was too much for them to have her full time. It’s worked out really well actually, she has learnt loads by spending that time with other children and I don’t have to worry when my parents go on holiday as I can book extra sessions for DD and know she’s well looked after in a familiar environment.

thatguiltyfeeling · 05/12/2019 20:17

I'd say two days at nursery and one day at grandparents. There's benefits to both, and the only reason I say more nursery time is children tend to be harder to settle if they're only doing one day a week. If you were working 4 days a week I'd say even split and 5 days I'd say 2 nursery 3 grandparents.
I work three days but luckily one of those is the weekend so my DD goes to grandparents twice a week and dad has her when I'm working at the weekend. I wanted to put her into nursery on a different day to give me a full day to do deep cleans/cleans with chemicals but I can only afford half a day once a week and it's too short for her to settle properly despite knowing the staff since birth!

carly2803 · 05/12/2019 20:37

mine loves nursery. They are socialised, fed, watered and loved like their own.
but, you really do need to find the right place!

Personally I am not a fan of having family watch the kids, they can get sick,disagree with how you want them looked after (suck it up if you want free childcare!), sometimes lack of socialisation

TeethingBabyHelp · 05/12/2019 21:29

I work 4 days a week and my DS is in nursery 3 days and with my mum for 1 day a week.

One thing to consider with Grandparents is back up if they're poorly. We've had 3 weeks in the last 6 months where my mum was too poorly to look after him. Nothing serious, flu and stomach bugs, but not well enough to have a toddler to run after (never mind him catching!)

He loves his day with his Nanna but he LOVES nursery. Runs to get his shoes when we say it's time to leave, plays great games there, constantly dancing and playing, they do yoga and lots of reading. I think the key is to find a nursery you're very happy with. I looked around a good few

Iggleonkupsy · 06/12/2019 12:07

If I had the option not to then I would always choose no nursery that young.
I don't want to go in to the full reasons as I know some parents have no choice but to use them..but I really would think about this carefully.
My only worry with using your mum is that you may feel like you can't ask her for other babysitting / overnight that you may need as you may feel she already has your child too much. Also if your mum is poorly. Could you look at a childminder instead and use childminder 2 days and your mum 1 day? There may be extra times you can ask your mum then.
But please don't worry about the socialising aspect as at 1 they really don't need to be in a nursery to gain that. Nurseries are very loud places and a lot of young children find it overwhelming.

jannier · 06/12/2019 22:24

I do shared care as a cm with grandparents works well as I do groups, messy play, learning activities and grandparents can be grandparents more than if they had full time care (balances out the spoiling and issues of granny not following parents wishes on stuff like food, tv and treats). I'm flexible if grandparents are I'll, busy or on holiday and they cover my time off or if the children are sick....in our 7th year with eldest and 2nd with youngest.
As childminders follow the same standards as nurseries were a good fit but give everything a nursery dose including funding.

badgerhead · 06/12/2019 22:50

I am with Jannier on this, as a childminder (& also a grandparent) shared care between a childminder and grandparents is a good way to go. I have cared for several children over the years who spend some days with me & some with grandparents and it works well. As childminders we do follow the EYFS as do nurseries and are inspected by Ofsted to the same strict standards. In addition a lot of childminders are highly qualified childcare professionals, (I personally hold an Early Years Degree & am studying for a MA).

I realise a lot of parents are wary of using childminders as they worry about days when the childminder closes due to sickness etc. I have been minding for nearly 25 years and apart from one year when I unfortunately ended up in hospital due to getting an infection in my foot & leg leading to cellulitis, and off work for 6 weeks, I have only had to close 2 or 3 times due to illness.

As long as parents respect the childminder and do not send ill children, the childminder is less likely to have to close due to catching an illness e.g. D&V.

It is lovely being able to care for my grandchildren, but if you are not used to caring for young children it can be exhausting, especially organising activities to extend their learning and taking them out & about to groups etc.

In addition research has shown that a young child (under 2 years old) thrives in a home setting, either family or childminding, more so than in a nursery.

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